Feeling alone all the time

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this for obvious reasons.
I've recently moved across the country for my better half, we both moved. I work odd hours and have most of the days in our house alone. My SO knows a lot more people here than I do. And I'm finding it hard to deal with. I know I'll be told to get out and meet people, join clubs etc but for many reasons my cash flow doesn't allow for this. I love my SO but I feel like everything we do on a social level is with their friends, since I don't have any here I can't really change that. I suggested recently going to a group meeting, an interest of mine. My hours changed in work and I found I couldn't make it due to actually falling asleep...I found out that their friends had organised it and I feel like my going now would be a waste of time as we'd only be spending time with more of my SO friends. When the whole point was to give me (and us) chance to meet new people who I wouldn't feel are "just their friends"

Am I being selfish to want friends that are mine too? I'm told that the friends we have here are mine too but I believe that if they felt like that every now and again they'd arrange to meet up when they know I'm off and alone. Real friends to me keep in touch these people don't.

I guess I just want to know am I being really silly and really shy. And how do I explain this to my SO so that they understand that I need my own friends and we need some that don't feel like they are my SO's only.

magneticimpulse

what does SO stand for? sorry im not familar with this abbreviation

SheRa

SO=Significant other (their partner).

cheesey1

Lonliness Personified wrote: »

Am I being selfish to want friends that are mine too? I'm told that the friends we have here are mine too but I believe that if they felt like that every now and again they'd arrange to meet up when they know I'm off and alone. Real friends to me keep in touch these people don't.

No you are not being selfish wanting friends but do you ever contact these people when you are off to see if they want to meet? Maybe they don't know you are off work?

LegacyUser

yes I they certainly know I'm off as they keep asking me how I fill my days...Which in itself I find to be rude and slightly insulting that they'd keep asking me and still never think that when they arrange to do something to include me unless my SO is around as well.
Talking to my SO is something I've tried but they don't seem to understand. And half the time I'm even sure I do. I get along well with these people and try to include them as well as ensure that my SO sees them as often as possible often putting me out to do so. Just feel like I'm a spare part at times here

LegacyUser

Confused! You both moved, yeah? So has your other half made friends quicker than you, or are they his 'old' friends?

Reason I ask that is that while I'd be friendly with the other halves of friend of mine, I honestly wouldn't contact them directly to arrange stuff unless I really saw them a lot. And realistically, I'd only do this with the ones that I clicked with.

I got the impression though that you had both moved to a new area, in which case maybe no-one knew you beforehand, and if you keep meeting people as a couple, then they view as a couple - as opposed to you meeting people independently and making your own friends.

I'd defo say try and find a common point of interest with people who are friends-of-you-the-couple; but also do whatever you can to cultivate independent interests and friends.