clingy f-buddy?

LegacyUser

i'm not too sure how to approach this. for the past month or two i've been messing around with this guy. we agreed from the get-go that it was just sex. for the first while i was the one that set up a friendly rapore. not as a basis for a relationship, but so that the two of us could be more comfortable around each other.

it's been almost two months and we've settled into a fairly satisfying rhythm. i stopped emailing him, too. now that i've stopped contacting him, he's suddenly starting to send me an email almost every day. it's not annoying me (yet), but it doesn't seem to fit in with our agreement to just keep this about sex. which is more, he's starting to talk to me about more personal things. for instance he sent me pictures from his siblings' weddings. a few days later he asked for my help with an 'essay' about the declining status of marriage. after i gave him a few points he started trying to convince me how important marriage and parenthood is. he even seemed to get upset that i didn't share his views. yesterday i was talking to one of his classmates, who said they hadn't even been assigned such an essay.

he started talking to me about a halloween party i'm throwing when we last met up. he was asking me so much about it that i eventually asked if he wanted to go. he got visibly annoyed and stated that 'you're not supposed to involve your **** buddy in things like that'. then why did you keep asking about it?

all this is giving me reason to believe perhaps his wants are after changing. i'm not angry at him, but i'd like to get it settled. though i'm not sure how i can approach him with this matter without sounding accusative. any suggestions, guys?

S23

Pack it in and move on would be my suggestion. F-Buddys aren't for everyone. This guy isn't dealing with it properly so I suggest you just tell him you're not feeling it anymore and that it's time to knock it on the head. It's not rocket scienece. No need to over think or over analyse it (which is seems to be a common theme on here) instead just tell him it's not working out and you're calling it a day.

tenchi-fan

It's human nature unfortunately. I think one night stands or relationships are more normal than the concept of a "f-buddy"

Your "arrangement" (relationship) is not working out. Text him and tell him you don't want to see him again, or put up with the consequences.

Cheap Thrills!

Clangers wrote: »

a few days later he asked for my help with an 'essay' about the declining status of marriage. after i gave him a few points he started trying to convince me how important marriage and parenthood is. he even seemed to get upset that i didn't share his views. yesterday i was talking to one of his classmates, who said they hadn't even been assigned such an essay.

:eek: balls! That's not good OP.

I wouldn't try reasoning with him. How about phasing him out, just pretend you've got back with someone or met someone new that way you can gracefully discontinue the arrangement with minimum explanation.

I advise against telling him why as he might try justifying and rationalising his behaviour. Also you don't owe him an explanation as he's only an FB and thats the beauty of the arrangement.

I wouldn't have him at he party either as he might fcuk up your chances with other lads.

Bottle_of_Smoke

What's peculiar is his response to the party. If he was falling for you he'd definitely wanna be there.

So based on that there's the possibility he just wants to f*ck but also thinks you're good to talk to. I do think there's many types of f*ck buddies,

eg just sex, friends with benefits, dishonest f-buddy(where one person wants more) etc etc

I'd wait for something more concrete before having a talk with him.

ilovefridays

i was in a similiar situation as you a while ago - i told him from the start that i wasnt interested in a relationship. he was fine with this to start with, we met up when we were both free, as f.buddys.
this was the arranged set up between us both, till he started to get clingy. he start talking about me meeting his mother and sisters, i said 'did you tell them im your girlfriend:eek:' he admitted he did.
i said it to him again were we both stood, he said he'd like us to be a couple. i told him i didnt want a commitment, like it or lump it.
everything was fine again for a while, then one night i was out in town with friends and got a taxi back to his place, he met me out of the taxi, and he said 'where did you tell your friends you were going'. i said 'i told them i was meeting a friend'. he said 'oh is that all i am to you 'a friend'' then an argument started.
he start saying i was only using him and stringing him along. I couldnt believe what i was hearing, i said to him 'we agreed from the very start that it was no strings attached fun' and he said 'well i want more than that'.
i ended it before it got more out of hand.
F.buddies dont work for some ppl, cos one might fall for the other and then it gets complicated.

Monkey61

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

So based on that there's the possibility he just wants to f*ck but also thinks you're good to talk to. I do think there's many types of f*ck buddies,

I totally agree with this. I had a friend with benefits thing going on last year and while we would only meet up maybe once every 3/4 weeks we would text pretty much everyday, probably more than I would text an actual girlfriend, and it wasn't that we wanted to go out with each other or anything. There was never any suggestion of us seeing each other more frequently, or meeting up for any other purpose but to go to something and then go home together, but we still text jokes, recommended songs etc, sent youtube links, constantly and just enjoyed chatting to each other in this way. Maybe he's the same. And weirdly now, though we don't really speak anymore and I don't miss meeting her for sex, I actually really miss the texts.

Fittle

Ok, so maybe I'm just really old or a cynic, but why do you not want to go out with this guy?

Why is he good enough for you to sleep with, but not good enough to be your boyfriend

Darlughda

****buddy set ups certainly are not for everyone. Personally, I reckon a lot of people out there looking for this set up are looking for an unpaid sex-worker. However, if it is genuinely a situation that suits and works for two people, there are guidelines or groundrules.
Here is a good example:
http://www.seductionbase.com/seduction/cat/end/Others/307.html

This is why this is not good-

ilovefridays wrote: »

i was in a similiar situation as you a while ago - i told him from the start that i wasnt interested in a relationship. he was fine with this to start with, we met up when we were both free, as f.buddys.
this was the arranged set up between us both, till he started to get clingy. he start talking about me meeting his mother and sisters, i said 'did you tell them im your girlfriend:eek:' he admitted he did.
i said it to him again were we both stood, he said he'd like us to be a couple. i told him i didnt want a commitment, like it or lump it.
everything was fine again for a while, then one night i was out in town with friends and got a taxi back to his place, he met me out of the taxi, and he said 'where did you tell your friends you were going'. i said 'i told them i was meeting a friend'. he said 'oh is that all i am to you 'a friend'' .

Rules are if one party in the FB scenario wants more-YOU DO NOT USE THEM FOR SEX!

LegacyUser

Fittle wrote: »

Ok, so maybe I'm just really old or a cynic, but why do you not want to go out with this guy?

Why is he good enough for you to sleep with, but not good enough to be your boyfriend

It's not that he's 'not good enough' persay. I don't generally want a bf right now because I want to focus on other things. But at the same time if someone likes me I wouldn't be completely against giving it a shot.

It's the mixed signals that are annoying me, not the idea that he might like me.

TitoPuente

It's not working. Tell him it's over. Simple. Find someone who wants to use you for sex and who you want to use for sex and nothing more and you'll be happy again!

John400

Clangers, you've agreed to have no holds-barred sex with this guy and you have the cheek to come on here effectively looking for sympathy because he's happened to get 'clingy'??

You've made your bed now lie in it! (looks like you have already anyway)!

Zero sympathy from me and i'm sure many others on this forum.

If you showed a bit of class instead of effectively prostituting yourself with this guy, you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place!

You are showing a lot of niaveity here.

Silverfish

The OP is looking for advice on the situation she is in, not to be judged or insulted for how she got into it.

Please keep replies helpful and constructive.

Thank you.

Moomoo1

Clangers wrote: »

It's not that he's 'not good enough' persay. I don't generally want a bf right now because I want to focus on other things. But at the same time if someone likes me I wouldn't be completely against giving it a shot.

It's the mixed signals that are annoying me, not the idea that he might like me.

given what you've said, I wouldn't be surprised if the signals you are sending to him are every bit as ambiguous.

Chucky the tree

John400 wrote: »

Clangers, you've agreed to have no holds-barred sex with this guy and you have the cheek to come on here effectively looking for sympathy because he's happened to get 'clingy'??

You've made your bed now lie in it! (looks like you have already anyway)!

Zero sympathy from me and i'm sure many others on this forum.

If you showed a bit of class instead of effectively prostituting yourself with this guy, you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place!

You are showing a lot of niaveity here.

I'm guessing the 400 stands for your age with this attitude? Anyway OP, I'd just sit down and discuss it all with him. Both of you seem to be sending out mixed signals on whether you want to go out or not. Either way I'd either go out or end it now. Once the first road bump is hit it never gets any better.

janullrich

My girlfriend and myself were f...buddies and she wanted and always wanted more. Despite not telling me her proper age at the start we have grown to really love eachother. Sometimes things develop...!

LegacyUser

Ok, saw him again this week. I tried to pay a bit more attention to his body language than normal. Seemed I didn't need to, though, he was being very outwardly affectionate. I don't know what got into him. He started trying to 'play a game' as an excuse to kiss me, and when I was leaving came up behind me to give me a bear hug, complete with lifting and nuzzling. I'll admit, it was kinda nice, but I'm still afraid to assume something else is going on in light of all he's said. It's confusing that he goes and shuns me with what he says and then acts in a way that tells me the complete opposite =/ I think he's more confused than me.