GF is way more experienced then me

LegacyUser

Okay I hope the female population doesn't hunt me down when I tell this story/issue so I am going anonymous.....

Okay so I have been going out with my girlfriend for 7 months now. We are both finished college and in our early 20s. My issue is (and I guess it is my issue) that my girlfriend told me of the amount of sexual partners that she has had and tbh it is an intimidating number (a three digit number) while I have only slept with a few girls that I have had relationships with (no ONS etc). Now I would like to clarify that I never asked her to tell me this as I am wary of knowing such things (I even asked her not to tell me) but she kept asking me about my past relationships and decided to divulge hers while doing so even jokingly going into details (which made me leave the room). I am not sure why I am even posting here but I guess I am trying to come to terms with it/cop on to myself and stop feeling intimidated/inadequate/generally confused by how I feel. I kind of wish she never told me.

Anyways I would appreciate anyones thoughts on this and how to get cop on.

Wibbs

Different people have a different reaction to this subject of "numbers". I'd say generally more men are put off by a "high" number in their partner than women. In an ideal world, it would either never come up and if it did it wouldnt matter.

Personally for me, the number itself wouldnt bother me, but the reason behind the number might. Goes for men and women. If it was because of experimentation, or simply liking sex with different people while single, then grand. If it was an expression of someone with self control issues I'd be more concerned. I'd prefer 50 of the former than 10 of the latter. Thats just me though.

The bit that would rankle for me in your case would be the fact she insisted on telling you, when you specifically asked her not to. To the point of making you feel uncomfortable. This IMHO is not just "your issue". A bit of cop on is required about stuff like this in relationships. I'd be asking why she chose to do that. Some mad guilt on her part, that she needed to get it out? An insensitive windup? Something else? I dunno, you know her we don't.

How do you get over this? You basically have to chose to get over it IMHO. If the relationship is a good one and in every other way things are going well, then you have to accept this part of her that conflicts with your feelings. I'm sure there are parts of you that conflict with hers. If she brings it up again, then calmly let her know that while you love her, this aspect of her past life makes you uncomfortable and you want to think more on your time together and the future. Don't make value judgements. Like I said people differ.

I would also say don't beat yourself up over it being your issue either. The great thing about the sexual revolution is that it gave us personal choice. As well as the choice to have as many sexual partners as you like without feeling bad for, or being judged for doing so, the other side of the coin is that you should also have the choice to have as few as you're happy with and not be judged for it. People too often leave out the second part.

Motley Crue

dazed...shocked wrote: »

Anyways I would appreciate anyones thoughts on this and how to get cop on.

1. Read more
2. Don't date women who have previously, openly, admitted to sleeping with 100 partners or more (3 Digit Number) - she is either a liar, or a slut
3. Don't date women who constantly ask for a list of your sexual partners, especially if you went to the same college, you may have shared a few. Hey, it was college, you were probably drunk.
4. Most importantly, if you do sleep with her, just act like she's the greatest thing in the world, tell her, and to be honest she's had that many that another man will not make a difference. So afterwards, do up your trousers and go.

Wibbs

5. he may actually love her and want to move on and grow from this. Crazy notion I know.

i-digress

Wibbs wrote: »

The bit that would rankle for me in your case would be the fact she insisted on telling you, when you specifically asked her not to. To the point of making you feel uncomfortable. This IMHO is not just "your issue". A bit of cop on is required about stuff like this in relationships.

This. You asked her not to tell you, but she did and went into detail. This shows either a lack of respect, or that she has her own issues.

Wagon

dazed...shocked wrote: »

Okay so I have been going out with my girlfriend for 7 months now. We are both finished college and in our early 20s. My issue is (and I guess it is my issue) that my girlfriend told me of the amount of sexual partners that she has had and tbh it is an intimidating number (a three digit number)

If it was me, i'd consider ending it...

Now I would like to clarify that I never asked her to tell me this as I am wary of knowing such things (I even asked her not to tell me) but she kept asking me about my past relationships and decided to divulge hers while doing so even jokingly going into details (which made me leave the room).

...and this would make me go through it.

3 digit number...it just seems really really far too high for someone in their early 20s. Im the same age and i can't imagine someone aquiring that number and being honest with people at the same time. It doesn't seem to go hand in hand.

You'll be called "insecure" but that's some of the most overused and irritating amatuer psycological bull**** people will say. Reality is, you asked her never to tell and she did. She even went into some detail. Now you're all over the shop. Imagine what it'll be like if you stay with her? Seriously man, let some other poor bastard deal with her.

seamus

dazed...shocked wrote: »

(I even asked her not to tell me) but she kept asking me about my past relationships and decided to divulge hers while doing so even jokingly going into details (which made me leave the room).

Number aside, this stuck out for me. She's either purposely trying to make you jealous or is trying to get you to break up with her.

Most people don't go around talking about past experience, either in number or in detail. It generally tends to come up in conversations within a relationship, but for her to press ahead and tell you all about her experiences, despite you having said you didn't want to know, leads me to believe that she has an agenda. As I say, she's either trying to deliberately provoke jealousy from you - some women love to make their men jealous as they love the passion it generates - or she's doing the age old trick of acting like such a complete prick that'll you'll break up with her.

Take your pick.

I would be skeptical about the 3-digit number unless "early 20s" is 25 or she's including every random snog and grope in a teenage nightclub as a "sexual experience".

jimmycrackcorm

Just because someone says they have had so many partners does not necessarily mean they are telling the truth...

S23

Thats a bit of a melter alright there OP. I think it's the mature and responsible thing to do to discuss previous sexual experience for the sake of your own health and safety as a relationship progresses to another stage etc...

Experiences vary and, in theory, a number shouldn't put you off someone if you really like them as a person. However, in this case the number seems excessive given your partners age.

Early 20's and over 100 sexual partners. Lets proceed on the theory that she was telling the truth. I she lost here virginity a bit young then she's been having sex with, on average, 1 different person a month since she was 15 or 16.
Or she had a couple of years of basically f**king everything in sight. The latter being probably the more likely.

I must admit, and I do my best to keep an open mind, the prospect of the latter would raise some doubts and questions for me. Clearly you didn't think that she would have done such things in the past so it may change how you think about her.

You've been going out for 7 months? How long did you know her before that? Have you known her to date (in an exclusive manner) anyone before she met you?

Presumably this is the first relationship shes had of any length? It would be hard to squeeze in any relationship of note (though not imposssible I admit) while still managing to have sex with dozens of men without cheating on her partner.

All these are issues that are no doubt whirling around in your head. It's not an easy one because as long as she is STD free and not putting you at risk, and as long as her and here 101 sexual partners were consenting then she's done nothing wrong. It's still perfectly allowable for you to have your head in a spin though.

There is, of course, always the possibility shes lying. In which case you'd need to work out why. However, unless the OP comes back as says he thinks she might be lying there's no reason to doubt the accuracy of the info. OP, do you think she could be lying?

Sorry I also forgot to say that her going on at you about this when you didn't want to know was way out of order and obviously upsetting to you. However, if it's true, you really are better off knowing. I never buy into the, your past is your past and new partners don't need to know about it, theory. For my own sexual health I'd certainly want to know that my prospective long term partner had been with a huge amount of sexual partners relative to her age

Benincasa

OP: I strongly suggest getting an STI test, and that your girlfriend does likewise.

Do the maths here. If she has slept with more than a hundred men, how many people have they slept with, and how many have they slept with and so on...

I ask this question in this context because somebody who has slept with 100+ men is having fairly random flings and one night stands. Many of her partners in this activity also likely have the habit of frequent recreational sex and so on and on.

The chances of infection start to rise significantly with these numbers and this behaviour.

When you start to think like this you realise that there MAY be potential health issues, whcih is why getting tested should be a priority.

LighterGuy

break the hell up with her!

100+ partners (3 digit number) and shes only in her early 20s? ... man that girl is a sl*t. Sounds harsh I know. But lets just be honest and no P.C. answers. Call a spade a spade.


Seamus and S23 made a few good points too.
Certain women like to make their guys jealous. Such a comment is a stupid way to make some jealous :rolleyes:
Even some girls with emotional issues claim to sleep with a very large number of men (i dont know why. I can only come to to logic that they think it'll weed out the crap guys which is madness)

Bad waters op.
From one bloke to another, you wouldnt intentionally date a girl with 100+ partners. Most blokes wouldnt.

but lets be totally honest... do you really think you can have anything meaningful with a girl with such many partners? she aint a relationship type of girl. If you date her you'll be putting yourself in high likelihood of being cheated on. 99.9% likelihood

LegacyUser

Ok so this is my own personal opinion on what you said OP, as I went through a similar thing with my gf. She has also had more sexual encounters than me, her being 3 and me being 1, just her. We are going out almost two years and for me it wreaked my head for a long time, but never bothered her.

I was a vigin when I met her and she had had three previous bf's, none lasting longer than a year. I still felt inadequate sometimes due to my lack of experience. Now she wasn't wild or anything, it's just the fact that she had been with more people than me got to me. I thought of everything, lying to her about my 'number', dumping her and getting some more experience, even and I hate to say, cheating on her. Now I never did any of these and will never do, cause I have accepted this. But still even now there may be times when my mind drifts, but I would never risk it. Basically you have to weigh it up...what she did in the past against how she makes you feel right now.

That was the positive (kinda) now for the negative.

Over 100 guys and only in her 20's, that was shocking to me. Personally it's a very young age and a very high number. The fact that she kept asking you too is quite insulting, as is the fact that you told her you didn't want to know but she told you anyway, as if she was showing off and it's something to be proud of. I mean who says something like that to their partner?! May I ask did she tell you after she found about your number? The details aswell is disgusting, yes some people like to know but most I think don't. I thought about asking what my gf got up, because the thoughts in my head were killing me and I felt that if I knew then it wouldn't be as bad, but I never did and am happy I didn't. My own opinion is that unless you really love her, and see a future with her and that you can put this in the past (which is VERY hard, trust me), I'd say end it. If this bothers you and doesn't bother her there is obviously a personality clash already. It's only been 7 months, you'll find someone else who fits your ideal partner (not the local bus), and she will too...from the sounds of, it won't take her very long. Sorry if that's blunt but that's the kinda image I'm getting of her.

Also get tested, like now!

Buddy I thought I had it bad, thanks for putting things in perspective. I'm just sorry I couldn't help you like you helped me.

Des Carter

Hey dude your girlfriend is either a compulsive liar or an ex-prostitute but either way its not looking good. However something doesnt seem right I mean would she not hide the number, or at least lower it a bit. And why tell you when you told her you didn't want to know Id be very surprised if there isnt something more going on.

sbsquarepants

Been there, done that!
You want my advice? Run. Plain and simple.
Slut may not be a nice word, but that's exactly what she is. You've got 3 basic scenarios here.
Scenario 1, she just loves sex with loads of people - if this is the case she's going to continue to sleep around.
Scenario 2, she has some shape or form of issue and is basically confusing sex with love, if this is the case she is going to continue to sleep around. Scenario 3, she's a liar - hardly needs explaining. Look out for number 1 before you get in too deep.
Run!!

LighterGuy

I know what you mean Sunflower. They have been dating 7 months. But lets just be honest, has she really been faithful to him in those 7 months? ... I mean the famous saying "once a cheater always a cheater" - can the same be said for "once a ho, always a ho" ... its the same nature.


Op I dont mean to work you up but you have to accept the following about how she met these 100+ men:

• Nights out - So majority of the time she has been out she ends up sleeping with random men.
• Internet - welcome to the world we live in. Many girls can be on dating sites and even sex/swinging sites and accmulate such a high number of partners.
• Circle of Friends - i've known girls who were passed around through male friends. Obviously this wouldnt accumulate such a high number. But she probably has. Could you be comfortable knowing that a large number of male friends has been there?

This has to be said to:

• Cheating - this one if for certain. There is no way a woman could have 100+ partners at her age without being a cheater. No way. Its in her nature. Think about your relationship.

S23

Lads and lasses calling the OP's girlfriend a whore or a slut isn't helping him. I don't think we can go around judging anyone (as a rule) but I'd reserve further judgement in how he should approach this scenario until we get a bit more info from the OP.

OP it would be really handy if we knew
a) Exactly how old she is
b) How old she was when she lost her virginity
c) If she has ever been in a 'proper/serious' relationship before
and
d) Did she just say 'oh its over 100' or did she give you an exact figure. I mean over 100 could be 101 or it could be 130. And in the context of having sex with people I think the finer details in this case are quite relevant

Since she was spilling her guts I guess she told you these things. I know it might be a little raw with you but it will help us get a little more perspective on things.

For example if shes 21, lost her virginity at 18 and has been with you 7 months already that would leave a 2(ish) year window to have sex with over 100 lads. That would be really quite severe in anyones book (sex revolution or not!)

On the other hand. If shes 24, lost her viginity at 16 and has been with you 7 months that would leave 7(ish) years to have sex with over 100 lads. Now over 100 is over 100 but that wouldn't be quite as, eh, frenzied sexually since losing her virginity, but if we are to get an insight into her character then knowing the timeframe would help.

trio

I am not sure why I am even posting here but I guess I am trying to come to terms with it/cop on to myself and stop feeling intimidated/inadequate/generally confused by how I feel.

If I was in my early 20's and my boyfriend (I'm a girl) told me he'd slept with 150 girls or whatever, I'd be pretty intimidated too.

I mean you can say to yourself all sorts of rational things like "Oh but he's chosen me/is with me now/loves me more than anyone else/blah blah blah...." but anyone would be still pretty shell-shocked.

It's not even about morality either - people will question why your gf has slept with so many. But to me it's about you and how you feel now. About whether she'll be comparing your performance to the many, many others she's had.

I wish she hadn't told you. You really didn't need to know.

Maybe she told you because she knows it's a lot considering her age, and she wanted to see how you'd react. So she manufactured a conversation about numbers, and dropped hers into it. Pretty determinedly.

No matter, my advice is to ask her outright about it. Because otherwise it'll strangle you. And you certainly won't feel comfortable in bed until you do.

So ask her about her past - she's opened the door to it, so it's OK to do so. Maybe it'll turn out that there wasn't sex in all those cases. Maybe she'll say she regrets being so free with everyone when she was younger. Maybe she'll tell you how relieved she is to find someone she can develop a mature sexual relationship with. Maybe she'll tell you that she's mad about you, and you knock all of them into a cocked hat.

If you avoid the elephant in the room, you'll start obsessing about it.

whacker4fun

dazed...shocked wrote: »

My issue is (and I guess it is my issue) that my girlfriend told me of the amount of sexual partners that she has had and tbh it is an intimidating number (a three digit number)

100+ , Sweet Jesus. id be more wary than intimated tbh.
What have you got to lose, she will hopefully teach you a few things and you might not believe me but you will teach her a few things. Every guy is different.

The concern would be why has she slept with this many, how at such a young age has she slept with that many and how can she not claim to be a slut. depending on when she became sexually active and whether she was in a long term relationship. Maybe one guy a month, even less!

G-Money

OP it's perfectly natural for you to feel put off by this IMHO. I would be too if I were in your shoes. I haven't had a load of partners myself so if I met a girl and her number of partners was in 3 digits I'd be very put off. I think I'd even be put off if the number was in the two digit's range as well (20+), although I digress.

I'm sure someone will probably reply to this thread and state that we're having double standards and if a guy slept with that many girls, he'd be called a stud or whatever. The point that most of those people tend to miss is that as guys, we don't care if some fella has slept with 150 women. The reason being that we don't want to sleep with him.

I too would have concerns with a girl who had been with so many guys by her early 20's. It would make me think lots of things, such as whether she and I needed an STI test, whether her promiscuity a sign that she is unable to remain faithful and is not to be trusted.

Unfortunately these are questions that only you can answer OP. The fact that you deliberately said you didn't want to know her not-so-magic number and she proceeded to go ahead and tell you anyway is a little disrespectful of her.

She could be using it as a ploy to make you jealous which if true, is a very petty and immature thing to do and the only response being to act completely unaffected and/or to end it with her.

If she's using it as a weapon to get you to end things, she should put down the copy of "Teen Heat" and the bottle of Coke and realise she's not a teenager anymore and say that she wants to end it, like the grown-up that she is.

Hope things work out for the best OP.

HavingCrack

Stop calling the OP's girlfriend a slut. It doesn't help matters. If she's been practicing safe sex in all her relationships who are you to apply your moral standards to her sex life. People are entitled to have sex with as many or as few people as they want.

However OP, I would most definately get an STI check before sleeping with her again and I'd advise your girlfriend to get one also.

The one thing that stands out for me is the way she insisted on telling you about her previous partners even after you specifically asked her not to. This shows a lack of respect for your and that would be annoying me an wful lot. If she refuses to listen to you on something as personal as this I bet you'll have trouble in other aspects of your relationship before long if not already.

LegacyUser

S23 wrote: »

Lads and lasses calling the OP's girlfriend a whore or a slut isn't helping him. I don't think we can go around judging anyone (as a rule) but I'd reserve further judgement in how he should approach this scenario until we get a bit more info from the OP.

OP it would be really handy if we knew
a) Exactly how old she is
b) How old she was when she lost her virginity
c) If she has ever been in a 'proper/serious' relationship before
and
d) Did she just say 'oh its over 100' or did she give you an exact figure. I mean over 100 could be 101 or it could be 130. And in the context of having sex with people I think the finer details in this case are quite relevant

Since she was spilling her guts I guess she told you these things. I know it might be a little raw with you but it will help us get a little more perspective on things.

For example if shes 21, lost her virginity at 18 and has been with you 7 months already that would leave a 2(ish) year window to have sex with over 100 lads. That would be really quite severe in anyones book (sex revolution or not!)

On the other hand. If shes 24, lost her viginity at 16 and has been with you 7 months that would leave 7(ish) years to have sex with over 100 lads. Now over 100 is over 100 but that wouldn't be quite as, eh, frenzied sexually since losing her virginity, but if we are to get an insight into her character then knowing the timeframe would help.

So many points have been raised in this thread that I need to answer/think over and my head is really spinning over this. I am truly truly confused at how I feel and I know I am not happy about this.

To answer your first question, she is 24.

She lost her virginity at 18

She has had one previous relationship (which was the cause of her apparent sexual awakening…. as he cheated on her)

The number she gave me was 160 – 180 or there about which perturbs me because how could she not know the exact number

STIs have been mentioned in this thread, and she told me that she caught chlamydia from her last serious boyfriend who she found out was cheating on her….. (her first serious relationship)

Funny story to how we met too… we met when we were both finishing college and during that summer she rang me up one night for a booty call (which I declined in a stuttering manner) I took this as she was drunk and being silly but she liked me so after a week or so I asked her out and well that’s how we started going out.

She puts her past down to “living the sex and the city lifestyle”, which for me is a feeble and immature excuse…… tbh she shops like them as well…..

She has told me that she wanted to be completely honest with me and that’s why she told me. She told me she slept with a guy who was in my class and even stated that he was a “god is the sake”…. I remember when I met this guy at our graduation saying to me to avoid her like the plague but he didn’t go into detail and I didn’t ask.


Finally, TBH I really do like this girl, I realised a while ago that I was more conservative then her but this has me bowled over..... I feel like I am split in two at the moment, one half cares for her and the other half is a jumble of different emotions that can be only described a confusion and intimidation...

LegacyUser

Hi there OP,

First of all it's not totally uncommon not to know the exact number of sexual partners you've had. I have no idea how many people I've slept with (though am sure it's nowhere near the three figures threshold) and I do not believe I am either promiscuous or what so many other posters have so easily dubbed your girlfriend. While it is possible your girlfriend has slept with 160 - 180 people in her adult life, I sincerely doubt this is an accurate number. If you'd slept with that many people you'd have lost count back in the thirties - forties region, in my opinion and experience anyway. Unless she's kept a diary or journal of her conquests (which would also ring alarmbells for me) then I suggest she's pulled this estimated number out of her behind.

I understand and can empathise that you feel intimidated by this revelation. This would be a fairly normal response for most people. But it's not so much the number I'd worry about, more the way in which she told you. As others have already pointed out, she insisted on giving you this information despite you asking her not to, and then proceeded to go into detail about her previous encounters.

This suggests to me that she has some underlying issues she needs to deal with. She told you this information to get a reaction from you it would seem. Another poster mentioned it might be a passive-aggressive method employed by her to get you to dump her. Do you think this might be the case? How is your relationship aside from this issue?

Perhaps she's just a very open person and sees nothing wrong with talking about it. But you do, and she's going to have to respect this, just as you're going to have to respect the fact that she has slept with other men before she met you, some of whom you've been acquainted with. If you like her (as you say you do) then both of you are going to have to sit down and talk this issue out. Ask her the questions you feel the need to ask her, and tell her that you're just not comfortable discussing her carry on with her previous sexual partners. Take that off the table. If she insists on continuing to discuss it with you then I'm afraid it's obvious she does not respect your feelings and possibly isn't the right girl for you.

I'd also like to hasten to add that just because she has a high sex drive or has slept with hundreds of men does not make her a cheat. I have a very high sex drive and as I've stated before have slept with probably a high number of people, but I have always been faithful within the few long term, committed relationships I've ever had. An appetite for sex =/= cheater.

I'd also encourage both of you to be tested. Chlamydia especially can be a tricky one as you can have the disease without ever showing symptoms. Best of luck to you, and I hope you manage to wrap your head around this and make a decision that best suits you.

LegacyUser

I think she told me as a sort of test.... well after 7 months I think I am beginning to know her.... and in terms of the number she mentioned... well she has kept it all in a journal (her diary) and she has mentioned before (prior to this revelation) that she has wanted to use her experiences to write a book hence she kept a detailed journal of her life.

Now she has told me that there was other guys from my class and tbh this is beginning to grate me because I am still friends with some of them..... and feel paranoid now as to who they are but dread finding out....

Nearly all her encounters have been ONS or "booty calls" but she told me that she wanted to be completely honest with me so that is why she told me even though I asked her not to.

To be honest she has acted very erratic (for lack of a better word) while telling me this stuff and even though we are talking about this I have never asked(nor wanted her) to go into the detail she has.... now I mean visibly erratic/jittery so I don't know what this means


she mentioned that she did go to a consellor in college about this because she was starting to feel insecure and used etc and this was a few weeks prior to me asking her out.... I am not sure if that is relevent but I am adding it anyways.

S23

Wow OP, fcuking hell, I don't know what to say to you really. Thats simply stunning. When you said over 100 I was hoping just barely. The reality is its nearly 200.

Lost her virginity at 18, is now 24, been with you 7 months. 5 years (roughly) and shes slept with 180 (lets call it that for the sake of argument). Thats 60 months. So 3 men a month on average for a sustained period of 5 years.

She has admitted to having an STI.

She's said her 'sexual awakening' was after she was cheated on. This may come back to what other posters have mentioned as trying to feel loved through sex. Or it could be bullsh*t.

A phrase like Sex in the City lifestyle wouldn't cut the mustard for me. She f*cked nearly 1 different lad a week for 5 years.
I mean even if it was causal sex surely someone would have been good enough to make a FBuddy. That many partners seems like doing it for the sake of itself. Good sex is great. She could have found someone to stop along the way with. In fact maybe she was f*king some of these lads for a sustained period of time but it looks like she was also banging other lads at the same time too.

Also, while I'm sure she blames her ex (and he may well have been at fault) for the STI. It still means she wasn't practicing safe sex at the time. You'd think that would make you more wary about multiple sexual partners rather than less.
Whether you trust her to have always had safe sex with her 180 sexual partners is a judgement call. I can't tell you for sure if she did, and you can't know 100%. It's up to you whether you trust her.

You were warned off her. You met her as a booty call.

She told you details about her sex life you didn't want to know. She told you that she had slept with a lad in your class and that he was a 'god'.

OP, nevermind realising you were more conservative than her. 90% of people are more conservative than your GF seems to be.

Also, I'd ignore the last post about it 'only being a number'. Your sexual health means its more than that. Her admission to contracting an STI means its more than that.
Also the post veers from 1 thing to the other. It assumes shes lying about shagging 180 people. I'm working on the assumption its true.

OP, in closing, my heart goes out to you. All I can do is tell you what I would do (although, I've never been in your position).

The girl I have been dating tells me shes had sex with 180 men in the 5 years before I met her. She told me explicit details of her previous sex life. She told me a mate of mine was a 'god' in bed. She admitted to having contracted an STI previously. I'd been warned off her previously. She first contacted me as a booty call.

Maybe she is ready to give up her 'sex in the city' :rolleyes: lifestyle. She wouldn't be doing it with me though. Honestly, I couldn't hack it. More power to you if you can. However, you're her first semi serious realtionship (nevermind what else shes told you) and shes 24. Chances are you won't be her last. You'll just be part of her realtionship learning curve.

I wouldn't put myself through the emotional torment and the physical risk. I'm not for quickfire statments or over reactions but I'd move on.

Doing so doesn't make you unenlightend. It doesn't make you repressed. It doesn't make you conservative. It doesn't reflect negatively on you at all. Look after you own emotional and physical well being.

Plenty more fish in the sea OP. Best of luck to you fella. You're obviously a tolerant, caring and considerate individual. I just don't think this relationship is for you.

EDIT

OP they were all one night stands or booty calls (whats the difference by the way if its 180 different people) and she kept a journal of it all. She has some serious issues or reasons for this or shes just a bit of a weirdo or maybe a sex addict.
It's not your job to be there while she works through these. They sound pretty f*cking serious to me. She needs to sort herself out and these issues out. She'll be a different person if she manages to do that.

Also, it pretty obviously bothers you. Don't feel guilty about not being comfortable with this

Wompa1

Run away from that girl fast. Double digits intimidates me, I can only imagine how you'd feel knowing she's in 3 digits. The probability of her having an STD is very high too, she may not even know she has one, it could be dormant but still contagious. Dump her dude!

Wagon

You've been warned about her, she's been with some of your mates...she might have been with some of MY mates for we know. And she even told you that one of the lads she was with, who you know, was a god in the sack...

I'm going to point out the reality of the situation. Your girlfriend is a whore. And a self centered one too. That much is certain. I mean come on man, 24 and the number is close to 200! That's absolutely mental! And she goes into detail about it to you...

This will not end well and i can gaurentee 100% that you will come of worse and end up being really hurt. My advice is to end it now, feel sad for a few weeks and then get back out there and meet a girl who will have some respect for you because by christ, this one certainly doesn't. What's the alternative? Stay with her and more than likely get cheated on down the line? Because lets be honest, it's pretty likely and for all you know, could have happened anyway.

Seriously man, there are a LOT of great girls out there but unless you run like hell now, you have less chance of meeting one.

LegacyUser

S23 wrote: »

Also, I'd ignore the last post about it 'only being a number'. Your sexual health means its more than that. Her admission to contracting an STI means its more than that.
Also the post veers from 1 thing to the other. It assumes shes lying about shagging 180 people. I'm working on the assumption its true.

Er, excuse me, I also (and many others in this thread too) expressed a concern for the OP's sexual health. And "veering from one thing to another" was just presenting both sides of a possible argument. Things are never as black and white as they seem.

And at the end of the day it's up to the OP to decide what is best for him. Sometimes decisions like this can't be made in the heat of the moment, when your thoughts are unclear. You need time to process and figure out exactly what it is you want and what outcome will make you the happiest.

Anyway back on topic. OP, you know her best. It's a strange one to be sure, and her motives behind this "test" are unclear. It's very unfair of her to do this to you, especially since you had no interest in knowing in the first place. BUT it also might be worth bearing in mind that her coming clean with you and laying out the whole truth of her past might be an exercise her counselor suggested she try. Keeping a journal of her sexual escapades is a little strange too, and looking to profit from it by possibly writing a book suggests to me that this girl really does have some serious issues.

You need to think about what you want and if it is possible that this girl can respect your wishes, and indeed if you can come to terms with her past.

Wompa1

Actually, assuming you go and dump her because I think it's the obvious thing to do. In relationships in the future do you think you'd bring up number of partners?

I think for me in relationships any more I don't want to know!

S23

itsonlyanumber wrote: »

Er, excuse me, I also (and many others in this thread too) expressed a concern for the OP's sexual health. And "veering from one thing to another" was just presenting both sides of a possible argument. Things are never as black and white as they seem.

Both sides of what argument? There is no argument. Only the facts with which the OP has presented us. I can only go by the black and white of what he tells us and have no reason to think he's lying or a bullsh*tter. So I'll take it all on face value rather than read between lines that probably aren't there

If the OP comes back saying he thinks shes lying then veering off to topics such as his girlfriends 'pulling the number out of her behind' become relevant but until then they are not. Assuming shes lying changes the parameters of the whole topic.

So its impossible to address the issue assuming shes telling the truth (and has slept with 180 people in 5 years) but use the same parameters in working out what do if we assume shes lying (and has not slept with 180 people in 5 years).

Wagon

itsonlyanumber wrote: »

Er, excuse me, I also (and many others in this thread too) expressed a concern for the OP's sexual health. And "veering from one thing to another" was just presenting both sides of a possible argument. Things are never as black and white as they seem.

And at the end of the day it's up to the OP to decide what is best for him. Sometimes decisions like this can't be made in the heat of the moment, when your thoughts are unclear. You need time to process and figure out exactly what it is you want and what outcome will make you the happiest.

I know what you're saying but...

It's a strange one to be sure, and her motives behind this "test" are unclear. It's very unfair of her to do this to you, especially since you had no interest in knowing in the first place.

Numbers aside, this is reason enough to end it. There are boundaries in every relationship and the OP set his. And to be completly honest, it wasn't much to ask at all. She didn't have to even do anything, just not tell.

BUT it also might be worth bearing in mind that her coming clean with you and laying out the whole truth of her past might be an exercise her counselor suggested she try. Keeping a journal of her sexual escapades is a little strange too, and looking to profit from it by possibly writing a book suggests to me that this girl really does have some serious issues.

I can't imagine a councellor encouraging her to divulge numbers to her partner, even after he has told her he doesn't want to know. And writing a book to profit from it...it doesn't add up as a means of helping her come to terms with her past. It looks very much like she's proud of it and wants to tell everyone.

She really does sound like very bad news and lets face it, if someone is being lined up to get seriously hurt here, it's the OP. He wouldn't be posting about it if he wasn't.

LegacyUser

TBH I wish she was lying about the number but I believe she is being honest. As foar as dumping her well I don't know how I fell at the moment and that is the problem. I did not want to know about how many sexual encounters she has had, nor would I want to share mine with anyone I am in a relationship with (that's me being a prude I suppose but it is how I feel). I general accept that it is the norm for women to have a higher number then men in terms of this but the number she has told me is very hard to come to terms with.

I now am dreading the fact that I have to bring up my concerns over possible STIs and having to get checked out because of this... I mean I have always been careful and I have only slept with girls I have been in a relationship with so for me it was never really a concern until now..... tbh I am not happy about this


Another thing that bothers me is that she doesn't seem to understand why I am upset/unsettled by this......

S23

dazed....shocked wrote: »

I now am dreading the fact that I have to bring up my concerns over possible STIs and having to get checked out because of this... I mean I have always been careful and I have only slept with girls I have been in a relationship with so for me it was never really a concern until now..... tbh I am not happy about this


Another thing that bothers me is that she doesn't seem to understand why I am upset/unsettled by this......

Call it a life lesson OP.

All the stuff highlighted is understandable and serious. I think you're probably a bit smitten and also overly harsh on yourself. I think you're afraid of feeling freaked out and how that reflects on you.

All I can tell you is 99% of lads I know would run a f*king mile. Put it this way. I'm almost 30 now and I'd still not be able to get my head around a woman of my age sleeping with 200 men in a decade never mind that many in 5 years.

Also, your sexual health is a big concern. Never mind asking her about whether or not you need to get tested. Just go and do it a.s.a.p

LegacyUser

You've been dating this girl for 7 months, which means you've lasted a hell of a lot longer than any previous encounters. This must mean something.
She's also been completely honest with you. Again, this must mean something.
I wouldn't shy away from the whole STI-test thing. Remember you must multiply the 160-odd people she's been with, by the amount of people each one of those 160 has been with, by the number they've been with, & so on and so forth. So you're technically running into about a thousand people, theoretically& indirectly. GET TESTED. It's called looking after your health, it's no different from going to get your blood pressure or your teeth checked, no healthcare professional will judge you in any way, in fact you will probably be commended.

Miss Mimsy

OP I would say you are a bit of a chauvanist to be honest. I mean words like slut and whore have been thrown around alot in this thread but IMO it is from men who do not like to see a woman being liberated and free. It is the 21st century and you shouldn't force your 18th century values on her.

Automatically men say that a sexual liberated woman is a slut....

I think you need to cop on in this day and age and be grateful that your OH have decided to be so open and honest with you.

Thank god for Sex and the City because it showed women that there is nothing wrong with enjoying sex and experiencing many partners!!

IMO her number isn't that high at all and you seriously need to revaluate your attitude if you want to date a modern woman!!

S23

You may not agree with the OP but to call him a chauvanist, IMO, shows a lack of respect for his posts and the thread in general.

Also, I don't think anyone is arguing against women being liberated and free. I think the matter of having sex with almost 200 people in a short space of time is another issue altogether.

You say "Automatically men say that a sexual liberated woman is a slut". Thats just as catch all and as sexist as the (few) men on here calling the OP's girlfriend a slut based on her number of sexual partners.
'Men' don't automatically do anything. You are tarring the male population with the same brush with statements like that. Stereotypes, pre-conceptions and baseless assertions don't help this discussion no matter what side they favour.

I don't think the OP needs to cop on about his GF being open and honest. I think he is fully aware of that and is doing his best to take everything onboard in an open and balanced manner. He hasn't jumped to any conclusions or made any assertions or said anything particularly negative about his girlfriend. In fact I'd say the person he has been most negative about in this thread is himself.

As for your 'thank god for...' remark. No one is saying theres anything wrong with enjoying sex or with many partners in theory. However, when you start picking up STD's then there most certainly is something wrong with it. Both for you and the people you continue to have sex with.

Finally, you say in your opinion her number isn't that high? I was pretty close to using the report button on that one because no one here (on either side of the argument) or in the real world I live in would ever think that a new sexual partner every week for 5 years on the spin 'isn't that high'.
However, maybe you know a lot of women who are that way inclined and maybe you are one yourself so I will take you on face value.

To tell him he needs to re-evaluate if he wants to date a 'modern woman' is disengenuous to both the OP and women in general. If being a 'modern woman' is defined by having sex with a couple of hundred sexual partners in the (relative) blink of an eye then I doubt many women (certainly not the women I know) would want to be classified as 'modern women'

And the OP doesn't need to re-evaluate. Nothing he said is unreasonable, sexist, derogatory or anything of the sort. He's entitled to his own opinion, beliefs, values and all the rest of it.

HavingCrack

Miss Mimsy wrote: »

OP I would say you are a bit of a chauvanist to be honest. I mean words like slut and whore have been thrown around alot in this thread but IMO it is from men who do not like to see a woman being liberated and free. It is the 21st century and you shouldn't force your 18th century values on her.

Automatically men say that a sexual liberated woman is a slut....

I think you need to cop on in this day and age and be grateful that your OH have decided to be so open and honest with you.

Thank god for Sex and the City because it showed women that there is nothing wrong with enjoying sex and experiencing many partners!!

IMO her number isn't that high at all and you seriously need to revaluate your attitude if you want to date a modern woman!!

You're clearly only reading what you want from this thread in order to call the OP sexist. He specifically said he did not want to know about her sexual history and she ignored him and told him anyway. There's not much respect for the OP there. Clearly, your modern woman doesn't take much notice of other peoples feelings eh?

Secondly, by the standards of most people (3/4 of the population) nearly 200 partners in 6 years is considered a high number by both men and women. There's nothing wrong with having lots of sex with lots of people but as her contracting an STI shows, she hasn't on at least one occasion.

Thirdly, the Op never attempted to shove some '18th century' values on his girlfriend or called her a slut. His main concern is the fact she told him even after he asked her repeatedly not to.

Lastly, keeping a diary of sexual conquests in order to write a book is not considered normal behaviour, even for you 'liberated women'.

Jumpy

Bloody hell, take it as a compliment. All these guys and she settles long term with you. You are a god amongst men.

See the good side in it, not just the bad.

Darthhoob

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Been there, done that!
You want my advice? Run. Plain and simple.
Slut may not be a nice word, but that's exactly what she is. You've got 3 basic scenarios here.
Scenario 1, she just loves sex with loads of people - if this is the case she's going to continue to sleep around.
Scenario 2, she has some shape or form of issue and is basically confusing sex with love, if this is the case she is going to continue to sleep around. Scenario 3, she's a liar - hardly needs explaining. Look out for number 1 before you get in too deep.
Run!!

just wanted to say that that is not true, i slept around when single years ago for that very reason (not long after my mum died) but i did it when single and not in a relationship...been in a relationship 7 years now and have no intention of sleeping around again in this relationship or indeed if i was ever single again (i still have self esteem issues...but i know i have them now..)

the issue here really wouldn't be how many people she slept with (that's her past) but more why she told you when you really did not want to know. my OH knows i slept with more people than he has...and he is 10 years older (it's not THAT large a number though...lol) but he doesn't wish to know details or how many it was, he knows some details that he's asked for (basically in times where we've discussed where we have ****ed up in our lives) but i've not told him anything he didn't ask to know...and visa versa.

and why AGAIN is a girl whose slept with a fair few guys a slut but a man who does the same is usually given a huge pat on the back? men and women both enjoy/have sex, for many different reasons.

LegacyUser

Automatically men say that a sexual liberated woman is a slut....

I think you need to cop on in this day and age and be grateful that your OH have decided to be so open and honest with you.

Thank god for Sex and the City because it showed women that there is nothing wrong with enjoying sex and experiencing many partners!!

IMO her number isn't that high at all and you seriously need to revaluate your attitude if you want to date a modern woman!!
e

Oh god more sex and the city bulls**t, its a fúcking tv program!! I feel sorry for woman who convince themselves that its soooo "liberating", Its not real life, they're fictional characters, everything is glamourised to fool naive women into thinking that they can buy into this "sexually liberated" lifestyle, keeping the "sex and the city" franchise going and allowing tv companies and candice bushnell to laugh all the way to the bank!

Again Its a tv program!! if bosco told you "that there is nothing wrong with enjoying sex and experiencing many partners!!" would you still have the same opinion i wonder...

I'm a modern sexually liberated woman and i think her number is scarily high

Theres "sexually liberated" and enjoying sex, and theres being 24 and having had sex with 160 different men, i don't think even "carrie" (aka HBO/Warner Bros) could justify that. There is no way she could of developed any kind of relationship with these men over that time period, also the fact that she is seeing a councellor "because she was starting to feel insecure and used etc " suggests that this girl has much much deeper insecurity issues, sex has clearly become a source of validation for her.

IMO her number isn't that high at all and you seriously need to revaluate your attitude if you want to date a modern woman!!

Again i'm a modern woman, i love sex, but just because a ficticious tv program tells me its ok to shag anything that moves it doesn't make it true, 160 men at 24 in reality just screams a complete lack of self worth...

If "miranda" jumped off a cliff would you do it too ffs...

be grateful that your OH have decided to be so open and honest with you.

why the hell would he be grateful? she told him something he asked her not to tell him! numbers issues aside she clearly has no respect for the guy.

Miss Mimsy

S23 wrote: »

You may not agree with the OP but to call him a chauvanist, IMO, shows a lack of respect for his posts and the thread in general.

Also, I don't think anyone is arguing against women being liberated and free. I think the matter of having sex with almost 200 people in a short space of time is another issue altogether.

You say "Automatically men say that a sexual liberated woman is a slut". Thats just as catch all and as sexist as the (few) men on here calling the OP's girlfriend a slut based on her number of sexual partners.
'Men' don't automatically do anything. You are tarring the male population with the same brush with statements like that. Stereotypes, pre-conceptions and baseless assertions don't help this discussion no matter what side they favour.

I don't think the OP needs to cop on about his GF being open and honest. I think he is fully aware of that and is doing his best to take everything onboard in an open and balanced manner. He hasn't jumped to any conclusions or made any assertions or said anything particularly negative about his girlfriend. In fact I'd say the person he has been most negative about in this thread is himself.

As for your 'thank god for...' remark. No one is saying theres anything wrong with enjoying sex or with many partners in theory. However, when you start picking up STD's then there most certainly is something wrong with it. Both for you and the people you continue to have sex with.

Finally, you say in your opinion her number isn't that high? I was pretty close to using the report button on that one because no one here (on either side of the argument) or in the real world I live in would ever think that a new sexual partner every week for 5 years on the spin 'isn't that high'.
However, maybe you know a lot of women who are that way inclined and maybe you are one yourself so I will take you on face value.

To tell him he needs to re-evaluate if he wants to date a 'modern woman' is disengenuous to both the OP and women in general. If being a 'modern woman' is defined by having sex with a couple of hundred sexual partners in the (relative) blink of an eye then I doubt many women (certainly not the women I know) would want to be classified as 'modern women'

And the OP doesn't need to re-evaluate. Nothing he said is unreasonable, sexist, derogatory or anything of the sort. He's entitled to his own opinion, beliefs, values and all the rest of it.

IMO most guys want their Oh to be virgins or near enough to it. The OP is "insecure" and he is projecting this on his GF who has tried to be open and honest with him. I doubt she expected him to be as prudish about it when she told him.

While my number isn't nearly as high as his OH, I know that in college other girls I am friends with and have been flat mates with have quite high numbers too (some higher then his OHs and around the same age).... most (and I would nearly say all) guys cannot handle the fact that in this day and age (the modern times) that women can be so liberated... again that is down to his insecurities and it is not his OHs problem!!

As for his OHs journal.... how does he know what she writes about.... has he seen it....he sounds like he is speculating to justify his own insecurities!!

If this was a woman talking about a guy then he would be branded a stud or legend for bedding so many women!!

To the OP, what can I say... "welcome to the 21st century where women are allowed to vote and sleep with more then one guy!"

Be thankful that your GF wants to be open and honest with you and try to deal with your insecurities without hurting her for being so honest!

Miss Mimsy

Darthhoob wrote: »

j and why AGAIN is a girl whose slept with a fair few guys a slut but a man who does the same is usually given a huge pat on the back?

+100000000

exactly!

MonkeyBone

Hi OP,

I can understand your turmoil and I guess my advice would be to sort out your own feelings on this before talking to your girlfriend again. After that I would suggest that you both get checked out for STIs so as to eliminate any doubt....

It's a tough one to get your head around but if you feel the relationship is worth it then give it a go but I think you need to established an understanding of boundaries and respect because your girlfriend clearly told you things you did not want to know. Her motives for this are something only you and her are in a position to know so I will not speculate.

Also, ignore the critism from others here! You are not a chauvanist or sexist for having these feelings. From my own personal experience with my OH it was the opposite... I have been with a handful of girls (all in caring relationships) while my current girlfriend has only been with one other guy. We worked through it and are in a stronger relationship for it....

As for the sex and the city nonsense..... it is nonsense and you would not believe the amount of crap I have witnessed and heard girls get up to in college while using this as an excuse... when ultimately they were being immature! As for the number of partners she has had... well in my opinion it is very high for the timescale involved.... she may have self esteem issues that lead to that/it hence the erratic behaviour/consellor... The most important thing to do in my opinion is to understand how you feel about this and it will enable you to deal with this in a more rational/level headed approach.

All the best OP.

ilovetosing

Miss Mimsy wrote: »

Thank god for Sex and the City because it showed women that there is nothing wrong with enjoying sex and experiencing many partners!!

^^ ARE YOU FOR REAL MM! I couldn't believe what I was reading. Making comparisons from this real life situation to a fictional show. There is nothing sexually liberated about a woman sleeping with that many people in her early 20's and I say the same about blokes.

OP There is nothing liberating about a girl in her early 20s having over 160 sexual encounters regardless of the above and her fictional beliefs! You have to call a spade a spade then You need to get tested. Look after your health first. Then decide what you wanna do. She has been honest and given all her experience she wants you and is with you for a reason and as someone has said before that has got to mean something.

seamus

Miss Mimsy wrote: »

IMO most guys want their Oh to be virgins or near enough to it..

Nonsense really. Most young men are intimidated by a woman who's been with other men and can have difficulty coming to terms with her ever having been intimate with anyone else. It's not so much that they think that women should be virginal and pure, it's more that they don't like the idea that she has or does find anyone else attractive except him. Standard teenage/post-teenage confidence problems that most people have.

When you get a bit more experienced with relationships in general, not only do you realise that it's an absurd ideal, but also that someone who has experience knows what they want and is more open about getting it.

I'm only 28, but at this stage the thought of picking up a girl who doesn't know her ____ from her elbow completely turns me off. Give me a confident, experienced woman any day. Though I married one of them, so maybe I'm biased.

OP, more warning flags here. A journal of every single man she has slept with, with the intention of writing a book about it later on, is not only odd, but it's a statement of intent - she has no respect for anyone that she's ever slept with and has no scruples about exposing intimate and private details about other people for her own gain. Including you, no doubt.

You could even go so far as to say that she sat down one day, decided that such a book would be a great thing and then decided that she would need to sleep with hundreds of men in order to achieve that goal. But that's speculation on my part, of course.

If it was me, I'd be gone like a shot because I would have no confidence in the privacy or stability of the relationship. I couldn't trust that some more interesting man wouldn't come along and she'd latch onto him for the sake of her journal.

Wagon

Miss Mimsy wrote: »

IMO most guys want their Oh to be virgins or near enough to it. The OP is "insecure" and he is projecting this on his GF who has tried to be open and honest with him. I doubt she expected him to be as prudish about it when she told him.

While my number isn't nearly as high as his OH, I know that in college other girls I am friends with and have been flat mates with have quite high numbers too (some higher then his OHs and around the same age).... most (and I would nearly say all) guys cannot handle the fact that in this day and age (the modern times) that women can be so liberated... again that is down to his insecurities and it is not his OHs problem!!

As for his OHs journal.... how does he know what she writes about.... has he seen it....he sounds like he is speculating to justify his own insecurities!!

If this was a woman talking about a guy then he would be branded a stud or legend for bedding so many women!!

To the OP, what can I say... "welcome to the 21st century where women are allowed to vote and sleep with more then one guy!"

Be thankful that your GF wants to be open and honest with you and try to deal with your insecurities without hurting her for being so honest!

What should the OP be? grateful that she slept with so many men? glad that she told him even though he never wanted to know?

My what you're saying, the modern sexually liberated women essentially doesn't give a pigs arse about anyone elses feelings.

Which he why he should get out of dodge.

dazed...shocked

dazed...shocked wrote: »

Anyways I would appreciate anyones thoughts on this and how to get cop on.

Maybe you are looking at this the wrong way.

She had a 3 figure number of partners and despite that array she still could not find what she wanted… until she met you.

Sounds like something to feel GOOD about, not bad, to me.

HavingCrack

Miss Mimsy wrote: »

IMO most guys want their Oh to be virgins or near enough to it. The OP is "insecure" and he is projecting this on his GF who has tried to be open and honest with him. I doubt she expected him to be as prudish about it when she told him.

While my number isn't nearly as high as his OH, I know that in college other girls I am friends with and have been flat mates with have quite high numbers too (some higher then his OHs and around the same age).... most (and I would nearly say all) guys cannot handle the fact that in this day and age (the modern times) that women can be so liberated... again that is down to his insecurities and it is not his OHs problem!!

As for his OHs journal.... how does he know what she writes about.... has he seen it....he sounds like he is speculating to justify his own insecurities!!

If this was a woman talking about a guy then he would be branded a stud or legend for bedding so many women!!

To the OP, what can I say... "welcome to the 21st century where women are allowed to vote and sleep with more then one guy!"

Be thankful that your GF wants to be open and honest with you and try to deal with your insecurities without hurting her for being so honest!

Are you just deliberately refusing to acknowledge the fact that the OP isn't bothered so much about the number (as far as I can tell) as the fact that she told him when he asked her repeatedly not to??? Generally relationships are built on mutual understanding and respect. The OP's girlfriend isn't showing either.

Secondly, the OP's girlfriend told him that she writes about her previous sexual conquests in her journal. Once again, you're just ignoring the part of the OP's posts you don't like.

Thirdly I don't believe the vast majority of women or men in their early -mid twenties would have nearly 200 sexual partners as you seem to be claiming. Perhaps I just socialise with lots of sexually repressed people :rolleyes:.

I'm pretty sure most women wouldn't be comfortable sleeping with a man who keeps a diary of his sexual history and has a new partner every week either. There's no double standards.

Lastly, as you once again refuse to acknowledge, hardly anyone in this thread has called the OP's girlfriend a slut or whore. However, she has contracted an STI (and quite a serious one) on at least one previous occasion. Generally this is a sign that she probably hasn't used protection on other occasionss as well. With 'sexual liberation' comes responsibility, which includes protecting yourself and your partner from STI's.

Cut out the psycology 101 crap as well, the OP appears to be anything but insecure.

seenitall

HavingCrack wrote: »

as you once again refuse to acknowledge, hardly anyone in this thread has called the OP's girlfriend a slut or whore.

This tickled me a bit, and, as I, unlike the OP's girlfriend, don't have a life ,
I went counting. So far it's been:

4 "sluts"
1 "whore" and
1 "ex-prostitute"

Not "hardly anyone", so. But all men, AFAIK.

G-Money

Darthhoob wrote: »

and why AGAIN is a girl whose slept with a fair few guys a slut but a man who does the same is usually given a huge pat on the back? men and women both enjoy/have sex, for many different reasons.

I think there's a few elements to this "double standard". Despite what anyone says, it's much much easier for a girl to get sex than it is for a guy. Some people may like to argue otherwise, but that's the cold hard truth. While some people will say there's a double standard by calling girls "sluts" but not guys who are equally as promisicuous, they often seem to overlook the fact that both genders can accuse promiscious girls of being sluts. It's not simply guys calling girls by that name.

Personally speaking, while I wouldn't expect any future GF of mine to be a virgin, I certainly wouldn't want someone at the opposite end of the scale which seems to be the case here. Also, does anyone (male or female) really want to think of their partner having been with so many people before them?

Also I think it would be a fair assumption that if a guy told a girl he had been with 180+ women, there's a good chance she'd be somewhat put off by that number, no matter how "liberal" she might think she is. How often do you hear girls accuse a popular guy of being a "player" and meaning so in a negative way?

At the end of the day, people have choices. The OP has as much right to be put off by her number and what it could entail, as his GF has to have that number of partners and to detail it.

Personally I find it strange that she wants to record all this and it would suggest to me that she has some sort of self-esteem issues and that by constantly referring to this number and re-collecting her experiences, it somehow makes her feel good about herself and makes her feel that people want her. That's just my own amateur opinion though.

It's really up to the OP as to what he wants to do. Personally I'd be sceptical of someone who'd been with so many people in such a short space of time and them suddenly deciding you are the one. I guess it could happen but it seems like an extremely sudden change in behaviour. It's somewhat unfair that she forced this information upon you even when you delibrately asked her not to.

It sounds like she's trying to get some sort of a reaction out of you, either jealousy, or confirmation of her own belief that her number of partners reflects how popular she is.

If you are concerned about your health, perhaps an STI test would be advisable, especially seeing she has confirmed she has had something in the past.

As for what you should do about the relationship, if it were me I think I'd want some space from her to clear my head. It can be impossible to think straight in these situations when the person is always around sort of clouding your judgement.

LighterGuy

A very nice, respectful post by Grandmaster


Me, I just like being blunt :pac:

Anyone (male or female) would have an issue if their partner said they slept with 180+ people. Especially at such a young age. Anyone who says otherwise is either giving a PC answer or they themselves feel conscious about how many they have slept with. Projecting themselves onto this subject.

Everyone has a past yes. But not a shocking past. This is not about being "insecure" - this is just about being realistic.


Op the best advice anyone can give you right now is listen to that voice that we call your gut instinct. Cause thats going to be right on this one. I reckon from that speaking up is what made you post this thread in the first place.

LegacyUser

ok so there has been further revelations today. She has had more then one STI (sorry but the whole STI things freaks me out).

I have asked her for my space (until the weekend) because I have work and need to sort my head out. But the more I seem to try and get some space the more she seems to be pushing this information (and herself) at me. Now I know people have said she might want me to dump her but this is not the case. I don't think she wants to make me jealous.... but then a again I am so mind f*cked right now that I may be wrong.

Now we have been going out 7 months and the "I love you" words have never been exchanged but lastnight (ridiculously late lastnight) she sent me a text asking me "did I love her" and " am I in love with her?"..... then two more of the same texts later on.... I should mention I had fallen asleep at this point from what felt like exhaustion from dealing with this.

With regards to this journal of hers, it only registerd when a previous poster mentioned it but what exactly has she written about me? (not that I am going to try and find out).

I have been honest with her too and told her that the number makes me feel a little insecure but she laughed at me and said that it is normal for girls (particularly who are/went to college) to have slept with this amount.... this response in no way made me feel better about the situation and in truth I was hoping she would kind of ease my ego by saying but "none where as great as me" type of thing.....

........................