Am i reading into it too much

arsenallegend

Its nothing major but i recently gone back to college and have fallen for this girl in class. She's really cool, sweet and makes me laugh:), she's a few years younger then me too but that doesn't bother me. i taught at last i met the girl for me, but after she added me as a friend on the dreaded facebook i found out she has a boyfriend of two years or so. Now after that i would step back a bit just be friendly with her but here's where i get a bit confused and need your help to put me at ease.

There just seems that in my mind there's more to it. A few people in class have said they noticed it too that she likes me(they came up to me to say this), she stares at me in class when i'm not watching, When we have lunch as a class she rushes up to sit beside me to talk, she talks about me all the time on facebook to other classmates. We talk about really personal stuff to one another.There's a lot of flirting on both sides i admit.

I just wanted a bit of advice in that am i reading into it a bit much or do you think she fancies me?

PopUp

She's cool and sweet but she's also the kind of person who flirts and has really intimate conversations with guys who like her, while she has a boyfriend.

Is that really a quality you're looking for in a girlfriend? How would you feel if you did date, and she started carrying on like that with other guys? Do you not think you deserve a bit better than that?

Now maybe her relationship with the boyfriend is on the rocks and has been for a while (going back to college after the summer is a killer for long distance relationships IME). Maybe she's starting to think he's not the guy for her after all, and considering breaking up with him, but it's hard and he's her first proper boyfriend and she's not looking forward to it so she's dithering and putting him off. Okay. That's the best case scenario here. If THAT'S the case, the best thing for you to do is simply back off. If she really likes you, she'll come running. And if she doesn't, you won't be wasting your time and energy on a headwrecker.

LegacyUser

OK i am going to be very blunt here...sorry

I just wanted a bit of advice in that am i reading into it a bit much or do you think she fancies me?

Yep she could very well fancy you, it sounds like she does. Just because she's in a relationship doesn't mean she can't find a guy attractive, or flirt with him.

Now after that i would step back a bit just be friendly with her but here's where i get a bit confused and need your help to put me at ease.

Step Back OP. Ok yeah she sounds like she fancies you, but, so what?. She has a boyfriend She obviously fancies him more.

Do not go make a move on this girl. Its not gona happen. Just be flattered that she fancies you and move on, easier said than done i know.

There just seems that in my mind there's more to it

There can't be while shes in a relationship, if you interfere in that relationship, it will not end well, and you'll look like the bad guy.

ApeXaviour

The best thing you can do is absolutely nothing... but enjoy the attention. If you make any moves or come off at all that you're going to court for her attention over this guy you'll come up very short in her estimation and likely be immediately friend-zoned. If she breaks up with this guy and doesn't see you as someone on the sidelines hopelessly waiting, but instead as that cool attractive guy she's had her eye on, she'll find you far more appealing.

In meantime, focus your romantic attention elsewhere. Put your eggs in a few baskets. Enjoy her flirting, don't flirt back (men don't flirt, they smile and lift things) but be friendly. Watch out for hints, how she describes (or doesn't) her boyfriend. Use it as a learning experience.

arsenallegend

leaveit wrote: »

OK i am going to be very blunt here...sorry



Yep she could very well fancy you, it sounds like she does. Just because she's in a relationship doesn't mean she can't find a guy attractive, or flirt with him.



Step Back OP. Ok yeah she sounds like she fancies you, but, so what?. She has a boyfriend She obviously fancies him more.

Do not go make a move on this girl. Its not gona happen. Just be flattered that she fancies you and move on, easier said than done i know.


There can't be while shes in a relationship, if you interfere in that relationship, it will not end well, and you'll look like the bad guy.

thanks leaveit, as you said its easier said then done to step back cause i find it tough to stay away from her sad to say:(. i keep saying to myself i keep away but i end up wimping out and following her around like a love struck puppy.

I'm not going to make a move on her cause i'm not planning to make a fool out of myself in front of my new classmates. I'm very flattered that she likes me:)

IrishEyes19

arsenallegend wrote: »

thanks leaveit, as you said its easier said then done to step back cause i find it tough to stay away from her sad to say:(. i keep saying to myself i keep away but i end up wimping out and following her around like a love struck puppy.

I'm not going to make a move on her cause i'm not planning to make a fool out of myself in front of my new classmates. I'm very flattered that she likes me:)

to be honest, OP, she may just admire you as a really good friend. Girls often become really good friends with lads who are good talkers and easy to talk with because they feel the ease where they dont feel the guy is just coming onto them. If she has a bf for the last 2 years, Its possible she doesnt feel the way you do. Just a thought.

arsenallegend

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

to be honest, OP, she may just admire you as a really good friend. Girls often become really good friends with lads who are good talkers and easy to talk with because they feel the ease where they dont feel the guy is just coming onto them. If she has a bf for the last 2 years, Its possible she doesnt feel the way you do. Just a thought.

Maybe your right:( but its just certain things that don't sit right with just been good friends. i'm friends with all the girls in my class but none of them do the things she does. I'm sounding really like a loser here.

IrishEyes19

No, you don't sound like a loser, OP, you like someone whose taken, we've all been there!! But you dont want these feelings to turn into obsession, thats where it becomes very problematic when you attempt to get over it. Plus it could destroy that friendship if you let slip on a night out. Its very easy when you like someone to take every nice action that they do as a sign that they have feelings for you, but often its fanciful thinking. Now it could very well be that she does like you and is flirting, but she has a boyfriend and until she doesn't. It's wishful thinking.

LegacyUser

You know this topic could have been submitted by one of my male friends.
Firstly, she chats you and confides in you as if you were her bf.
Secondly, she talks about you to others as if you are someone special to her.

However, she is taken. She is flirting with you and that is not fair to you, nor is it right as she is in a relationship. She wants the attention and you are providing it.

My advice is to leave well enough alone. Don't over analyse everything she does and says to you.
Until she breaks up with her bf you will always be number two or even lower down her pecking order.
I would be friends, but avoid getting into 'heavy' conversations or listening to her telling you personal or intimate stories about herself.

Just smile at her, joke and laugh with her. Give the same attention to other girls in your class. She will then be tested. If she is really into you, she will break off with her bf and let you know she has done so, thereby paving the way for you to ask her out.
If she doesn't do anything like that then you will know she is not into you romantically.

My friend is in exactly the same situation. Unfortunately, he got in too deep with a girl who is in a 3 year relationship. She agreed to meet him for lunch one day, and then told him she had forgotten about the lunch arrangement. He asked her to meet the following week and she declined saying she was busy wth work.

Anyhow, it turned out that her bf told her not to have lunch with him and she did as she was told. Apparently, she was talking to her bf all the time about my friend and how great and fantastic he was. Her bf, understandably, got fed up with it and flipped and warned her that if she saw him again he would walk away from their relationship.

My friend is still devastated two months later. He still harbours romantic feelings for her. I've told him to ignore her, that she is a headwrecker. It is very hard for him. She led him on and on and on chatting him over coffee, by email and text.
But she has now cut him off completely and doesn't have any contact with him.

It is a harsh lesson for him and unfair. She deffo flirted with him and led him on.
So I repeat to you what I said to him.
Drop her. Do not harbour any affections for her. She has probably gone some way to wrecking your head.
I don't know why some girls have to seek approval and attention from other guys when they are already in a relationship.
She's not worth it.

arsenallegend

anonmyous gal wrote: »

You know this topic could have been submitted by one of my male friends.
Firstly, she chats you and confides in you as if you were her bf.
Secondly, she talks about you to others as if you are someone special to her.

However, she is taken. She is flirting with you and that is not fair to you, nor is it right as she is in a relationship. She wants the attention and you are providing it.

My advice is to leave well enough alone. Don't over analyse everything she does and says to you.
Until she breaks up with her bf you will always be number two or even lower down her pecking order.
I would be friends, but avoid getting into 'heavy' conversations or listening to her telling you personal or intimate stories about herself.

Just smile at her, joke and laugh with her. Give the same attention to other girls in your class. She will then be tested. If she is really into you, she will break off with her bf and let you know she has done so, thereby paving the way for you to ask her out.
If she doesn't do anything like that then you will know she is not into you romantically.

My friend is in exactly the same situation. Unfortunately, he got in too deep with a girl who is in a 3 year relationship. She agreed to meet him for lunch one day, and then told him she had forgotten about the lunch arrangement. He asked her to meet the following week and she declined saying she was busy wth work.

Anyhow, it turned out that her bf told her not to have lunch with him and she did as she was told. Apparently, she was talking to her bf all the time about my friend and how great and fantastic he was. Her bf, understandably, got fed up with it and flipped and warned her that if she saw him again he would walk away from their relationship.

My friend is still devastated two months later. He still harbours romantic feelings for her. I've told him to ignore her, that she is a headwrecker. It is very hard for him. She led him on and on and on chatting him over coffee, by email and text.
But she has now cut him off completely and doesn't have any contact with him.

It is a harsh lesson for him and unfair. She deffo flirted with him and led him on.
So I repeat to you what I said to him.
Drop her. Do not harbour any affections for her. She has probably gone some way to wrecking your head.
I don't know why some girls have to seek approval and attention from other guys when they are already in a relationship.
She's not worth it.

thanks for that:), sorry to hear that about your friend i know how he feels. I do over anaylse everything she does with me which isn't a good thing.There's part of me that thinks its her stroking her ego that i'm following her around. I have promised myself that i won't leave a message on her facebook(which i always do but she never does it back) and that i will step back a bit from her in college, not talk to her a much.