Unable to give affection

LegacyUser

Hi, bit of a long shot posting here, but think it could be worth it. I was sexually abused when I was younger. I buried everything about it until recently it became evident that it has had a massive impact on the type of person I am today. Basically I find it near impossible to show affection, I have had 2 serious relationships in my life, the first one failed becuse well we were young and grew apart, but the second ended very badly mainly due to my inability to show love/affection. From a basic hug to just saying 'I love you' was an absolute struggle, and the feeling I got during these times was horrible, kind of like I was trapped and couldnt breath.
The funny thing is that I was mad about this girl and loved her so much, just couldnt express it. So, I am on here in the hope that there are survivors of sexual abuse here and I am looking for help i.e. how the hell can this be overcome! I was thinking counselling alright, but money is a bit tight at the mo, is there any practical steps I could take myself to stop this ruining relationships?

lau1247

i can't comment on how to deal with your past abuse..

i understand your struggle to express them physically or face to face from what you described.. it's not the end of the world.. you just need to work on it bit by bit.. the main thing is you are motivated to try to overcome it..

as for now maybe try finding alternative medium.. if it is not too late maybe try writing down your feeling, explain what you're facing (Nothing too deep like sexual abuse, more in the general term like your title 'ability to express affection') and that you're trying to overcome the issue (you have no problem telling us here, so should be the same also) and let the girl know how you feel.. pen and paper (nothing digital) gives personal touch.. she will understand if she feels the same way and should at least buy you some time on your relationship..

Wish you best of luck OP