confused bf

LegacyUser

hi guys,

Feeling very low and confused right now. the bf in a conversation last night on the phone was saying stuff like i think we are in different places right now etc..how drained he is.. and i asked could he give me what i wanted and he said no. I said well will we just end this relationship and he said "no" then on about how great and wonderful i was and how much he loves me and then says see ya at the weekend. Head is wrecked. advice please. am i just holding out hoping he will change. Sorry if this is confusing but very head wrecked.

LighterGuy

Just so i get it right. It went like this:

(during the phone call)
- he starts going on about how he thinks you and him are in different places and "drained"
- you ask him could he give you what you wanted (I am gathering thats in reference to the relationship) and he says no.
- then you say we will end the relationship (as it sounds like he is thinking about doing the same)
- then he says "no" (he doesnt want to end the relationship and says you're wonderful, loves you and see you at the weekend)


I've seen this before. Alot. (it happens alot in dating)
The phrase "He doesnt know what he wants" is a nice way to put it. But that phrase doesnt quite go into the details.
I would be willing to put money down that he doesnt exactly want the relationship. He would be willing to end it on his terms. But as soon as you said "then we should end it" suddenly things changed. Things arent his way.
He is a person who would rather break up, rather than be broken up. His change of opinion is a classic worrying about his heart/feelings. A type of person who would rather stay with someone they dont want to just so they are not lonely or be the one who breaks up to avoid any feelings of inferior (getting broken up with can actually make someone feel lesser even if they wanted out in the relationship anyways :rolleyes:)


So... my two cents. Your relationship has no future. You got information to how he is actually thinking from that phone call. Come down on it.

larrymickdick

under no circumstances contact him until he has contacted you - if he's concerned about something it gives him space to think - he can work it out for himself - happened to my friend in work

but then there's the other side where he obviously has v strong feelings for you and loves you but you maybe not what he needs right now (happened to me)

give him the space and when you do talk to him tell him honestly how you feel and don't feel worried about saying any of it - if you are afraid to tell him how you feel it's really not a good sign - hope everything works out ok for you x

LegacyUser

give him the space and when you do talk to him tell him honestly how you feel and don't feel worried about saying any of it - if you are afraid to tell him how you feel it's really not a good sign - hope everything works out ok for you x

Thanks. Not a bit afraid at all to say how I feel, thats proably the problem. I am straight up and I know what I want. Which is somebody to treat me nice, make me laugh... simple things really. When things get ANY way difficult or if I express my anoyance, upset at something he has done, it turns into a row and threats of its not working which ends up away from the issue which was originally brought up. The original issue(usual some trivial thing) inevitably comes up again and then the row about whether it works, full of i love yous etc. Its like all talk no action. I think I just need to end it, thats if its not already over but I dont know...???

Such **** really. Thanks for your comments.

Sardonicat

If he is not treating you how you would like to be treated and he is wrecking your head with mixed messages, dump him.

Exclamation Marc

My two cents on it, just from a different angle.

It's not acceptable at all what he's saying but he could simply be being very dramatic and attention seeking. I've known people to throw their toys out of the pram, throw around the "its not working, is it worth it" crap before and deep down they still want the relationship but they're looking for attention and to be mollycoddled.

It's in no way right or acceptable, but its a different perspective from the "he wants to dump you approach" because if I wanted out of a relationship and the girl threw it out there I'd run with it. I don't buy that he said no to ending it because he wants it on his terms, unless he's 15 most people don't give a toss about that.

His actions are not good enough and you should call him up on it (if you still want the relationship) but I have a feeling he's being quite dramatic and wants attention, as shít behaviour as it is.