I never meet anyone

LegacyUser

As the title says, I never meet anyone. By anyone, I basically meet the opposite sex.

I've been told before that I'm "cute", funny and have received the "I can't believe you don't have a girlfriend" line a few times over the years, but now, in my 30's, I'm still single.

My love life has been pretty much non-existent up until this point. I went to a mixed secondary school and nothing ever happened there. No girls were interested, I rarely went to disco's and even if I did, I was so incredibly shy, there was simply no possibility of me ever making a move on a girl. I remember at one point during secondary school these girls telling me that this girl liked me. I think I got all interested and excited and then they told me they were "only joking". I felt like a fool and after that, I kind of just didn't really consider that any girl would like me. I remember at one other point a few girls telling me that some girl liked me and I just went "I have a girlfriend". It was a complete lie on my part, but I didn't want to fall for the same trick again.

I didn't have my first kiss until I was about 23. I'm not joking, I know it's depressing. I seen that girl for about a month but it never went pass the kissing stage. A few years later I had a drunken experience which caused me to technically relinquish the title of virgin, but I regretted it straight away but what's done is done.

After that, it was several years of barren wilderness for me. I went out a lot during my twenties, a few times per week, plus the weekends and sometimes more, but again, nothing ever happened. I never approached girls, they never approached me. I did the whole travelling thing, nothing ever happened there.

I should point out that I was overweight then and I still am now, however I have lost some weight recently and I'm aiming to get to my goal weight within a year or so.

I've tried internet dating and it's not been the best. I met one girl from it two years ago that I really liked but that kind of ended badly (for me). I met another girl earlier this year and was seeing her for about a month but I kind of ended it as it wasn't working. Then a few weeks ago I met another girl from online, we went out 3 times and stuff but it sort of just run its course too.

I know the title of my message says I never meet anyone and while the text above might prove otherwise, when you think that I've kissed about 3 girls and I'm in my 30's, you'll realise how little I've been with women.

I just feel like I never meet anyone and I rely too heavily on internet dating. I think I once asked a girl out face to face many years ago in my teenage years and she shot me down with a straight "errr, No". Since then, had I not tried internet dating, I'd still have never done anything.

I guess it eats away at me a bit that I've never done the whole asking a girl out properly in a bar or somewhere type thing. Instead sort of hiding behind the safety of the computer screen, phone or SMS.

I even tried the whole pick-up thing for a while. A lot of people give it a bad reputation and while there are some guys on it with less than pure motives, there are a lot of guys, like myself, who find it a lifeline to get ourselves out from behind the computer and out into the real world. I had a little more success with this, chatting to more women and seemingly getting some good responses. I was just trying to be myself but knowing how to put the best parts of myself across.

But as I say, recently, I've not really been meeting anyone. I've started to think I will never meet anyone. All my friends are settling down, getting engaged, married and having children and I'm here with probably 2 "relationships" to my name and each of them lasting only one month. It bothers me as well as it seems that people seem to have a few serious relationships before they get married and if that somehow happened for me, I'd be well into my 40's before getting hitched.

I'm not desperate to get married anytime soon, but I'd at least like to meet someone and have a proper relationship. The problem is, aside from the internet dating, I never meet anyone.

I guess I could join some clubs or something and get out more but I don't know what to do then. I know if I do those things, a big part of the reason would be to meet women so I'd almost be scanning the room or whatever to see who I fancied. But then I run into another problem in that anyone I seem to be interested in is either uninterested and/or unavailable. I can't see myself making a move on any of these girls and getting to know them, other than the superficial chit-chat. If I liked them, I'd probably just over-analyse things and do nothing. For example, even now I'm thinking if I did join some club and asked a girl out that I liked and she said no, I'd be feeling all awkward and the situation would be awkward and I'd not want to go back.

I know this post is rambling a bit, sorry about that. I suppose I just want to get across how frustrated I am that I always seem to be alone and I never meet anyone. Everyone else seems to be going from one relationship to another and I still haven't had a serious relationship and I'm in my 30's.

I kind of feel like time is really passing me by now and before I know it, I'll be 40 and still in the same boat.

I was in the supermarket this morning kind of early and seen a few guys older than me doing their shopping on their own. I don't know if they were single or not, but I got the impression they were and it made me feel incredibly depressed and a little upset as they didn't seem happy and I sort of thought to myself "that's going to be you in 10 or 20 years".

What can I do to meet some people (women) and to hopefully get into a decent relationship?

Thanks for reading. Please don't flame me

Zen65

Goingur wrote: »

I kind of feel like time is really passing me by now and before I know it, I'll be 40 and still in the same boat.

If you repeat the strategies of your last 10 years, this may well be the case.

Your post may not be explaining the situation fully; it sounds as though you are trying to establish "romantic" relationships with women from the outset, but his approach often does not suit the kind of person who does not enjoy (making the first move) chatting women up in bars and nightclubs. I think you might find it more effective to broaden your circle of friends, from which other relationships may emerge. Your own idea about joining clubs etc is a good one, just don't go in with a specific intention of finding a partner there. For a start, you need to make yourself as interesting as possible so that you might more easily strike up a conversation with others as an introduction to yourself. That means developing social interests so that you have something to talk about.

There are lots of groups which specialise in presenting opportunities to people to meet up & maybe pair up. Have you tried maybefriends or similar groups?


And stop revisiting those awful moments from your teen years when you were unsuccessful in your exploits. That's just part of the right of passage, we've all been there. When life deals you a bruise, don't tattoo it onto your skin as a keepsake!

Good luck,

Z

Black Swan

Stop trying so hard. If you are obviously on-the-make looking to hook-up, you will be putting out signals like firing torpedoes at Star Trek's Enterprise, with Capt Girl calling "Screens up!"

Is there anything you are really good at? Join a social group that needs your skills and has a good mix of m/f singles, then just do your thing without trying to pick someone up. If you are really grand in furthering the social group's purpose, you will draw people to you like a magnet, some of them single females. When one is drawn to you, don't get in a hurry, just let nature take its course.

kjl

You have had some success with the internet dating, just keep trying to get more dates.

As for chatting up women in real life, well you just need to man up and just say hello. You don't need to learn off some routine to score with women, You just need to be yourself, sure flirt a little, but none of these back handed complements the PUA scene is known for.

It can be scary, I once went up to a group of girls, and one of them was the typical Irish Bi*#h, she kept on telling me for f off and was actually pushing me away, this is pretty much defcon 1 for getting your pride knocked back, but I stuck with it, and just ploughed my way through, eventually the bit#hy one gets a change of heart and takes liking to me the introduces me to her hottest friend.

Women are attracted to confidence, go out in a group, joking around with the guys when you are out can boost your confidence, plus they can help you in the field.

You say that a few of your mates are in relationships, do their partner know anyone that might be good for you? Let your friends know that you are interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, they can help you better than a forum can.

thefeatheredcat

Goingur wrote: »

I remember at one point during secondary school these girls telling me that this girl liked me. I think I got all interested and excited and then they told me they were "only joking". I felt like a fool and after that, I kind of just didn't really consider that any girl would like me.

That actually happened to me, in my first year of secondary school and it was actually a guy I had a crush on. Needless to say, it was humiliating. Karma is a friend.

I can relate to a fair bit in your post, actually.

Focus on the positive things in your life, keep going with the weight loss - this will boost your confidence and self esteem, and will make you happier once you realise how far you've come and you stand proud of the accomplishment. Positive people attract positive people.

Be happy for those who are in relationships and settling down, but remember that life is a learning curve and each individual's life moves at its own pace.

Take comfort in utilising everyday activities as a way to put yourself out there positively to the world; many times when I'm in the supermarket queue I'm watching other people around me and how they interact, how they treat others (as in the person on till, if they get huffy at having to wait when the receipt roll or staff member has to be changed), maybe others do the same (unless I'm just plain weird hehe).

You don't need to go out of your way to be the dominant alpha male in a group to get confidence or attention - just be yourself but a more confident and self assured version. If you like a girl, just go up to her and see how it goes, be prepared to throw caution to the wind and take a chance. Even if it means getting rejected. I've asked out my fair share of guys and I've always been proud of the fact I had the balls to do it even if I got a no. The worst is never doing anything because you could have missed out on something worthwhile.

porschespeedst

I could virtually have written the OP except have probably dated/kissed slightly more women, but still not in double figures, and am capable of chatting up women in bars after a few drinks but usually don't bother, or end up ruining it by saying something really stupid and crashing and burning. Foot in mouth syndrome, I think it's called. Actually I don't even have two relationships to my name. But anyway I'm getting a bit old for the bar scene. Funny thing is I always thought if I'd gone to a mixed school I would have had more success in relationships, maybe not though.

Haven't properly tried the internet dating thing, might as well give it a whirl, nothing ventured, etc. Don't have much to recommend except the joining clubs thing, but make sure it's something you're genuinely interested in. Asking friends if they know any single females that might be your type is another good suggestion, I did get a blind date out of that kind of approach last year although it didn't go anywhere.

LegacyUser

I think you need to ask yourself what kind of relationship you are seeking. On the one hand you are concerned all your friends are getting hitched and on the other you say you only want a relationship.
So, decide what is it you want. You may be coming across as 'desperate' to some women. By the way women's antennae spot guys' desperation a mile off.
I agree with other posters who advise you to be confident and fun and friendly. Don't hone in on a girl straight away. It might put her off you. Instead, just chat, be yourself, show her you are confident, extrovert but also display your vulnerable side too.
I also agree that you should make a determined effort to lose weight. Nothing worse than a tubby guy trying to meet new women.
I am in your position, but older. Most of my friends are married with kids. It can be lonely at times. But that is when you realise you are on your own and only you can do something about that.
Join dating agencies, smile while out in public. I find going for a walk sometimes ends up with me chatting to a girl who is also out walking. She may be walking her dog and I usually say to her what a lovely dog she has. That sometimes opens a conversation that has lasted from one minute to an hour?
Go out walking on Sundays or Saturdays. I've done that and met lots of girls. Even if it doesn't lead to anything you are meeting people.
Go for a coffee at the weekend and visit a busy cafe. You might sit next or opposite to a girl who is alone reading her book, the paper or just people gazing. Use the weather as your opening chat up line or comment on her book title or a story in the newspaper.
best of luck
Women don't seem to go for grumpy looking guys. You know the ones with the Victor Mildrew look and attitude.
So, best of luck in your quest.