Asexual

magneticimpulse

Hi
Im asexual, ive known it for a long time. I looked it up before but there was no information about it. Now there seems to be a growing movement of asexual people coming out. Apparently it has been accepted by the LGBT community.

Im just saying hi and im proud of my sexuality and coming out

JayJay123

Hello and welcome!

thebullkf

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Hi
Im asexual, ive known it for a long time. I looked it up before but there was no information about it. Now there seems to be a growing movement of asexual people coming out. Apparently it has been accepted by the LGBT community.

Im just saying hi and im proud of my sexuality and coming out

fair play:)

rainbow kirby

To thine own self be true.

AvaKinder

I really liked your post. All the best!

L.Jenkins

Fair dues I'm actually confused now myself with respect to mine :P So the fun shall begin exploring. We do need some asexuals too though

Mike 1972

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Im just saying hi and im proud of my sexuality and coming out

Not trying to knock it but is Asexuality actually a sexuality or a lack thereof

L.Jenkins

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Not trying to knock it but is Asexuality actually a sexuality or a lack thereof

Now I'm confused! Is that an ecuminical matter or a philoshopical one :P

magneticimpulse

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Not trying to knock it but is Asexuality actually a sexuality or a lack thereof

No you can still feel sexy and get pleasure etc. But its when you dont feel sexually attracted to men or women. I suppose I have spent alot of years in the company with gay men. It wasnt the intention, in fact they came out years after. But before I knew they were even gay, I liked that there was no sexual chemistry between us. Im not prude or anything, just not met someone I feel sexually attracted to and at the moment dont think I ever will.

Its obviously abit more vague then having a true sexual identity. But hey, I felt theres so much hoolabaloo about homo and hetero sexuality, that at the moment I dont fall into either category.

Its also a "label" which can change of course. But I feel comfortable. I think there is so much pressure to meet 1 partner in life. That im happy with myself. Its just the way of life I have and well have done for a very long time. I suppose its nice to be able to say well I dont feel "straight" and i dont feel "lesbian"...I feel neither.

It would be nice to hear from people who have the same views or think they might be asexual. Its nothing to feel ashamed about. You still have emotions and feelings towards people, but I think its just always on a friends/family level and never a sexual one

At same time I think it does need to be addressed, because as a woman, I didnt feel sexual towards men as say other women. But then when I thought, maybe im homosexual, I realised I was even less homosexual then heterosexual. So you start to question your identity, and think whats wrong with me? Why am I not following the "typical natural instinct" that everybody does?? So I feel apropriate to have a thread about it, because I think people can relate to questioning their sexuality and which category they fall into...and especially for someone like me when you've questioned and questioned over again and just dont fit into any of the current standard categories.

Eebs

I know several people who consider themselves asexual and one of them put it to me that he'd much rather play a nice board game then have sex. He met a girl who felt similarly and they're very happy in their non-sexual relationship.
(Obviously that's not going to be the same for all asexual people but it's his story.)

Do, or don't do, whatever makes you happy. Congrats for coming to terms with it.

Synalon Etuul

magneticimpulse wrote: »

No you can still feel sexy and get pleasure etc. But its when you dont feel sexually attracted to men or women. I suppose I have spent alot of years in the company with gay men. It wasnt the intention, in fact they came out years after. But before I knew they were even gay, I liked that there was no sexual chemistry between us. Im not prude or anything, just not met someone I feel sexually attracted to and at the moment dont think I ever will.

Its obviously abit more vague then having a true sexual identity. But hey, I felt theres so much hoolabaloo about homo and hetero sexuality, that at the moment I dont fall into either category.

Its also a "label" which can change of course. But I feel comfortable. I think there is so much pressure to meet 1 partner in life. That im happy with myself. Its just the way of life I have and well have done for a very long time. I suppose its nice to be able to say well I dont feel "straight" and i dont feel "lesbian"...I feel neither.

It would be nice to hear from people who have the same views or think they might be asexual. Its nothing to feel ashamed about. You still have emotions and feelings towards people, but I think its just always on a friends/family level and never a sexual one

At same time I think it does need to be addressed, because as a woman, I didnt feel sexual towards men as say other women. But then when I thought, maybe im homosexual, I realised I was even less homosexual then heterosexual. So you start to question your identity, and think whats wrong with me? Why am I not following the "typical natural instinct" that everybody does?? So I feel apropriate to have a thread about it, because I think people can relate to questioning their sexuality and which category they fall into...and especially for someone like me when you've questioned and questioned over again and just dont fit into any of the current standard categories.

Asexuality is defined as "the lack of sexual attraction or the lack of interest in and desire for sex." The way you describe it, it just sounds like you've gone for a while without being attracted to anyone.

Eebs

Synalon Etuul wrote: »

Asexuality is defined as "the lack of sexual attraction or the lack of interest in and desire for sex." The way you describe it, it just sounds like you've gone for a while without being attracted to anyone.

Sexuality and attraction aren't necessarily static you know. The poster seems happy to identify with that label, I don't see reasons to tell them they can't based on a dictionary definition.

magneticimpulse

Eebs wrote: »

Sexuality and attraction aren't necessarily static you know. The poster seems happy to identify with that label, I don't see reasons to tell them they can't based on a dictionary definition.

Exactly! Its not a case that I want to put a label on it, more so I dont fit any current labels out there.

I do really like people and ive tried to have boyfriends (and girlfriends), usually long distance with little sex, which suited me fine. I felt bad, because it always seemed like a huge effort (not the long distance bit). Ive had feelings for these people, but never really wanted to sleep with them etc etc so it would never work out as it comes across as not being interested in the person. Whereas im just not interested in sex.

DubArk

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Hi
Im asexual, ive known it for a long time. I looked it up before but there was no information about it. Now there seems to be a growing movement of asexual people coming out. Apparently it has been accepted by the LGBT community.

Im just saying hi and im proud of my sexuality and coming out

But by the same standard, you could join any group that you want to join, as you identify with none?!?

What's to accept??

You’re neither Straight nor Gay or Bi and I then wonder why you need to come out at all? What are you coming out for? Whats the purpose of the movement?

What benefit is it to you to come out, stating that you’re not interested in anyone?

Do you want the right not to have sex? Are you been forced to be with others sexually?

I’m not trying to be rude or antagonistic; I’m just trying to establish why you felt it necessary to inform the LGBT thread?

hare05

DubArk wrote: »

But by the same standard, you could join any group that you want to join, as you identify with none?!?

What's to accept??

You’re neither Straight nor Gay or Bi and I then wonder why you need to come out at all? What are you coming out for? Whats the purpose of the movement?

What benefit is it to you to come out, stating that you’re not interested in anyone?

Do you want the right not to have sex? Are you been forced to be with others sexually?

I’m not trying to be rude or antagonistic; I’m just trying to establish why you felt it necessary to inform the LGBT thread?

It seems pretty straightforward to me. By posting this on a public board, she's solidifying her feelings. As she said, she's comfortable with the label. I'm sure it gives her the same sense of self admitting this as anyone here achieves by coming out.

And why post here? Better than after hours

magneticimpulse

DubArk wrote: »

But by the same standard, you could join any group that you want to join, as you identify with none?!?

What's to accept??

You’re neither Straight nor Gay or Bi and I then wonder why you need to come out at all? What are you coming out for? Whats the purpose of the movement?

What benefit is it to you to come out, stating that you’re not interested in anyone?

Do you want the right not to have sex? Are you been forced to be with others sexually?

I’m not trying to be rude or antagonistic; I’m just trying to establish why you felt it necessary to inform the LGBT thread?

You could say the same about straight or LGBT people??? Why bother coming out at all?? At the end of the day sexuality or lack of sexuality doesnt really define a person or who they are!!!

Im coming out because I dont identify with any of the groups you mentioned. Yeah I could "pretend" to be straight or pretend to be gay or bi...but then im not any of those.

Why not come out?? Of course, its not like the world is going to stop, but you could say that to anybody. Its not creating any harm in doing so, and its putting it out there that people like me exist.

Its actually a great feeling to coming out. I dont want relatives or friends giving me the lecture of "oh you will meet that right person one day" yada yada. Im saying I dont want to meet that person....unless of course they have the same feelings as me.

By coming out...maybe I could find another Asexual person to spend my life with. Like that its not that I dont like people, Im just not interested in Sex. And by having a category of Asexual people, it will make it easier to find like minded people. I will continue to live in a multi sexual diverse world...i dont want to seperate myself from the world, i just want to meet like minded people.

Who says I cant join LGBT??? 25 years ago it was prob "G", 15 years ago it used to be LG...12 years ago it became LGB and more recently LGBT...maybe one day it can be LGBTA???

magneticimpulse

I found this info on the Asexual page: http://www.asexuality.org/home/overview.html

An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently. Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.

Relationships
Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other.

Sexual or nonsexual, all relationships are made up of the same basic stuff. Communication, closeness, fun, humor, excitement and trust all happen just as much in sexual relationships as in nonsexual ones. Unlike sexual people, asexual people are given few expectations about the way that our intimate relationships will work. Figuring out how to flirt, to be intimate, or to be monogamous in a nonsexual relationships can be challenging, but free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires.

Attraction
Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for us. Asexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender, and will identify as lesbian, gay, bi, or straight.

Arousal
For some sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people experience little or no arousal. Because we don’t care about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure.

Note: People do not need sexual arousal to be healthy, but in a minority of cases a lack of arousal can be the symptom of a more serious medical condition. If you do not experience sexual arousal or if you suddenly lose interest in sex you should probably check with a doctor just to be safe.

Identity
Most people on AVEN have been asexual for our entire lives. Just as people will rarely and unexpectedly go from being straight to gay, asexual people will rarely and unexpectedly become sexual or vice versa. Another small minority will think of themselves as asexual for a brief period of time while exploring and questioning their own sexuality.

There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.

DubArk

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Who says I cant join LGBT??? 25 years ago it was prob "G", 15 years ago it used to be LG...12 years ago it became LGB and more recently LGBT...maybe one day it can be LGBTA???

Thanks for your reply. I get what you’re saying and I take it on board. BTW I never said you can’t join LGBT!?! I just couldn’t understand why you'd want to because I couldn’t see the benefits for you but now after your further explanations; I completely get where this would benefit you and others, that feel the same as you do.

Annasopra

Came across this which is quite interesting

http://www.asexualityarchive.com/things-that-are-not-asexuality/

LegacyUser

I had and still have absolutely no interest in shagging with men or women - none.

After years spent questioning whether I was gay or not (because that accusation had been leveled at me so often by spurned women), I eventually arrived at 'asexual' as a label. I remember telling someone (probably a girl) during my college years that I was asexual and they laughed themselves to bits. I'll be forty this month and already the jokes are set to fly about the '40 year old virgin' (Their assumption rather than based on actual fact, I might add).

I will say though, I do love women rather than men once you exclude the 'sexy time' from the equation. So, I guess in my case, I'm like a non-practicing hetrosexual I don't feel the need to be public about it. As someone else already posted here, what's the point?

LegacyUser

HI,
I find the topc of asexuality very interesting. I understand that a lot of people dont believe in it and I myself have found it difficult to comprehend. A straight friend of mine explained to me as a gay man.

"do you find women sexually attractive."
"No"
"do you like and want to be friends with women"
"Yes"
"Well thats what asexuals feel about both genders"

I suppose it let me understand that its not some sort of crippling condition but simply another persons sexuality as ligitimate as any other.
I do however believe that very few people are truly asexual just as I believe that very few people are truly bisexual( most have a preference for one gender but rarely is somone 50/50).
We are all sexual at some level and myself I have at times wondered if I was asexual but maybe it was just at that time in my life that is how I felt.

In any case, I am glad that people are becoming more comfortable where they feel less pressure to identify as something they are not.

kiwipower

Synalon Etuul wrote: »

Asexuality is defined as "the lack of sexual attraction or the lack of interest in and desire for sex." The way you describe it, it just sounds like you've gone for a while without being attracted to anyone.

Eebs wrote: »

Sexuality and attraction aren't necessarily static you know. The poster seems happy to identify with that label, I don't see reasons to tell them they can't based on a dictionary definition.

I think the OP has summed up that their feelings do (at present) aline with the dictionary definition... "..Lack of interest in and desire for sex.."

As I am presently learning (again) sexuality is fluid.
There are times when I identify as Lesbian othertimes as Bi sometimes as Straight or even Asexual. Its all about how the individual feels within themselves and how they identify culturally.

kiwipower

Interesting_post wrote: »

HI,
I find the topc of asexuality very interesting. I understand that a lot of people dont believe in it and I myself have found it difficult to comprehend. A straight friend of mine explained to me as a gay man.

"do you find women sexually attractive."
"No"
"do you like and want to be friends with women"
"Yes"
"Well thats what asexuals feel about both genders"

I suppose it let me understand that its not some sort of crippling condition but simply another persons sexuality as ligitimate as any other.
I do however believe that very few people are truly asexual just as I believe that very few people are truly bisexual( most have a preference for one gender but rarely is somone 50/50).
We are all sexual at some level and myself I have at times wondered if I was asexual but maybe it was just at that time in my life that is how I felt.

In any case, I am glad that people are becoming more comfortable where they feel less pressure to identify as something they are not.

Bi-sexuality is not about what percentage you are attracted to one gender or another.
Again sexuality is fluid.
If you accept that you are or canbe attracted to both Genders (or the third gender) that is enough to classify as Bi-sexual.
But again its down to how the individual feels and identifies at any point in time.