Reading waaay too much into things

LegacyUser

Hi All,

My boyfriend of four years broke up with me a couple of months ago. Since he has decided to go travelling, and for the last week I have been bombarded with updates of his (apparently unbelievable) travels. I don't want to look like a complete bitch so I haven't deleted him on facebook.

The thing is it was a pretty bad break up, he made the decision to end it and treated me pretty badly and he said he knows himself how much he has hurt me. So why is he still doing it? There have been a few implications that he has been with other girls, well at least I think so, but then again maybe I'm reading too much into it!

I don't know what advice I'm looking for really. I know I shouldn't still be so mad about him, but every time I see another update it's like he's twisting the knife a little more. I couldn't even imagine being with someone else yet, and I can't understand how he could. He said he didn't think he would even be able to look at another girl for at least a year, and he was never the one night stands type before. I think I might actually be turning a little crazy thanks to him!

Walls

Hide his entries. He won't know and you won't see them.

Truley

Next time his updates appear in your newsfeed click the 'hide updates' button to the right of it. This means only his info wont appear in your homepage and he will be none the wiser to what you've done.

I've done this before, even though it was amicable and I was the one who did the breaking up, I didn't particularly like seeing pictures of him with his new girlfriend or doing things that we used to do together.

fasty

If you don't want to delete him, just filter his status updates on Facebook. Ignorance is bliss.

Although to be honest, if you broke up and feel he treated you badly, then you should just defriend the guy. Who cares what he thinks?

LegacyUser

I really don't see why deleting him from facebook would reflect badly back on you. You simply don't want him to be a part of your life any more, for very understandable reasons, and hearing how he has moved on is making you miserable.

While I don't know the guy so I perhaps this isn't the sort of thing he would do. But it is entirely possible that he is doing this deliberately to get a reaction out of you, possibly as an ego trip so he knows you haven't moved on yet. You clearly don't want him to be a part of your life any more so you shouldn't leave such an open channel of communication, especially if its making you feel bad. Even if you don't feel that its a deliberate malicious act, you don't have to remain friends or in contact if you don't want to.

LegacyUser

OP here, OK so since I came here for advice and everyone is saying the same thing I've taken it. I just deleted him and I've hidden his friends so I won't have to see anything about him.

Most of my friends think he's doing it just to make out that he's having a great time and that he made the right decision. Surely it isn't possible to move on that fast?

LighterGuy

NutHouse wrote: »

...The thing is it was a pretty bad break up, he made the decision to end it and treated me pretty badly and he said he knows himself how much he has hurt me.....

Delete him.
The last thing you should be worrying about is "appearing" to be a bitch by deleting someone who has hurt you.

NutHouse wrote: »

...I don't know what advice I'm looking for really. I know I shouldn't still be so mad about him, but every time I see another update it's like he's twisting the knife a little more...

Bad breakups and even breakups in gerenal are like a race. First one to move on wins it feels like (But in reality the race is only with yourself) But no one wants to hear about an ex's great new experiences, it can make us feel that we have less in life. After all it takes time to heal after a breakup.

NutHouse wrote: »

...I couldn't even imagine being with someone else yet, and I can't understand how he could. He said he didn't think he would even be able to look at another girl for at least a year, and he was never the one night stands type before. I think I might actually be turning a little crazy thanks to him!...

Your not crazy. Just hurt and your emotionals are playing at you. Which is natural. Sorry to say naive too though. See all this "wont be able to look at another women" etc - its all Bulls*it. Many a person has said that during a break up. Come two weeks late sleeping with someone else, or even seeing someone else. Its all bs.


Op, you have to realise you should delete him.

neveah

Honestly you will continue to torture yourself and read too much into things unless you delete him, or even better block him altogether.

I did it with my ex, stayed friends on facebook for months after we broke up, but finally bit the bullet and blocked him. I haven't looked back since, it was the best move I ever made! Ignorance certaintly is bliss!

Your sanity is far more important than being perceived as a bitch. He broke up with you, you have every right to delete him from facebook. He is not your friend anymore.

Best of luck.

neveah

NutHouse wrote: »

OP here, OK so since I came here for advice and everyone is saying the same thing I've taken it. I just deleted him and I've hidden his friends so I won't have to see anything about him.

Most of my friends think he's doing it just to make out that he's having a great time and that he made the right decision. Surely it isn't possible to move on that fast?

Well done, you won't regret it.

As for moving on, try not to think about it, just concentrate on yourself. Everyone deals with break-ups differently. He broke up with you so he is already a few steps ahead of you with regards getting over the relationship. 4 years is a long time, he probably wants to enjoy the single life now on his travels. In a way it's a good thing that he's gone away. You won't have to fear bumping into him and you can use this time to get over him. It's tough getting over a break up but by deleting him you've taken back some power and you are looking after no. 1 - you! It's all about you now, go out with your friends and try and have fun!

LighterGuy

NutHouse wrote: »

OP here, OK so since I came here for advice and everyone is saying the same thing I've taken it. I just deleted him and I've hidden his friends so I won't have to see anything about him.

Most of my friends think he's doing it just to make out that he's having a great time and that he made the right decision. Surely it isn't possible to move on that fast?

It is and it isnt.
Some people say why is because "everyone is different" - its not. It just boils down to how much someone was into the other and what a person wanted.

sbsquarepants

NutHouse wrote: »

OP here, OK so since I came here for advice and everyone is saying the same thing I've taken it. I just deleted him and I've hidden his friends so I won't have to see anything about him.

Most of my friends think he's doing it just to make out that he's having a great time and that he made the right decision. Surely it isn't possible to move on that fast?

Of course it's possible to move on that fast!
You done the right thing by deleting him, the past is the past and the more time you spend dwelling on it, the less time you have left for the present.
My advice is chalk it down to experience and move on!

LegacyUser

Well done for deleting him OP. Won't he get a shock if he tries to look at your page now!

The most important thing after a break up is putting on a brave face, even if you're dying inside. And especially if the other person treated you badly. By deleting him you look like the stronger person here, the person that wants to move on (even if you can't bear the thought of being with anyone else). Cutting ALL contact is the only way to do that.

IrishEyes19

Personally, OP, I say delete him, you wont come across as being mean. This guy broke up with you badly, the best remedy to get over these people is to remove them from your life. People may slate me now for saying delete him, but seriously do yourself a favour my dear, and cut him loose. I dont see why his ego should be fanned, by you not deleting him. Im almost sick and tired of this game we play in our heads, oooh dont contact him, or dont delete him it will seem horrid.

Seriously girl, do what you feel is right and either hide his messages on the home page or delete him.

MsHolloway

Well Done, op! You did the right thing by deleting him.

Right now, you need to think about you. Please dont worry about looking like "a complete bitch" by deleting him. First of all, you're not! Its much better to cut the person out until you heal anyway, especially when it was a bad breakup. And second of all, you and your sanity trumps all that!

Do yourself a massive favour and try not to wonder or think about him. All these questions - has he moved on? can someone move on that fast? - this is time spent thinking about him, when you should be thinking about you.

Now, I know how hard it is. Believe me I do! Be kind to yourself, and use this time now to do all the things you like to do or always wanted to do.

Keep yourself busy and try to keep your mind off of him. Spend more time with friends, learn a new hobby, go on adventures of your own, get a new haircut, change up your bedroom. Think about you, how you feel and what you want to do now.

Moomoo1

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Of course it's possible to move on that fast!

I am sure going on a round the world tour made it easier as well.