sophisticated girls V's not so sophisticated

LegacyUser

My problem is that Im 'sophosticated' or so im told - and this seems to put men off. While out in pubs/clubs I see gorgeous girls wearing nice clothes with a bit of galmour and they hardly ever get chatted up. Yet i always get idiots coming up to me and never the guys I like. One guy I actualy liked talked to me and said he'd be back he was getting a drink - well i wasnt going waiting around as he dint offer me one so I went downstairs and there he was talking to other girls. I did talk to another guy I liked but I kept asking him questions with not much response - in the end he went home yet he was smiling at me alot during conversation. Then i see other girls who are the opposite and they always seem to get guys talking to them. Like last night for instance I went to talk to a guy I liked but I realised I didnt like him after a while so went away again ( b4 I went up to him I was deciding will I / wont I and building up my courage ) then after I left I see this other girl just go straight up to him - not a bother on her and she was all over him like a rash! Why do guys seem to like the loud, slutty girls???? Maybe Im too serious?

metrovelvet

What do you mean by sophisticated?

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote: »

What do you mean by sophisticated?

Classy with having good clothes on - not skanky clothes going around the place drunk!

LegacyUser

OP I think you've answered you own question really

I don't mean to be harsh but even just from your post it sounds like your searching for a boyfriend in these clubs/pubs! Men will sense that too, and on a night out having a laugh and some fun, its the last thing they want!

99% of men in clubs aren't looking for a girlfriend, they're just out having a laugh with their mates!

It sounds like you're interviewing these men rather than just relaxing and having a laugh!!

then after I left I see this other girl just go straight up to him - not a bother on her and she was all over him like a rash! Why do guys seem to like the loud, slutty girls????

They don't necessarily but its much more fun having a laugh and flirty conversation than standing there being bored to tears with someone asking you 50 questions about mundane stuff.

So after that rant lol....

My problem is that Im 'sophosticated' or so im told - and this seems to put men off.

Maybe Im too serious?

yeah when people tell you you're sophisticated it could very well be them trying to tell you you're too serious in a nice way.

Go out, have fun, have a laugh with your friends, stop trying to scan the room to see whos looking at you, or looking for a cute guy to chat up, just have fun!

as an aside

One guy I actualy liked talked to me and said he'd be back he was getting a drink - well i wasnt going waiting around as he dint offer me one so I went downstairs and there he was talking to other girls.

This just doesn't sit well with me OP, why should he have to offer you one? It sounds like you want to be the center of attention....maybe watch that attitude as well, its not the most flattering...

Sleepy

Is sophisticated a euphemism for 'have a high opinion of myself?'.

Why should a guy you've been talking to for a handful of minutes offer to buy you a drink?

If it was your female friends that told you guys don't approach you because you're 'sophisticated', don't read much into it. I've never been part of a conversation where someone is told they don't get attention from the opposite sex because they're ugly, suffer from BO or are an obnoxious tool, have you?

You sound quite judgemental about other girls, btw... Something to consider: do you look down on these girls because you're jealous of their being more successful at keeping someone interested in what they have to say / their personality? Or what is it about their behaviour that makes you think they're somehow lesser than you? If it's public displays of affection on a first meeting, there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with not liking that for yourself but judging others for it would be something I'd find off-putting. I'd see that as more judgemental than "sophisticated".

Hank_Jones

I don't want to come across as rude but I think you need to get off your high horse and be nicer to people.
Why should anyone buy you a drink anyway?
Personally I would steer clear of any girl that was looking for me to buy them a drink, as if we were in any sort of relationship I wouldn't want them putting their hand in my pocket the whole time.

Much rather have and independent, actually, sophisticated girl.

metrovelvet

ophereagain wrote: »

Classy with having good clothes on - not skanky clothes going around the place drunk!

Oh ok. Judging from your writing I wouldn't classify you as sophisticated.

So basically you don't dress like a slut?

Do you think you have the wrong expectations when you go out?

LegacyUser

well i used to think men and women were 'equal' and I didnt feel the need for the man to ask me out and buy me drinks - I didnt think it was fair. But a friend of mine made me feel rather pathetic and desperate and she said the man must make the first move, never text the man and he should always buy the drinks. I guess it doesnt matter to me now - Im so fed up of men and dating - Im giving it a miss for a long time!

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote: »

Oh ok. Judging from your writing I wouldn't classify you as sophisticated.

So basically you don't dress like a slut?

Do you think you have the wrong expectations when you go out?

Look I dont need somebody judging my 'writing' - thats totally off topic. And I didnt ask about my expectations when I go out. Please dont start twisting my post and making me out to be some monster or something which happens alot on online forums. THANK YOU.

metrovelvet

opagain wrote: »

well i used to think men and women were 'equal' and I didnt feel the need for the man to ask me out and buy me drinks - I didnt think it was fair. But a friend of mine made me feel rather pathetic and desperate and she said the man must make the first move, never text the man and he should always buy the drinks. I guess it doesnt matter to me now - Im so fed up of men and dating - Im giving it a miss for a long time!

Is this the same friend who told you you were sophisticated?

You need new friends.

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote: »

Is this the same friend who told you you were sophisticated?

You need new friends.

No shes a friend who tells me im gorgeous and any decent man will treat me right. A guy out last night told me im sophisticated.

Bob_Harris

Nightclubs are cesspools. There's your problem.

m'lady

Hey Op, I have to ask, how did it even come up that this guy told you that you were sophisticated, did you ask him?
To be really honest I think you need to just stop thinking and analysing everything, and just go out and have some fun. I'd also stop listening to this friend of yours, because to me she is talking a lot of rubbish.
I'd also love to ask you, do you have many female friends, real friends?, because the way you come a cross in your posts you sound very bitchy, and most men don't like that in a woman.
I'll be very honest here and say I really don't think you come a cross as sophisticated, you come a cross as someone who looks down their nose at others and that in my opinion is far from sophistication.

Miss Fluff

opagain wrote: »

I guess it doesnt matter to me now - Im so fed up of men and dating - Im giving it a miss for a long time!

And you should genuinely follow your own advice. You sound terribly uptight and over-analytical so if I were you I'd forget completely about dating or meeting anyone for the time being. Go out and have fun, stop judging other people and just let the hair down without being preoccupied or stressing about meeting someone.

LegacyUser

You sound really up yourself and that's probably what's putting men off to be honest! Why would you expect a man whom you have no interest in to stay talking to you? Would you have preferred if he kept talking to you even though you had no interest in him?
You're also making the age old mistake of judging a book by it's cover. Other girls might be wearing very little, or look 'slutty' to you. They just might have a great personality, which wouldn't be easy to see if you're just looking at them.
Try not to be so judgemental about people you don't know because it's atopping you from meeting the nice ones.

tenchi-fan

Who in their right mind refers to themselves as sophisticated?

Uptight girls who have a high opinion of themselves often feel out of place in a nightclub environment and act in a way that men don't find attractive.

LegacyUser

Jeez OP, maybe you were angry when you posted, but it really does sound as though you think yourself 'a cut above the rest'.

Hopefully my impression is just because of the way that you wrote your post, but it comes across as if you expect to be treated well by blokes because you are 'gorgeous'. I knew someone like this once, who expected that blokes would buy her drinks all night, and I just had to cut her out of my life, I could not be friends with someone with the vast levels of Princess Syndrome that she had. Like I said, maybe you were fed up when you posted, but the way it reads to me is that you are expecting that blokes whip out the pedestal for you, and you are annoyed that they fail to do this, in favour of other lesser mortals.

If I've got this all wrong, I apologize - but maybe you might want to think of how you phrase things/come across, because I don't think I'm the first poster here to get a similar impression, and maybe your manner of communication is coming across to the blokes that you meet and ruining your chances.

Wibbs

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Who in their right mind refers to themselves as sophisticated?

Indeed. Much like those who self describe as smart, both usually break the advertising standards act.

That said I don't think the OP is self describing herself that way. It sounds like someone said this and now she's seeing that as the explanation for why she gets attention from her descriptions of these nights out but doesnt get the "right" sort of attention. First off your expectations are set high from the get go. Not ideal in a dark drink fuelled environment.

Opagain wrote:

well i used to think men and women were 'equal' and I didnt feel the need for the man to ask me out and buy me drinks - I didnt think it was fair.

Yep I think you had it dead right there.

But a friend of mine made me feel rather pathetic and desperate and she said the man must make the first move, never text the man and he should always buy the drinks.

Oh sometimes that will work, but this friend will likely end up with someone that responds to that way of thinking and trust me that rarely goes well. I suspect due to this friends advice you are in the mindset currently of "I'm an attractive "sophisticated" woman so why am I not getting the right attention I deserve". It doesnt quite work like that, especially in a nightclub. They're dark, loud and competitive environments and no matter how pretty a woman is there are usually other pretty women or more pretty around. Open and easygoing is going to work more. Even so they're not ideal places.

I guess it doesnt matter to me now - Im so fed up of men and dating - Im giving it a miss for a long time!

OK to me its sounds like you've had variable experiences with all this and you've been trying on different social "hats" to see what works for you. I think your men and women are equal hat was on the right track. I'd suggest going back there. Take the pressure off yourself to get a date/man for the time being. Like women will sniff a socially awkward desperate man a mile away, men sniff the desperate "I must get A Boyfriend tm" woman a mile away too. If they also come across as overly self entitled or hard work, then its usually game over.

I can't abide the usual advice of "just be yourself" as it's usually as much use as a chocolate tea pot, but in this case I'd make an exception. Go back to your original men and women are equal mindset, which I feel is actually "yourself". It's just gotten twisted out of bad advice and bad experiences. That and take the pressure off yourself to find a boyfriend. Especially in nightclubs.

Gneez

hodfnfkl wrote: »

One guy I actualy liked talked to me and said he'd be back he was getting a drink - well i wasnt going waiting around as he dint offer me one so I went downstairs and there he was talking to other girls.

Yeah you're real classy and sophisticated and not at all a freeloader with unwarranted sense of self importance derp

LegacyUser

wow some of the people on this forum are harsh. to the girl that said im an bitch - where do i come across as that?

metrovelvet

Gneez wrote: »

Yeah you're real classy and sophisticated and not at all a freeloader with unwarranted sense of self importance derp

I dont think its freeloading. OP was advised that the signifier of someone being interested is a drink is bought.

Penn

I think people are being way too harsh on the OP. Firstly, it was they guy she met who said she was sophisticated. Secondly, Regarding the drinks issue, I would generally offer to buy a girl a drink if I'd been chatting to her for a while, although I would hope she'd at least offer to buy the second.

OP I think someone else said it earlier, but nightclubs are just terrible for trying to meet someone. Most people are just there for a bit of fun that night. Sure, relationships can start from that night, but mostly not. A lot of guys I know if they've been chatting to a girl will just move on if they think she's too much hard work. That's not an insult to you, it's just that they're in there for a quick bit of fun, and girls who pretty much throw themselves at guys are just easier. But there are guys out there who prefer actually having a conversation and having the craic rather than a 5 minute introduction before they start necking each other.

Basically, I do think you should give guys more of a chance, but don't throw yourself at them like other girls. However, if you're looking for something more than a bit of fun that night, nightclubs aren't the best way. Good luck

Silverfish

Okay people can we keep this civil.
More advice, less abuse.


Off-topic and unhelpful posting will earn you a ban from this forum,

Thank you.

seraphimvc

a non-typical irish girl who sometimes take life abit serious? :P advice for you: pray hard to meet someone really special (which is hard, since there is no real places except pubs/clubs to get to know new people) or get out of the country. the irish male/female's 'taste' on opposite sex is simply not diverse enough, you can always tell that by seeing Female type A always attracts Male Type B - people dont like anyone that is out of the 'mainstream' irish stereotype.

or, simply, you are just another typical stuck-up b*tch as people seem to think of you after reading what you said

either way, good luck with your life!

LegacyUser

seraphimvc wrote: »

a non-typical irish girl who sometimes take life abit serious? :P advice for you: pray hard to meet someone really special (which is hard, since there is no real places except pubs/clubs to get to know new people) or get out of the country. the irish male/female's 'taste' on opposite sex is simply not diverse enough, you can always tell that by seeing Female type A always attracts Male Type B - people dont like anyone that is out of the 'mainstream' irish stereotype.

or, simply, you are just another typical stuck-up b*tch as people seem to think of you after reading what you said

either way, good luck with your life!

and I think you should get some manners - its not nice to call someone a bitch. God there are alot of 'sensitive' people on this board. Maybe you were rejected by a 'bitch' like me before were you?! Mods - can you please let these people know about the general rules etc. I came on this board looking for advice - not to be subjected to abuse by people who probably have no real experiences of what im talking about as their abvice is 'your a stuck up bitch'. Yeah super advise. Thank You.

Lolnouska

opherehfdoskjldn wrote: »

and I think you should get some manners - its not nice to call someone a bitch. God there are alot of 'sensitive' people on this board. Maybe you were rejected by a 'bitch' like me before were you?! Mods - can you please let these people know about the general rules etc. I came on this board looking for advice - not to be subjected to abuse by people who probably have no real experiences of what im talking about as their abvice is 'your a stuck up bitch'. Yeah super advise. Thank You.

Wow. from reading all your posts, I'm not surprised men don't stick around to know you.

Get a grip, the world doesn't revolved around you. Men shouldn't have to buy you a drink because you're ''sophisticated'' - like another person said, who the hell refers to themselves as sophisticated?? You just sound like a right little princess.

My advice to you, stop being so nosy asking men a million questions on a night out - they just want a shag not an interview.

opherehfdoskjldn wrote: »

their abvice is 'your a stuck up bitch'. Yeah super advise. Thank You.

It is good advice. you need to change your attitude.

K_P

opherehfdoskjldn wrote: »

and I think you should get some manners - its not nice to call someone a bitch. God there are alot of 'sensitive' people on this board. Maybe you were rejected by a 'bitch' like me before were you?! Mods - can you please let these people know about the general rules etc. I came on this board looking for advice - not to be subjected to abuse by people who probably have no real experiences of what im talking about as their abvice is 'your a stuck up bitch'. Yeah super advise. Thank You.

You do realise the previous poster was sticking up for you?

I'll help you out. They were saying that Irish social life is quite narrow-minded and if you don't fit into a particular mould, you can be wrongly accused of being stuck-up.

Hmmmmm......

LegacyUser

and I think you should get some manners - its not nice to call someone a bitch. God there are alot of 'sensitive' people on this board. Maybe you were rejected by a 'bitch' like me before were you?! Mods - can you please let these people know about the general rules etc. I came on this board looking for advice - not to be subjected to abuse by people who probably have no real experiences of what im talking about as their abvice is 'your a stuck up bitch'. Yeah super advise. Thank You.

OP you really are coming across as incredibly defensive, these people are trying to give you advice, just because you don't like the advice you're being given theres no need to throw a hissy fit....

My problem is that Im 'sophosticated' or so im told - and this seems to put men off

Like it or not if you are repeatedly having the same problem of "putting men off" well logically it would seem that the common denominator in these scenarios is you

so it stands to reason that its something which you are doing which is putting them off, now it may be hard for you to accept that but you have 2 choices (1)you ignore the problem or (2) you say ok maybe i am coming across in a bad light to these men and you try and change that.

Classy with having good clothes on

Op i find it ironic that you define sophisticated as being "classy" but also say the following:

i always get idiots coming up to me and never the guys I like

well i wasnt going waiting around as he dint offer me

Why do guys seem to like the loud, slutty girls

not skanky clothes going around the place drunk!

Maybe you were rejected by a 'bitch' like me before were you?!

Those are not the words of a "classy" person, the true definition of classy is being polite and elegant and ladylike...
OP seriously do you see how badly you're coming across here? i mean really if this is the vibe you're sending out through an internet forum, it must be increased 10 fold talking to you in person, its no wonder men are running a mile!

OP if you were talking to a guy you liked and he started looking down on women and describing them in the way you've just done above, would you honestly want to be in his company any longer, would you not think, christ this guys an arrogant, judgemental a**hole? So why can't you see that its obvious that men will also find this attitude incredibly off putting in a woman.

Maybe you need to ask yourself why you look down on people so much? why do you judge people so much based on their apperance? Why are you so defensive when people make an observation about you?
Usually we hide our own insecurities by picking at these faults in other people...

Yeah of course you can ignore all the advice every ones giving you and put it down to you being too sophisticated but then nothings going to change is it?

LegacyUser

as ive repeatedly said ( if people actually read the posts and not see what they want to see ) i never referred to myself as sophisticated - someone else did. and when people call me a bitch - of course i am going to get defensive. ok the advice ive got from the replies is to basically act 'silly' when im out and be happy happy. sound - il try it next time im out

tenchi-fan

ophere wrote: »

as ive repeatedly said ( if people actually read the posts and not see what they want to see ) i never referred to myself as sophisticated - someone else did. and when people call me a bitch - of course i am going to get defensive. ok the advice ive got from the replies is to basically act 'silly' when im out and be happy happy. sound - il try it next time im out

nothing more annoying than a person who thinks she's sophisticated trying to act silly

Bob_Harris

There's nothing wrong with describing yourself as sophisticated. It's good to rise above the riffraff.

Don't lower your standards or act like a desperate tart.

Chucky the tree

ophere wrote: »

as ive repeatedly said ( if people actually read the posts and not see what they want to see ) i never referred to myself as sophisticated - someone else did. and when people call me a bitch - of course i am going to get defensive. ok the advice ive got from the replies is to basically act 'silly' when im out and be happy happy. sound - il try it next time im out

Here's a crazy thought, you could try not acting and just be yourself?

Des Carter

hodfnfkl wrote: »

Why do guys seem to like the loud, slutty girls???? Maybe Im too serious?

Because they are more likely to give them the ride (in the guys eyes).

Ok I think people are being fairly harsh on the Op and I can Kind of see where the op is comming from but Op it all depends on what you want from the guys. Do you want a ONS or a relationship or just a chat? it all depends as when guys are out they are only after the ride (or at least act this way to fit in with the lads) and so will go for the "easier" targets. but again it depends on what your looking for.

magneticimpulse

I think others have been harsh in saying your "up yourself". I just think pubs and clubs are not the places to meet guys for relationships...join clubs, sport or whatever but dont expect to meet a long term boyfriend in a nightclub.

LegacyUser

ophere wrote: »

ok the advice ive got from the replies is to basically act 'silly' when im out and be happy happy. sound - il try it next time im out

No, the advice you got was to stop being so judgemental about people you know nothing about ie by not calling people sluts, or by not assuming that guys are 'idiots'.

Using sarcasm to rebuff advice people have given you isn't hurting the people who gave you the advice, it's hurting you because the next time you're in a nightclub, you'll make the exact same mistakes.

I don't see why you're looking for advice in the first place. You've received good advice from most posters, yet you've resorted to calling one poster a bitch, and made fun of the rest of the advice you got.

zxcvbnm1

unregistered wrote: »

No, the advice you got was to stop being so judgemental about people you know nothing about ie by not calling people sluts, or by not assuming that guys are 'idiots'.

Using sarcasm to rebuff advice people have given you isn't hurting the people who gave you the advice, it's hurting you because the next time you're in a nightclub, you'll make the exact same mistakes.

I don't see why you're looking for advice in the first place. You've received good advice from most posters, yet you've resorted to calling one poster a bitch, and made fun of the rest of the advice you got.

I've gotta say the people here laying into the op are way ott. Pure gang mentality. And the op then gets called defensive ? And also gets criticised for calling someone a bitch after she was called a bitch first (of course that bit was conveniently overlooked)

seriously people - lay off her. Absolutely none of you have given her constructive advice yet delude yourselves into thinking you are all doing her a great favour.

tenchi-fan

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

I've gotta say the people here laying into the op are way ott. Pure gang mentality. And the op then gets called defensive ? And also gets criticised for calling someone a bitch after she was called a bitch first (of course that bit was conveniently overlooked)

seriously people - lay off her. Absolutely none of you have given her constructive advice yet delude yourselves into thinking you are all doing her a great favour.

I think the op's title and the tone of the post were picked up wrong by most boardsies. The op was probably trying to be sarcastic but short of putting the sarcastic bits in italics or <sarcasm> tags it was missed by most people.

LegacyUser

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

And also gets criticised for calling someone a bitch after she was called a bitch first (of course that bit was conveniently overlooked)

That poster was on her side, so no it wasn't conveniently over looked. But it's a perfect example of the OP getting defensive when she was being given advice.