Lost interest

LegacyUser

So I've started to notice recently that I have no interest in meeting girls. I have had relationships in the past and been on quite a few dates but recently I just have no interest. I'm 26 so I have no interest in getting married right now which is fair enough. However, on nights out when my friends male & female are off chatting to others and hooking up I have no interest in doing the same. It's not that I can't talk to the opposite sex either I certainly can, it's just that I have no interest in doing so anymore.

A couple of months ago I spent the night with a girl from work when I was really drunk. I should point out that I'm not attracted to this girl and shouldn't have done this. The next day I left and didn't broach the subject in work all that week. The next week I did the same again, got drunk and went back to hers. The next morning she told me that she really liked me and wanted us to start dating. I said that I didn't think it was a good idea and she got really upset. Now I know I am completely in the wrong here and just remembering the hurt on her face makes me feel awful. I am starting to wonder if maybe some of this guilt has made me somewhat apathetic in terms of meeting new people. Is it normal to go through stages like this? Even my friends are starting to ask me whats going on at this stage and I don't know how to answer them.

chainsaws

Disinterested wrote: »

So I've started to notice recently that I have no interest in meeting girls. I have had relationships in the past and been on quite a few dates but recently I just have no interest. I'm 26 so I have no interest in getting married right now which is fair enough. However, on nights out when my friends male & female are off chatting to others and hooking up I have no interest in doing the same. It's not that I can't talk to the opposite sex either I certainly can, it's just that I have no interest in doing so anymore.

A couple of months ago I spent the night with a girl from work when I was really drunk. I should point out that I'm not attracted to this girl and shouldn't have done this. The next day I left and didn't broach the subject in work all that week. The next week I did the same again, got drunk and went back to hers. The next morning she told me that she really liked me and wanted us to start dating. I said that I didn't think it was a good idea and she got really upset. Now I know I am completely in the wrong here and just remembering the hurt on her face makes me feel awful. I am starting to wonder if maybe some of this guilt has made me somewhat apathetic in terms of meeting new people. Is it normal to go through stages like this? Even my friends are starting to ask me whats going on at this stage and I don't know how to answer them.

Perhaps you are sick and tired of casual relationships - going out, having drinks, chatting a girl up and taking her home for sex?
Maybe in the back of your head what you really want is a serious relationship with a woman who you could love and settle down with and this is why the same routine has got boring?
Could it be you slept with this girl because you really want something more but you chose a girl who didn't really mean anything to you rather than someone special?
Why not take a break from clubbing and set your sights higher.
Think of what would be your ideal woman in terms of personality, looks, interests, job, lifestyle, tastes etc. and instead of thinking about getting women into bed - you are well able to do that - try instead of getting with women who measure up to the ideal woman you really want.
Think of quality rather than quantity.
Would prefer to be driving a Nissan Micra to being driven in a chauffeur driven limousine?
Flying Ryanair or Lear jet?
That way you will not waste your time and energy on women who mean nothing to youand you will be more likely to meet a woman who you could actually fall in love with and have a real adult relationship with.
Think about it?

IrishEyes19

chainsaws wrote: »

Perhaps you are sick and tired of casual relationships - going out, having drinks, chatting a girl up and taking her home for sex?
Maybe in the back of your head what you really want is a serious relationship with a woman who you could love and settle down with and this is why the same routine has got boring?
Could it be you slept with this girl because you really want something more but you chose a girl who didn't really mean anything to you rather than someone special?
Why not take a break from clubbing and set your sights higher.
Think of what would be your ideal woman in terms of personality, looks, interests, job, lifestyle, tastes etc. and instead of thinking about getting women into bed - you are well able to do that - try instead of getting with women who measure up to the ideal woman you really want.
Think of quality rather than quantity.
Would prefer to be driving a Nissan Micra to being driven in a chauffeur driven limousine?
Flying Ryanair or Lear jet?
That way you will not waste your time and energy on women who mean nothing to youand you will be more likely to meet a woman who you could actually fall in love with and have a real adult relationship with.
Think about it?

Really good point, chainsaw, but I dont think thats what the OP is getting at. He literarly says he has ZERO interest in meeting girls and thats in general. I'll also point out, not fair to pinpoint women in clubs/bars as below quality. I attend both, I dont consider myself less than a "chauffeur driven limousine." I also dont go home with guys as dont many women who like to go out for a night with their friends. So you might want to revise your labelling there.

OP, I think you are possibly burnt out. You've said you've had a few relationships already, that can be tiring, especially if they were emotionally draining or not successful, it can leave a bitter taste.

I agree with chainsaw that you probably have wasted a lot of energy on people you feel nothing for and that leave scars too, maybe you not feeling anything right now is a recovery period, people go through all fazes in their life where you strive for something better.

And chainsaw hit it on the nail with that point, you're 26 now. Your relationship probabilities possibly do lie out of the club scene now. I dont agree with the point on level of quality in there. It varies. But perhaps you have matured beyond meeting people there. It is risky , that I do agree.

chainsaws

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

Really good point, chainsaw, but I dont think thats what the OP is getting at. He literarly says he has ZERO interest in meeting girls and thats in general. I'll also point out, not fair to pinpoint women in clubs/bars as below quality. I attend both, I dont consider myself less than a "chauffeur driven limousine." I also dont go home with guys as dont many women who like to go out for a night with their friends. So you might want to revise your labelling there.

OP, I think you are possibly burnt out. You've said you've had a few relationships already, that can be tiring, especially if they were emotionally draining or not successful, it can leave a bitter taste.

I agree with chainsaw that you probably have wasted a lot of energy on people you feel nothing for and that leave scars too, maybe you not feeling anything right now is a recovery period, people go through all fazes in their life where you strive for something better.

And chainsaw hit it on the nail with that point, you're 26 now. Your relationship probabilities possibly do lie out of the club scene now. I dont agree with the point on level of quality in there. It varies. But perhaps you have matured beyond meeting people there. It is risky , that I do agree.

I didn't mean to imply that women in clubs are low quality - what I should have said is that people who usually hook up in a club are not looking for anything more than some fun sex.

IrishEyes19

chainsaws wrote: »

I didn't mean to imply that women in clubs are low quality - what I should have said is that people who usually hook up in a club are not looking for anything more than some fun sex.

Point taken!!!

OP, you're 26 now. Sexual maturity hits at some stage too. Where as Chainsaw has stated. Clubs and hookups arent satisfying anymore. Its quite normal, and it will pass until you meet someone who reaches those expectations, that Chainsaw said in the last post. You're friends probably havent reached that stage yet or have and are still continiung on with hookups to remain in the game.

LegacyUser

OP again. Wow. Thanks for the responses guys. I guess I never really thought of it in that way. The trouble is I'm so accustomed to meeting girls in clubs I wouldn't even know where to begin to meet a girl elswhere. Of course I know where to meet girls elsewhere but not in a way other than friendship. This I guess is also a problem in that I make a lot of platonic female friends but for me I have no interest in taking it further. But I also guess this may be true for the girls too in that they are happy to be just friends. So from that perspective I guess I've set myself up to not be anything other than a friend.

chainsaws

disinterested wrote: »

OP again. Wow. Thanks for the responses guys. I guess I never really thought of it in that way. The trouble is I'm so accustomed to meeting girls in clubs I wouldn't even know where to begin to meet a girl elswhere. Of course I know where to meet girls elsewhere but not in a way other than friendship. This I guess is also a problem in that I make a lot of platonic female friends but for me I have no interest in taking it further. But I also guess this may be true for the girls too in that they are happy to be just friends. So from that perspective I guess I've set myself up to not be anything other than a friend.

Well just avoid becoming a friend so?
I think you are becoming a friend with girls who you might otherwise get together with because you are scared of rejection or afraid of blowing it and losing their friendship if you turn on the romance.
The mindset you need to have is not to care any more if you blow it or you lose their friendship.
You have limited your romantic prospects to women in nightclubs.
That means you are probably only going to have one night stands and nothing more.
Try chatting up women wherever you go at any time of the day?