Family member stealing

LegacyUser

I have just caught my younger brother (15) stealing money from my fathers loose change bottle. He said he was taking €6. I said to him your stealing and he said back to me "So what" and the conversation pretty much continued like that with him showing no remorse at being caught and he walked out of the house with the money

Ive always had a very little opinion of him, havnt talked to him socially in a couple of years because he is pretty much a delinquent. My other brother overheard me catching him stealing money and said "He does it all the time" and that our mother lets him away with it. I also keep money in my room in which we share. When he goes to bed, i usually go to the sitting room and i hear him walking around the room to my side. I never knew why he did it until now.

My mother has always been pretty soft with us. Whenever me and my brother got in trouble when we were young we always felt guilty and never did it again although we never did anything like stealing or anything malicious, just the usual teenage stuff. She never punished us, just put a guilt trip on us. My brother on the other hand has no remorse. He is a very troublesome person and when ever anybody raises it with my mother she ignores it, sweeps it under the carpet and tries to make them out to be the villian.

My mother is currently at work (wont be home until 10) My father usually goes to the boozer on Sundays and should be back about 11. If i say anything to my mother about it she will do the usual and bring up all the stuff that i did when i was younger. My fathers only day out to the boozer is on Sunday so he will be hammered. Not that he has ever been violent but it would just make the situation worse and knowing my mother she will defend my brother to the death and make it everybody against those 2 and the whole house will be fighting. If i told my father tomorrow it would pretty much be the same story.

Knowing that no matter what happens my brother will go without any punishment or feel any remorse, it seems like telling my parents on him will make life worse on everybody in the house except him. If he wants to steal from them and they let him away with it then thats their problem but if he is stealing from me its a different ball game.

My opinions are:

Tell my mother when she gets home?

Tell my father when he gets home or tomorrow after he comes home from work tomorrow?

Ignore the whole thing?

or

This may sound childish but i could take his playstation control pads (he plays a fair bit) and tell him to pay back the money or tell my father he took money from him if he wants the control pads back?


Cheers for reading

lau1247

if i were you i'd keep the valuables as far away as possible from him..

as for how to solve this, it seems your parents have never take up punishment and will unlikely to do so.. maybe it's time to confide with both your parents.. get them both to sit down and explain what you have witness.. explain that you're very concerned about this behavior in the long run and surely it will not come to any good and will likely lead to him committing more (hopefully not anything serious than this as a worst case) crime in the future..

at the end of the day you are all family and watching out for each other is only the right thing to do..

Maybe once you've talked with your parents, you might want to target the reason behind him taking the money.. What does he use it for? does your parents give him any pocket money? etc

I don't see taking away the playstation tactic will work.. I'm sure he may have other entertainment outlet to turn to..

LegacyUser

Maybe your brother has an addiction problem of some sort and that is why he is stealing.
Figure out what he needs the money for, then try to help him, you are his big brother after all. Don't just be the bully kind of big brother- maybe he has a real hard time and some real problems. You just don't know. If he is that young (15) he hasn't matured yet and he is still growing up, he is bound to make mistakes and maybe he deserves forgiveness and someone who cares instead of just judgement and almost hatred, it sounds like. Although stealing is serious, there may be other more serious underlying issues and maybe you should be concerned.

Taltos

Seems more likely that your brother is effectively raising himself...

Where is the parenting here?
A mother who buries her head in the sand - I mean that is a recipe for disaster - trust me - seen it before.
And your father? I am not getting much from your post about your dad here.

You are right though - there is no easy way out of this.

In terms of you taking his controllers - that will just put you in the bad books - whatever else you think it is NOT your job to raise your brother.

I suggest waiting for a quiet time in your house when both of your parents are there, both calm and sober.
Ask them if you can have a chat - let them know that normally you would prefer to ignore this as it is none of your business - but that you are concerned that is X is not pulled into line now he will just fall into bad company. Let them know about your chat with him and stress that you are just concerned for him.
When your mum raises your past - just restate - yes mum, I do remember, but X is not me and we are here to talk about him. You can both decide to ignore his behaviour or to try to help him, but as his brother and your son I feel duty bound to let you know so you at least have that choice.

Then walk away...
If they help him great - if not well it is their choice and his.
Be prepared for some lashback however - you do know he will call you all the names under the sun and you might want to consider protecting your more precious items for a while either way...

seenitall

OP, unfortunately I think that whatever you do, it will be a losing battle in this case.

I used to have a similar problem with a younger sibling of mine who was allowed to run wild in a single-parent household. I often found myelf attempting to parent him instead of a non-responsive parent, which I was, of course, not allowed to do - the non-responsive parent suddenly became very decisive when it came to disciplining me. While then coming crying to me about the assorted problems with the sibling. Too pathetic for words.

Anyway, I of course gave up and just looked to get out of the dam place as soon as possible, and that is what you should do too. In the meantime, just watch your back and watch your property. It is not your problem that your parents have lost the plot as to raising your brother, and while you could possibly help if they let you, nothing good can come of fighting windmills. Your brother and your parents are not your responsibility to manage, especially if they are being hostile to you. Good riddance to that.

This may seem harsh talk, but I know from experience just how stressful this type of family situation can be, so I have been in that situation, can empathise and looking back I know the only answer is to get the heck out as soon as possible. I should have done it much sooner than I did.

Best wishes.

padma

Hi, just my two cents here, your brother seems to have a need for more money than he is currently receiving. One issue may be that he smokes or has a drug problem, or a girlfriend he wants to impress.

Are you a car owner? If so offer him a few bob to clean your car(if you have it to spare) once he is 16 and is of the age for a part-time job he will probably steer away from shuffling through peoples pockets. My point is he doesn't understand yet what it means to work and earn money, and with this lack of understanding probably believes he has a greater need for this money than the people he is robbing it from. A bit of hard work and earning some pay should sort out his issues.