where to report possible child abuse?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

i cant be 100% sure, but i think my neighbours are abusing their 2 year old in some way...they moved in 6 months ago and I remember at first thinking "OMG, that child cries an awful lot" then it carried on and on and i thought "god, i wonder are they hurting him?" then i just got used to it and it became the norm and i didnt really take much notice...until last night...

it started at around 1:45am, crying and then SCREAMING, i mean SCREAMING his lungs out. I heard the father shouting at him (i presumed to be quiet) a few times, but it carried on all night (on and off) until 9 this morning when i just couldnt take it any longer and knocked on their door to ask if everything was alright...the father took at least 10 mins to open the door - when he did, he opened it just a crack and got very defensive when i asked if the child was ok. he said he (the child) was sick and had a fever. Fair enough I thought, but if a child is that sick -a) would the parent be roaring at them to be quiet - and b) surely if he was sick, he would have been too weak to scream ALL night long?

i asked him if he wanted me to call a doctor and again, he got very defensive and said that he had given him medicine...then, after this screaming going on ALL night, as soon as the father went back in, the child was silent. i havent heard a peep out of him since...(maybe he tired himself out screaming all night? but to go from that to nothing in a matter of seconds is a bit suss...)

Obviously, I dont know whats going on inside their house and i genuinely hope that its no more than just a case of a ratty child - but the whole set up is very odd. They NEVER have the child outside - not even for a walk in a buggy during the summer, nothing! in fact, i dont even think they have a buggy for him. ive seen him 3 times in 6 months and when i did, i was chatting away to him and he couldnt form one single word. their blinds are constantly pulled down too, which i think is a bit strange...and they never have people over. the wife is never outside either - ive seen her once in 6 months!

so who do you report "suspected" child abuse to? is it the Gardai? Like i said, i hope theres nothing to it but its better to be safe than sorry and if there is, something needs to be done.

i know loads of people are going to tell me to stay out of other peoples business etc etc and that would be fair enough (to some degree) if it were the 2 adults screaming the house down, but not when theres a 2 year old child involved...

tenchi-fan

yep, the gardai if you beleive the child is in immediate danger. I've reported incidents to the gardai before.. my god, it's not worth it sometimes. They actually make you feel like the criminal.

Otherwise, tip off social services.

just a word of warning.. your neighbours will know who got the authorities on to them. Have you discussed it with another neighbour to see what they think?

Nevyn

I would start with talking with your nieghbours, you don't know if the child has a medical condition or not. I know parents who have austic children who have pretty much gone through the same type of hell when the child was a toddler. Call in and have a chat if there is a condition they should mention it to you.

If they don't and your brushed off then you need to talk to the socil workers on call for your area and you can contact them at your local HSE clinic to make a report under the child protection act.

http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/Find_a_Service/Children_and_Family_Services/Child_Welfare_and_Protection/Child%20abuse/How_to_report_abuse/

metrovelvet

Could be teething. Could be trying to get the child to learn to sleep on his own. Could be abuse. Who knows.

fungun

you may find it reduces now they realise the sounds can be heard outside the house. Although that may just be because they will build a bunker basement! :P

Polling neighbours would be good. Id have considered tipping off social services if you hadnt made contact but if they know its likely to be you im not sure id do it unless i was prepared to move away if it got nasty

LegacyUser

I don't know OP.....we have friends whose neighbours have a 2 year old and my god does she scream. So much so they are wondering do they really want children (!). The consensus seems to be that she's totally spoilt as the neighbours are nice people, and they see the child a lot, but they have spent nights in the last year and a half they've been living there listening to the child screaming herself blue in the face all night. Even I've heard her through the wall the odd evening I'm there - she's deplorable, and if she was mine.....well, I won't go any further with that thought!

Anyway, maybe you need a bit more evidence than that, because it will probably be quite obvious that it's you that reported it, and that could create a very uncomfortable situation. By the way, I'd imagine it's the Gardai, or social services that you report to.

Miss Fluff

Have you discussed this with any of your other neighbours?

LegacyUser

Its a pity but its almost impossible to ever know what goes on behind closed doors. All of the examples you gave (reclusive mother, child never being out) can be explained away by a) The mother being a quiet person who doesn't like other people's company and b) the child may have some kind of disability/be autistic and for some stupid reason, the parents may be ashamed of that.

So really I wouldn't judge anything from parents behaving 'oddly', thats really not fair. Its a catch 22 because you never know if abuse is happening, and its difficult to know if you should err on the side of caution or be beliggerent. Either way the child comes first. Good luck!

Cheap Thrills!

Children can scream like banshees for an incredibly long time due to anything from an ear infection, teething, temper tantrums (my 3 year old nephew can go for hours and no naughty step in the world will cure him)

The kid not being able to speak might indicate a disability or something.

Having said all that it could be abuse however it seems unlikely a parent would stay up all night to abuse a child who is screaming it's guts out and waking the whole street!!!

Difficult, I would try to talk to them too, even offer to babysit just to get a feel for what is going on.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

People can have an intuition about these things, and women especially, the OP has not been too hasty in judging this situation she has observed and now come to a conclusion that something is not right, i think it is worth pursuing, if only to make sure nothing is going on, report it to the guards, ask for anonymity, the guards may have info on the people and can investigate without having to go to the house, also the guards will be able to advise.

m'lady

Have a friend who was in in a similar situation, she heard the child in question being whipped with something. She called the Gárdai, they were feck all use. She then took the following advice:

I was also in a similar position a few years ago, where a child (2 yrs old) was obviously being neglected, I called the Health Centre in the area and spoke to a district nurse, who knew the family and went through the relevent steps to protect the child.

You need to report this, and I wouldn't go to the Guards, I would call your local Health centre and ask either to speak to a district nurse or ask for the local Social workers number, if in Dublin I think they are based in Raheny.

To me it sounds like the mother could also be in some kind of trouble. In my opinion if a child was sick as the father told you, he wouldn't be shouting at the poor kid. On both of these occasions names were NOT given, just refuse to give your name, it will still be taken seriously.

Don't ignore this, please.

Shelli2

I agree with M'Lady, do report this, if there is nothing going on then the worst that will come of it is a wasted jouney for the social worker, if on the other hand there is something nasty happening, you could in fact be saving a small childs life.

But be prepared, even if you don't give your name, your neighbours will definately assume it was you who reported them becuase of the night you called in.

iMax

OP, please for the sake of the child, report it to a local doctor or nurse & get them to call to the house as part of a "routine" visiting thing. Let them make the decision wether or not to contact social services or gardá.

LegacyUser

A child screaming at that age could be indicative of so many things, illness, night terrors, just plain old spoilt-ness, wanting to sleep in the parents bed and having a meltdown because they aren't allowed. Is there another reason that you are jumping to abuse, apart from the mother being quiet and them keeping to themselves?

Personally, I wouldn't read much into a response to calling to someones door at 2am. In fairness I don't think I'd even answer the door at 2am and if I did to find a neighbor there complaining about my child I wouldn't know how to react as I imagine I'd be stressed enough with things going mad in my house without that too.

I know ours have gone through stages of waking in the night with dreams and all manner of things and after a week or two of patience and sleep deprivation it certainly would take it's toll. I have been known to shout out to them to 'go back asleep' in a very stern voice!

Can you try to speak to either of the parents in passing on the street? See if you can get a better feel for how things are? Do they have any family around or support that you could talk to in passing? Maybe approach them during the day and ask if the child is ok, is he sick poor little guy, ensure they can see that's it's only out of concern you're asking and they might be more friendly.

Dr. Zeus

Hi OP,

I think protection of our children is everyone's business. The reason that systemic child abuse was so prevalent in Irish institutions was partly because people who knew what was going on "didn't want to get involved".

Irish people have this paranoia about being seeing as a snitch maybe dates back to colonial times. Bad things happen when good people do nothing.

I agree that this is an awkward situation and there could be many reasons that the child is crying, you don't want to put two and two together and get 25!

Maybe you could monitor the situation over the coming week and decide what to do from there. I would not contact the gardai but as others pointed out contact the district nurse or the social worker in the area.

You do not have to give your name. I know someone who works in child protection and it will take them months to do anything due to backlogs and staffing issues. Sexual abuse reporting takes precedence.

So it is not as if they will be straight out and the neighbour will know it was you. I am not sure if I would canvass the other neighbours either. People can react strangley to these situations and may just see you as an intefering busy body.

If you feel strongly about it report it and just leave it at that.
Good luck.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the replies, i havent heard or seen anything since i posted - not a single sound out of any of them...i've decided to drop down the district nurse for the area and have a chat and leave it with her...

just in regard to one response about me knocking at the door at 2am...if you read the post, i actually waited until 9 am to knock in, but was kept awake from 2am...and regardless of time, if my niece or nephew or any child that i knew was potentially being abused/neglected, i would want someone to do something

thanks again for all the advice!

LegacyUser

Sorry it was me who misread the time.
The reason I mentioned that, is that I think I would understand being defensive if someone called to your door when your having issues trying to deal with your children.
That was what my point was- and that it might have been much worse at 2am (though I see I misread that). You know?

Like I said, can you have a word with them on the street or during the day or anything in passing? You might get a better picture of what's going on?
But chatting to the local nurse is grand too, at least it alerts someone if there are any issues.

donutheadhomer

Thaedydal wrote: »

Call in and have a chat if there is a condition they should mention it to you.


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why should they mention it to you>? they don't need to tell you anyhting

Nevyn

Because if there is one then people will make allowances.
I of several parents who have special needs kids who when the moved house called in and let the neighbours know of the children's conditions so that they wouldn't have crap spouted about them by people who were ignorant.