One Night Stands

LegacyUser

I am a girl in her mid 30s. I had a bad break up about 2 years ago and am only coming right now. I have no problems attracting men - but I dont want to be in a relationship right now. To be honest, I am of sorts enjoying being single.

There is one thing I miss though - sex.

I was out last night and had a great night - plenty of male attention and it got me thinking would I ever have a ONS? Its no strings sex I guess, isnt it? I have never had one before.

Would people advise for/against it? I never thought I would even contemplate having a One Night Stand, but now my mind is starting to change.

ddef

*Slicks back hair*

Whats deh story.

Zaph

ddef, I suggest you read the part of the charter dealing with unhelpful and off-topic posts before posting here again.

Mr. Loverman

It's your life, do what you want. Certainly there's nothing wrong with sex and you shouldn't feel guilty for having it!

IrishEyes19

I say do whatever makes you feel comfortable, OP, only thing I would worry about is the emotional effects, as in could you see yourself being comfortable walking away after sex with someone on a ONS. Or would you feel guilty afterwards or bad? Im not speaking in any moral terms here at all, simply just the effects it might have on you, if you havent done this before or coming out of a relationship, being used to one person and seeing them again. I think it could drain on your emotional well being a lot more than you realise.

That said, if you feel totally comfortable with that sort of relationship, go for it.

LegacyUser

Hi there,
I'm in a very similar scenario to yourself, except that I've had a number of 1 nighters. So here's my experience.

1 nighters are rarely any good. Im a guy, and I dont want to sound all soft, but I have to know the person somewhat. Even a 1 nighter with a girl that I'm getting on great with isn't a humdinger.
My last girlfriend was a couple of years ago, and while I have defo moved on, its pretty hard to replace her. Even the sex element.

What I'm saying is while you miss the sex, a 1 nighter will obviously fill that gap (teehee) but don't expect it to leave you fullfilled.
Or maybe it will, just my experience so far. We're all different.

If the self respect side of things is a hidden issue, don't worry about it, you're a big girl now And you don't have to tell anyone, that might even add a little buzz to it.

Take care missus

LegacyUser

I split form ex almost 2 yrs ago... Had kept a low profile till recently and am shocked and flattered at by the attn I'm getting...I'm not interested in anything serious either but am afraied the physical "want" will make me do something silly???
ONS from memory are never good.. Had been in last relationship over 10 yrs but remember the few ons I'd had when I was younger.. In my experience ONS were unsatisfying and emotionally destructive....
So looks like we r all in the same boat...of sexual tension.
???
Best of luck guys/gals

Beruthiel

ONS wrote: »

Would people advise for/against it? I never thought I would even contemplate having a ONS, but now my mind is starting to change.

If you're up for it and ready to give it a go. Then do.
Be safe and pay attention to your sexual health.

Distorted

I've never actually succeeded in having a one night stand and I can't be the only one. What I mean is that the very few times it might have happened, like I've met a guy in a club and gone back to his/his to mine, we've either not ended up going the full way because they wanted it be a more serious thing and didn't want it to start with a ONS or he's contacted me afterwards and we've ended up dating. Now I might just live in an area full of particularly decent guys, or I might just be archetypal relationship material, but ONS in my experience just seem to be another way of meeting boyfriends. So don't assume it'll be as simple as you think it might be.

kylith

I've had a few ONSs myself over the years and for 'scratching an itch' they're fine. If you just want sex and are sure you wouldn't want it to develop into anything else there are several websites you can join.

I only ever once stumbled across a guy who'd I'd have been interested in meeting again, and tbh the whole thing got a bit boring after a while, but if you want it go for it. Just remember to stock up on condoms.

Miss Fluff

I'm not an advocate of ONS' at all as I'd prefer to know someone a bit before sleeping with them and I'd prefer to know the sex is going to be good but it is all down to personal preference. I personally like having a Friend With Benefits but I'm able to separate sex and feelings and that can be a tall order for a lot of people. The beauty of having a FWB is that you're guaranteed really good sex when you need it as opposed to going out, getting hammered and having potentially mediocre sex (put it this way, I think you've hit lucky if a ONS can make you come on the first try) and awkward goodbyes in the morning. It's definitely a personal preference though. If interested in a ONS I'd say go for it, just keep safe and don't take any unnecessary risks and if possible bring him back to your place etc

kylith

Oh, and always, always, make sure you tell someone where you're going (address of house).

Benincasa

If you are going to have a ONS remember to be as safe as you can be.

But also bear in mind that condoms do not provide complete safety, even when they don't break and are used correctly eg HPV, the underlying cause of cervical cancer, is an STI and condoms offer little or no protection for it. So while "playing safe" will provide some protection for some diseases, they do not offer total protection.

If you are going to have random sex with strangers you should bear all of this in mind.

And rememeber that condoms do not protect your heart...

Uriel.

Benincasa wrote: »

HPV, one of the underlying cause of cervical cancer, is an STI and condoms offer little or no protection for it. So while "playing safe" will provide some protection for some diseases, they do not offer total protection.

Fixed your post.

And 70 - 80% ballpark figure is not little to no protection.

The OP, in her mid-30s, depending on her sexual history, is highly likely to have been exposed to several strains of HPV at this stage. Her best method of protection against cervical cancer is regular testing.

Condoms are her best method of protection against everything else.

Joey the lips

I imagine every man on here will tell you go for it.... But i would suggest as a man you read a lot of womens posts on the subject...

From reading, over time it makes a women feel worthless depressed and all various problems....I dont know why....as i am a man.

However if you get past this and can look someone in the eye after just having a one night stand then "why not"

But my feelings on anything like this is....If its so good " why is everyone not doing it"

LegacyUser

OP here. I think I could do it to scratch an itch once in a while. thanks for pointing out some safety tips. Am going to go for it the next opportunity I have. cheers

Darlughda

kylith wrote: »

Oh, and always, always, make sure you tell someone where you're going (address of house).

Oh yeah. great advice-how on earth is anybody going to know the address of someone they are going to shag on a ONS?

OP- Just try to understand and get to know your inner instinct. As a single woman, and as a woman having ONS, you need this more than anything.

It's not failsafe. Risks are involved. God knows who you are getting into a taxi with, let alone going into bed with.

Update yourself on STI's. If any ass acts reluctant, tell him your best lover's always used condoms.

Yes, it is one of the very few lucky things about a woman, as in there are many websites out there catering for the likes of women who want fcuk buddies and ONS.

Try to find out as much details as you can about a person, and check them.
Majority of men on these sites have wives and children, and are desperate for sex.

However, there are the occasional few who genuinely just have busy careers, doctors, army personnel, etc.

You might meet some interesting people, but do not expect cuddles and lazy lie ins.

vicecreamsundae

yeah if it's just sex you miss, and you meet someone you like on a night out then go for it. definitely nothing to be ashamed about.

personally i don't like the idea of ONS, because i like to know someone before having sex with them [even if its only for a very short time!] i just don't like the thought of going back to a strangers house with a guy alone. but some people would just see that as paranoia! what i consider to be my 'ONS' have been hooking up wth friends/friends of friends as a one off. it's still just sex, but i like that i know them a bit/know they are a decent person.

vicecreamsundae

Darlughda wrote: »

Oh yeah. great advice-how on earth is anybody going to know the address of someone they are going to shag on a ONS?.

you ask the guy when you're getting in the taxi, and text your mate. it's not that big of a deal.

Princess Peach

It depends on how you think you will feel aftwerwards.

I had my first one night stand recently and I hated it. Not the actual act itself :P But how I feel afterwards. I hadn't really put much thought into how things would be between me and the guy afterwards, but I now know I really would have liked a date, or at least for him to reply to my texts! I feel really used, and slutty and like a fool!

Thats just my experience. Think about how you will manage the emotional side of it, if the guy you sleep with never speaks to you again. It just wasn't for me. Mine wasn't with a stranger though, so I guess I wasn't sure if it was going to be a one night stand or if something more would come of it. At least you know what your in for

chainsaws

Hi OP,

If it feels good, do it.
You only live once.

kylith

vicecreamsundae wrote: »

you ask the guy when you're getting in the taxi, and text your mate. it's not that big of a deal.

Exactly.