Never gonna meet anyone...

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I'm feeling really down at the moment. I want to meet someone so badly and I feel like it's never going to happen.

3 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years (on and off). It was a horrible messy break up where I found out he was cheating on me with a girl from work. I confronted him about it and he actually broke up with me!! He said he didn't love me anymore and that he was mad about her! Awful awful time for me but I've bounced back now and feel over him.

Trouble is I feel like I'll never meet anyone. There are no cute guys at work and I just don't know where to meet someone.

I'm a good looking girl and get approached a lot but I'm never interested. Guys I fancy are always taken!!

Where do you meet someone? I go out nearly every weekend, get dressed up etc but always come home alone feeling sad.

Don't get me wrong, I go out with my friends and we have loads of fun but on Sunday I always feel really really down and lonely.

Plus I miss s*x and intmacy sooooooooooooo much!!

Any advice?

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

If it's a relationship you want then going out on the pull on a Saturday night isn't really the best way to find one. Most people on the pull in a pub/club are looking for ONS rather than a LTR.

I've found the best way of meeting people is through friends, colleagues and hobbies. Maybe take up a new sport or hobby that you're interested in. It will connect you to other people who are interested in the same things.

CR

LegacyUser

Thanks Contessa..

Thing is there are no cute guys at work. Well actually there is one but he's an auditor who just comes in sporadically so I can't really do anything about that!
I'd love to get talking to him but have no reason to!

I've done cookery courses, go to gigs all the time etc but just never meet anyone who I like.

It's frustrating. People always say....ah, it'll happen when you least expect it but what if it doesn't. There are people in the world who end up alone and I might be one of them:(

I'm so lonely and I'm starting to feel like a right saddo. I'm only 28. I'm young, slim, pretty, smart etc (sorry sound so big headed but trust me I'm not!) and I'm moping about feeling miserable.

Sigh....it's so hard to meet someone who's my type!

Stacksey

Join the club, out of a long relationship myself in last 6 months and finding it hard to meet someone i like, the pub/nightclub can be difficult as everyone is just locked out of there heads, i reckon when i least expect it, it will happen

Whats also a headwrecker is that i dont work with any Girls in work so ive no chance meeting someone here whereas in my old job there was lots of women i got on so well with but had a girlfriend, life is biatch

jayo76

You've onlybeen single for 3 months after what was a very long relationship, dont be pressuring yourself that it has to happen that you meet someone new in such a short time frame. My 5 year relationship ended in August, had been engaged for the last year of that and believe me have had major doubts as to whether I'l find someone new. As i posted on another thread there is a girl at work i like, she likes me but I want to be sure Im over my ex fully before I take it any further. Fro what you said you sound like a graet catch and I do agree yeah that outside of the pub/club scene in Ireland it is quite hard to meet someone and dunno if I have the heart for the whole club pulling scene at the mo.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys...I actually feel a bit better now so thank you all..

I'd love to ask the auditor guy out but I'm not brave enough. He is so up my street looks wise but i don't know anything about him. He could have a girlfriend.
He only comes in about once a week and I never know when. He usually walks past my desk when I'm shoving biscuits in my mouth or something...typical!!

Stacksey

whereishe wrote: »

Thanks guys...I actually feel a bit better now so thank you all..

I'd love to ask the auditor guy out but I'm not brave enough. He is so up my street looks wise but i don't know anything about him. He could have a girlfriend.
He only comes in about once a week and I never know when. He usually walks past my desk when I'm shoving biscuits in my mouth or something...typical!!

The next times he's in the office go and make small talk with him, if its a monday ask him "did he have a good weekend", if its wednesday ask him is he looking foward to the coming weekend, if its any other day your screwed, and stuff like that and everytime he comes into the office he will start talking to you if he likes you, and then you build up a repertoire(where did i pull that word from) with the guy.

its strange being back single, I have no problem getting chatting and having a laugh with girls on nights out its just finding the right one, it was like the celtic tiger: there was lots of jobs out there but it was all about finding the right one

There's nothing wrong with shoving biscuits in your mouth, if their jaffa cakes he might find that a turn on

Sgt Pepper 64

STOP LOOKING!
Its only been 3 months. I can see how it must be hard to adjust after 8 years, but give yourself some space.
You are sooo young and yet you sound sooo desperate!
Learn to be happy with yourself. You have great friends, great family.
A partner is not a necessity, but a happy coinscidence.
Yes sex and intimacy are nice, but they are not the be all and end all.
You really shouldnt be sitting there wishing and wishing for a fella.
Blokes will sense that and either run a mile or take advantage of it.
Just relax, enjoy yourself, enjoy the positive aspects of being single, like going where you like, when you like, with who you like.
Travel, explore, do some charity work, learn a language.
You have an opportunity right now to change career, find something you really enjoy, possibly move to another country if you want to - no ties.
There must have been times when you thought, I'd like to do so and so, but couldnt because of having a fella?
Set yourself up for the future and the love life will sort itself out.
And if it doesnt, so what.

And I dont think many fellas go to cooking classes!

Best of luck

Miss Fluff

Your self-esteem has obviously taken a massive knock. I don't think going on the hunt for a relationship so soon after such a long relationship is such a wise idea. You don't need another partner to validate you as a human being and reaffirm your attractiveness which is what you seem to be looking for after being cheated on and made feel awful.

Why don't you take some time out and have some fun without going out desperately looking for a replacement bf? Spend some time with good friends and family, take up new interests and work on rebuilding yourself. Nothing is more attractive than a person who is happy in their own skin and regardless of how "over it" you claim to be, a little bit of time letting your hair down and having no ties may be just the thing you need right now.

LighterGuy

Op,
you wanting someone so bad could be a side-effect to how your relationship ended (fact he cheated with this girl and presumably still with her)

These can cause feelings of wanting to move on faster than what you really are ready for. Think when a person breaks up - most go out and sleep around. Its that knock on effect.

So ask yourself if you really are ready to have another relationship - or just wanting to sleep around?

kjl

yeah, its been 3 months, come back when you are at it a year.

barackbinladen

I have some advice Look me up! We are very similar.;)

MOD'S? YOU CAN'T BLAME A GUY FOR TRYING!

gugleguy

@ Contessa Raven

erm,

"friends, colleagues and hobbies."

friends: all taken
collegues where I work : all taken, my fella collegues are looking for ladies as well, so they are competing with me
hobbies: my hobbies are Radio Control Toys, Irish Model Railways ..("Old Fashioned" ) PC Games (Mentioning this can be a straight "turnoff" to a lady)

Ickle Magoo

barackbinladen infracted.

Please keep all replies on topic and helpful to the OP.
Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

Contessa Raven

gugleguy wrote: »

@ Contessa Raven

erm,

"friends, colleagues and hobbies."

friends: all taken
collegues where I work : all taken, my fella collegues are looking for ladies as well, so they are competing with me
hobbies: my hobbies are Radio Control Toys, Irish Model Railways ..("Old Fashioned" ) PC Games (Mentioning this can be a straight "turnoff" to a lady)

Well different strokes for different folks. That was just how I met people. When I said friends I meant meeting people through friends of your existing friends.

I've never met anyone randomly and hit it off with them. I have been chatted up a couple of times in a club but once it was known I wasn't interested in a ONS they lost interest pretty quickly. That's why I don't think clubs are a great way to meet someone to have a LTR with.

Maybe if you don't meet people through your existing hobbies maybe take up a new one that has an even amount of men/women. You may meet a woman there or befriend a guy who has female friends!

Thora

I know it's a cliche but you just have to get used to being alone for the time being, spend your time getting to know yourself again. As tortureous as it is guys can smell 'needy' from a mile away and you might not be needy but just crave the company, if that be the case, get a dog, as they say men have all the characteristics of a dog, all except loyalty.

You deserve so much freaking better from the 8 year ****head and hold out for the next man who truly deserves your love and affection. The best revenge is living well, go watch all the boxsets youve ever wanted to and get a giant poster of Mark Ruffalo for your bedroom wall.

The thing that always helped me was when i heard that the heart wasnt a bone, it couldnt be broken, it's just squeezed to within an inch of its life. Keep

seenitall

Thora wrote: »

Mark Ruffalo for your bedroom

YES!!!

Joking aside, OP, 3 months out of an 8 year relationship is no time at all. I agree with the poster who said that, whatever you may think, you are most probably not emotionally ready for another relationship just yet - the word "rebound" exists for a good reason.

Take time to heal, get comfortable with yourself and by yourself, and of course get back in touch with that single woman who knows how to have fun, inside you.

The best thing that you can do for yourself is give yourself time, really. "Whereishe" sounds so unhealthy, and it really shouldn't be like this, you have everything going for you. Where is He? He is wherever (and whenever) you stumble upon Him in life, and where He isn't is any location or time that anyone on here can point you to with any confidence. Life doesn't work that way.

Best wishes!

ergo

To OP

you're only 3 months out of an 8 year relationship

If I was the perfect guy for you and likewise we were the perfect match etc, well, I wouldn't want to meet you when you are at this point, just 3 months out....you're still getting over a break-up...it would be rebound territory

I'm not saying don't meet any guys, just don't go seeking out The One and expect or even want to find him straight away, it would probably be too soon for a healthy relationship to develop.

Go out, enjoy your self, sure ask this guy in work out or whatever, don't go looking or expecting The One at this stage, just go with the flow, it's not easy but it'll get easier, time is the key

Penny Dreadful

Hi OP First off I'd like to say I'm sorry for the way you are feeling right now, it really and truly sucks.............that said it will get better. I've been there and got the t-shirt.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 years a year ago. Things had been bad for a long time but after that amount of time together its hard to make that final break. I went through a lot of emotions afterward, relief at that situation being over and done with, I was hyper for a while, got really sad at what I saw as a waste of ten years, thought I threw away any chance at happiness with someone else, was convinced that I'd never meet anyone else and have the chance at another relationship, family, etc etc.

In the end I took the advice from my family, got counselling and realised that I was perfectly fine by myself right then and allowed myself a chance to realign my single self with life. Then (as always seems to happen) when I was least expecting it I met a really great guy (at work by the way;) that I'd never thought about that way before) who asked me out, I had no reason to say no to the date, off we went for dinner and 4 (start of our 5th today) months later things are going so well I can hardly believe it.

My advice to you, is to give yourself a chance. You've been through a lot and that takes time to deal with and when you're ready, really ready, get out there again.

winchesterj54

hey there im kinda new to this whole boards thing
but i cant see where your going wrong....
maybe all the intresting people in ireland are just taken by now....
i find it really tough to find a nice girl around where i live....
but then again im just a really shy kinda guy..
i can never bring myself to ask a cute girl out it's a curse.
but i hope you find someone nice and right for you someday..

outdoorsygirl

Stacksey wrote: »

The next times he's in the office go and make small talk with him, if its a monday ask him "did he have a good weekend", if its wednesday ask him is he looking foward to the coming weekend, if its any other day your screwed, and stuff like that and everytime he comes into the office he will start talking to you if he likes you, and then you build up a repertoire(where did i pull that word from) with the guy.

outdoorsygirl

My best friend has been single for the past five years, and she can't meet any guys.
I feel really sorry and sympathetic for her because she is a lovely person and has the qualities I believe are intrinsic in a solid relationship.
However, she frets at the lack of opportunities for going out and meeting guys.
She has tried the pub/club scene, walking clubs, cookery classes, evening classes, rugby club. She has dated guys but nothing ever happens.
She recently started retreating into herself for example not going out, not interested in having meals with the girls.
Her reason was understandable. She is fed up with the social scene here which amounts to a pub scene.
She hasn't been on a holiday for three years. Two of our gf's married in the meantime. She doesn't have anymore 'single' gfs.
I feel at a loss to know what to do to help her.
And I sometimes feel guilty when I am going out with my bf knowing she has nobody to go out with.
She is from the country and living in her own home in Dublin.
I really do sometimes worry about her.

Ickle Magoo

Please keep replies relevant to the OP, if anyone else has an issue or knows someone with an issue, please start your own thread rather than dragging off-topic or hijacking this one.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.
Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

Stacksey

outdoorsygirl wrote: »

Stacksey wrote: »

The next times he's in the office go and make small talk with him, if its a monday ask him "did he have a good weekend", if its wednesday ask him is he looking foward to the coming weekend, if its any other day your screwed, and stuff like that and everytime he comes into the office he will start talking to you if he likes you, and then you build up a repertoire(where did i pull that word from) with the guy.

Thanks for that, i knew something wasnt right with that phrase, ill know in future

weatherguy

A lot of luck is attached to us meeting the right person. Age also has something to do with it.
The older we get, the more settled we become and the less 'single' friends we have.
Therefore, it is more difficult for an older person in his 40s to meet a lady.
When you are in your 20s most of your friends are still single or are dating but are not married.
If I got a euro for everytime I have this discussion with my married friends I'd be a millionaire sailing around the Med!!!
Anyway, all I would say is to get on with your own life. Take up new interests/hobbies. It might mean joining the local sailing club and learning the art of 'crewing'; joining a walking club and heading out on a Sunday morning with a group of strangers who you will gradually get to know; taking up horse riding and learning to ride at weekends; maybe just going for a coffee and sitting watching the world go by of a Saturday midday.
I've tried all of the above and, unfortunately, never met any girl.
I didn't come across as being desperate or in search of Ms. Right!!
In terms of sailing, the crew was 90% male and the two girls were in relationships; in terms of the walking club, the average age was late 50s/60s; in terms of the horse riding most were younger in their 20s and early 30s.
So, I know how difficult it can be. I think you just need to put things in perspective and get on with your life.
A word of advice though. Don't allow your married friends to use you. Don't be readily available to them if they want to go out with you because they want a break from the hubby and kids.
Set your own standards.
If they ask you to go out on a Friday evening, tell them it doesn't suit and suggest the following Friday. Make them put themselves out to meet you.
From experience I find my friends tended to take me for granted. They would all organise a night out and I'd be the last one to get the call about it as I was single and they considered I would be free and doing nothing.
After a few times when I wasn't available on their specified nights, they realised they'd have to call and ask me what night would suit ME to meet THEM!
It's called self respect. I've gradually moved on from those people, all guys by the way, and have met some new friends. I still do the horse riding and walking myself.
I'm going to watch Ireland v South AFrica and Ireland v New Zealand in the rugby next week and the subsequent week. I've arranged to meet a few of my 'new' mates. And funnily and ironically an 'old' mate rang me yesterday asking if I was going to the game on Saturday and, if so, where would we meet beforehand for a few drinks. He even said the other 'old' mates were coming in to town after the game to meet up for a few bevvies.
I informed him Iwas going to the game alright, but with a few other guys. So, I wouldn't be available prior to or after the match for a drink with him and my older mates.
He was quite surprised. But hey, if he and the others can only meet me on days of international rugby matches, because these are the only times they can be bothered meeting me, then I am well shut of them as friends.
Sorry for the rant.
Chin up. Believe in yourself.