Bridemaid Dress - Major Problem

TGQ

Hi.

Myself and my fiancee are getting married on december 29th.

one of our bridemaid's was here this morning to fit on her dress and it WONT FIT. Cannot close it up - gap of about 2 inches across her back.

she fitted into it when it was bought last January,

we have 3 options either

1. she loses weight - but unlikely to lose enough.
2. The dressmaker puts bits into the sides or
3. we can find the same dress a size bigger.

The 3rd option is where we're hoping members of Boards.ie can help.

The dress we need is a size 18 début dress in light pink.

Casey_81

Have you a picture of the dress? or details of where you bought it?

TGQ

bought in debenhams long dress in light pink and has a gathered top wit corsages of flowers on the side debut range

iguana

Have you looked on ebay? There are quite a few Debut dresses on there in that size.

TGQ

yes we have looked on ebay. have the same dress but it only size 14

Casey_81

How important to your wedding is she?

If she is of major importance then could you get the dressmaker to make a corset type top to fit to the skirt of the original dress, or get her another dress in the same style/color?

Failing that, then a good diet and some beautician wraps might be enough coupled with some structured underwear.

Toots

Have you tried getting in touch with Debenhams to see if any of their stores has it in stock in the style you need? I was bridesmaid fir my SIL and we had trouble getting a dress for one of the girls and the staff in Debenhams were great.

Rockery Woman

oh no! Same thing happened to my sisters friend!

One of her bridesmaids went from size 22 to 26 before the big day. Another problem is your wedding is after Christmas - the traditional putting-on-even-more-weight season.


My sisters friend got the dress altered and it looked fine. Did you get shrugs or wraps with the dresses? Panels could be added using the fabric from these. You could get more shrugs/wraps for the bridesmaids that would certainly cut costs.

magneticimpulse

Rockery Woman wrote: »

oh no! Same thing happened to my sisters friend!

One of her bridesmaids went from size 22 to 26 before the big day. Another problem is your wedding is after Christmas - the traditional putting-on-even-more-weight season.


My sisters friend got the dress altered and it looked fine. Did you get shrugs or wraps with the dresses? Panels could be added using the fabric from these. You could get more shrugs/wraps for the bridesmaids that would certainly cut costs.

Even if you did get it altered now by a professional she most likely will put on more weight over Christmas and by the time of your wedding. Either she goes on a diet or you find someone similar who is not likely to change weight by the wedding day or over Christmas

artyeva

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Even if you did get it altered now by a professional she most likely will put on more weight over Christmas and by the time of your wedding. Either she goes on a diet or you find someone similar who is not likely to change weight by the wedding day or over Christmas

that's a bit heartless and harsh... and also, seeing as you don't know the person involved, a bit silly to assume :mad:

op have you asked the bridesmaid what she'd like to do? the poor girl probably feels mortified enough as it is. have you spoken to debenhams? if getting another of the same dress is an absolutel no-go, you could always try a dressmaker to add panels. i've seen a dress that a mate of mine got for a ball that was a size too small and a dressmaker sewed panels into the side seams and you would never have noticed. or maybe she'd feel more comfortable in a different style dress in the same colour?

TGQ

haven't spoke to debenhams yet. if she was the only bridemaid there would not be much problem changing to different dress in same colour but the other 2 bridemaids dresses are identical.

to be frank the girl doesn't seem to think there is a problem at all.

Theboinkmaster

artyeva wrote: »

that's a bit heartless and harsh... and also, seeing as you don't know the person involved, a bit silly to assume :mad:

op have you asked the bridesmaid what she'd like to do? the poor girl probably feels mortified enough as it is. have you spoken to debenhams? if getting another of the same dress is an absolutel no-go, you could always try a dressmaker to add panels. i've seen a dress that a mate of mine got for a ball that was a size too small and a dressmaker sewed panels into the side seams and you would never have noticed. or maybe she'd feel more comfortable in a different style dress in the same colour?

I disagree at being heartless. Surely the girl knew she was fitted for a dress last January and surely she knew she should roughly stay the same weight for the year. If it's a few inches short sounds like she put on quite a bit of weight - which is her own fault and should have told the bride months ago.

I'd ditch her from the wedding party tbh

tatli_lokma

Theboinkmaster wrote: »

I disagree at being heartless. Surely the girl knew she was fitted for a dress last January and surely she knew she should roughly stay the same weight for the year. If it's a few inches short sounds like she put on quite a bit of weight - which is her own fault and should have told the bride months ago.

I'd ditch her from the wedding party tbh

OMG :eek:

may I ask what sex you are boinkmaster (although from your name I have a fair idea already!)

I would say that it is more reasonable to buy dresses in a size larger than needed, then they can be easily made smaller - making a dress bigger is much harder to do. Most bridal stores recommend this, and would encourage you to order your dresses on the larger side, to be on the safe side. but OP's missis to be bought in debenhams, where this kind of advise would not have been given.
you cannot blame the girl for putting on weight - I doubt she purposely sat at home stuffing her face just to annoy the bride! and women can put on as much as 3-4 inches depending on their cycle, water retention etc.
Medication can cause bloating - hell even too much salt or a mild steroid inhaler can cause bloating.
You do not know how or why this person put on weight - and 2 inches isn't actually THAT much weight - its the difference of perhaps 1 dress size.

I would recommend, that as its October, and you have about 10 weeks, a sympathetic word and encouragement to the BM concerned, and she could probably loose the weight - but I think the bride needs to be supportive and encouraging, such as suggesting walking together or if someone else in the family could suggest it and go with her.
as a back up, the next suggestion I would have is enquire if the back of the dress can be changed from a zip closing, to a lace up bodice style. That way, there is a bit of 'give' in how much the opening will be. 2 inches at a bodice might not look too bad.

The other question is, is it just the back that is too small, or are the hips/tummy small also. If its small all over I would say try to find the dress from debenhams in a bigger size, or failing that get her a different dress in a complimentary colour - lots of weddings now don't have all BM's looking the same, because it stands to reason that not all BM's will suit the same dress. You could even look into getting a dressmaker to make the same style dress but in a different colour, in her size.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on!

artyeva

Theboinkmaster wrote: »

sounds like she put on quite a bit of weight - which is her own fault and should have told the bride months ago.

I'd ditch her from the wedding party tbh

wow

Theboinkmaster wrote: »

I disagree at being heartless.

fair enough, but i disagree

it's entirely possible to fluctuate as much as 2 sizes depending on what time of the month it is, or what medication you might be on, or any number of factors just as Cincikchick has said. my heart goes out to her tbh, as i'm sure she didn't decide to put on weight. and op, maybe she's not coming across as being bothered, but i'm sure inside she's mortified. Cincikchick made some good suggestions above, but also is it THAT important that all the bridesmaids are in the EXACT same dress? it's nicer for the people involved to feel comfortable on the day in what they're wearing, surely?

magneticimpulse

ive stopped doing sport altogether this year and put on half a stone as a result, but i still fit into all my jeans!!

so i suspect this girl has put on more then half a stone if the dress needs to be altered. sorry but i think she should be watching her weight. most people try to trim down in weight for special occassions.

i dont think its harsh, its not like the wedding is cheap as it is and having to get someone to constantly alter dresses is going to be expensive.

maybe suggest joining a gym with your friend so she will lose a few pounds? its already end of october, so she doesnt have much time.

Horsemania

Hi, The wedding in Vegas sound like a good idea now lads I'll bet. Don't panic I've heard worse, a drunk bridesmaid on the morning of the wedding, and another one did not come to the fittings so she looked like she had a litter of puppies in her dress aswell, she split the seams at one stage. Bet you are feeling better already. I would just get the side pieces (elasticated if possible) put in and hope that the dressmaker is competent enough so it doesn't look too bad. She knew she was going to be bridesmaid and put on the weight, so the chances of her losing it are grim. I'd get her to pay for the alterations, if she is not paying for the dress, I think thats fair.;)

tatli_lokma

magneticimpulse wrote: »

ive stopped doing sport altogether this year and put on half a stone as a result, but i still fit into all my jeans!!

well done you, sure aren't you only great! :rolleyes:

I've put on a few pounds and not fit into clothes, due to water retention. As most women know weight does not equal size. You can bloat to a dress size bigger at certain times of the month, other people are actually 'heavy' in weight terms, but are a relatively small clothes size.
to assume you know this girl and how much weight she put on is ridiculous.

I understand OP's frustration, and its a pain that a dress bought and paid for can't be used, but at the end of the day, buying an off the rail dress almost a year before the wedding is risky. Any number of things can happen in that time - I know she probably got a bargain in the sales maybe, but a year is a long time in a woman's physique!

Is the important thing not that you want this person as part of your bridal party? surely she must mean a lot to you if she is included in the bridal party? and if she means that much to you or your wife to be, then cut her some slack (pardon the pun!) and either get the dress altered, get a new dress or get the dress copied in a bigger size.

And let this be a warning to all brides to be - if buying an off the rail dress 12 months in advance, buy a size bigger - it can always be taken in, but letting it out is another matter!

and I wonder, would the comments about 'she should have had the courtesy to stay slim for the brides sake' still be made for a man? Plenty of men get guts, get bigger, but because their suits are rented close to the wedding this is not an issue...lucky them, not having the pressure that the girls have :rolleyes:

smelltheglove

Wow some people are getting a little harsh here.

OP I recommend taking a pic of the dress and uploading to weddingsonline in the for sale and wanted section, surely someone would have had the same dress and may be able to help you out.

If not, surely telling the bridesmaid to go on a diet is going to upset her even more than she most likely is, losing weight is a lot harder for some people than others. I would highly recommend bringing to a dress maker and getting a lace up put into the back. I know of one bride who did this and all was fine in the end.

why did you have the fitting so far off from the wedding? someone could get pregnant and have a baby in that time frame! i note that you bought them in January which is traditionally sales time, which is fair enough as weddings are extremely costly and it makes sense to buy them when you can get them at a better price, i just think a year is a long time in which anything can happen, maybe its better planning to buy them closer to the wedding at a higher price than having to make adjustments at a later date

magneticimpulse

Cincikchick wrote: »

well done you, sure aren't you only great! :rolleyes:

I've put on a few pounds and not fit into clothes, due to water retention. As most women know weight does not equal size. You can bloat to a dress size bigger at certain times of the month, other people are actually 'heavy' in weight terms, but are a relatively small clothes size.
to assume you know this girl and how much weight she put on is ridiculous.

I understand OP's frustration, and its a pain that a dress bought and paid for can't be used, but at the end of the day, buying an off the rail dress almost a year before the wedding is risky. Any number of things can happen in that time - I know she probably got a bargain in the sales maybe, but a year is a long time in a woman's physique!

Is the important thing not that you want this person as part of your bridal party? surely she must mean a lot to you if she is included in the bridal party? and if she means that much to you or your wife to be, then cut her some slack (pardon the pun!) and either get the dress altered, get a new dress or get the dress copied in a bigger size.

And let this be a warning to all brides to be - if buying an off the rail dress 12 months in advance, buy a size bigger - it can always be taken in, but letting it out is another matter!

and I wonder, would the comments about 'she should have had the courtesy to stay slim for the brides sake' still be made for a man? Plenty of men get guts, get bigger, but because their suits are rented close to the wedding this is not an issue...lucky them, not having the pressure that the girls have :rolleyes:

oh please...water retension? sorry but its all excuses for hitting the fairy cakes a bit too hard. You dont see many Fat French women, as they look after themselves, why because they watch what they eat. If its really water retention, just put her in the sauna and she will be back to normal. If she has been hitting the fairy cakes, the gym she needs to go.

tatli_lokma

magneticimpulse wrote: »

oh please...water retension? sorry but its all excuses for hitting the fairy cakes a bit too hard. You dont see many Fat French women, as they look after themselves, why because they watch what they eat. If its really water retention, just put her in the sauna and she will be back to normal. If she has been hitting the fairy cakes, the gym she needs to go.

:rolleyes:
actually, I've met a few fat French women in my time. What a nonsense to blanket statement a whole nationality.....

regardless of fairy cakes or water, the situation is as it is, and sitting on your high horse saying how wonderful you are for still being able to fit into your jeans is not helpful.
Practical suggestions such as mine and others regarding what to do is helpful to the OP. Holier than thou cos you don't like fatties and its all their own fault and the cheek of her to put on weight isn't helpful.

And FYI, the difference of 2 days in a cycle can mean the difference between a size 10 and a 12. As can a lot of other things, particularly for women. We are not all one model one specification....and there could be 100 reasons why she put on weight, even if she is hitting the fairy cakes, I doubt she is doing thinking "I'm gonna scoff a load of rubbish and put on weight...whey hey! great!"
very few people choose to put on weight and as any one who knows about fitness and weightloss will tell you that you need to know the reasons for weight gain - its not black and white, you eat too many fairy cakes, there has to be a reason why recently you want to eat more fairy cakes...

anyway, off thread enough now I think....
back to topic in hand....
as I said, new dress, copy the dress or alter the dress - them's the options. And as others suggested check out other wedding forums to see if anyone you know has the dress to sell - even in a different size, you could use the fabric to alter the dress you have

username123

Go to a good dressmaker, get her to put some panelling in, she will be able to suggest a good neutral material/colour to match the dress. A good dressmaker would easily be able to fix this - and in short order too.

Alternatively buy the size 14 dress from ebay (or any other size in it) and use the material to get the dress altered.

Or ask the girl in question to diet - she could easily drop a good few pounds between now and wedding which would hopefully get her into the dress?

magneticimpulse

Cincikchick wrote: »

:rolleyes:
actually, I've met a few fat French women in my time. What a nonsense to blanket statement a whole nationality.....

regardless of fairy cakes or water, the situation is as it is, and sitting on your high horse saying how wonderful you are for still being able to fit into your jeans is not helpful.
Practical suggestions such as mine and others regarding what to do is helpful to the OP. Holier than thou cos you don't like fatties and its all their own fault and the cheek of her to put on weight isn't helpful.

And FYI, the difference of 2 days in a cycle can mean the difference between a size 10 and a 12. As can a lot of other things, particularly for women. We are not all one model one specification....and there could be 100 reasons why she put on weight, even if she is hitting the fairy cakes, I doubt she is doing thinking "I'm gonna scoff a load of rubbish and put on weight...whey hey! great!"
very few people choose to put on weight and as any one who knows about fitness and weightloss will tell you that you need to know the reasons for weight gain - its not black and white, you eat too many fairy cakes, there has to be a reason why recently you want to eat more fairy cakes...

anyway, off thread enough now I think....
back to topic in hand....
as I said, new dress, copy the dress or alter the dress - them's the options. And as others suggested check out other wedding forums to see if anyone you know has the dress to sell - even in a different size, you could use the fabric to alter the dress you have

i did make a suggestion, i said the dress could be altered. then someone pointed out the wedding is after christmas and even if the dress was altered...not want to paint everyone with a brush but yeah most people put on weight over christmas...even my holier high horse perfect self does too

Well ive yet to see a fat french woman and ive only lived in France for 5 years...maybe you tell me im blind next. all my cousins back in ireland are fat and its down to eating too many take aways and cakes...simple.

another suggestion i made was for the OP to go to the gym with the bridesmaid to loose and keep off the weight. yeah people should be looking after their weight coming up to a wedding. I think its their duty if they accepted to do it.

as for periods, i hardly think people shoot up lots of dress sizes due to this. I have 7 day periods and its never stopped me fitting into clothes. Your making whatever excuses. Matter of fact, this girl for whatever reason got fat, and there is still time to change that, she can still go on a diet, lots of saunas (to lose the water) and go to the gym. Yeah people get fat, but they can equally get unfat.

username123

magneticimpulse wrote: »

as for periods, i hardly think people shoot up lots of dress sizes due to this. I have 7 day periods and its never stopped me fitting into clothes.

Youre lucky then. Ive some 'fat' clothes that I have to wear due to bloating from period or IBS. Im usually a 10/12 in trousers, but need a 14 occasionally because of bloat. However its a short lived phenoma (a day or 2 a month - and not every month) and not at all the same as actually gaining weight which CAN be reversed to some degree in this particular case in a 2 month time frame.

I also know a fat french woman. She likes her cakes.

magneticimpulse

username123 wrote: »

Youre lucky then. Ive some 'fat' clothes that I have to wear due to bloating from period or IBS. Im usually a 10/12 in trousers, but need a 14 occasionally because of bloat. However its a short lived phenoma (a day or 2 a month - and not every month) and not at all the same as actually gaining weight which CAN be reversed to some degree in this particular case in a 2 month time frame.

I also know a fat french woman. She likes her cakes.

Well she's obviously not currently in the South West of France, as ive not seen any fat women here.

username123

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Well she's obviously not currently in the South West of France, as ive not seen any fat women here.

Well obviously not then because of course you have seen EVERY single woman in the South West of France :rolleyes:

Stereotyping an entire nation of women is not helping the OP.

Getting the dress altered or the bridesmaid on a diet are the only solutions.

iguana

Get back on topic. This thread is about practical solutions for what the OP can do about the dress.

username123

OP - can you post a link to a pic of the dress (like the size 14 version on ebay) so people know what to look for?

Ms Happy

TGQ wrote: »

Hi.

Myself and my fiancee are getting married on december 29th.

one of our bridemaid's was here this morning to fit on her dress and it WONT FIT. Cannot close it up - gap of about 2 inches across her back.

she fitted into it when it was bought last January,

we have 3 options either

1. she loses weight - but unlikely to lose enough.
2. The dressmaker puts bits into the sides or
3. we can find the same dress a size bigger.

The 3rd option is where we're hoping members of Boards.ie can help.

The dress we need is a size 18 début dress in light pink.

This is the kind of stress a bride could do without!!

If it's only across the back you could tell her (or buy her) a corset???

ncmc

Op when I got married, the bridesmaid dress my sisters really wanted was only available in a 10 and a 12, one of my sisters was a size 14 at the time. We went ahead and bought it and the shop were able to put 2 'v' shaped panels in the side seams to give the dress that extra inch or so my sister needed. They were able to match the colour with no problems and you would NEVER have noticed that the dress was altered. Lets be honest, once the meal is over, no one cares what they look like, and speaking for myself, my bm dresses were never worn again I think that is a good idea to buy the size 14 from Ebay and use fabric from that to make the panels. It's expensive, but at least you know everything will be perfect on your big day!

Rockery Woman

you never said whether you got shrugs/wraps for the dresses ...

But buying the size 14 dress on ebay seems to be the best idea so far. The fabric can be used to add panels and make shrugs/wraps if you need them (you will as the wedding is in the middle of winter)

As a girl who bloats/has IBS I agree with a lot of the above posts. I think sending her to a gym/sauna is harsh. You are obviously fond of the girl since you asked her to be a bridesmaid. Don't hurt her feelings - she is obviously a good person!

The dress can be altered - do it close to Christmas for the final fitting though! Hope all goes well for you. Try not to focus on the weight issue of the poor girl - dresses can be altered after all - friendship is much more important.

See a good dressmaker, ask for advice and you will be surprised at the options available without any aggro.

dollybird2

Visit a dressmaker. See about having the back made into a corset style lace up dress. Can expand the dress up to 2 sizes and looks lovely

If the material in the dress is taffeta than have your bm try it on each day as this material stretches.

If your bm has large boobs ensure that they are lifted when trying on dress. Sounds crazy but you wouldn't believe the amount of times large chested girls just need to lift em in order to get the dress to fit correctly. (I'd know with my boobs )

If you can get matching material explore the possibility of having panels put in each side where the stitching won't be noticed or obvious