Nearly 34, and still no idea what to do with my life....

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I suppose there's no real answer to this dilemna, but maybe someone here can identify with what I'm going through.
As the thread title suggest, I feel a bit "at sea". I've recently gone working for myself. Company I was working for were/are going down the tubes, so I took the leap into the unknown. I also did it for sanity reasons. Work is so-so for now. I can see it being a struggle next year, but that's the way with freelancing I guess.
It's not something I would imagine myself doing in 5 years anyways. Things aren't looking too good with it, but that's another story for another day.
Over the years, I have always thought about teaching, but there was always something that put me off. I think it was not having confidence in myself to be able to teach.
I taught English abroad for a few years, and taught musical instruments for a while. It wasn't the worst profession in the world, not by a long shot, and I think I would prefer it to what I am doing now, if I were to look long term.
However, there is that nagging doubt in my mind: "you won't make a teacher. You don't have the patience. You won't be able to teach" . I can't ignore this I suppose, and it's one thing that's putting me off.
My parents asked me earlier on this year "what do you want to do?", and I said "I don't know".
I'm involved in original music, and yeah, ideally, this would be a dream profession, but realistically, original music doesn't pay the bills, so that will have to be "on the side", and hey, if it ever came to pass I could make a living off it, I'd jump at it. But in the meantime, I have to really do something worthwhile, that will make me happy.
Anything music related is nigh on impossible to get into, so I accept that, and will treat that as an active hobby for now.

I do like languages and speak 3 as well as English. So, it comes back to what I mentioned: teaching. Lots of people say it to me. But I doubt myself. No guarantees of a job out of it either, but that's another story too.

I admire people who do a course at college, or a trade, and they work work work away at it and it almost defines them.

I sometimes feel like I've been adrift for years. I mean, I have no ties here. I could happily live anywhere, no problem.
I am single, and I always said to myself. Once I sort out my own life,and my own job/career, then I'll be able to devote time to a woman, or at least be content enough with myself to be able to have a relationship with someone. But I'm almost 34......
I recall saying when I was 18: "It'll all be sorted when you're 30. You'll have the job, the woman, the kids...."

LegacyUser

wow, for someone with so much to offer you lack focus, work on your focus and find what to focus on and you will be a success.

LighterGuy

I can relate op.
I'm a 25yo guy and going no where fast. I dont know what to do myself. Said pretty much the same thing at 18 - "when im XX i'll have things" - still not there. I feel I am my own worst enemy at times.

You say you speak 3 languages and want to teach? Well why not teach at evening courses that are held in secondary schools? (eg Hartstown Community School in Blanchardstown > http://homepage.eircom.net/~hartstowncep/info.html ) Alot of secondary schools through-out Dublin run evening courses for adults. Usually twice a year (Jan and Sep)

All these courses are never extensive. What ever the subject is, you only learn the utmost basics. Which would be perfect for you to gain confidence as a teacher. I would suggest sending them an email (whats the worst that could happen? they say no? )

Majority of teachers on these courses are not teachers. Just trained in a specfic subject.

Greystoner

hi there!

Have you considered a bit more world travel? It may well give you the inspiration that you are looking for? Your languages could come in very handy,the European languages are widely spoken throughout the world.

Backpacking is a great, cheap way to do it, you will meet loads of people from all walks of life (maybe that special someone too!) and this will expand you in so many ways (and not just literally from all the great food out there!)

You may come back with all sorts of ideas, but the main thing with travel is that you can take a step outside your 'norm' and see things differently when you come back.

I have travelled quite alot and it has certainly made me think about things more, in a good way.

Have a think about it anyway, and all the best...

LegacyUser

I'm the same age and basically in the same situation.

Luckily I seem to have quite a few friends who are pretty much all in the same boat as well. Some are even older than myself.. thats a big help.

At 32 I was totally adrift, travelling to diff countries, teaching English, etc. I actually didn't even like teaching the damn English but I loved to travel to a new place as it was a totally clean slate to start afresh each time you know.

There is a bit of a difference though, I chanced upon a decent English speaking job here on the continent - I met a guy who got a job in a bank - I just applied.. I guess the Irishness in me helped and somehow (after 4 interviews) I found myself with a semi-decent, semi-respectable job. In my mind I was thinking it will last 6 months. But I've kept there since and I have learned a lot.

All that English teaching is just a lark unless you have, or develop, a passion for it - once you have a lot of knowledge on something, true knowledge, then teaching will come more naturally and will be so much more satisfying ... basically what I am saying in this jumbled mail is that becoming an expert in one thing will boost your confidence.. boost your own self-morale.. boost your chances.. and the rest will start to follow.

I am single, not married, and my new cabal of married and house-owning friends over here are starting to notice.. thats my new challenge - but I am not in that drifting phase and it is so much more pleasant to feel that nice stability.

Beruthiel

notsurewhattodo wrote: »

I recall saying when I was 18: "It'll all be sorted when you're 30. You'll have the job, the woman, the kids...."

We all said that.
I met my now hubby at 34. You've plenty of time.
If a gun was put to your head and you had 10 seconds to decide which way to take your future, what's the first answer that comes to your head?
Don't think about it! Just blurt it out.

I'm a good bit older than you. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

Remember that Sunscreen song?
Here's a line from it:

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you wanna do with your life; the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Life is a journey OP. The destination isn't important, it's the trip that matters.

JonathanAnon

Hi OP,

I'm similar age to you, and I also have an interest in original music / playing music... Realistically, you are not gonna get anywhere with original music unless you are seriously lucky.. I certainly wouldnt give up on all other work and focus on writing...

Why dont you join a band.. If the songs are good enough, you can play them with the band.. At the very least you will have some fun playing with other people, and possibly get a few quid from gigs.. There are always people on boards.ie looking for people to join bands..

Regarding your career, you have invested a lot of time in teaching.. Have you thought about setting up on your own and offering your own training courses?

gl..

JonathanAnon

oh and about the "thought I'd be married with children by 30" aspiration that you had for yourself, think about this... I had three friends who all got married in their early twenties... ten years on and the three women all walked out on their marriages.. And the two guys that have kids are currently working to pay for their ex's houses... So I wouldnt just jump into something because of a fear of being left on the bench.. There ARE worst things than being single..

LighterGuy

Ha I was going to quote the sunscreen song, Beruthiel :P

And JonathanAnon is right too. Personally I would hate to end up marrying the wrong person only to get half of what I own taken away from me.

LegacyUser

great feedback, I was curious to see what other people thought of it..
I do play live, and the more I have been involved in original music, I think it's nigh on impossible (or almost) to consider it as a potential career. (as in, one that would pay you as much as a regular job). Anything music related is so hard to get into,and I also accept that. That's just the reality. It can still be done alongside other stuff, so that's the way it has to be for now..

I suppose I don't have to grab the nearest woman, and think, "yeah, you'll do", but when I was 20, I would have thought 10 years, surely I'll be with someone when I'm 30. I can't see it happening anytime soon either...

LegacyUser

I can relate to you.I thought I'd have it all sorted by the time I was 30,good job,my own place,and a woman.How wrong I was! I'm in a ****e job,still single and back living at home!
Nothing wrong with the single life in a way,sure its lonely at times but the independence to do what you want is great.And I've got a few friends who are single still too!

Give it time..dont be hard on yourself...trust me it doesnt work!!

LegacyUser

ever feel like you're missing out on life though? As in, and this may sound childish or stupid, I should be sowing my wild oats or whatever way you want to say it, all over the place, until I find the right person.
That might sound a bit shallow, but sometimes, on that side of things, I feel like I'm missing out, like I should be dating people all the time, to find out what type of person I want to be with, rather than just doing what I did a few years ago and settling for someone who wasn't right for me (and vice versa), just to go out with someone....
I do feel that until I sort out what I am doing as a job, then the rest will follow, but I can't allow myself the rest until I sort myself out.... Am I denying myself....

silkworm53

You are simply going to have to sort this out for youself.
It's as simple as that.
You are going to have to think of something.
Nobody can help you with your life or live inside your body.
You have to come up with the answer.

deadpoet

notsurewhattodo wrote: »

ever feel like you're missing out on life though? As in, and this may sound childish or stupid, I should be sowing my wild oats or whatever way you want to say it, all over the place, until I find the right person.
That might sound a bit shallow, but sometimes, on that side of things, I feel like I'm missing out, like I should be dating people all the time, to find out what type of person I want to be with, rather than just doing what I did a few years ago and settling for someone who wasn't right for me (and vice versa), just to go out with someone....
I do feel that until I sort out what I am doing as a job, then the rest will follow, but I can't allow myself the rest until I sort myself out.... Am I denying myself....

Realistically though, you shouldn't have to to anything. Why must your life be complete only by having a wife? And for whatever reason, why on earth must you set yourself such a young age as 30? You're in your prime man; divorce has severe consequences should it occur and unless you have yourself well on your feet in every other aspect possible it would prove very dangerous indeed.

booksale

Hi, OP, I am at the same age as you and I am still a student in a foreign land studying a second degree which would qualified as a teacher in Ireland.

TBH, I dont see myself teaching all my whole life. I have other passions as well (writing for me). Like music, I dont think I can make a living in it.

I dont really know what I want to say, just really feel for you when I read the post and decided to leave a message.

I think patience and skills to teach can be developed. I was not very patient and still am not very patient if I am not teaching kids. But you can just train yourself to be patient. For me, I think, as a teacher, the most important thing is you must like people, interacting with them and 'influencing' them and be prepared to be influenced too of course.

I have been teacher for ages (before I came to Ireland, I am already a teacher at home), yet, I still dont see myself very teacher-type. And I still enjoy writing most. I keep writing as something I like and can earn me a bit of pocket money. Who knows what happen in the future, maybe I can publish a book.

Sorry it's all over the place. I guess I want to suggest that if you really think of teaching, just try a course and see. Hey, you know, guys can get jobs a bit easier than women as too many women in education field! And dont think too much about what if you cant get a job all that. Teachers are in demand somewhere else if it's not in Ireland.

And well, if you try the course and you find out you dont like it, that's OK, the course you have done would help you in your life anyway.

BTW, yea, as there are more women in the educational field, maybe you can get a nice woman once you start your education career! So then everything will come easy. Who knows!!

LegacyUser

Hi can really relate! Thanks for posting, its good to know I'm not the only one. I'm the same age as you and like you have done many different things, traveled a bit, thought I'd be sorted by the time I was 25!

I've done some teaching on and off but have held back from committing to it completely. Not for the reasons that you gave however. I have more selfish reasons in that I find if I teach full time I feel quite drained. I like to learn new things myself and do creative things - like for example my own music...but I find if I'm teaching a lot I'm just not so motivated to do that or just plane don't have the energy. At the same time I love helping people, love to see people doing well and learning a new skill. But I honestly don't know how so many people settle on a career so early in life.

Now I find myself starting in a new job where - in theory at least- I will be doing more creative things all day. Its a contract position for now so I don't know if it'll lead to more (sort of similar to you I think) or finish in a few months. So I have this nagging feeling - should I just stick to teaching? Should I make a decision and say right I am a teacher thats my job and I'll do whatever teaching I can and whatever training I can to further that. I'm thinking I can keep that side of my life going and do the new job but I don't know how realistic that is...

I'm so tired at this age of not having anything settled. No husband, kids, clearly defined career path and yet I guess this is where my choices have lead me. So the temptation to at least be able to say 'I'm a teacher' and at least have that side of myself defined is creeping in now.

So, it seems to me you want to do teaching and are just lacking in confidence. As they say 'whether you think you can or think you can't you're right!' But I don't really know what advice to give you as I feel so similar to you. The second poster really struck a chord with me - I probably need to focus on one thing...or maybe I can do both...who knows?!?!