Stay at home mum vs college?

wolfpawnat

Hello everyone, I was wondering if people could give me their opinions on this as I really am just so unsure of what to do?

I was studying nursing in UCD when I had my son and I am due to go back this January, but there are a few things I am unsure about.

I want my degree, but the work exp hours are going to clash with his dads work exp hours for his course and we don't live near family. Nursing is a good career, but with the way Ireland has gone, will there be a job for me in 2014?

But I do want to look after my son, and be a good and full time mum so he is not being thrown from post to pillar with nannies, creches and the like!I want to be the one to do his homework with him when he is in school, and to collect him and ask him about his day.

What are peoples opinions, are kids better having one parent at home? His dad will be a vet, so he will have long hours but a decent wage.

metrovelvet

I dont think there is a right or wrong answer to this.

No one knows what the future holds with the economy. And everyone is going to have to do a lot of compromising.

Cheshire Cat

My advise would be to go out and at least finish your degree. At least then you have someting to fall back onto in the future.
The temptation to stay home may be very strong, but you are not doing yourself any favours.
Nobody knows what the future brings and I think it is VERY risky not to have a qualification.
You can still stay at home with your son after you have finished your course but you will have the option to do some work, i.e. some night shifts or weekend work when he is bigger.

Best of luck!

CC

themadchef

Get your qualification. I'm not throwing cold water on your plans but you always need to have a back up plan.

What if yee split up next year or in 10 years time? Always be capable of being self sufficient. Difficult to get a well paid job with no qualifications.

It's going to be tough but you future ability to earn should be no more compromised that your partners as a result of your child. Talk, talk and more talk is what you need with your partner.

Best of luck.

metrovelvet

themadchef wrote: »

Get your qualification. I'm not throwing cold water on your plans but you always need to have a back up plan.

What if yee split up next year or in 10 years time? Always be capable of being self sufficient. Difficult to get a well paid job with no qualifications.

It's going to be tough but you future ability to earn should be no more compromised that your partners as a result of your child. Talk, talk and more talk is what you need with your partner.

Best of luck.

This is true. It may mean you have to emigrate, but that is not always the worst thing in the world. Its better than being stuck.

doubleglaze

I think the best course of action for you would be to finish your degree. You can probably work part time after you qualify.

Social welfare will probably be slashed right down in the future and you need a lot of money to raise and well-house a child.

Also, you have something to fall back on should the father of your child become incapacitated/marry and have kids with someone else, etc.

I think that for most women with kids, it is generally best they work part-time.

I really think you can pull it off. It won't be easy for a few years, and you may not get a first class honours degree or even a 2.1, but you will get a degree of some sort and, with your personality and abilities, a decent job. You are a capable and intelligent woman and if anyone can do it, you can.

username123

Finish your studies. You will send a better message to your child about the importance of education, hard work and ambition for men and women both than if you dont do it.

You need to protect your own future - and thus protect the future of your child by increasing your own earning potential.

Youre still gonna be a good mum, and arguably a better one because you chose the more difficult road so you will extra cherish time with your child, while working to look after his future.

cynder

I had that option approx 6 years ago, my hubby is a software developer, we wanted to buy a house (2004) and that meant i needed a wage so i decided not to go to college and work as a hotel receptionist (we only had one child) toward the end off 2004 we made head ways to buy a house and were waiting for mortgage approval, during that time i got pregnant again, we moved into our new house in august 2005 1 month after i had my premature baby ( we got the house keys a week after he was born but the house was a shell so we had to furnish it). I went back to work part time and then when my guy was 7 months i was pregnant again. I am now a stay at home mom with 3 kids and i love it.


I Will go back to work sooner or later but i will only go back part time, i might even consider doing a college course as a mature student, because once my kids are grown up (teens)there wont be much for me to do around the house.

So if your planning on more kids think about it, with only 1 kid you might aswell finish the college course, what does your hubby think?


What happens if your working a night shift and hubby gets a call out? he would have to bring your lad with him. There are pros and cons to each situation, you really need to work them out with your hubby.

wolfpawnat

grindelwald wrote: »

what does your hubby think?


What happens if your working a night shift and hubby gets a call out? he would have to bring your lad with him. There are pros and cons to each situation, you really need to work them out with your hubby.

You see that is the thing, nursing is a 12-13 hour day 4 days a week, hours are days or nights. There is no such thing as part-time nursing and there is an employment freeze as there are too many nurses qualified already!

Veterinary is a 24 hour job most days and we don't live anywhere near family!

I feel like giving up the nursing and doing something more realistic as a degree, so when my son is in school I can have a job and not be working ridiculous hours where I will not see him

cynder

In that case i would look into other college courses that would result in a job with practical hours and something that your are interested in as well.


I wanted to do nursing and my hubby told me he would never marry a nurse, it grand saying that you have 3 days off but most of them will be catching up on sleep.

I've told my young lady the best job she could get would be teaching as your always finished by 5 and have every weekend off and get 2-3 months summer holidays (primary or secondary)and even get mid terms and xmas off. I would love to be a Primary school teacher but im crap at Irish.

You could do veterinary nursing and that would be a 9-5 sort of job, you could even work with your hubby!

mohawk

wolfpawnat wrote: »

You see that is the thing, nursing is a 12-13 hour day 4 days a week, hours are days or nights. There is no such thing as part-time nursing and there is an employment freeze as there are too many nurses qualified already!

Veterinary is a 24 hour job most days and we don't live anywhere near family!

I feel like giving up the nursing and doing something more realistic as a degree, so when my son is in school I can have a job and not be working ridiculous hours where I will not see him

There is a worldwide shortage of nurses if the economy doesn't pick up you could easily get a job in canada or australia with nursing.
Nursing does have crazy hours though. I have been looking into my options lately and the only career I can see that is family friendly is teaching. However, there is no point changing careers if you end up doing something you don't like. You never know if you stick with nursing you could become a PHN or something with similar hours. The recruitment freeze won't last forever and no matter what you choose to do there is going to be a worry about if there is going to be a job when you finish.

Best of luck with what you decide.

LegacyUser

grindelwald wrote: »

I've told my young lady the best job she could get would be teaching as your always finished by 5 and have every weekend off and get 2-3 months summer holidays (primary or secondary)and even get mid terms and xmas off.

I'm not sure if you're recommending this career path because she is female or just in general? If it's because she is female, I think it's a bit unfair.

What if she wants to be a doctor? What if she wants to be a human rights lawyer? What if she doesn't particularly like time off?

She may not even want to have children. Even then, not all mothers want to spend loads of time at home.

I'm not trying to be confrontational, but when I was younger, recommendations of 'nice job for a woman' used to really upset me.

OP, an au pair may be an idea. It's not overly expensive and at least someone will be there if you're working nights and your husband has a call out.

caprilicious

It is a really hard choice to make, I see your point with the very long hours on training. While it will be worth it to have your degree, it will be hard being away from the wee man so long & coming home too tired to do a lot.

He's only every going to be this age once.
If you have doubts about it, then maybe you should see if there is another career for you to pursue with more family friendly hours.

It would be terrible to look back in years to come and regret not having that time with him.
Equally, it would be difficult to look back in a few years and regret not completing your degree & perhaps sacrificing your career.

Are there any other careers you have an interest in that you would like to pursue?
Seeing as you're intelligent enough to qualify for nursing, I would imagine the world is your oyster in so far as what courses you would be qualified to do.

It is completely understandable that you may be anxious about leaving him after being at home with him the past 2 +years.
I had terrible anxiety about returning to work after maternity leave, and that was only after 5 months at home with my little lady. It does get easier though & although there are days it drives me mad, I do do enjoy the few days in work & my little lady loves the social interaction in creche.

If its going to clash with your partners work experience also, could you defer for a year or two more until his course is complete? Maybe in the meantime complete a less demanding course in an area that you have interest in, but keep the option of nursing still open to you when your partner has completed his training?

The best of luck with your decision, it is a difficult one to make & I don't envy it.

Deliverance

wolfpawnat wrote: »

Hello everyone, I was wondering if people could give me their opinions on this as I really am just so unsure of what to do?

I was studying nursing in UCD when I had my son and I am due to go back this January, but there are a few things I am unsure about.

I want my degree, but the work exp hours are going to clash with his dads work exp hours for his course and we don't live near family. Nursing is a good career, but with the way Ireland has gone, will there be a job for me in 2014?

But I do want to look after my son, and be a good and full time mum so he is not being thrown from post to pillar with nannies, creches and the like!I want to be the one to do his homework with him when he is in school, and to collect him and ask him about his day.

What are peoples opinions, are kids better having one parent at home? His dad will be a vet, so he will have long hours but a decent wage.

Bottom line? You answered your own question: get your degree. Your child / children will be better off for it, as will you be.

Drive on and do it. Ask no futher questions;)

cynder

Alicia765 wrote: »

I'm not sure if you're recommending this career path because she is female or just in general? If it's because she is female, I think it's a bit unfair.

What if she wants to be a doctor? What if she wants to be a human rights lawyer? What if she doesn't particularly like time off?

She may not even want to have children. Even then, not all mothers want to spend loads of time at home.

I'm not trying to be confrontational, but when I was younger, recommendations of 'nice job for a woman' used to really upset me.

OP, an au pair may be an idea. It's not overly expensive and at least someone will be there if you're working nights and your husband has a call out.

Not recommending it because she is a girl, She is 11 and there is no pressure for her to be a teacher, there are however jobs that she cannot do because she is a diabetic. She has already told me she would like to get married and have kids when she is older, she loves animals and im sure she would like to be a vet or a horse riding instructor. At the end of the day its her choice.

She would love to join the army, but cant (thankfully).

I would recommend teaching to my 2 boys as well, but they are only 3 and 5.

wolfpawnat

Teaching is the ultimate parents job, you are in school while they are and ye are home together and doing yer "homework" together. Regardless of gender it is the perfect profession!

It is also the reason it is so hard to get into.

Cat Melodeon

If you would consider teaching, you could go and do a science degree - you clearly have an aptitude for science if you got in to nursing. If you got a first or a 2.1, you would easily get on to the HDip - science and maths teachers are always in demand.

You could also do a BA part-time by day or evening (evenings tend to have quite a limited subject choice though). If you wanted to stay in the area of health, you could study something like psychology.

Distance learning is also an option, although it can work out more expensive. DCU offer the Oscail program, maybe check out their courses.

I really recommend getting some sort of qualification. Forget about failing relationships, for your own self-worth you should finish what you started.

wolfpawnat

Thats the thing, this isnt about me and the dad being/not being together. I want self worth, I repeated my leaving and all to get good points so I could go to college. But it is quite clear, nursing is a no-no.

I love care giving jobs, I want to help people. Children the elderly and the needy. That is what I want and that is why I chose nursing!

cynder

wolfpawnat wrote: »

I love care giving jobs, I want to help people. Children the elderly and the needy. That is what I want and that is why I chose nursing!

If nursing is a no no what about:

Social work
Physiotherapy
Special needs assistant
Speech therapy
Child psychologist
Psychology
Occupational Therapist

Cat Melodeon

I wouldn't recommend special needs assistant. SEN teacher maybe, but not SNA. The money is awful, there is zero job security from year to year, you can get treated like dirt by staff and students, it's the first area to be slashed in the budget, there are too many SNAs and not enough jobs.

All of grindelwald's other suggestions are excellent!

Also: youth worker, community development worker, counsellor, care worker.

LegacyUser

OP,
The fact that you are questioning if there'll be a job in 2014 is a bit crazy, nursing is one of the most secure professions you can choose. You are looking for a caring profession with young, elderly, etc...that's nursing.
How are you going to afford fees if you start a new course?
I graduated last year from nursing and I started the course with a 2 year old son and as a single mum, it's tough but I'm well able. To add to that my son is doing great in school and we have plenty of time together too, it looks daunting but we are ten times better off now and financially secure. Also plenty of nursing agencies hire student nurses who are in college after a year, that's something to think about.

wolfpawnat

areuCRAZY?! wrote: »

OP,
The fact that you are questioning if there'll be a job in 2014 is a bit crazy, nursing is one of the most secure professions you can choose. You are looking for a caring profession with young, elderly, etc...that's nursing.
How are you going to afford fees if you start a new course?
I graduated last year from nursing and I started the course with a 2 year old son and as a single mum, it's tough but I'm well able. To add to that my son is doing great in school and we have plenty of time together too, it looks daunting but we are ten times better off now and financially secure. Also plenty of nursing agencies hire student nurses who are in college after a year, that's something to think about.

The Croke Park Agreement will probably have to be broken and there is too high a nurse to patient ratio in Ireland. We are in a recession, do you think the government can employ the 1600 nursing graduates each year?

Do you think the health sector is going to continue haemorrhaging the money it is? Who do you think will get the pay cuts, the nurses!

The colleges are telling everyone that they need to consider where they plan living after they graduate. There is no work in Ireland and we need to consider Oz, the UK and Canada is the consensus

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/ireland/2010/1019/1224281443629.html

Also you have not read my post correctly. I do not live near family and his dad does nights with his degree. Do you know a 24/7 creche?

Laydee

Would you consider getting an au pair? I am studying nursing & when I was doing my pre nursing course my PLC tutor who is a registered nurse said that she got a H.Dip Ed on top of her Bsc degree & then was qualified to work in PLC colleges, I know the education pathway looks very long but that leads to lecturing in universities. It's shorter to get into PLC colleges. Go teach potential nursing students, don't start from scratch somewhere else. You'd have to pay tuition fees because the free fees wouldn't cover you & you said yourself that caring is what you want to do. Be a nursing tutor & go back to hospital practice if you want to when your child is older. The hours in teaching are not bad & she said the pay was great.
Finish your degree & look into better hours through it, GP nursing, Public Health Nursing, Education.

wolfpawnat

Laydee wrote: »

Would you consider getting an au pair? I am studying nursing & when I was doing my pre nursing course my PLC tutor who is a registered nurse said that she got a H.Dip Ed on top of her Bsc degree & then was qualified to work in PLC colleges, I know the education pathway looks very long but that leads to lecturing in universities. It's shorter to get into PLC colleges. Go teach potential nursing students, don't start from scratch somewhere else. You'd have to pay tuition fees because the free fees wouldn't cover you & you said yourself that caring is what you want to do. Be a nursing tutor & go back to hospital practice if you want to when your child is older. The hours in teaching are not bad & she said the pay was great.
Finish your degree & look into better hours through it, GP nursing, Public Health Nursing, Education.

I live in a 2 bed apartment and have an income of 250 a week, not a hope can I afford or keep an au-pair:(

As for Pub Health Nursing and GP nursing, they are the most coveted of nursing positions so I can imagine it is near impossible to get there