Meeting someone

LegacyUser

I feel similar to the OP except that I'm male. Any girl I meet out and about is always un-interested and/or unavailable and it's soul destroying after a while. I've tried the internet dating thing and it's been hit n miss but the end result being that no relationship has come out of any of it.

I've seen the suggestion earlier in this thread about joining clubs and stuff. What do you do in those situations then when you meet someone you fancy. How do you know they're single? Do you just ask them out? Isn't it going to be horrifically awkward then if they say no and you have to see them every week or whatever?

I guess one thing that's sticking in my mind is a girl at work who I insanely fancy, who I know is single, but when I tried to break the ice and stuff, she completely and deliberately blanked me. So I guess in those rare situations where the girl is attractive to me and is single, I still get no-where.

Ickle Magoo

I've given you your own thread so that answers on the other are specific to the OP that started it.

Ickle

LighterGuy

MrUnreg wrote: »

I feel similar to the OP except that I'm male. Any girl I meet out and about is always un-interested and/or unavailable and it's soul destroying after a while. I've tried the internet dating thing and it's been hit n miss but the end result being that no relationship has come out of any of it.

It will naturally feel soul destroying at times. I would advise to stay away from dating sites (if you havent already done so) Many blokes can have their confidence crushed by the nature of dating sites. Not to mention male users who might consider themselves "not great with women" in the first place. Last thing they need. Dating sites are terrible for majority of guys. Can be great for women. But they are on the opposite end of course.

MrUnreg wrote: »

I've seen the suggestion earlier in this thread about joining clubs and stuff. What do you do in those situations then when you meet someone you fancy. How do you know they're single? Do you just ask them out? Isn't it going to be horrifically awkward then if they say no and you have to see them every week or whatever?

Clubs, courses etc will always be the best. They all share one aspect "meeting new people" - Doesnt matter what the course/club is.

As for asking someone out? well anytime you ask someone out between friends, in a job, course etc ... 2 things can happen... one, they tell others and two, awkwardness. Some guys get around that by hinting and fishing around before making any direct move (as you know yourself :P)
Its like talking to a girl on a course, laughing and joking, then moving onto the "oh so where you from?" ... "do you have a boyfriend????" :pac: Some guys even drop such lines like "bet your boyfriend doesnt like that?" after specfic opportunites. That whole approach is more so trying to find out if she shows signs she is into you, then you ask. If they dont, you just move on.


Others just have a hard neck which is probably the best way in life :pac: Just asking "do you have a boyfriend?" [yes / no] "fancy getting a coffee sometime?" :P - and if they say no they say no. Then the next time they see them they just be friendly. Shuts down awkwardness (being false at the same time too :pac:)

MrUnreg wrote: »

I guess one thing that's sticking in my mind is a girl at work who I insanely fancy, who I know is single, but when I tried to break the ice and stuff, she completely and deliberately blanked me. So I guess in those rare situations where the girl is attractive to me and is single, I still get no-where.

Just think to hell with her. No point letting a girl who doesnt feel the same get to you. I know it tends to be the "principle" when you feel you havent had alot of luck with women... but dont let it get to you.

mood

LighterGuy wrote: »

It will naturally feel soul destroying at times. I would advise to stay away from dating sites (if you havent already done so) Many blokes can have their confidence crushed by the nature of dating sites. Not to mention male users who might consider themselves "not great with women" in the first place. Last thing they need. Dating sites are terrible for majority of guys. Can be great for women. But they are on the opposite end of course.

I don't agree with this and don't know where you got that idea from!

Why no give internet dating a go!

LighterGuy

Well, the op really wasnt asking for advice on the dating scene :P

But...
Am I right to believe you are female, yes?

Alot of women have to understand that dating sites are different experiences from when males use the site and when females use the site. The ratio of men to women is outstanding. Think of this Mood... There is a singles bar. 50 people are in the bar. 40 men. 10 women. What do you think will happen? For the girls they would say "that bar was fun" - while the men will say "that bar is crap"

mood

Lighterguy I do have experience of using a dating site and it wasn't like what guys seem to think. I have seen threads here with guys saying that girls have so much choice and get 50 e-mails a day etc. That has not been the case with me. I have got loads of e-mails for men who are not what I'm looking for and if they even read my profile they would know this. The amount of suitable men who contacted me were quite low. I have meet a few guys on the site and they all had also had a few dates and the same experience as me. So, I really think the 'it's great for girls and crap for guys' think is crap in my opinion and hte opinion of the guys I have meet.

So, OP I think you should give it a go. Nothing to loose!

LighterGuy

mood wrote: »

....So, I really think the 'it's great for girls and crap for guys' think is crap in my opinion and the opinion of the guys I have meet.....

Im sure it has been a geuine statement by some guys who said that to you. Not all tho
Simple fact is if a guy is getting no where on a site he will not turn around to a potential girl and say "no one mails me on here" - out of fears it would de-vaule himself in her eyes.

Ah but its not a place to talk about it on this thread I guess. Our debate doesnt help the op.

Mood feels that you should give online dating a shot, if you feel you would like that. Then you should do so
I think you should do course/club/hobby. In both our advices we both suggest trying to meet new people Both advices have one common aspect - and that is to try op

mood

LighterGuy wrote: »

Im sure it has been a geuine statement by some guys who said that to you. Not all tho
Simple fact is if a guy is getting no where on a site he will not turn around to a potential girl and say "no one mails me on here" - out of fears it would de-vaule himself in her eyes.

Ah but its not a place to talk about it on this thread I guess. Our debate doesnt help the op.

Mood feels that you should give online dating a shot, if you feel you would like that. Then you should do so
I think you should do course/club/hobby. In both our advices we both suggest trying to meet new people Both advices have one common aspect - and that is to try op

Why not try both! And any other suggestions others might have! It's worth a shot.

LegacyUser

Op again.

I'm still trying the internet dating but it seems to go through peaks and troughs. I'm currently on Plenty of Fish but I think I've had about 3 replies to the mails I have sent out. I always keep the mails original and hopefully somewhat interesting, but it really depends on what the girl has written in her profile. If it's bland I struggle to come up with more than a few lines. I guess it's just frustrating though. The other night I sent this girl a mail and within a couple of minutes I'd checked my sent items and noticed it already had a status of "read deleted".

Occasionally I get girls contacting me and I don't mean to be nasty, but often they are just not my type and girls I simply have no attraction to whatsoever. One girl recently had no pic on her profile and while she seemed somewhat interesting in what she'd written in her profile and in her mail, the fact that she had no pic and seemed to be withholding sending one and had her body type set to "Prefer not to say" kind of caused alarm bells to ring for me.

As for the girl in work, it's frustrating. I don't want to go into the details of how I got in touch, but I pretty much had no other option as the way the setup was, I never got the chance to speak to her or make contact in any other way. I seen her the other day unexpectedly for the first time in a while and I'd sort of convinced myself that I didn't fancy her but as soon as I seen her again, I knew I was just fooling myself. I'm insanely attracted to her and have this lustful feeling towards her. Part of me thinks how can she not be interested as it seems impossible that I could fancy her so much and her not even be remotely interested. But I guess that's just the way it is. It's stupid as well as she doesn't deserve those feelings as she seems stuck up and elitist.

I've been thinking about the club thing and I guess I have one or two ideas about places to join.

But even if I go join one, I get confused over what type of girl I should ask out. There is only the tiniest fraction of the female population I get that raw animalistic urge for, something like 0.01%. Even with the attractive girls I see them but often I can be just like "meh". I feel if I just wait for the 0.01% I run the risk of the same situation again, either they are unavailable or like the one at work, stuck up and uninterested. Or I run the risk of being permanently single.

I guess I don't know what the criteria is for asking someone out. Do I need to feel something first? If so, what? I guess I read too many threads on boards where people are talking about "oh wonderful sparks and chemistry" blah blah blah. I never seem to experience that at all.

LighterGuy

MrUnreg wrote: »

Op again.

I'm still trying the internet dating but it seems to go through peaks and troughs. I'm currently on Plenty of Fish but I think I've had about 3 replies to the mails I have sent out. I always keep the mails original and hopefully somewhat interesting, but it really depends on what the girl has written in her profile. If it's bland I struggle to come up with more than a few lines. I guess it's just frustrating though. The other night I sent this girl a mail and within a couple of minutes I'd checked my sent items and noticed it already had a status of "read deleted".

Alot of users will have alot to say about plenty of fish I can tell you that one. But alot of guys get the same "read deleted" on dating sites. It also happens alot where you can see "unread deleted" :rolleyes:

I had a female friend once who joined POF. Upon joining she had around 2 dozen mails and a ton of private chat requests. Same thing happened again the next day she logged in. She eventually deleted her profile. The ratio is terrible my friend

I've known a lot of guys who have used POF. Guys who wanted a relationship and guys who just wanted sex. Both groups say the same thing - "marjority of people on there have baggage" , "dont know what they are looking for" and "the site can be practally a sex site" ...

Here is an eye opener on POF:

• Several female users are on other adult and swinging sites. A simple search of their username into google can bring up other sites they are members on. I personally love the way they say "do not message me looking for sex!" on pof. Google click away you see them naked on another site.
• Alot of people have baggage on that site.
• Alot of people have one night stands from that site. But yet claiming to be trying to find "the one"

MrUnreg wrote: »

Occasionally I get girls contacting me and I don't mean to be nasty, but often they are just not my type and girls I simply have no attraction to whatsoever.

Its not nasty. Many women who use the site wont reply or contact men they arent attracted to. And they're right So if someone you dont fancy contacts you, you are not obliged to get back.

MrUnreg wrote: »

"As for the girl in work, it's frustrating" + "as she seems stuck up and elitist"

To hell with her then.

MrUnreg wrote: »

I've been thinking about the club thing and I guess I have one or two ideas about places to join.But even if I go join one, I get confused over what type of girl I should ask out. There is only the tiniest fraction of the female population I get that raw animalistic urge for, something like 0.01%. Even with the attractive girls I see them but often I can be just like "meh". I feel if I just wait for the 0.01% I run the risk of the same situation again, either they are unavailable or like the one at work, stuck up and uninterested. Or I run the risk of being permanently single.

I guess I don't know what the criteria is for asking someone out. Do I need to feel something first? If so, what? I guess I read too many threads on boards where people are talking about "oh wonderful sparks and chemistry" blah blah blah. I never seem to experience that at all.

Alot of dating in the world isnt that a person found that 0.01% "Im so attracted to" person. People tend to date someone that ticks alot (but not all) on the boxes.
Sparks and chemistry only happens once in a while - "lust" is another word for that term.