Really afraid of how things will turn out

LegacyUser

*God, I just kept writing didn't I, sorry about that*
I'm in 5th year. I had a really **** year last year and as a result my relationship with my parents has deteriorated from my perspective. They have no respect for me as a person in any way (no I'm not asking for vast amounts of freedom, literally to go out during the day at weekends, babysit without being given out to for it, go to bed when I want). I told them I was gay and they took it really bad, and its kind of revealed how I think they really felt about me all along.

I don't think my mum particularly likes me as a person and I don't think she ever did even when I was small, I think she thinks I'm arrogant and a bitch. I can see where she is coming from sometimes. My dad liked me because I was smart and I was something he could show off to the rest of the family. Thats my main selling point, but since telling him I was gay I think I've ruined all that. I'm only out to one or two friends, who also reacted badly, and by the end of it I don't really have anyone. Most of my closest friends are here on boards.

I'm aiming for a course with really high points, and a career thats hard to progress in and has bad working conditions, but I'm nearly sure its what I want to do. My mum I don't think believes I can do it, and though I think I'm capable of getting the points, there is always some part of me that says I'm not. I'm worried I'll never have the career I want, I'll never have friends who care about me, I'll never meet someone who loves me and my whole life will just keep going like this. It just catches me sometimes and makes me wonder why the hell I'm working so hard, because things will never be the way I want them to be. What do I do to stop feeling like this

merlie

Hi,

I am sorry you are having such a tough time. But no matter how your mum is to you she is your mum and calling her such names isn't right in any shape or form. You are obviously angry about your situation at home and feel you have been isolated in some respects.

Contact the gay switchboard. They may be able to offer you advice and support: http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/

Good luck

LegacyUser

merlie wrote: »

Hi,

But no matter how your mum is to you she is your mum and calling her such names isn't right in any shape or form.

What names has she called her mum? I think it was more about the mum calling the OP 'arrogant and a bitch'.

seenitall

Exactly. Read the post.

BTW, even if she did call her mother a bitch, who are you to lay a guilt-trip on her over it ("isnt 'right' in any shape or form" )? Just because some mothers are all lollipops and rainbows, it doesn't stop some other women being horrible mothers and despicable human beings (not saying that is what I would label the OP's mother at all, but just making a point as I really dislike the judgmental: "shush, don't say that, it's not right" attitude, when you have never walked in a person's shoes). I say call a spade a spade, and you will be better for it in the long-term. That's how it worked for me.

I think that OP's parents sound like a judgmental and controlling headache at best, and I do know the feeling of growing up in such an environment.

OP, I know that at the moment your hopes and wishes for the future seems so far from realisation, but try and think in short-term goals. "Climbing a mountain starts with one step" thing. You are 17, so you don't realise this yet, but the world is your oyster, and as long as YOU keep believing in yourself, there is nothing that can stop you from having the life you want to have. Keep that in mind, and keep your spirits up. Cherish and nurture any friendships you do have, and do try to make some more friends, however difficult it may be, given the circumstances. Love yourself, be good to yourself. You will be an adult very soon, and then you will be able to make your own decisions. Don't let anyone belittle you; if they try, take it from your parents as you are still in their house, but know that you are worth SO much more than what they are telling you.

"A change is gonna come"... always loved that song.

Best wishes!

silkworm53

username 93 wrote: »

*God, I just kept writing didn't I, sorry about that*

I'm in 5th year.

You are what 15 or 16? Your life has barely begun believe me:)

I had a really **** year last year and as a result my relationship with my parents has deteriorated from my perspective. They have no respect for me as a person in any way (no I'm not asking for vast amounts of freedom, literally to go out during the day at weekends, babysit without being given out to for it, go to bed when I want). I told them I was gay and they took it really bad, and its kind of revealed how I think they really felt about me all along.

Your parents love you and care about you and they are worried about you. That's why you haven't starved to death - they work, earn money and put food on the table. I think the revelation that you are gay is a bit of a shock but I believe you think they think it's a bigger problem than it really is.

I don't think my mum particularly likes me as a person and I don't think she ever did even when I was small, I think she thinks I'm arrogant and a bitch.

She carried you for 9 months and gave birth to you and you are still around a decade and half later. I don't think that is entirely true!:D
I can see where she is coming from sometimes.

My dad liked me because I was smart and I was something he could show off to the rest of the family. Thats my main selling point, but since telling him I was gay I think I've ruined all that. I'm only out to one or two friends, who also reacted badly, and by the end of it I don't really have anyone. Most of my closest friends are here on boards.

You are going to be an adult in a few years and if you are sure you are gay - you are going to be gay for the rest of your life and your father is just going to have to get used to that.
You need to make some friends in the real world rather than on boards.

I'm aiming for a course with really high points, and a career thats hard to progress in and has bad working conditions, but I'm nearly sure its what I want to do. My mum I don't think believes I can do it, and though I think I'm capable of getting the points, there is always some part of me that says I'm not. I'm worried I'll never have the career I want,

You have your head screwed on, you have an ambition and you want to go for it. So set your sights on it and go and do it. Your parents can't make up your mind and run your life you. You are the author of your own life story.

I'll never have friends who care about me, I'll never meet someone who loves me and my whole life will just keep going like this. It just catches me sometimes and makes me wonder why the hell I'm working so hard, because things will never be the way I want them to be. What do I do to stop feeling like this

Think positive. Everything will turn out right.
You seem full of ambition, you are brave to come out as gay to your parents and your friends (if your friends can't accept you for who you are, feck them!) , you have an idea of where you want to be in life - you have a plan for a career - and you want to go for it.
You attitude should be unapologetic - you are who you are and if other people donit like? Feck them.
Stand up for yourself and carve out your own path.
You want to work hard and hard work always pays off.
In a few years you will be an adult, you will be living independently and in time your parents will grow old and they will need you to look after them.
You are young and these are the best years of your life - so make the most of them.
Best of luck!:D

cafecolour

username 93 wrote: »

I'm worried I'll never have the career I want, I'll never have friends who care about me, I'll never meet someone who loves me and my whole life will just keep going like this. It just catches me sometimes and makes me wonder why the hell I'm working so hard, because things will never be the way I want them to be. What do I do to stop feeling like this

My advice would be to keep the nose to the grindstone, get your points, and head to university.

I know it's a bit of a way off, but uni is a world of difference from secondary school. You can end up with a much different set of friends who will be happy with who you are, you can even have romantic possibilities, and you will have some distance between you and your parents, which I think will increase the respect.