Best friend turned out to be my worst enemy

LegacyUser

Hi Boardsies, I am going unregged for this one. Recently found out that a good friend of mine (I have known him for nearly a decade) has been spreading malicious rumours about me for over the last year. All of what he has been saying came to light last weekend when I was out with him and a couple of mates. Basically, there was an argument over his behaviour one of the nights and he started acting all “alpha male” around me when I stood up for myself and spent most of the night staring at me menacingly. He also kept butting in with fairly scathing remarks about me when I was talking to a girl I met while out and was making me out to her to be a liar and a bit odd. Later when he was fairly sloshed he decided “to put me in my place…”, his words not mine and revealed along with the confirmation from another person that he has been making everyone aware of "how much of a b*stard I really am". I now know that he was one of the key players in breaking me and a girl I was really in love with nearly a year ago, all because he felt like I had stolen her from him and always made myself out to be better then everyone throughout college and in the job I work in (again, his words not mine). Tbh, he was very vicious verbally and he went into details about my past (which are painful to me and I really never discuss with anyone) but added a very malicious twist to all that he said. I have found out that he has been making me out to be some kind of mental case because I had to go to a counsellor during college because of depression (over my mam passing away). I will admit that I became a lot quieter during and since college and gave up the drink but I never behaved in the way he made me out to be behaving. I know I can’t be friends with him anymore (that much is obvious) but I don’t know how I can fix the damage that he has caused to my reputation and to how others see me. I also can't get to terms with why he did this for so long if he actually hated me this much... I just feel so hurt and confused by all of this because there was no reason for it at all let alone over such a long period...

Sorry if I have been vague at any point during this rant and I will clarify any points if needed.

Thanks for listening.

Dean820

Hmm...either he has a point to be angry at you or he is mentally ill. Something tells me you've done something to piss him off. Or it could be a case of him being jealous. I dunno, what do you think yourself?

Move on anyway, he doesn't sound like a friend to me.

LegacyUser

Don't worry, the only person his bad-mouthing will have reflected badly on is HIM. Not you. The people he's been talking to probably don't know what to take as fact& what to take as fiction (bitterness& personal vendettas tend to shine through!). Cut contact& hold your head up high. Your actions will speak louder than words.

VinnyTGM

Its hard to say why he has been acting this way, but one thing is clear, he's not your friend.

Joey the lips

Everyone is most likely going to tell you not to worry about him... Seriously...Dont worry. People will listen to him but they will make up there own mind about you.

He is just trying to draw you out... Let him away with it...It will kill him more than you...

I know this is easier said than done but it will pay off...

gandalf

Sounds like he is jealous of you and it has eaten away at him. Best advice is cut him out of your life and ignore him. If your other friends know you then they will realise that this guy has issues and is not describing the real you.

Taltos

From left field here - but if he has been destroying your reputation do you have a legal case here???

However to be brief - f-him; f-the horse he rode in on; and f-the air he breathes. Cut him out - totally; no replies; nothing. If asked by mates - be honest but DO NOT run him down - you will be tarred with same brush - just mention he admitted spreading lies about you and life is too short for that kind of poison...

Some folk never get beyond school-yard mentalities.
Someone had it perfectly above - all about jealousy...

Penn

Agreed. Cut him out, but don't badmouth him. He can spread all the lies about you he wants, but if you remain calm and don't badmouth him, people will see him for the guy he really is. A jealous, petty liar who'll turn his back on anyone.

Dr. Zeus

Hi OP,

What an awful situation to be in. I agree with other posters, his actions scream jealously to me. maybe over girls, seeing as he tries to sabatoge your chances with girls?

If I were me I would have to say something to him, I couldn't just let it lie like that. I would not be confrontational about it but I would call him up in the sober light of day or ask him to meet for a coffee and just ask him straight out "do you have some kind of issue with me/have I done something to offend you in the past". Whatever he answers just calmly ask that he stop spreading rumours about you and leave it at that. I know this is easier said than done and the key is to remain calm and non- confrontational. Then just distance yourself from him.

People like that often rely on the fact that others won't challenge their behaviour. It's almost like bullying.

Don't slag him off to others. Just say I have cut off the friendship as he has been spreading lies. People are not stupid - am sure a lot of them know exactly what's going on though it might not appear that way.

Don't get down on yourself OP. No matter how nice of a person you are, life is always going to try a few assholes our way.