what is the problem here?

LegacyUser

Hey people, This is my problem, I have a very good friend who I am really close to and when I say really close to, we are like brothers in so many ways, Spend lots of time together, have same hobbies and go to fas together ect ect....

The only difference between us is that he has a lot more experience with girls than I do, The thing that really annoys me though is the fact that he always makes a point of mentioning it to people and he says it as if he is embaressed by me.


for example on several occasions we have got to know a new group of friends and he has (for no reason) mentioned my inexperience and then I am left standing there like an ejit and the other night we were talking to this guy we know, he is very friendly old man but he lives alone and always has done and I happened to mention how bad I felt for him as he never had any children or a wife.. Then my friend casually says '' That's gonna happen to you ya know''

I was really hurt by this comment and it really annoys me that he would make such a comment and do say these things.


Also I rknow one of his friends and he is convienced that I am in love woth her which I am not and a party last week he told everyone I loved her and for the whole night I was made fun of by the whole party anyone I spoke to had a comment to make aboutit..


Why do you think he does this it has started to really get me down now..

Princess Peach

I don't really know why he does this, but maybe try talking to him? Tell him that it hurts you.

And yes, I realise its hard for male friends to have these types of serious conversations! Just bring it up lightheartedly, like when ye are watching tv together or something, just say hey, I why did you say such a thing, I didn't think it was funny or appropriate or something.

Dont ever assume the other person knows they are upsetting you when they do something

tenchi-fan

I think you should put the "we're like brothers" notion out of your head. He's just a guy you're friends with and seems to be over familiar with you... he's making you look like an idiot and destroying your confidence just to make himself feel better.

Try to have a serious conversation with him about the way he's embarrassing you in public. If he can't take your concerns on board you will really need to distance yourself a bit from him - I don't mean cut ties, i just mean try to associate with people who are more mature and (without sounding like a ponce) nurturing rather than destructive.

LegacyUser

See the thing that confuses me and I should have mentioned this is in my previous post is that we went to school for years and never really hung around together outside school but now he is going out of his way to introduce me to his family and friends and invite me to parties for example he told me if I didnt go to his debs party he would be pissed off and when I did finally go he introduced me as ''This is john my best friend'' so I can't imagine he is ashambed of me or embaressed by me and he haseven told me he wants to spend more time together lol. Sounds gay I know but he does have a long term girlfriend so it doesnt worry me.. I am just puzzled here..

LighterGuy

You aint close friends.
You are his "ego-trip" friend. Its simple.... he runs you down, makes himself bigger. Which makes his an as*hole.

Trust me op, he isnt going to stop unless you put him in his place. So thats what you got to do.

LegacyUser

What is my mates problem..... wrote: »

Also I rknow one of his friends and he is convienced that I am in love woth her which I am not and a party last week he told everyone I loved her and for the whole night I was made fun of by the whole party anyone I spoke to had a comment to make aboutit..

First of all, just because your 'friend' is a complete d*ck, doesn't mean that everyone else at that party was laughing at you. Most people like to hear that others like or fancy someone, and they were most likely just making conversation with you. I really don't think people you don't know that well would've been making fun of you.

Second of all, tell your 'friend' to cop on. He feels threatened by you, and so he likes to make you look bad in front of others. Either have a serious chat with him, or have a few smart comebacks ready. For example, take the piss out of him if he talks about your inexperience again. Just say 'I think you're far too interested in my sex life. Isn't it about time you came out?'. Say it loudly and calmly, with a look of 'genuine concern'. He sounds like the type of guy who'd be embarrassed by something like that.

You only need to put someone back in their box once or twice for them to cop on. If he doesn't cop on, the confidence you will feel from standing up to him will help you break away from him and find new friends.

Good luck.