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Self-esteem issues ruining my relationship

  • 07-10-2010 3:54pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Apologies if this is a bit long winded but please bear with me, I am in real need of some advice before I actually go crazy.

    I'm in my 20's, I've been in relationships before and have always picked the same type of guys, ones who lie, cheat, have hit me nad basically whittled my self esteem down to very little. You wouldn't think that to look at me though, I've a good career where meeting people and coming across as confident is a must, I have many friends and good family but when it comes to men I am a basket case.

    So I decided to focus on myself, to heal if you will. I talked to my doctor about counselling and felt like I was getting back to myself as I have definitely lost myself a little this year. Then I meet a guy, he's great, everything I ever wanted and nothing like my exes, but alas I haev brought the baggage from previous relationships with me. My boyfriend is very outgoing and confident, he is incredibly funny and likeable. He works part time as a barman therefore is in contact with a lot of women, a lot of women know him and hit on him. He has been working part time as a barman for about a year and a half. He did it after the job he was really passionate about dried up with the recession, his relationship had broken up and bar work was a way for him to get some confidence back. He is honest, brutally so, he said he had fun with the bar work sometimes having 2/3 girls on the go...sowing his oats I suppose.

    He's 35 now, he knows what he wants he says, knows it's me. He has wasted too much time on the wrong women and he had his fun but that's not who he is, he wants something real......because of my past and my issues I can't let this go. If he even mentions another women I flare up, I pick fights, I'm pushing him away, he has said so and I know I am doing it. I love him though and I dont want to lose him but I don't know if I'm coming or going.

    Can I trust him? Should I trust him? He has suggestedI go for counsellign for my self esteem issues but I get angry and feel he is putting the blame on me even though he is right. No matter what he says he can't win to be honest. He's sticking by me though, he wants to help me but I dunno what to do.....

    Sorry for rambling, I just needed to talk to someone.....someone who doesn't know me, can't see me, can't judge.


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