unsure

LegacyUser

i have been seeing a pretty nice guy for a short while. When we met first i thought he was a little cocky and superior but that calmed down. He was out last night with his friends and sent me a message saying that he's too good for me and i needed to accept that for a relationship to progress and lifes a b!tch. Now he says it was a joke but i think it was too far. He's annoyed at me for being annoyed. What do do from here?

leahyl

unsureofquestion wrote: »

i have been seeing a pretty nice guy for a short while. When we met first i thought he was a little cocky and superior but that calmed down. He was out last night with his friends and sent me a message saying that he's too good for me and i needed to accept that for a relationship to progress and lifes a b!tch. Now he says it was a joke but i think it was too far. He's annoyed at me for being annoyed. What do do from here?

Dump him! Seriously anyone who thinks like that isn't worthy of your time! He thinks he's too GOOD for you?!! Surely that should be enough for you to show him the door!

ongarboy

I think you are justified to be annoyed. We all say/text things we regret with a few too many on us but there is something below the belt about what he said in that message that is not just drink talk. I would throw it back at him and say.... "Imagine I was out with the girls last night and I texted you at home to say - "looking around at all the good looking guys in the club here, I realise how ugly and sexually unattractive you are. But hey, Life's a bitch" ...

Would he take that as a joke?? I suspect not. Hopefully, he'd see your side when you put the comparison back to him, apologise and you both can move on from it.

munstergirl

I would delete his number + have nothing more to do with him.

seamus

If you decide to continue with him, I can guarantee that your time spent together will be a series of passive-aggressive put downs followed by cuddles and "ah sure relax, I'm only messing".

My suspicion would be that his cockiness is just a front and underneath he's very insecure. He probably does the same to his mates - takes the piss out of anyone who dares to get above their station and then says he's only joking.

Delete his number, don't respond to his texts, enjoy your life.

leahyl

OP i feel very strongly about this and think you should get rid of him asap! I also find it incredible that you refer to him as a 'pretty nice guy' - a guy of that description would not come out with such a hurtful idiotic statement such as what he said.

Ultimately it's up to you but you don't deserve this kind of treatment

I am a friend

Oh God yea - get rid. He has obviously thought about it for long enough to put in down in a text and send it to you. Even though he was probably only half serious, he still sent it and its obnoxious... Onwards and upwards to someoen who is not a bully and worseover an infantile child.

I would say this is not the guy for you. There is 2 possibilities here:

1) He meant it, and if he did then he is not a nice person and you do not want to be with him as this will only continue and hurt you.

2) He did mean it as a joke, in which case he has a seriously messed up sense of humour. Remember there are many things that make us compatible with our chosen partner and a compatible sense of humour is one of those things. It appears what you and he consider humour are worlds apart and I would suggest you are not compatible on this point and he will only continue and hurt you.

Either way all I can see is a world of hurt, regardless of how he meant it, and I see nothing from what I have read THIS far on which to advise you continuing with the relationship.

LegacyUser

Hi op,

your post sounded so familiar..

my now ex boyf told me one night with a few drinks that he didn't have to make as much effort as friends boyf's .. i .e go to organised occasions.. etc.. as wait for it.. he was better than me.. he said if he say was less good looking than me or something and used one my friends boyfs as an example then he's have to pull out all the stops..

i was shocked and his own friend sitting there was shocked too..
next day he said oh it was a joke.. chill etc..

tried to get out of it by saying we were more equal in the looks stakes.. immaturity yes!!!

but deep down i knew he believed it which in time just made me feel inferior!!

fast forward we broke up good while after when he cheated on me..!!!
so my advice .. Dump him .. you'll end up believing hes better than you.. not true..


know this is easier said than done.. i buried head in sand bout this and other issues..

best of luck chick .. hope all works out

chainsaws

Hi OP

Reminds me of a sketch on the Fast Show years ago when a guy comes into a doctor's office and the doc tells him he's dying of cancer and then tells him he's only joking and then tells he actually really is dying of cancer but then tells him he's only joking etc.

He obviously is playing a game.
By messing with your head he wants to keep you on your toes, afraid and under his thumb.

You should tell him to knock it off or he's gone.

If he doesn't take you serious just dump him right away and don't give him a second chance.

tenchi-fan

unsureofquestion wrote: »

i have been seeing a pretty nice guy for a short while. When we met first i thought he was a little cocky and superior(1) but that calmed down(2). He was out last night with his friends and sent me a message saying that he's too good for me and i needed to accept that for a relationship to progress and lifes a b!tch(3). Now he says it was a joke(4) but i think it was too far. He's annoyed at me for being annoyed(5). What do do from here?(6)

(1) Aggression
(2) weren't you grateful he stopped acting aggressively? He threw you a bone and gave you hope that he had changed
(3) Then his aggression reappears
(4) It trivialises his aggressive behavior
(5) plays the victim and makes you walk on eggshells and feel guilty

I urge you to buy and read this short book. (I have no personal interest): In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People [Paperback]
George K., Jr. Simon

It really helped me to judge people by their actions only and not make excuses for them (like, maybe they're insecure. maybe it was just a misunderstanding, maybe i did annoy them). It will help you to understand manipulative people and how to guard against them. However, as you are not married or related to this man (6) My advice is to dump him. He's not worth investing time or effort in.

magneticimpulse

unsureofquestion wrote: »

i have been seeing a pretty nice guy for a short while. When we met first i thought he was a little cocky and superior but that calmed down. He was out last night with his friends and sent me a message saying that he's too good for me and i needed to accept that for a relationship to progress and lifes a b!tch. Now he says it was a joke but i think it was too far. He's annoyed at me for being annoyed. What do do from here?

go with your gut feeling. people usually show their true colours at the beginning of a relationship and if your gut feeling tells you he is cocky and superior...go with that, because when it comes back to hit you in the face you will regret not listening to yourself.

anybody who says "he's too good for you", should be shown the door. its up there with "oh i admire you for not sleeping with me on the 1st date" statements.

these statements show he has a low opinion of you and the type of guy who will destroy your confidence. if it was me id be telling him, sorry but im too good for you, and goodbye

LighterGuy

Dump him.
I could list as to why. But I would just be repeating the same above.


I have to repeat one thing tho (as magneticimpulse said) it is important to look at how a person acts at the start of any relationship. It is always foolish to ignore aspects they have that you dont like thinking they wont always be like that. Common sense and gut instincts can generally save a whole lotta pain.

shortys

hes not worth. believe me, this is coming from a guy. lads in some situations think that there the bees knees, and on a night out with the lads on the piss, they try to impress there mates by doing this stuff, and its not even impressive, its stupid. personally, id leave him and if you do like him and he likes you he might realise it before its too late

LegacyUser

I went out with a guy once. Chatting to him on the phone one day, we were talking about how he met my sister just a few days earlier. A friend of his was with him while he was chatting with me and while I was still on the phone, he said to his friend 'Yeah, X's sister has great jugs'.
I left the phone down. He texted and rang me, telling me 'I was only yanking your chain'. Best decision I ever made was to ignore his calls and texts. If I had stayed with him, I would've been giving him the signal that it's alright to treat me badly; that it's alright to compare me with not only other women, but my sister of all people; that it's alright to speak to me like that because I have such low self esteem; that I'll accept blatant put downs because I'm desperate to be with someone.
People like your boyfriend prey on people who are unsure of themselves. They have such so low esteem of themselves, they're delighted when someone else with low self esteem comes along. It makes them feel better to give someone else a taste of the uncertainty and unhappiness they're experiencing every day.
The best thing you can do is leave your boyfriend to his uncertainty and unhappiness. Don't let him drag you down with him. I'm with a guy now who treats me with the utmost of respect because 1. he is a respectful guy and 2. I demand it. Comparing this guy to 'jugs' guy is like comparing a fabulous holiday in a five star hotel in Mauritius with a weekend at Mosney.
OP, your happiness awaits, but not with the guy you're with at the moment.

Moomoo1

unregistered wrote: »

I went out with a guy once. Chatting to him on the phone one day, we were talking about how he met my sister just a few days earlier. A friend of his was with him while he was chatting with me and while I was still on the phone, he said to his friend 'Yeah, X's sister has great jugs'.
I left the phone down. He texted and rang me, telling me 'I was only yanking your chain'. Best decision I ever made was to ignore his calls and texts. If I had stayed with him, I would've been giving him the signal that it's alright to treat me badly; that it's alright to compare me with not only other women, but my sister of all people; that it's alright to speak to me like that because I have such low self esteem; that I'll accept blatant put downs because I'm desperate to be with someone.
People like your boyfriend prey on people who are unsure of themselves. They have such so low esteem of themselves, they're delighted when someone else with low self esteem comes along. It makes them feel better to give someone else a taste of the uncertainty and unhappiness they're experiencing every day.
The best thing you can do is leave your boyfriend to his uncertainty and unhappiness. Don't let him drag you down with him. I'm with a guy now who treats me with the utmost of respect because 1. he is a respectful guy and 2. I demand it. Comparing this guy to 'jugs' guy is like comparing a fabulous holiday in a five star hotel in Mauritius with a weekend at Mosney.
OP, your happiness awaits, but not with the guy you're with at the moment.

you sound a bit naive. The only difference between that ex and your current guy is that the ex got caught. You might think otherwise, but it's amazing what change comes over men when women leave the room. Women of course in 90% of cases never ever realise this.

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

you sound a bit naive. The only difference between that ex and your current guy is that the ex got caught. You might think otherwise, but it's amazing what change comes over men when women leave the room. Women of course in 90% of cases never ever realise this.

I'm not naive. On the other hand though, you sound bitter

Ickle Magoo

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP.
Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.
Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

curlzy

Hey OP,

I was with a guy like that for a week or so, he started that **** and he was quickly shown the door, best thing I ever did. Anywho, contrary to what moomoo1 thinks men aren't all assholes, they're the exception IMO. My current OH wouldn't ever say anything so hurtful to me, you know why? coz he's a strong confident man that doesn't need to keep his girlfriend walking on eggshells. Get smart, get rid.

Best of luck.