Surrounded by Selfish People

DigiGal

Hey Guys
Lately I have found myself getting increasingly pissed off with some of my friends. I find that they are never there for me and I always end up running around for them like a doormat.

Everytime I go out I always end up being a "wing woman" (I'm in a relationship) as my friends obsess over men and will only go to gigs etc.. if they fancy one of the band or know some hot guys will be there. I usually spend my night following around some poor bloke while my friend throws herself at him and end up walking home on my own or sitting at the bar being a human cloakroom while they get off with their man of choice.

I rarely discuss my emotions etc and am happy to help others with their problems, I would be the advice person, but if I am in trouble or uspet i find my two closest friends just switch off and I can see them daydreaming and looking into the distance until I change the subject to them. My OH has seem them doing this and it really pisses him off also.

Another thing is all they ever seem to talk about is sex, getting men, hot men...It gets really tedious after a while. No man is off limits to them! For example, a couple of months ago me and the OH were on a "break" and I was with a guy, things didn't work out, he turned out to be a right piece of work and was very nasty to me.. I bumped into him last weekend and instead of ignoring him both my friends tried to score him...?

I cannot tell them anything or it gets passed on straight away...
I always end up paying for their drinks, even though i'm the only one without a job, i always have to go where they want to and do what they want to do. I am not the only one they use however, they are like this with everyone, they go off with people who have free drugs/drinks/guestlist, for example, I had a falling out with a really good friend of mine a couple of weeks back whom they wouldn't know very well, he had a gig - so did I and instead of coming to my gig, they went to his because he had acid??

I don't make friends easily, I am shy and have the social skills of a banana otherwise I could slowly cut them out of my life and make new friends...So what am I to do. I find myself getting more and more fed up.. I want some relationships that aren't so one sided and alot of people have been telling me to get rid of these friends...
Sorry about the rant

Blatter

Sounds like they're not great friends tbh. They sound immature and inconsiderate. You should cut down the amount of time you spend with them and start trying to make new friends as you've suggested. Don't have such a low opinion of yourself by saying you have the social skills of a banana, attempt to change this feeling you have of yourself. The best way to do this is to join some sports clubs or a gym or anything. This way you'll meet new people and will make new friends. You say you're unemployed, are you a student? Either way, you sound like you have have plenty of time on your hands to change the group your hanging around with.

thefeatheredcat

The truth is harsh, but yes, you are going to have to get rid of these people.

They are using and abusing you. You can assert yourself and take no more crap from them.

I've been through a few too many experiences like this, but the benefit was that it was very enlightening to see the people for who they really are.

If you're getting fed up and it's getting you down, it's going to effect you in many different ways. It will eventually effect your self esteem and your confidence, if not also your overall happiness.

You could put some distance between yourself and them to gain perspective on the situation. How they treat others is a great example of how they treat you - until you see them treating others below your own standards, then you will see that's how they treat you.

For your own happiness you are better to end the friendships - it will be hard and you may doubt if you have done the right thing, but ask yourself a week later are you happier in yourself?

Take comfort in that there are better, nicer people out there to be friends with who will appreciate you for you and genuinely take an interest in the person that you are Accept nothing less!

As for the social skills - you'd be surprised who you will meet in time - just be yourself, trust your own confidence and even if you're shy you have an outlet through gigs to always meet people.

DigiGal

SOCCER4LIFE wrote: »

Sounds like they're not great friends tbh. They sound immature and inconsiderate. You should cut down the amount of time you spend with them and start trying to make new friends as you've suggested. Don't have such a low opinion of yourself by saying you have the social skills of a banana, attempt to change this feeling you have of yourself. The best way to do this is to join some sports clubs or a gym or anything. This way you'll meet new people and will make new friends. You say you're unemployed, are you a student? Either way, you sound like you have have plenty of time on your hands to change the group your hanging around with.

Yeah I'm a student. I don't get on too well with the people in college I'm every nervous so I think people think I'm a bit weird, I don't bite though really...I am in a Kenpo class but i dont see any of those people outside, my college is small, no socs or anything really.

iguana

DigiGal wrote: »

I don't make friends easily, I am shy and have the social skills of a banana otherwise I could slowly cut them out of my life and make new friends...So what am I to do. I find myself getting more and more fed up.. I want some relationships that aren't so one sided and alot of people have been telling me to get rid of these friends...
Sorry about the rant

What are your interests? When I was about your age I found that my interests and my friends' interests were diverging and we didn't enjoy our company the way we used to. It wasn't that any of them were selfish but some were in relationships, we'd developed different musical tastes, my favourite type of night out was their idea of torture and vice versa.

So I started to involve my self more and more in things I was passionate about. I didn't do it with the intention of meeting new friends but that was what happened. I suggest that you start working out things that you want to do and start doing them. Don't do it in order to meet friends, just do it because you enjoy it and the odds are you probably will end up making new friendships.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Yeah they sound like they are not good friends, feck them, it sounds like it is worse to be around them then face your fear of meeting others, if you are in a college environment then there is loads of other people and groups around, what about joining some of the societies, what about sticking to yourself for a while, enjoy your own company till some other nice people come your way, if you accept crap friends then thats all you will get,

and if your weakness is that you are lonely so you will accept people being mean to you then you defo need to overcome that fear, it is putting a sign over your head that you are vulnerable and people will exploit that, if you try and be confident in your own skin and develop that independence then no one can hurt you because you dont give a crap what anyone thinks of you,

find people who are kind and sensitive, you only need one other person for that, i had loads of mates in college but not many i could trust and it was only in my final year that i made my best friend, you will find that as you all mature the big groups fade out.

Depends on what kind of experience you are happy with in college, some weeks i just wanted to chill by myself and get peace in the library and get my head down, the dynamics and energy of everyone can get a bit much at times, i like the partying but after a while got a bit bored with it and thought some people thought they were a bit too cool for school,

I would prefer to have 2 trusting decent friends than 20 crap friends, you already have one your BF, proves you can make friends btw and start looking around at the decent people that you know and giving them your time and energy not the other knobs! All the best.