what should i do????

LegacyUser

i think i already know the answer but trying to decide whether to take back my girlfriend after she has cheated on me.

the background:
we've been going out about year and a half and i thought things were going pretty well. however i am pretty busy at work at the moment and studying so havent been around as much as i used to be over the last 2-3 months.

found out from a friend of hers that she had cheated on me with an ex-boyfriend a few weeks ago. she let it slip accidentily. i confronted her about it and she admitted it but said it was a mistake that she met him out one night and it just happened that she was annoyed at me for not spending enough time with her.

the worst part is she has told me about the same ex boyfriend before and how he was cheating on her for most of the time they were going out. the way she talked about it it really upset her and so i thought it was something she could never do..... i was especially shocked when i found out it was him.

she says she loves me and wants me to forgive her but i dont think i can. i still love her but cant trust her no more. my heart says forgive her my head tells me i should run. completely torn....

LegacyUser

just consider for a moment what it takes to cheat. The spending time chatting, accepting the invitation to go home with someone or inviting them to your place, the kissing, removal of clothing and then the intimacy of being together for hours sharing your bodies......does that sound upsetting to imagine? If so, dump her! You have no future with her because it'll haunt you and the heart is just clinging to past good memories.

hobochris

If she loved you this wouldn't have happened.

Wagon

whattodo??? wrote: »

found out from a friend of hers that she had cheated on me with an ex-boyfriend a few weeks ago. she let it slip accidentily. i confronted her about it and she admitted it but said it was a mistake that she met him out one night and it just happened that she was annoyed at me for not spending enough time with her.

Thing is, couples won't always have time for each other. Work commitments, study, hobbies can take up a persons time and cheating on someone because they can't spend every waking moment with you is a bad excuse.

the worst part is she has told me about the same ex boyfriend before and how he was cheating on her for most of the time they were going out. the way she talked about it it really upset her and so i thought it was something she could never do..... i was especially shocked when i found out it was him.

She is clearly an idiot then. Going back to an ex is never acceptable when you're in a relationship but going back to one who treated you like crap...

The only thing she wanted was a shag. Which makes it worse that she couldn't be bothered trying to understand that you were busy and therefore wearn't available at all times.

she says she loves me and wants me to forgive her but i dont think i can. i still love her but cant trust her no more. my heart says forgive her my head tells me i should run. completely torn....

You know yourself that's complete crap. If she loved you, she wouldn't have cheated. Myself and the missus have been together two years now, long distance (as in different countries) and have had ups and downs but no cheating has been involved at all and we're still together.

Listen to your head. Get out of this one. If she's prepared to go back to someone who was clearly a prick to her just for the sake of sex, she will more than likely do this again down the line if you decide to stay together. She wasn't even going to tell you this happened and the only reason you know is because of her mate accidently letting it slip. No brainer mate. Dump her, feel miserable for a while and then in a few weeks/months, you'll be back on form.

That_Guy

Move on. You deserve better OP.

Cheaters will never change.

Virgil°

whattodo??? wrote: »

night and it just happened that she was annoyed at me for not spending enough time with her.

This line stood out to me. Not only is she kind of attempting to half excuse her behaviour because you weren't around but also what happens next time you have a problem in the relationship?Will she do the same again? She should have discussed it with you.
She should have told you that she thought you weren't spending enough time with her.
She didn't. She went out and had sex with her ex. And another thing.....it didn't "just happen". She went out ,saw him, talked to him, went back to his place then decided to have sex with him.All consciously and deliberately i would bet.

On top of all of that she doesn't sound particularly remorseful. She should be on her knees begging for forgiveness. Even then (for me at least) it would take a particularly special relationship to make me consider staying.
I know its hard to be objective at the moment but you CAN do better than this person.Consider it OP
All the best.

greengiant09

this is pretty black and white. first of all, she never even admitted she cheated....then she tries to put the blame on you. you'd be a fool to stay with her.

seenitall

It doesn't look good, OP.

Even if you forgive her, once the trust is broken... I would expect that there would always be a niggling suspicion of her at the back of your mind, and understandably so. Who needs that kind of relationship?

If you walk, you WILL recover from the heartbreak, sooner or later. I think this is the better option for you, long term. It's what I would do, anyway.

Best wishes.