Boyfriends too small...

AngelDust2

Hi all, im new here so go easy on me!

I wanted to know what ur opinions are on a personal issue im having at the moment.
I have a wonderful boyfriend who is perfect in every way imaginable apart from one (small) thing. His manhood is tiny even when aroused and i cant get any satisfaction whatsoever.
I love him with all my heart but cant imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who cant satisfy me the way i need to be.
I havent told him how i feel, its very hard to because i know hes a little self conscious about it.
Weve been going out for over a year and have been sexually active for 4 months now.
WHAT DO I DO?? HELP!!

Strongbow10

You need to balance your need for sexual satisfaction through actual penetration, against your need to feel loved like you do with your guy (which is alot by the sounds of it).

There are girls out there who prob enjoy amazing sex lives but not as much love as you do. The key is to find a balance i'd imagine. Maybe train him to use his tongue better. If he is lacking in the size department then he can have no excuses about honing his oral skills I say.

rainbow kirby

Inappropriate post deleted, thread moved from tLL to RI.

Beruthiel

AngelDust2 wrote: »

I love him with all my heart but cant imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who cant satisfy me the way i need to be.

Oral sex?
Sex toys?
Experiment woman, there's more than one way to skin a chicken!

up for anything

Research sexual positions that make the most of what he's got. Don't tell him this is what you are doing - let him think you are being adventurous.

OP

Can I refer you to my post here. It was directed at a guy with the problem you describe rather than a girl, but much of what I said there I would say to you from the other side.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=68228855&postcount=17

In short I think if the sex is unsatisfying then something is wrong with the sex and I think you will find when you dig deeper that you are blaming penis size for it when it more likely than not is in fact not actually the problem at all but you think it is because it is the most obvious thing you have noticed about the sex itself. All too often in life the first thing we blame is too obvious and is in fact not to blame.

LegacyUser

OP
I totally understand where you are coming from and feel for ya.

For me, penetration is really important. WHile I love oral and digital stimulation, to me it's just foreplay. I don't feel satisfied unless I've had penetrative sex!! It's even what I fantasise about when masturbating and it's really the only thing that leaves me satiated.

I could not be in a relationship where I was not satisfied sexually, and for me (and this doesn't apply to everyone) this means I need penetration, enjoyable penetration where we're not limited by positions etc due to size.

Now I'm no size queen, and average does the job but there's no way I could be happy with a penis that's below average, especially below average. It just wouldn't do it for me sexually and this would lead to a whole host of other problems in the relationship which naturally arise from beign unfulfilled. I was dating a guy for a while who was really small in that department and I honestly gave it my all, was patient, tried a bunch of different stuff but at the end of the day I had to finish it because I just wasn't satisfied because he was just too small. (note: it is usually just the length issue that's the problem, not girth and I'm assuming it's the same for you OP).

So my advice would be not to beat yourself up about this or feel bad. You need to realistically consider what you would feel like if you stayed with this man and 10 years down the line were still feeling unsatisfied sexually.

Some women might not have this issue - they feel satified with oral or happy to use dildos etc. To me that doesn't work and it would be just as well for me to be a lesbian if I had to settle for that.

But whatever you do, be gentle with this guy. I don't think it would be right to raise the size issue because that would crush him. Put it down to sexual incompatability.

All the best.

Otis Driftwood

Experiment with positions.The area with the most nerve endings is the clitoris and first 2 to 3 inches of the vagina so unless he is very small then there is no reason why you cant have a satisfying and enjoyable sex life(through intercourse I mean,obviously there are many other ways to satisfy yourself as mentioned above).All too often its the men that get blamed for not being able to satisfy the woman but IMO the females are equally (or more so) to blame for this.At the end of the day its you that knows your body better than anyone ever will so its up to you to guide and point in the right direction.

Wibbs

TBH I'd agree with getchya!! on this point. Yes the nice answer is it doesnt matter and you can do other stuff, but clearly the other stuff isnt cutting it for the OP. Like getchya!! said a lot of women may get off without penetration, but equally a lot need it. That's what they feel is part and parcel of sex. Now we can talk about other stuff and that its like nedtheshed said only the first couple of inches has the most nerve endings, but the simple fact is many women want to feel "full"(not size queens either). If the penis is too small that aint happening, or not happening enough. It comes down to basic mechanics. Men and women can vary a lot, so compatibility can vary a lot too.

nedtheshed wrote:

its you that knows your body better than anyone ever will so its up to you to guide and point in the right direction.

I agree 100%. No argument there, but if in the end of the day, regardles of positions and other techniques, if he's not hitting the spot and she feels she's missing out because of that, it is a real problem for her(and him. he may be feeling feck all too)

I'd look at it from my personal male point of view. Hypothetically, If I met a woman who was great and everything was rosy, but through no fault of her own was very loose in the downstairs dept and it felt like waving my arm around in a humid room, quite honestly I dont think it would last. Sure she could do other stuff and other stuff is great, but sometimes, hell often, I just want to have common or garden sexual intercourse. Getting off that way feels much better for me. If it was me and if that was off the market as a satisfying act, then I would be very concerned for the relationship.

It's a real pain for the OP, because as she said she does like this guy and he is a nice guy and hopefully they can work this out and move on from it, but I'm not sure it's altogether her "fault" in this. they may simply and unfortunately be incompatible sexually in the way she needs.

Faith

nedtheshed wrote: »

Experiment with positions.The area with the most nerve endings is the clitoris and first 2 to 3 inches of the vagina so unless he is very small then there is no reason why you cant have a satisfying and enjoyable sex life(through intercourse I mean,obviously there are many other ways to satisfy yourself as mentioned above).

Unfortunately that's just not true for many women. Like Wibbs says:

Wibbs wrote: »

Now we can talk about other stuff and that its like nedtheshed said only the first couple of inches has the most nerve endings, but the simple fact is many women want to feel "full"(not size queens either). If the penis is too small that aint happening, or not happening enough. It comes down to basic mechanics.

If it was all about nerve endings, then clitoral stimulation would be enough. Most of the pleasure from intercourse comes from that "full" feeling, and while there may be more nerve endings in the first 2/3 inches, there's plenty higher up that will be screaming out for attention. I agree 100% with getchya!!'s post. Everything other than penetration for me is just a warm up, and would never leave me fully satisfied alone. I spent a long time with a guy with a well above average sized member, and even when the sex wasn't great, I still usually climaxed because he just hit the right spots. Equally, I've been with a guy well below average and it was just a disaster. Literally the only position I could feel anything was when my legs were on his shoulders which A) was unflattering, was uncomfortable, and C) left me in considerable pain the next day.

OP, if you're not getting any satisfaction, then you need to think about your needs. Will you be happy with a life of oral and digital sex, perhaps with use of dildos? Or are you the type of woman who needs the satisfaction from penetration? If it's the former, you should be able to make it work. If it's the latter, you need to accept that you will never be fully satisfied with this guy.

Miss Fluff

I'm with getchya!! on this also. I also love oral and manual stimulation but just because I love getting off in different ways doesn't mean I'd be happy to forego a really good penetrative sex life in order to "make do". Nobody said you have to make do and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I think it's a tough one if you really like the guy but as shallow and all as it sounds, I know it would be a deal-breaker for me.

AngelDust2 wrote: »

I love him with all my heart but cant imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who cant satisfy me the way i need to be

I guess that's the decision you have to make then. I wouldn't drag it out for too much longer if you know it's not working for you though.

Benincasa

I can't help feeling that the mindset that would end a relationship for these reasons is really utilitarian in nature; that it is based on using someone else rather than on loving that person for who they are.

I could not understand somebody ending a relationship over a sexual issue like this if I truly actually loved the person.

LegacyUser

Male here, and yes im small, very small. It is so embarrassing. But I dont get too much abuse from the lads as it does have something to do with a medical condition. Its called Bladder Exstrophy, I also have a Mitrofanoff.

op , I would ask you not to say it to your boyfriend, a little white lie when your breaking up, is better than "your penis is tiny", I understand its easier said than done, but dont tell him the truth.
As a man, who have been through tough times and personal problems with my manhood and scares in that area, it would drive me to suicide. Been close a few times...

I know very well that I have not satisfied some women in my past without being told. But as you can imagine I dont jump into bed with any woman as Id be afraid she would laugh at me so they would have been nice women and I would have a certain amount of trust. But Ive been lucky, I met a woman who I could satisfy, and I know I have because we are very honest and open. And the sex is so special to me and her.

greengiant09

yeah, if you do break it off with him, don't mention anything to do with his size or sexual compatibility....make up some BS instead.

Johnny Favourite

From a male point of view..

I guess I'm pretty average downstairs and if i'm sober i can reach a good size.

But when i was younger and drunk it would often be a pretty poor show and was remarked on once. That set me back for years. Seriously.

I'm older now, don't drink as much and am confident and happy with my lot.

Do what you have to do but DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HIS SIZE when you are breaking. Nothing. It will fcuking crush the poor fella.

Wibbs

Benincasa wrote: »

I can't help feeling that the mindset that would end a relationship for these reasons is really utilitarian in nature; that it is based on using someone else rather than on loving that person for who they are.

True it does seem like that, but and it's a big but, we all base attraction on many superficial things, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but its still in their eye and if not there...

I could not understand somebody ending a relationship over a sexual issue like this if I truly actually loved the person.

If they were together for 10 years, I'd defo agree with you much more, but relationships can be hard work and the less you can make for yourself the better. Even if it may seem trivial to others.

greengiant09 wrote: »

yeah, if you do break it off with him, don't mention anything to do with his size or sexual compatibility....make up some BS instead.

+1, they say size doesnt matter and in most cases it actually doesnt. Few enough women have left a guy over his willy, and few will stay because of it. It is much more to do with the guy attached to it. But size does matter. To most men. The equivalent might be be a guy leaving a woman and telling her it was because she had small breasts and didnt turn him on. Not good.

Regardless maybe the OP and her BF can work through this and come out the other side and these points are moot. Hopefully anyway.