Friend possibly mentally ill, how to help

newmug

I am convinced a close friend of mine has a mental disorder of some sort. Her judgement is not sound. It is getting progressively worse in time, and I dont know where its going to end. This person is a woman of 60, she's working as a nurse. I am terrified she will dispense the wrong medicine to a patient, or do something irrational while driving and kill herself, or others. I dont know how she hasnt been fired already going by her present behaviour. To give a broad idea, its like the stereotypical "blonde" behaviour. Leaving doors open and lights on, forgetting how to do simple tasks, lack of social boundaries, oblivious to danger etc. I know this might sound trivial, but I'm very worried. I've spoken to my friend several times about this, she always has an excuse, or just fobbes it off. She wont go to a doctor to be examined, or have an MRI scan done. Its so frustrating. Could this be a clot, possibly leading to a stroke, or CJD, or dementia? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? All help appreciated.

limericklassy

From my experience, you have to get her to go to a doctor..its very hard....even when people are mentally ill..they still have legal control of their lives..

mike65

If you have genuine concern, bearing in mind her job, you should get in touch with personal management at the hospital/clinic explaining your relationship with the woman and let them deal with that end of things.

Denerick

To be honest you may be over stating things. Many people grow more forgetful as they hit their 60s as well as becoming rather grumpy. This doesn't necessarily mean they are developing dementia or alzheimers. I'm sure your friend would appreciate your concern but what you are describing are some eccentricities and oddities, I wouldn't immediately assume there is a mental disorder at work.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Emme

Try to get her to see a doctor. It could be a variety of things including early onset Alzheimers but a doctor would give her the best advice.

Oryx

newmug wrote: »

Could this be a clot, possibly leading to a stroke, or CJD, or dementia? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? All help appreciated.

Noone here can diagnose your friend. Even a similar situation wont be your situation and wont really help.

You are being a good friend in being concerned and trying to get her help. But that is as much as you can do. Encourage as much as you can, see if you can delve into the reasons why she wont go? But if she doesnt want help, you cant force her.

newmug

Thanks folks. Its so frustrating. People may think that its just old age or stubbornness etc., but there's so much more to it. Driving the wrong way round a roundabout, and being oblivious to it, is definitely something mental IMO. I would hate to go down the route of dragging her work into it, but I will if I have to.

The thing is I really feel that there must be something that can be done, a medication she can take, a course she can do, anything to fix her problem, without disrupting her life or stigmatising her with the "mentally ill" label. I feel that if I could just identify whats wrong with her, diagnose it, give it a name, that at least we'd be heading in the right direction. I've said it to her that she could have brain cancer, and it could be eating away at her brain, affecting her judgement, but I may aswell be talking to a tree. And all I can do is watch as she edges closer to disaster:(

Oryx

newmug wrote: »

And all I can do is watch as she edges closer to disaster:(

Thats what friends do, allow our mates to screw up, and pick up the pieces afterwards. Unfortunately you cant live her life for her.

Seriously though, if you are telling her that she could have alzheimers or a brain tumour, no wonder she isnt going, you may well have her terrified of bad news, which she would rather not know. Maybe turn down the volume of the warnings a tad, and see if you can encourage, rather than scare her into going.

Overheal

newmug wrote: »

Thanks folks. Its so frustrating. People may think that its just old age or stubbornness etc., but there's so much more to it. Driving the wrong way round a roundabout, and being oblivious to it, is definitely something mental IMO. I would hate to go down the route of dragging her work into it, but I will if I have to.

The thing is I really feel that there must be something that can be done, a medication she can take, a course she can do, anything to fix her problem, without disrupting her life or stigmatising her with the "mentally ill" label. I feel that if I could just identify whats wrong with her, diagnose it, give it a name, that at least we'd be heading in the right direction. I've said it to her that she could have brain cancer, and it could be eating away at her brain, affecting her judgement, but I may aswell be talking to a tree. And all I can do is watch as she edges closer to disaster:(

You would have to check Irish Law. Most US States have something similar to Florida's Baker Act that allow a person to be Admitted involuntarily if they represent an immediate harm to themself or others. That would probably qualify. The AGS or a GP would probably know.

LegacyUser

I really don't know how you should proceed OP, but I'd be incredibly reluctant to contact her employer.

On a related note, my Dad (retirement age) stopped dead on a roundabout off the M50. I don't think he has dementia or anything; I think big roads are not what he is used to, and he is scared and panics. It worried me a lot though, and I've been watching out ever since.

I hope you can convince your friend to go for medical assessments - I know from my parents how hard that can be though, with someone of a certain age. I hope you can get some progress on this..

herosa

Please think very carefully about contacting her work. Nurses are governed by a body called an bord altranais. If you make that call there is no quiet chat. The hospital will make this so official you will be shocked. They have to to cover their own asses.To appear in front of an bord altranais is every nurses worst nightmare. Some nurses leave rather than face it. It is a rule that nurses must be struck off if they ar.e found to have any kind of mental disability. Type misconduct into their website and read all the old cases. It goes straight to high court.Trust me I know about this area.It will be a legal hell for your friend.She is surrounded all day by medical people. If she gets that bad they will spot it. Also some people can have an in work and out of work personality. I am very organised in work and a complete dippy head out of it. My partner found our esb bill in the fridge and I am a young woman. Talk to your friend but dont ruin her life. She has only 5 years left to pension and would probably never forgive you. If you really cant take any more then tell her you are so worried you are thinking of contacting her gp etc if she doesnt. That might shock her into doing something. But please please stay away from her work. I know you are trying to help and she is lucky to have you but you honestly have no idea what you would be starting. Nursing has very scary rules. The last thing you shoud know if a nurse is struck off there is a new law saying an bord altranais must publish it in the internet and sometimes the papers. Its there for ever more. read this http://www.nursingboard.ie/en/complaints_process.aspx and thishttp://www.nursingboard.ie/en/publication_policy.aspx. If you contact her job they will initiate this process. They must under the rules of a nursing workplace.

Taltos

To be honest OP - nothing you have added above strikes me as out of the normal.


Leaving doors open and lights on etc - who doesn't do this.
Forgetting how to do simple tasks - for example? a simple task to you might be mammoth to someone else especially if they are distracted.
lack of social boundaries - describes quite a few people I know, they are hardly mad though other might think so.
oblivious to danger etc - again context? Driving on the road is dangerous. Standing at a bus stop is dangerous...

I know you are concerned as a friend - but without more details I have to wonder what type of friend you are...
I know if a mate came to me with the list above about me without firm details and examples with supporting witnesses I would be hasty in telling em to faff off and would do my best to stop taking their calls.

p.s. all of the above can also be caused by stress.. Could you be adding to it?

seenitall

Taltos, how about this?

newmug wrote: »

Driving the wrong way round a roundabout,

This woman is a NURSE. The OP has a conscience, that doesn't make her a bad friend.

Novella

I drove the wrong way around a roundabout the other day! Seriously. It was one of those mini ones, and I just didn't see it. My brother was in the car with me and he pointed it out, but if he'd decided I was mentally unstable because of that, I'd be worried about him.

Some people are just a bit forgetful. It doesn't sound like anything major to me, and imo you're over-reacting completely. Leaving lights on and stuff? Hardly a big deal now, is it? Wondering if someone is going to have a stroke because of this? Talk about going off the deep end.

No one here can tell you definitively. We don't know her. If you really are worried, do something about it but from reading this, to me it seems you're being just a tad dramatic.

sam34

herosa wrote: »

It is a rule that nurses must be struck off if they ar.e found to have any kind of mental disability

no such rule

in my work i encounter many nurses(and other healthcare professionals, doctors, psychologists, social workers, dentists etc etc etc) with various forms of "mental disability" ranging from anxiety to depression to OCD to bipolar disorder and some psychoses and they can and do work and function quite highly.

nobody gets automatically struck off if they are found to have "any kind of mental disability"

in the first instance, they would go on sick leave if necessary... it takes a lot of time and input and investigation before someone gets struck off