Loneliness due to unemployment

acoc100

Not sure what forum to put this message in but anyway.

Was wondering if anyone else found the hardest part of being unemployed and having nothing to do all day is the lack of social interaction and loneliness.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Yes, and the viscious cycle of not earning a wage meaning you can't afford to get out and do much, anyway! All the time in the world and not a lot to do with it.

cee_jay

Not a State benefits issue - moving to Personal Issues - it may be more suited there.

LegacyUser

OP,

It it's any consellation I can totally relate. I have been unemployed for some time now and I find the boredom and loneliness the worst part. I rang my mate for a chat today and she was really busy in work and couldn't talk so cut the conversation off. I forgot what it feels like to be busy in work -felt so alienated.

I really think others who are working don't understand how soul destroying the whole experience is. They say oh it must be terrible but I don't think they fully get it unless they have been there themselves. I find not having a routine leads to going to bed late, getting up late and feel like that makes it worse. The days all blur into one.

I actually find despite feeling lonely I often don't bother with social occasions and just become more isolated. Say I can't go out can't afford it when in reality could go for a couple. I guess loneliness breed loneliness in some ways.

Also, feel the others pity you a bit when you are not working and that makes me kind of want to avoid them too. Not nice to be pitied.

Anyway OP you are not alone in this. I feel your pain.

Darlughda

Prevent depression at all costs. Its hard when you are unemployed at first, but you must remember many, many people have gone through the same through illness, bad luck etc.

I really recommend www.volunteer.ie, not only will you be able to choose your hours, who you work for, and the level of commitment, but the thanks you get and the fulfillment is nothing like the usual drone job!

Sometimes, you have to learn to sit through and be okay with boredom. Astonishlingly, for many people this gives breakthroughs on how they want to spend their day.

Once you find that, the company will be there, through the activity or work you voluntarily engage in.

Motley Crue

I totally agree. Unemployment is a big problem and the social ramifications just make you feel isolated and alone. As someone said, all the time to do something, and not a thing to do it with.

dan_d

Motley Crue wrote: »

I totally agree. Unemployment is a big problem and the social ramifications just make you feel isolated and alone. As someone said, all the time to do something, and not a thing to do it with.

Well said.
I think this thread is going in work and jobs forum aswell??

LegacyUser

oh i completely relate! i'm out of work a long long time and the loneliness can be crippling at times. i don't have family members to visit.. and not many friends, nor the money to visit them.
i can't really give you advice because i'm in the same situation.. i can only empathise!
it's horrible....... i'd say there are ALOT of people in the same boat. it's a very depressing time right now...
hopefully things will change for the better for you soon!

The volunteering option is one I eagerly await! Currently my claim is in review (turned down first time due to lack of "evidence" - long story) so myself and my partner have been living on his wage for the last seven months. The rent gets paid, the bills too, we eat well, it's amazing what you can do with a little money if you're determined. But aside from his petrol costs there's nothing to spend on anything else. I couldn't take a volunteer position until my claim is sorted out because there isn't enough money there to pay for public transport! That makes being unemployed so much more frustrating. Aside from going for a walk, there isn't anything I can afford to do with the long days!

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

The volunteering option is one I eagerly await! Currently my claim is in review (turned down first time due to lack of "evidence" - long story) so myself and my partner have been living on his wage for the last seven months. The rent gets paid, the bills too, we eat well, it's amazing what you can do with a little money if you're determined. But aside from his petrol costs there's nothing to spend on anything else. I couldn't take a volunteer position until my claim is sorted out because there isn't enough money there to pay for public transport! That makes being unemployed so much more frustrating. Aside from going for a walk, there isn't anything I can afford to do with the long days!

You could try looking in your surrounding area to voulnteer so you don't have to travel.

drop into an elderly neigbour and ask if there's anything they need doing, shopping, put up a shelf etc. any interaction with others during the day is good.

Crazy Penguin

Generally find the mornings to be the worse, when my partner gets up for work and the horrible feeling of knowing it will be 8ish before he's home.
I'm a unemployed teacher finding it hard to get anything and its heartbreaking.
You're right though, nobody can understand how bad, lonely and depressing it is to be alone all day...not until they've felt it for themselves.
I'm constantly reminded that my own dad went through the same thing in the 80's but there are times he needs reminding that this is not the 80's...he was lucky in so many ways then, he knew a lot of people in the same boat all young fathers who regularly met up etc. But for me there's none of that and I hae to question how can people understand til they go through it themselves?

Penny Lane

Hey there,

I know how isolating it can be as I was unemployed for 8 months myself. I found the best way to keep myself sane was to keep busy. I'd get up at 7 every morning, get dressed and get job hunting. That would take me to about 10/11. Then I'd head off and do some exercise - life saver. I'd try to meet working friends for lunch-doesn't have to cost much, I'd usually say I'd eaten earlier so just grab a coffee (saves cash and pity). Then I'd usually do more exercise or go off for a spin or visit relatives for the afternoon.

I also attended industry networking events, expos and conferences (these things are usually free, max cost €20) and let contacts know I was looking for work. I started to pick up nixers after about 2 months and ended up getting busy. You get what you focus on so you do need to focus.

I do think volunteering is a great way to go, if I hadn't started to get bits of work I'd have gone that route.

Crazy Penguin

Sounds great! Glad to hear you got outta of this dreadful rut!
Think however some people are more limited in that respect since there are less expos and the like now. And certainly for me, there are no expos for teachers.
I've been volunteering in schools and looking for work. Tried the exercise thing...and now I have a book club. Although online its a start!

If anyone wants to pm me I@d be more than happy to get in touch and help out with the lonliness!

magneticimpulse

I know how you feel. I have zero motivation at the moment.

Been unemployed since January and fed up applying for jobs which only have few positions or openings and over 4000 applicants. Even jobs which I am as highly qualified as can be. Saw the recession coming and left my full time job a few years ago to move on in my education. Cant go any higher education wise. I get by on the dole and everyone is telling me i should just stay on it. Its well and good, but id like to have a life and do more with my time.

I closed facebook account as was spending too much time on it. Also spend too much time on internet in general. Dont get in that rut.

You have to have a routine, getting up at normal time (its hard and very easy to get up at noon everyday). Eat good meals, lots of vitamins and exercise.

meetup.com is a good place to start to meet more people. I met lots of other unemployed people via that. Or couch surfing as its usually geared towards back packers on a budget, the events they have are normally free.

I myself have given up on the job hunt in Europe. And have applied for volunteer work in Africa/Asia...fingers cross. It would be a great experience. There are lots of websites out there if you google "volunteer work", or look up Irish Charities abroad and see if they are looking for volunteers. (its an option to get you out off ireland as it is a depressing place right now)

Crazy Penguin

I'm out of work since Feb 09 in that time I've managed to retrain as a teacher and still can't find work.
Part of me wants to know why I bother....I've no interest in leaving Ireland, my family are here etc but staying here is slowly killing me. It's heart breaking. Soul destroying. And a very lonely life to lead.

the untitled user

Been unemployed since Feb, and I've gone through some pretty rough days and weeks like yourself and so many others OP. But unemployment, like everything else, is what you make of it.

The only way you can get out of the rut is by forcing yourself, there's no easy way. Literally, latch onto something and go at it as if it's your 9-5. Doesn't really matter what that something is, a project, new hobby, retraining yourself or even going over old college or school stuff. Set yourself a target and work towards it. Plan your days and set yourself milestones as if you were in a job. It doesn't matter if you achieve them, once you start working towards them you'll find your life slowly falling back into place.

Since I've become unemployed I've lost 1 and 1/2 stone in weight, recorded an album's worth of songs, and gotten involved in a number of really cool projects, that while I haven't got paid anything so far, I've still learned loads from and even developed a few business ideas. In some ways I actually dread the day when I do find a job. It really is what you make of it.

Penny Lane

Wow crazy penguin, you poor thing, that has to be breaking your spirit. Would you think about volunteering here? Could you offer grinds as a way of making money, interacting with people and practising your new skills? Or you could give classes in your specialist area? For example, I know an English teacher who gives creative writing classes to teens and adults. She advertises through local supermarkets and social media (all free) and is kept quite busy.

P1e9t3e5r

My sympathies go out to you. However, you have youth on your side, plenty
of friends and maybe opportunities to engage in some voluntary work.
Consider my situation (I am not whinging).. retired, divorced, most friends of
mine dead or too incapacitated to answer their doors when I call. At my stage it is difficult to make new friends and, as I live alone, you find yourself going everywhere on your own and you then decide it is just not worth the effort. I am mentally active and would prefer to mix with young and old alike.. however, if you try to engage with young people you are often suspected of being a paedophile and all the old want to do is play Bingo and moan about their neighbours.
However, what I try to do is keep physically and mentally active and watch the diet. I try to think younger and avoid daytime TV and most times it works. But loneliness is difficult and as Genesis says "it is not right for man to be alone" and I often yearn for the love of a good woman. So take heart,young friend, and try to use your youth to raise yourself from the awfulness from your situation.. get physically active, volunteer or, God help us, emigrate if you have to. This country is in dire straits.

Crazy Penguin

I've retrained and my graduation is in a few weeks, I turned my life around and am running out of ideas what to do next but at the same time I'm glad to have a year after all the study to sub as a teaccher and keep learning from different schools and teachers etc.
I'm new to the city im in now so there are less people I know here but thanks to the internet I have arranged to meet some other teachers like me who have no work and need to get out.
Im almost 2 years out of work and have my fingers crossed we'l all get somewhere. Meanwhile, at least there's people here to talk to!!

dan_d

Keep talking!!
I'm beginning to wake up every day feeling a bit desperate - thinking "I HAVE to get a job, I WANT to get a job, WHY can't I find anything???".
I hate putting my life on hold like this - HATE that I'm spending some of the best years of my life (I'm 27), sitting around penny pinching, worrying about what to do next, worrying about what potential employers will think about the gap on my CV....just worrying.
As someone said to me - you're bitter when you don't work, and you look at others who are. Maybe that's true, I don't know. But I do find myself looking at others more often and thinking "they have jobs - I don't". Doesn't do much good, but I can't seem to avoid it!
I'm not going to lie - I deeply, deeply resent the politicians in this country today. All of them, every last one, I couldn't care less what party they are with. I loathe the media. I buy papers for the jobs sections on Thursdays and Fridays and that's it. Between the whole lot of them, they have managed to bring this country to it's knees.And worse - they just don't care. And here we are, stuck in the middle.
So what am I going to do about it? I haven't a clue. All I can do is try my hardest to keep looking for a job, try my best to keep being optimistic. My life is currently on hold through absolutely no fault of my own, and worse, I have limited control over bringing it back together. Given the choice, I'd start proceedings to leave tomorrow. Seriously.Unfortunately, that's not an option due to various circumstances...we can't go anywhere for a few months. But the thought of those months stretching endlessly before me, while I try my best to be optimistic makes my stomach sink.

Sorry, I'm having a bad morning..been on my own all week, and it's not good.

Crazy Penguin, I presume you're looking for a permanent job - have you thought about dropping into all the schools near you, leaving your CV and seeing if you can get some hours here and there? I know of someone who took 6 hours in one school, and 8 in another and 3 in another for a year, and it's resulted in her getting a permanent post in one of the schools this year. It's all about getting your foot in the door.

magneticimpulse

is acoc100 and crazy penguin the same person? im just confused, because the person who started the thread, OP was acoc100...but it seems to be only crazy penguin answering? Or is crazy penguin just in the same position as OP? Im confused by this.

Crazy Penguin

magneticimpulse wrote: »

is acoc100 and crazy penguin the same person? im just confused, because the person who started the thread, OP was acoc100...but it seems to be only crazy penguin answering? Or is crazy penguin just in the same position as OP? Im confused by this.

No I'm not the OP I'm just in the same sorry mess as the OP....and online far too often for my own good

Dan-I've tried that I'm doing that. And still nothing. Fingers crossed for one days subbing next week....
I'm in the same mess Dan, I can't leave here for so many reasons and I feel like each day its the same as the last one. I'm like yourself I spend my day looking at people wondering how they have jobs and I don't , what makes them more employable, why did so many of the male members of my pot grad course get more jobs than the women did? All these questions and yet the gov just don't care. And I ask myself constantly WHY??? I'm missing the best years of my life too Dan (24) and it sickens me that the fools running this country are there getting paid and I'm willing to bet they'd never manage to live on what we're expected to live on ie welfare. Face it, that welfare allowance its nothing but petty pocket money to them....enough to get dinner and yet we have to live on it and be grateful for it? Take cuts on it and somehow stretch it even further?

THEY SICKEN ME!!
I AM LIVID WITH THIS COUNTRY!!

dan_d

I've been unemployed 3 months, so I don't think I qualify.

magneticimpulse

Oh my goodness, is this where the young people of Ireland are coming to? I know its bad, but the EU has not quite fallen apart altogther. I know its not ideal, but if its that bad on the unemployment in Ireland...why not take a break for 3 months?

[Note the following information I base on being an Irish Citizen having worked in another EU Country, become unemployed in that said EU Country, thought about moving back to family in Ireland and weighing up my options between claiming jobseekers in Ireland or continue in other EU Country, these suggestions are based on my own personal experience and how having more options, might help overcome being lonely and give some sort of another option towards motivation and new project to take on or focus]

Do you know that under EU law, and providing you are currently on unemployment benefits in Ireland, you can move to another EU country for 3 months and still get paid by Ireland? Or that you can actually move to another EU country and transfer your benefits from Ireland to another EU country...maybe another one which does have better benefits?

We are part of the EU for a reason...Ireland makes contributions into the EU for a reason. Ok it might not be ideal...you might be still unemployed. You could pick up a language skill, get more contacts or find a job opportunity you might never have thought about. If it doesnt work out, your entitled to move back to Ireland just before the 3 months is up and reclaim benefits. What have you lost? Not much, hey getting paid for a 3 month Foreign Experience, language, culture, increased job opportunties has to be better then sitting at home and not gaining much at all?

And I am not sure 100% about this but as far as I know there is also some small mobility allowance to help you look for a job in another EU country (not 100%, finding out more myself about this)

magneticimpulse

http://ec.europa.eu/employment_social/social_security_schemes/national_schemes_summaries/irl/2_06_en.htm

Please click on this EU Link, it can provide more info about getting your benefits transfered to another EU country, or what you are entitled to. If Ireland as a country has failed you at providing your essential basic citizen needs...then the EU definitely is somewhat of a back up plan.

Make use of it...Ireland has paid enough contributions into EU, you might as well get something back from it.

"Your benefits when looking for a job abroad

If you want to look for a job in a different EU country, Iceland, Liechtenstein, Norway or Switzerland, you may carry on receiving your unemployment benefits, under certain conditions, for three months (this period may be extended up to six months). Details are provided under our frequently asked questions."

magneticimpulse

http://ec.europa.eu/social/main.jsp?langId=en&catId=25

Working in another EU country

As an EU national you are entitled to take up work or look for a job in another EU country.
This website provides information on the rights of workers moving within the EU and the other rights linked to it, as well as on the restrictions that apply to workers from the countries that joined the EU more recently. A short overview of the rights of nationals from countries outside the EU regarding work in an EU country is also available.
You will also find details on the conditions applying if you are temporarily sent by your employer to carry out your work in another Member State as a posted worker.
The EURES network, with its more than 750 EURES advisers and the EURES web portal with job vacancies and practical advice, are available to help you find a job and to prepare your move abroad.
A network of independent experts monitors the developments in legislation, administration and jurisprudence in the area of free movement of workers.

Free Movement - EU nationals

Free movement for workers means that every EU national has the right to work, and at the same time live, in any other EU country.

This fundamental freedom (laid down in Article 39 of the EC Treaty) entitles you to:

* look for a job in another country
* work there without needing a work permit
* live there for that purpose
* stay there even after your employment has finished
* enjoy equal treatment with nationals in access to employment, working conditions and all other social and tax advantages that may help you integrate in the host country

Nationals of Bulgaria, the Czech Republic, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Hungary, Poland, Romania, Slovenia and Slovakia may face temporary restrictions on working in another country, but for no more than 7 years after their countries joined the EU (Bulgaria and Romania joined on 1 January 2007, all the others on 1 May 2004).

Since 1957, EU citizens have the right to work in another Member State, but only 2% of Europeans takes advantage of this right. Working in another European country brings individuals the chance to learn a new language, discover a new culture and develop new skills. It is also crucial to boosting jobs and growth. That’s why the European Union is working to encourage mobility, break down bureaucratic obstacles and promote language learning.

(quoted from EU Website as above for benefit of boards.ie readers)

acoc100

Thanks for all your answers to this thread.
Lots of food for thought.

I guess there is lots of people going through the same problems
regarding unemployment.

Volunteering is an option I will investigate further.
Also getting more physically active is definitely something I should embrace.

I guess my problem is that im not a good self motivator.
I better at doing stuff if its compulsory
ie. in a job you have to turn up mon to fri 9 to 5.
You kinda do it without thinking