Humiliated over bras

golf09

My sister (aged 29)came in an awful state last night.She was in the boyfriend's local pub with her boyfriend(aged 33) of four months and up on the pool table in front of everyone were a number of bras.(The bras were from a stag party the previous night) She took no notice but a few minutes after she saw a notice which said :'These are X's bras.They were found in her boyfriend's room.All for sale please contact this number and it gave her boyfriend's number.'All the lads were laughing and one girl was trying on a bra over her top. my sister was asked would she put on a bra she politely declined. she tried to laugh it off but she was very uncomfortable in the pub afterwards and felt embarrassed.
she didnt say anything to her boyfriend in public but when she got home said said that she was embarrassed and that she felt it was a very demeaning thing to do to a person.her boyfriend replied that it had nothing to do with him, his friend did it (he couldn't stop his friend doing it who is 40 years plus) and it was only a bit of a laugh.
My sister is very upset over this as she can't understand why her boyfriend didnt stand up for her and tell the lads to cop on.When she spoke to her boyfriend again about it this morn and said she was still upset he said the same as above.She doesn't know what to do and she is worried this is his opinion of women and that he won't stand up for her in other things. he also has a daughter aged 11 and she was saying to herself would he like it if his daughter was humiliated like this in a few years time. any advice greatly appreciated.thanks

Shelga

The boyfriend's friend is a creep and a weirdo. What 40+ year old man steals a woman's underwear and uses it to humiliate her publicly? What disgusting behaviour.

Her boyfriend has no spine if he won't stick up for her, and she's better off without both of them in her life. Tell her to get rid, immediately.

golf09

Forgot to mention in the thread that the bras were from a stag party the night before and weren't my sisters bras

S23

Can you just clarify what your sister is upset about because I'm not 100% sure.

The found a few bras lying around so they weren't hers.

Was she upset that her BF's friend wrote 'bras for sale contact your siters BF etc..'
Or is she upset because when one of the women was messing around putting a bra on over her top that her BF asked her to do the same?

It seems clearly your sister is genuinely upset but it's hard to work out if it's something over nothing or what?

The 'joke' the person wrote on the bra labels was stupid and juvenile but nothing too harmful and probaly not within the BF's power to stop. If he'd made a big deal about a stupid, pretty harmless joke writing stuff on a label it probably would have only made the idiot doing it worse.

Being asked to try on one of the bras over her top. Again juvenile and purile at best but in itself not spectacularly offensive or demeaning.

It's hard to say without knowing more

Miss Fluff

I don't understand any of your post OP either, can you clarify?

golf09

She was upset over the notice and over the way the lads in the pub were laughing at it.she thought it was not a very appropriate thing to do to her.

dudara

Am I correct in saying that when she entered the pub, there was a pile of bras (not hers). Later in the night, a sign appeared saying that they were your sister's bras. Is that correct?

Chinafoot

golf09 wrote: »

My sister (aged 29)came in an awful state last night.She was in the boyfriend's local pub with her boyfriend(aged 33) of four months and up on the pool table in front of everyone were a number of bras.(The bras were from a stag party the previous night) She took no notice but a few minutes after she saw a notice which said :'These are X's bras.They were found in her boyfriend's room.All for sale please contact this number and it gave her boyfriend's number.'

Your post isn't very clear OP. I'm going to call your sister Ann and her boyfriend Barry. So was the sign saying any of the following:

"These are Ann's bras. They were found in Barry's room. All for sale, please contact 087-BARRY"

or

"These are Barry's bras. They were found in his room. All for sale, please contact 087-BARRY"

or

"These are [name of other girl your boyfriend knows]'s bras. They were found in Barry's room. All for sale, please contact 087-BARRY."

Basically, was the sign saying they were your sister's bras or that they were bras your boyfriend had from previous conquests? Its hard to give any advice when we don't know what you're talking about.

I'm going to take a guess that it was the second option. Personally, I don't think I would have reacted that way. It's immature, sure, but it's clearly just a joke. They even tried to get your sister involved by asking her to try on the bra. Has her boyfriend given her any indication that he demeans women? It seems a little unfair to judge him on the actions of his friend.

This could all be entirely irrelevant depending on what the sign actually said.

golf09

The bras were not hers but the notice said that they were hers, for example the sign said "These are Ann's bras. They were found in Barry's room. All for sale, please contact 087-BARRY"

about five minutes after she entered the pub the sign appeared.her boyfriend has told her that the sign was up about 30 mins before she came in (she arrived seperately to her boyfriend, he was there before her meeting his friends) , it was then taken down for a while and put up again about after five mins when she went in.

S23

I think I understand it now.

Someone wrote on the bras

'These are Your Sister's bras. They were found in Sisters BF's room. Please contact Sisters BF if you want to buy them'.

Then someone asked her to put one of the bra's on?


They sound like a bunch of dopey twats if they find that kind of purile humour funny for a start. I don't think it was meant to be overly malicious or anything despite it being 12 year old style humour.

However, if your sister is upset then thats how she feels. For her boyfriend to fob her off completley is wrong. I will say I don't think the boyfriend making a big song and dance on the night would have helped her feel less embarrased because judging by these peoples humour I'd say they would have only been worse if anything had been said

aviendha

I think she might be a bit sensitive to it - it was a joke, ok so she doesn't approve of it, but she's 29 years of age, so I don't really understand why she got so upset over it - yes it was juvenile and childish, but I wouldn't think that that joke played by her BF's friend was evidence of his contempt of women.
If he had "defended" her as she expected, he would've been ridiculed as humourless among his friends..
I thought it was funny myself

ManOfMystery

Dear me, it was a joke. Tell your sister to get a sense of humour. At worst it was mildly insensitive, maybe a little childish, but there was obviously nothing malicious meant by it and I can't see what was so damaging that she would get hung up over it.

sbsquarepants

I can't see the problem here at all im afraid!
Her boyfriends mates made a joke that some bras were hers, they weren't, so what?
If she didn't find the joke funny then just don't laugh at it, it was hardly that shocking or offensive, to be quite honest!
Maybe your "sister" just needs to lighten up a bit?
Also i completely miss the point about the 11 year old. Nobody said anything to her, she wasn't there, why is she even being mentioned?