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Dont care about breakup - when will it hit me?

  • 07-10-2010 11:51am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Very messy and bad relationship with b/f for a long time now.

    The last 2 and a half years have been tourture basically. He was carrying on with his ex (and still is to the best of my knowledge) since a few weeks before our baby was born. He also has a child with this ex and she became jealous about us having a baby together.

    He has never cared about how it all affected me and went about doing whatever suited him all the time while i sat at home crying most nights wondering "are they together right now", "what are they doing" etc.

    There was never any remorse from him, he never thought he was doing anything that wrong!!

    I know you're wondering why the hell i didnt leave him 2 and a half years ago when this started but i was in a very vunerable position, i was about to give birth and was frightened. As the time went on i was still frightened and for some weird reason didnt want to loose him and the thought of him and her back together terrified me.

    Anyway over the last few months that has changed. I finally saw the light and realised this needs to end! So i broke up with him ... then i got scared and asked could we try again. Few weeks later broke up again ... then i got scared again .... you can see the pattern.

    Until 3 weeks ago i had enough and this time i havent got scared, i havent asked him to stay, i havent backed down, my bad feelings towards him have not changed at all. He is moving out in 2 weeks and i've never felt surer about anything in my life.

    My question is ... when he leaves will it suddenly hit me and i will be upset again or is it possible that i could remain this strong and actually be excited about the breakup? Its only recently that i can see him for what he really is and i can honestly say at this moment that i have no feeling or any respect for the man. In fact i hope him and the ex get back together cos i will actually feel sorry for her.


Comments

  • #2
    Squiggler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 945 ✭✭✭Squiggler


    After such a rough time during the relationship, and a difficult time actually calling a halt to it you are probably most likely to feel relieved. You must have cared about him to invest so much time and effort trying to make things work, and that won't go away quickly, but if you focus on the positives of being single again you shouldn't find yourself having a breakdown anytime soon.

    I had a relationship similar to yours, and once I had finally made the decision to cut him out of my life once and for all, and he'd packed his stuff and moved, I felt like a different person. I was able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I still loved him, but we were only making each other unhappy and anytime I felt nostalgic, or missed him, I reminded myself of that and thought about how much better life had become without the daily stress and arguments.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here ... thank you for your reply ... thats exactly what i was hoping to hear.

    Thats how i feel and was hoping it would last


  • #4
    Squiggler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 945 ✭✭✭Squiggler


    Enjoy your new life :) All the best for what can only be a brighter future.


  • #5
    Jaxxy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,297 ✭✭✭Jaxxy


    OP it sounds like you've already done your mourning for this relationship. You've been there already, you've shed tears over him, you've balked over the thought of losing him. It sounds as though in your head you've already moved on.

    You may have the odd moment of regret or loneliness after he does move out, but these are fleeting and will pass. With a baby to keep you busy and old friends you can catch up and reconnect with now that you have the time you'll find out just how much better off you are without him.

    Delighted for you that you can see the forest for the trees and realise just how much happier you will be now that you're out of a relationship that caused you so much pain and hurt. Best of luck and as Squiggler said, enjoy your new life.


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