Feeling stressed, over-whelmed and drained

LegacyUser

At the moment I feel very stressed out and I just need to tell someone what’s happening as I’ve been bottling everything up.

A month ago my best friend’s family got anonymously reported to the Gardaí and Social Welfare. We’re both in secondary school and she turned 16 during September. Her parents were accused of sexually abusing her and her younger sister. My best friend (who I’ll call Sarah) and her 7 year old sister were accused of having an incestuous relationship and her dad was accused of being a pedophile and doing things to Sarah. That’s not the full extent of the allegations, but tbh, it made me feel sick. I was the only friend she told. Social Welfare started an investigation: they contacted Sarah’s doctors, our school, her dad’s place of work and they conducting interviews with her parents. However, because Sarah turned 16 in the middle of September she then had the right to sit in on interviews and they could interview her. Sarah’s missed a lot of school for medical reasons in the last few years so things weren’t looking fantastic. Basically, we were all incredibly stressed out and nervous for a month and a half until Social Welfare said a few days ago that Sarah’s family is innocent, the investigation is over, the case is closed. I was of course very glad for Sarah and everyone else but the whole thing has left me emotionally drained.

In mid-September a friend (who I'll call Claire) got a strange rash on her hands. She went to her doctor who referred her to a dermatologist. It turns out it's an incurable disease that can (thankfully) be controlled by medication. I was the only friend she told the actual diagnosis to, despite having closer friends. She gave me a full run-down of the thing every time she saw me (at least once a day).

A few weeks ago one of my close friends (who I’ll call Amber) had to suddenly stop during PE. She confessed to me later that day that she was having heart palpitations and she had been getting them sometimes during exercise or else just bending down to do up her shoelace for a few months. Of course I suggested she went to see a doctor. Long story short, she has hypoglycemia (low blood glucose or low blood sugar, which occurs when blood glucose drops below normal levels). Once again, I was the only friend she told. At this stage it’s just kind of starting to build up and I’m quite worn out.

Then, on Monday, without warning, one of Sarah and I’s best friend (I’ll call her Anne) asked a question about a particular topic on which Sarah and I have an abnormal viewpoint. Anne went to a sleepover with Sarah over the weekend with a few of our other friends where the topic was very likely to have come up. I couldn’t go as I was at my Grandmother’s anniversary’s mass. Her mentioning the topic set off alarm bells in my head because I didn’t know what had been brought up at the sleepover and how much had been discussed. I therefore deflected the question. Sarah and I had purposely not mentioned the topic around Anne in the year we’ve known her because we didn’t know how she’d react.

When I got home I called Sarah to ask what had been mentioned. She told me Anne knew everything. A year’s work gone in a night.

However, I was absent on the Friday before the sleepover and Anne decided since she’d known us for a year, it was time we had a serious talk. Since I wasn’t in, Anne asked Sarah to let me know what she had said. She said she was mildly autistic. Sarah said that she found it difficult to let Anne get off the train; she was starting to cry. She doesn’t have many friends in her year in school (we’re 2 years above her) and she’s having a huge fight at the moment with one of her few friends in her class. I was talking to her today for the first time since I found out and she said that “not to worry, by now she’s used to being lonely”. It broke my heart. It wasn’t even the word, it was the matter of fact tone she said them in. I thought it was so sad.

Last night (after the phone conversation), I just got so overwhelmed I started crying. It’s just been nightmare-ish over the last month or so, the only thing that’s kept me sane has been boards and it’s users.

Apologies for the absolute mess of a post, I’m not even sure what advice can be given, I just needed someone to talk to/somewhere to post this.

LegacyUser

It sounds as if you need to talk to an adult about all of these things, as you feel they are too much for you to handle. Sometimes talking to someone who is older and more experienced can put everything into perspective. I am curious as to what this "abnormal viewpoint" is all about.

It sounds like if you are dealing with some normal and some abnormal stuff. Something is not right anyway. You should talk to someone. Some of the things you wrote are just normal teenage drama but I can sense there is an underlying issue, that you have not directly discussed in you post but might have something to do with these "abnormal viewpoints".

LegacyUser

OP you do need to talk to someone, but you also need to realise that that you aren't responsible for fixing these things.

When you say a year's work gone in a night...what does it matter that Anne knows? If Sarah is okay with that then that's what matters. Sarah obviously chose to tell her, and was happy enough to do it. So please try and put that out of your mind, because (and I don't mean to sound callous here, believe me), it's not your problem.

I also know you're trying to be nice to Anne. That's okay, but again you're not responsible for her. Be friends with her, be nice to her, absolutely. But you don't need to solve all her problems for her.

I'm honestly not trying to be horrible here. You're obviously finding it all a bit much for you. But you're not responsible for dealing with all of these things. You can offer sympathy and be a friend, but don't invest all your time worrying about problems that aren't yours. I can't think of any better way to say it - I'm not saying dismiss the problems, or anything, but if someone has a rash on her hand, and goes to a doctor...then let the doctor deal with it, and the dermatologist. It's being taken care of. Step back from the situation a bit.

Sorry, I can't think of any better way to put it. I remember being a teenage girl, and I know there's a bit of drama involved. I know you're trying your best to be a good friend. But you also need to think about yourself a bit too.

dolphin city

that sounds awful