Death in the Evening

starbelgrade

There's been a fly in my kitchen for nearly a week now & now he's dead.

For 7 days, the fucker has been the bane of my life. Every time I've sat down to eat, he's been hovering around the table, buzzing past my ear, landing on food, pissing me & the missus off no end.

"It's not fucking Africa we're living in", said the wife the other day, as the peace of our evening meal was interrupted once again by this unwanted invader.

I tried everything to get rid of the cunt... from whacking him with a newspaper, to opening the windows to let him out & even took the drastic step of having a shower just in case it was the smell, but nothing worked.

At one stage he flew out the front window, only to reappear 2 minutes later through the back one.

He was really taking the piss.

A few minutes ago, I was having a cup of tea & a smoke, reading through the threads, when he landed on the side of my cup.

That was a fatal mistake. I covered the cup with my hand, then shook the tea, rendering him helpless. And as he wriggled in the half drunken warm tea, I took a kitchen knife to him & stabbed the fucker several times before washing him down the plughole.

Some people wouldn't hurt a fly.

I would. I hate the cunts.

Deus Ex Machina

starbelgrade wrote: »

"It's not fucking Africa we're living in"

A keen observation.

Holden Caulfield

'Death In The Evening'

Nice title for a book.

strokemyclover

You should leave orange or mandarin peel in your bin for flies. Those little midges light up like a christmas tree when they are feeding on such matter and are easy to spot and kill as a result

starbelgrade

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

A keen observation.

She's an astute woman.

alwaysadub

You wasted a cup of tea on a fly??:eek:
Tut tut.

strokemyclover

Holden Caulfield wrote: »

'Death In The Evening'

Nice title for a book.

...about your girlfriend's sex life!

Deus Ex Machina

starbelgrade wrote: »

She's an astute woman.

Ah, I see your point. Yes a fly on a nuclear submarine could be very annoying.

SEPT 23 1989

you would want to grow a pair princess

anniehoo

You could write a book "How to Kill A Fly in the Longest Way Possible"-it took a week of swatting,window opening, tea drowning, stabbing and plughole flushing. Wow...he sounded like the terminator fly.:D

starbelgrade

starbelgrade wrote: »

There's been a fly in my kitchen for nearly a week now & now he's dead.

For 7 days, the fucker has been the bane of my life. Every time I've sat down to eat, he's been hovering around the table, buzzing past my ear, landing on food, pissing me & the missus off no end.

"It's not fucking Africa we're living in", said the wife the other day, as the peace of our evening meal was interrupted once again by this unwanted invader.

I have gathered from the ads on tv that the flies in africa magically disappear when you donate. So next time you have a fly problem, you should donate to a charity maybe.

Banter Joe

starbelgrade wrote: »

"It's not fucking Africa we're living in"

It can't have been Soviet Russia either....

http://img.wonderhowto.com/images/gfx/gallery/l634176483461197489.jpg

epgc3fyqirnbsx

No flies on you!














/sorry

alex73

Thank God for my Dyson Vacum Clearer!, Expensive but worth every cent when it comes to cleaning up flys!

KeithM89_old

A lighter and a can of lynx would have sorted that in minutes...

Sofiztikated

starbelgrade wrote: »

There's been a fly in my kitchen for nearly a week now & now he's dead.

For 7 days, the fucker has been the bane of my life. Every time I've sat down to eat, he's been hovering around the table, buzzing past my ear, landing on food, pissing me & the missus off no end.

"It's not fucking Africa we're living in", said the wife the other day, as the peace of our evening meal was interrupted once again by this unwanted invader.

I tried everything to get rid of the cunt... from whacking him with a newspaper, to opening the windows to let him out & even took the drastic step of having a shower just in case it was the smell, but nothing worked.

At one stage he flew out the front window, only to reappear 2 minutes later through the back one.

He was really taking the piss.

A few minutes ago, I was having a cup of tea & a smoke, reading through the threads, when he landed on the side of my cup.

That was a fatal mistake. I covered the cup with my hand, then shook the tea, rendering him helpless. And as he wriggled in the half drunken warm tea, I took a kitchen knife to him & stabbed the fucker several times before washing him down the plughole.

Some people wouldn't hurt a fly.

I would. I hate the cunts.

How long are your weeks?

Also, you suck at killing insects. Did you not have issues previously with a spider?

Duggy747

When I have a problem with flies I just break out my pistol. But my house looks like swiss cheese now

phasers

Fascinating....

Banter Joe

alex73 wrote: »

Thank God for my Dyson Vacum Clearer!, Expensive but worth every cent when it comes to cleaning up flys!

Yeah, but catching them to tear off the wings first must be an awful struggle.

starbelgrade

KeithM89 wrote: »

A lighter and a can of lynx would have sorted that in minutes...

Bom-chik-a-wah-wah

Johro

starbelgrade wrote: »

There's been a fly in my kitchen for nearly a week now & now he's dead.

For 7 days, the fucker has been the bane of my life. Every time I've sat down to eat, he's been hovering around the table, buzzing past my ear, landing on food, pissing me & the missus off no end.

"It's not fucking Africa we're living in", said the wife the other day, as the peace of our evening meal was interrupted once again by this unwanted invader.

I tried everything to get rid of the cunt... from whacking him with a newspaper, to opening the windows to let him out & even took the drastic step of having a shower just in case it was the smell, but nothing worked.

At one stage he flew out the front window, only to reappear 2 minutes later through the back one.

He was really taking the piss.

A few minutes ago, I was having a cup of tea & a smoke, reading through the threads, when he landed on the side of my cup.

That was a fatal mistake. I covered the cup with my hand, then shook the tea, rendering him helpless. And as he wriggled in the half drunken warm tea, I took a kitchen knife to him & stabbed the fucker several times before washing him down the plughole.

Some people wouldn't hurt a fly.

I would. I hate the cunts.

That fly was somebody's mother..

Did ya ever see 'The Fly' though? Go around the house with a magnifying glass and check for tiny little messages. (no I don't mean fly-poop)
The windows especially, areas of condensation. See ('help! ') anywhere?
If not, you're in the clear.

Banter Joe

Ah, you wouldn't even need the lighter. Just spray in the general direction. No living thing can survive for more than a few seconds in a lynx filled room.

Cheap Thrills!

starbelgrade wrote: »

There's been a fly in my kitchen for nearly a week now & now he's dead.

For 7 days, the fucker has been the bane of my life. Every time I've sat down to eat, he's been hovering around the table, buzzing past my ear, landing on food, pissing me & the missus off no end.

"It's not fucking Africa we're living in", said the wife the other day, as the peace of our evening meal was interrupted once again by this unwanted invader.

I tried everything to get rid of the cunt... from whacking him with a newspaper, to opening the windows to let him out & even took the drastic step of having a shower just in case it was the smell, but nothing worked.

At one stage he flew out the front window, only to reappear 2 minutes later through the back one.

He was really taking the piss.

A few minutes ago, I was having a cup of tea & a smoke, reading through the threads, when he landed on the side of my cup.

That was a fatal mistake. I covered the cup with my hand, then shook the tea, rendering him helpless. And as he wriggled in the half drunken warm tea, I took a kitchen knife to him & stabbed the fucker several times before washing him down the plughole.

Some people wouldn't hurt a fly.

I would. I hate the cunts.

How come you can swear without the astrixes blottin' it out? :cool:

'cos I am jellybags about that and sorry for your trouble but the fly is dead now.

And you can swear merrily on boards :mad:

starbelgrade

Johro wrote: »

That fly was somebody's mother..

Did ya ever see 'The Fly' though? Go around the house with a magnifying glass and check for tiny little messages. (no I don't mean fly-poop)
The windows especially, areas of condensation. See ('help! ') anywhere?
If not, you're in the clear.

That's mad. I just checked the window. There was a note... it read -

"I hate life. I used to be in a world famous singer. People adored me. Then I died from a drug overdose.

Then I was re-incarnated as a kangaroo. Again, it was the drugs that killed me, only it wasn't my fault that time.

Now, I'm a fly, stuck in someone's kitchen. I wonder how it will end this time?"

alwaysadub

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

How come you can swear without the astrixes blottin' it out? :cool:

'cos I am jellybags about that and sorry for your trouble but the fly is dead now.

And you can swear merrily on boards :mad:

It's very fucking easy really. You can swear the fuck away when you know how.

starbelgrade

alwaysadub wrote: »

It's very fucking easy really. You can swear the fuc away when you know how.

Yes. All you have to do is type in '****' and it comes out as 'fuck'.

Cheap Thrills!

alwaysadub wrote: »

It's very fucking easy really. You can swear the fuc away when you know how.

**** **** ****ity **** **** cunty bollocks **** arse ****.....let me guess....do i have to ****ing register.....like a twat of a geebag!!!

KeithM89_old

starbelgrade wrote: »

Yes. All you have to do is type in '****' and it comes out as 'fuck'.

It works the same if you type you boards password in, it'll come out as ******** too

Sanjuro

starbelgrade wrote: »

....

Some people wouldn't hurt a fly.

I would. I hate the cunts.

You, sir, are a prince among men.

alwaysadub

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

**** **** ****ity **** **** cunty bollocks **** arse ****.....let me guess....do i have to ****ing register.....like a twat of a geebag!!!

You are registered!!
Do you mean do you have to fucking subscribe?
No,you don't, thank fuck

Banter Joe

That is cool alright, really clever that it knows that ******* is my password

alwaysadub

Banter Joe wrote: »

That is cool alright, really clever that it knows that ******* is my password

:eek:
That's my password too!!
What are the odds!

Cheap Thrills!

alwaysadub wrote: »

You are registered!!
Do you mean do you have to fucking subscribe?
No,you don't, thank fuck

**** yeah thats what I meant. Minge. Quim. Ballsack.

Basq

I laughed my ass off reading the opening post.

Johro

starbelgrade wrote: »

I hate life. I used to be in a world famous singer.

I'm not surprised.. Where exactly? Hate to ask..

Johro

alwaysadub wrote: »

:eek:
That's my password too!!
What are the odds!

Mine too!!
No wait.. I got two more *'s.

Johro

Duggy747 wrote: »

When I have a problem with flies I just break out my pistol. But my house looks like swiss cheese now

No wonder ya get flies. Cheese and holes. Asking for it.

Johro

Your house is a cheesy hole:D

Marcus.Aurelius

alwaysadub wrote: »

You are registered!!
Do you mean do you have to fucking subscribe?
No,you don't, thank fuck

Fucking hell, don't tell everyone, you just lost boards.ie another subscriber

thebullkf

Johro wrote: »

Your house is a cheesy hole

:eek:......reminded me of a girl i met when i was 17....:eek:

alwaysadub

Caesar Augustus wrote: »

Fucking hell, don't tell everyone, you just lost boards.ie another subscriber

Oh fuck yeah! Oops

Johro

basquille wrote: »

I laughed my ass off reading the opening post.

You got a fly in your teeth.

gurramok

You only had ONE SINGLE FLY to piss you off??

Try HUNDREDS PER DAY, they are called drain flies. I had them in my kitchen and sitting room with constant stuka type attacks any time I enter the room.

Have a look:
http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x283/gurra2011/Misc/?action=view&current=05062010800.jpg
http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x283/gurra2011/Misc/?action=view&current=Image0133.jpg
http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x283/gurra2011/Misc/?action=view&current=Image0134.jpg
http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x283/gurra2011/Misc/?action=view&current=05062010799.jpg

Grow a pair Star

Johro

Okay, but it is the one, solitary, persistent f*cker of a fly that gets to ya. I know the feeling.

starbelgrade

gurramok wrote: »

You only had ONE SINGLE FLY to piss you off??

Try HUNDREDS PER DAY, they are called drain flies. I had them in my kitchen and sitting room with constant stuka type attacks any time I enter the room.

Have a look:
http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x283/gurra2011/Misc/?action=view&current=05062010800.jpg
http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x283/gurra2011/Misc/?action=view&current=Image0133.jpg
http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x283/gurra2011/Misc/?action=view&current=Image0134.jpg
http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x283/gurra2011/Misc/?action=view&current=05062010799.jpg

Grow a pair Star

That's gross.

You seriously need to clean your drains.

gurramok

Johro wrote: »

Okay, but it is the one, solitary, persistent f*cker of a fly that gets to ya. I know the feeling.

Only one?? I had hundreds of the persistent feckers!!!

Try waking up in the morn walking to the kitchen preparing a meal and you're immediately attacked by an army of them. Only consolation is retreating to the bedroom to eat your brekkie. Lunch was at work but when I come home, I could not eat dinner, I had to live on takeaways as the kitchen was unlawfully occupied . :mad:

I was a refugee from my own home because of flies and the OP thinks he had it hard?

I had to fight hundreds of them per day for nearly a month, don't I deserve a higher medal of honour? ;P

starbelgrade

gurramok wrote: »

Only one?? I had hundreds of the persistent feckers!!!

Try waking up in the morn walking to the kitchen preparing a meal and you're immediately attacked by an army of them. Only consolation is retreating to the bedroom to eat your brekkie. Lunch was at work but when I come home, I could not eat dinner, I had to live on takeaways as the kitchen was unlawfully occupied . :mad:

I was a refugee from my own home because of flies and the OP thinks he had it hard?

I had to fight hundreds of them per day for nearly a month, don't I deserve a higher medal of honour? ;P

I didn't allow my fly to dictate to me. I still ate where I wanted to eat & with persistance, I hunted it down, trapped it like a caged animal & slaughtered it in cold blood.

I did the manly thing. Not run to my bedroom & hide from the reality.

If anyone needs to grow a pair, dude, it's you.

gurramok

starbelgrade wrote: »

That's gross.

You seriously need to clean your drains.

They were eventually. I had just moved into the place and the experts aka Pestguard or whatever their name was sorted it.

starbelgrade wrote: »

I didn't allow my fly to dictate to me. I still ate where I wanted to eat & with persistance, I hunted it down, trapped it like a caged animal & slaughtered it in cold blood.

I did the manly thing. Not run to my bedroom & hide from the reality.

If anyone needs to grow a pair, dude, it's you.

You see, you battled one fly only. You are a trainee in the fly extermination squads, you need to upkill to multitask at killing hundreds at once.

starbelgrade

gurramok wrote: »

They were eventually. I had just moved into the place and the experts aka Pestguard or whatever their name was sorted it.



You see, you battled one fly only. You are a trainee in the fly extermination squads, you need to upkill to multitask at killing hundreds at once.

I might apply for a job with Pestguard when I get a few more kills under my belt.

gurramok

starbelgrade wrote: »

I might apply for a job with Pestguard when I get a few more kills under my belt.

Err, thousands of kills you need!!]

You're just a junior trainee in fly combat still learning the ropes. A simple fly spray won't help train you nor will about 20 bottles of flyspray which I had used.

You need man attitude in nuking the invaders, we're talking a mini-holocaust in the home, you ready for that yet?;)

Banter Joe

gurramok wrote: »

Err, thousands of kills you need!!]

You're just a junior trainee in fly combat still learning the ropes. A simple fly spray won't help train you nor will about 20 bottles of flyspray which I had used.

You need man attitude in nuking the invaders, we're talking a mini-holocaust in the home, you ready for that yet?;)

I was wondering what was going on and then I saw your location. The flies are just attracted to all the bullshit in that area.