Wedding presents

BOSDUB

Going to a wedding and wondering how much should I give as a present, am going on my own. Whats the going rate. It will be a very posh wedding and is costing me a bit already.

tattykitty

I would say just to give what you can afford. I personally hate the fact that a certain amount is "expected" - it creates unnecessary pressure. Are you close to the bride/groom? if so, you could ask them if there's anything they'd like or need? These days most people have the coffee pots and toasters, so you may be as well with an All 4 One gift voucher or a cheque. Or how about a gift voucher for a restaurant? I've done that before - gives the couple something nice to do when they're back from the honeymoon and skint.

If they're rational people, they should be happy enough that you're attending their special day, and treat a gift as a bonus (though I'm aware that rationale can go out the window where weddings are concerned).

ConnectDJs

tattykitty wrote: »

Or how about a gift voucher for a restaurant? I've done that before - gives the couple something nice to do when they're back from the honeymoon and skint.

I think that's a great gift to buy, I've done this a few times in recent years.

tinkerbell

What can you afford to give? Forget that it is "posh", that's nothing to do with you. Just because the bride and groom decide to have a big lavish ceremony, doesn't mean you should have to pay for it. If you can afford €50, give €50. There is a recession on and a big-ass budget with a capital B coming up so I am sure people are gonna be aware that you can't just fork out loads of money on weddings anymore.

DM addict

I hate that people ask for cash for a wedding. If I were you, I'd give a gift voucher. I know that times are tough for a new couple , but still. I find the whole asking for cash thing greedy, especially from your contemporaries. If you've a few rich relatives who want to help set you up, great. but otherwise a lot of us are in the same boat, just choosing not to splash out on an epic wedding.

dollybird2

I got married recently and the majority of single guests gave 100/euro. However, we received very few presents and I would have loved presents to keep and remember the day by so perhaps consider this?
Slightly OT my favourite gift was the Yankee wedding candle, smells fab and isn't expensive. Received this with a canvas photo of the two of us on a night out. So personal and lovely.

5cutch

Honest answer - going rate's about a hundred a head. (I normally go to weddings in the west.)
If you want to make sure you're covering your food there's no harm calling the wedding coordinator or checking online to see what they normally charge per plate.
I don't see anything wrong in asking for cash; you're unlikely to encounter a couple who need pots and pans in this day and age and it is my sincere hope that I don't get 250 photo frames when I get married.
I know of couples who factor in expected gifts, normally cautiously, when budgeting for their wedding.
If you do go for a gift voucher bear in mind that companies are closing at a fairly alarming rate, make sure it's got staying power.

Einstein

DM addict wrote: »

I hate that people ask for cash for a wedding. If I were you, I'd give a gift voucher. I know that times are tough for a new couple , but still. I find the whole asking for cash thing greedy...

See if you feel the same when you have a fully furnished house/apt and have no need for 8 lamps, a rug too big for anywhere, 3 sets of cutlery, a painting of a horse and a partridge in a pear tree.

Most people that get married would prefer the cash, or else something that's on a wedding list. Personal touches from close friends and family is obviously great.

It stumps me how people ask if you have a list, then deceide they didn't like what you had on your list, and buy something that's essentially useless.

Like mentioned above, if you can afford €50, give €50. If they have a list, get them something from that, or donate something towards a particular item that's on the list.

We had nothing flash or expansive on ours, because we too got married when things were tight for everyone. But we had a coupe of things that we did need on it, and without sounding greedy or ungrateful, we got more useless things that will stay in a box for as long as I can see because we just don't need them.

I used to think wedding lists were greedy, but I've been converted. Great idea!

snuggles09

5cutch wrote: »

Honest answer - going rate's about a hundred a head. (I normally go to weddings in the west.)
If you want to make sure you're covering your food there's no harm calling the wedding coordinator or checking online to see what they normally charge per plate.
I don't see anything wrong in asking for cash; you're unlikely to encounter a couple who need pots and pans in this day and age and it is my sincere hope that I don't get 250 photo frames when I get married.
I know of couples who factor in expected gifts, normally cautiously, when budgeting for their wedding.
If you do go for a gift voucher bear in mind that companies are closing at a fairly alarming rate, make sure it's got staying power.

Why would you need to cover the cost of your food? I see where your going alright but as a guest it's not up to you to pay for your own food..If they decide to go with a 30 euro option or a 100 euro option for a plate of dinner thats not the guests responsibility to pay for..itst he bride and groom, they chose it ask guests along to celebrate their day..if they can't afford it they shouldnt expect guests to cover it

not having a go..just saying is all..not having a rant just having a matter of fact moment:):)

D3PO

5cutch wrote: »

I know of couples who factor in expected gifts, normally cautiously, when budgeting for their wedding.
.

Thats a rediculous thing to do. What if you dont get what your expecting ? People should only spend what they can afford on their wedding.

The wedding is supposed to be about a life long commitment to the person you love. Any gifts you get are a nice bonus but I dont think anybody getting married should expect anything much less adding it into their budget !!

We dont expect anything when we are getting married, anything we do get will be great but Im just happy to be able celebrate the day with family, friends and close work collegues.

I wont be annoyed with a guest that I didnt get the "going rate" from them.

OP give what you can afford, any rational person will be just happy for you to celebrate their day with them.

problemchimp

cover the cost of your meal (about 50 euro) plus 30euro min.

5cutch

snuggles09 wrote: »

Why would you need to cover the cost of your food? ...

not having a go..just saying is all..not having a rant just having a matter of fact moment:):)

I agree! That said I've met people who've asked the bride how much dinner costs and planned their gift accordingly. It's a concern for some people, I was just suggesting an alternative way to get the details.

5cutch

D3PO wrote: »

Thats a rediculous thing to do. What if you dont get what your expecting ? People should only spend what they can afford on their wedding.

The wedding is supposed to be about a life long commitment to the person you love. Any gifts you get are a nice bonus but I dont think anybody getting married should expect anything much less adding it into their budget !!

Agreed on the first statement, on the second though, it's not unreasonable to expect gifts on your wedding day.

magneticimpulse

problemchimp wrote: »

cover the cost of your meal (about 50 euro) plus 30euro min.

thats a hell of alot for one person. im on the dole and most of my family are now unemployed. we have all refused to attend weddings now because none of us can afford to give €80 each. As it is im living on rice and sweet corn as ive not enough money to pay for rent.

Its the couples fault if they get a meal thats 50 quid!!! They should just get a buffet meal. That way they wont piss their guests off.

I think 50 quid maximum....come on...some of us are skint

D3PO

5cutch wrote: »

Agreed on the first statement, on the second though, it's not unreasonable to expect gifts on your wedding day.

Its not unreasonable to expect a gift but it is unreasonable if you expect a gift of a certain value, cue OP wondering what they are expected to pay.

DM addict

Einstein wrote: »

See if you feel the same when you have a fully furnished house/apt and have no need for 8 lamps, a rug too big for anywhere, 3 sets of cutlery, a painting of a horse and a partridge in a pear tree.

Most people that get married would prefer the cash, or else something that's on a wedding list. Personal touches from close friends and family is obviously great.

It stumps me how people ask if you have a list, then deceide they didn't like what you had on your list, and buy something that's essentially useless.

Like mentioned above, if you can afford €50, give €50. If they have a list, get them something from that, or donate something towards a particular item that's on the list.

We had nothing flash or expansive on ours, because we too got married when things were tight for everyone. But we had a coupe of things that we did need on it, and without sounding greedy or ungrateful, we got more useless things that will stay in a box for as long as I can see because we just don't need them.

I used to think wedding lists were greedy, but I've been converted. Great idea!

I don't object to the idea of wedding lists at all - I believe it makes a lot of sense for people to ask for what they need. But are people really only going to need cash (i.e. to pay bills/rent??) If people want to be able to save up for something specific, then maybe ask for donations to the "decorate the baby's room" fund, or ask for a voucher for B&Q.

5cutch

D3PO wrote: »

Its not unreasonable to expect a gift but it is unreasonable if you expect a gift of a certain value, cue OP wondering what they are expected to pay.

True, that'd be called an entrance fee I never suggested that.

The OP asked for some ideas to help decide on the size of a wedding gift. I gave a few metrics, and said that I feel cash is more useful than a few hundred photo frames. This seems to have annoyed people

snuggles09

most people will know to give cash and if they dont then be grateful for what you get is my motto

these poems people send asking for "money so we can enjoy our moon of honey" and telling guests "not to be thrifty and give us at least 50" drive me insane..i can feel the blood boiling just thinking about it

krankykitty

snuggles09 wrote: »

telling guests "not to be thrifty and give us at least 50"

Seriously? :eek:

magentas

seriously OP, just give what you can afford.
I'm sure they'll appreciate whatever you give them:)

magentas

dollybird2 wrote: »

I got married recently and the majority of single guests gave 100/euro. However, we received very few presents and I would have loved presents to keep and remember the day by so perhaps consider this?
Slightly OT my favourite gift was the Yankee wedding candle, smells fab and isn't expensive. Received this with a canvas photo of the two of us on a night out. So personal and lovely.

Congrats dollybird2!

I love the idea of giving a canvas photo of the two of them, that's so cool!

xalot

snuggles09 wrote: »

these poems people send asking for "money so we can enjoy our moon of honey" and telling guests "not to be thrifty and give us at least 50" drive me insane..i can feel the blood boiling just thinking about it

Thats awful, have never seen that, dont think I'd go to the wedding of someone who would put that in an invitation. Horrible.

snuggles09

xalot wrote: »

Thats awful, have never seen that, dont think I'd go to the wedding of someone who would put that in an invitation. Horrible.

the exact wording on it..needless to say we didn't go to that wedding

they may as well have saved a few braincells and said "we're heading off on this ridiculously overpriced honeymoon we can't afford as the wedding will have left us broke so make sure you give us at least 50 quid so that we can afford to pay for said honeymoon":rolleyes:

peeweegirl

I know the going rate in my workplace is €100 for single person, €150 for a couple.
I know its a lot, especially at the mo when people are so skint.
Personally, Id prefer not to go to the wedding when Im broke than scab out on the present! But thats just me.
A best friend of mine got married recently & I helped with thank you cards so saw what most people gave & the scabbiest people seemed to be the ones you'd think have money!!

peeweegirl

snuggles09 wrote: »

these poems people send asking for "money so we can enjoy our moon of honey" and telling guests "not to be thrifty and give us at least 50" drive me insane..i can feel the blood boiling just thinking about it

Oh my God, that is absolutely awful! If I got that on my invite Id send back the RSVP with a big fat NO! :mad:

amdublin

5cutch wrote: »

If you want to make sure you're covering your food there's no harm calling the wedding coordinator or checking online to see what they normally charge per plate.

problemchimp wrote: »

cover the cost of your meal (about 50 euro) plus 30euro min.

Why do you have to pay for your food

Like if you throw a party do you charge your guests for the food? No, you just buy the food yourself.

OP just give what you can afford. I assume the b&g invited you for your presence not your presents! (Although you would wonder about this judging by some of the replies you get here when this topic comes up for discussion :rolleyes:)

magneticimpulse

peeweegirl wrote: »

I know the going rate in my workplace is €100 for single person, €150 for a couple.
I know its a lot, especially at the mo when people are so skint.
Personally, Id prefer not to go to the wedding when Im broke than scab out on the present! But thats just me.
A best friend of mine got married recently & I helped with thank you cards so saw what most people gave & the scabbiest people seemed to be the ones you'd think have money!!

What a load of b*ll*ck!!! Single people being screwed over my ass!!! A half couple pays 75 euro each whereas a single person 100 each?? You dont happen to work for the tax office do you?? Never heard the likes in my life.

Ireland is bankrupt!!! I wont be giving any gifts to any weddings im going to in the future...money or anything!!!

Acoshla

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Ireland is bankrupt!!! I wont be giving any gifts to any weddings im going to in the future...money or anything!!!

In about 5 threads in about 10 mins you've harped on about the country being bankrupt, each OP asked for advice on their wedding not the state of the economy, you don't know how much money they have, they could have plenty of money, enough to flitter it to their heart's content on one day if they so choose, this is the Wedding forum, they are looking for Wedding advice (funnily enough) magneticimpulse's take on economic affairs.

no1girliegirl

Give what you can afford, if you are already spending money on going to the wedding, clothes, hotel etc then you may not be able to afford anything and that's fine, don't be worrying that its a "posh do", the richest people at or wedding gave us nothing and thats fine we wanted them there and didnt expect a gift.

People should only invite people they can afford and nobody should expect anything from anyone.

Whispered

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Ireland is bankrupt!!! I wont be giving any gifts to any weddings im going to in the future...money or anything!!!

To use the recession as an excuse against people you're supposed to care about is shocking. A small token could cost you €10 and mean a lot.

We got married just over a month ago - and people were very generous. To the point I was in tears when opening gifts and envelopes. Peoples generosity really touched us. But the gifts we got are the ones we still have - the candle holder, the picture frame, the smelly candles, a bible. They mean a lot to us because we got them for our wedding and they hold memories for us.

The day before we went on honeymoon we called into a shop in Dublin and were given a sample of soap, which became our "honeymoon" smell. After coming home we were talking about the honeymoon and I mentioned how silly it is that a certain soap reminds us of it so vividly. A few days later, we got a box of the soap and shower gel, from a friend who had not been able to afford a gift for us!! It was so thoughtfull and will remind us of our day and the honeymoon for ages!

OP you don't need to spend a lot at all. It really and truly is the thought that counts. Please don't feel pressure to cover the cost of your meal. Nobody expects that (and if they do they shouldn't!). Be there for the couple and enjoy the day. Give what you can afford or better yet, get a thoughtful gift which will remind them of the day and your friendship.

tinkerbell

Aw Whispered, the soap gift was so kind and thoughtful! It really is presents like that that make you feel all gooey and happy inside