Flatmate asked girlfriend to leave the house

slum dog

My flatmate tonight asked my girlfriend to leave the house. My girlfriend came home with me this evening and we started cooking dinner. There are five guys living in the house altogether including me. My flatmate was there cooking dinner when we arrived. I dont normally talk to him neither does my girlfriend. While he was preparing his dinner my girlfriend went searching for a peeler and started preparing dinner. All of a sudden my flatmate turned around and said to her that he didnt feel comfortable with her been in the house and she should leave. I went ballistic and went head to head with the guy and started swearing in his face. He said that he was been made feel uncomfortable by the fact that my girlfriend didnt even live here and that she was staying here too often. I said to him it was none of his business and threatened him if he ever said anything to my girlfriend again I would hurt him. He said he was within his rights and that he would call the landlord after I threatened him. Where do I stand?

dudara

Is your girlfriend over often? How many days/evenings/nights a week?

On one hand, she isn't a resident of the house. When she is there, she is there as a guest. On the other hand, you should be able to have your girlfriend over occasionally. It's about finding a balance

sassychick

The cheek of him ..your perfectly entitled to have your girlfriend over...maybe he was just having a **** day have you tried talking to him??

slum dog

It depends. We cooked dinner saturday night and she stayed over. She stayed during sunday but went home at night. Then this evening when we walked in my flatmate made a smart remark and said is your girlfriend living here now? Who soes he think he is?

Nevyn

I think he is someone who is pissed off with seeing your gf in what is his home 3 days in a row. I'd be pissed if I was cooking and someone who doesn't even live there started trying to prep food when I wasnt' done in the kitchen.

You were out of order to treathen him and shout in his face, he is entitled to feel safe in what is his home.

You should have gone to your gf for the evening.

LegacyUser

He said he was within his rights and that he would call the landlord after I threatened him. Where do I stand?

Does your gf pay rent? if not hes perfectly in the right, if he feels shes spending too much time there, she probably is.

I dont normally talk to him neither does my girlfriend

both you and your gf sound incredibly rude.

I went ballistic and went head to head with the guy and started swearing in his face.

COMPLETE OVER REACTION!

He said that he was been made feel uncomfortable by the fact that my girlfriend didnt even live here and that she was staying here too often. I said to him it was none of his business and threatened him if he ever said anything to my girlfriend again I would hurt him

It is his business its his house too, he has as much right to feel comfortable there as you do, and MORE than your gf does.

Just because shes your gf doesnt mean he has to like her. Get over yourself. How dare you threaten him with violence just because he expressed an opinion. You sound like a mindless thug tbh

magneticimpulse

The cheek of you!!

Im sorry but I totally agree with your housemate. Ive had many living situations and about 30 different housemates over the years. I can tell you it is living hell when a housemate "moves" his girlfriend into the house.

Are you serious? There is already 5 blokes in the house and your girlfriend...thats 6 people in the kitchen. Do you have at least 2 sets of fridge, cookers, hobs in the house?

I doubt it. I lived in a house in Cambridge with 6 adults in total in the house. The kitchen was kitted out with double of everything. But a Chinese couple I lived with used to take the p*ss everynight as they managed to use every single hob and spent the night cooking and cooking. Bare in mind, most people work 9 to 5 and eat around 6pm to 8pm. So 5 people already using the same kitchen as you is a nightmare.

I also lived in Cornwall and was meant to have 2 male housemates...however one guy had his gf over the whole 6 months we lived there and she never paid rent or towards any bills and was using just as much electricity, heating water etc. I thought it was the cheekiest thing ever. My other male housemate couldnt stand it, so he never came home, which was worse as i was left with this couple giggling and laughing and having "romantic" dinners in our dinning room.

I think this guy is well within his rights to dispute your girlfriend coming around, especially if she is staying overnight. The contract or house seems to be designed currently for 5 people, not 6!!!.

Cop on to yourself, if your going to be acting all couple in a shared house, move out and get your own place with your girlfriend. You have some cheek trying to "safe" money, share a house with 4 other blokes and then expect them to be happy with another stranger in the house who is taking up "their" kitchen which they pay rent towards...while your girlfriend pays nothing at all.

Chucky the tree

I'd agree with the flat mate. Does she pay rent? I'd say living with 5 people is cramped enough without having some freeloader girlfriend there all the time. Also, the way you dealt with it make's you look like a scumbag. I'd be onto the landloard to get you kicked out after that.

magneticimpulse

slum dog wrote: »

It depends. We cooked dinner saturday night and she stayed over. She stayed during sunday but went home at night. Then this evening when we walked in my flatmate made a smart remark and said is your girlfriend living here now? Who soes he think he is?

Fair play to the housemate. I think you have some neck having your girlfriend around when she doesnt pay rent. Move out and get your own place. Nothing more irritating looking for a house to share and then you end up living with more people then you bargained for.

People like you make me really angry.

magneticimpulse

Chucky the tree wrote: »

I'd agree with the flat mate. Does she pay rent? I'd say living with 5 people is cramped enough without having some freeloader girlfriend there all the time. Also, the way you dealt with it make's you look like a scumbag. I'd be onto the landloard to get you kicked out after that.

Me too, id be straight onto the landlord to find a replacement housemate with no free loader girlfriend taking up my kitchen space so i could cook my dinner in peace after a long day at work.

Theres only one solution if you still want to live in this house and that is to apologise to the housemate and take him out for dinner or beer and explain that you didnt know he would be bothered by your gf coming around. Your sorry that it caused him stress and that she wont be coming around cooking again...any further cooking will be carried out at her place.

Seriously, if you have any common sense, you would know that is the only solution and option you have to stay there (unless you get your own place with the girlfriend).

Like I said ive loads of experience living with people, over 30 at this stage...and really nobody likes sharing "shared" house/flat with couples. Its odd, you think why dont they get their own place etc etc. Its bad enough if the couples are renting in the house along with other people by contract, but then at least the other housemates can choose its not for them.

Your taking over the house the way you are acting and its not your house. You have to compromise and you are not giving any space or consideration to your housemates...your treating them like ****. You can say what you want when you buy your own place...but at the moment you cant say jack sh*t to them. Grow Up

S23

You're absolutely way out of order OP. Grow up and move in with your girlfriend if you want to live that way.

As for threatening your housemate I hope you are suitably ashamed of yourself. If you're not, and you don't regret it, then you're probably a bit of a scumbag anyway.

You might just find yourself out on your arse if your housemate wants to pursue being verbally abused and threatened with physical violence in his own home for absolutely nothing

dudara

slum dog wrote: »

It depends. We cooked dinner saturday night and she stayed over. She stayed during sunday but went home at night. Then this evening when we walked in my flatmate made a smart remark and said is your girlfriend living here now? Who soes he think he is?

So for all intents and purposes, she was there all weekend. This is probably when the lad wanted to relax and have some space to himself.

It's probably time for you and your girlfriend to consider getting your own space rather than imposing yourselves on other people.

Oh, and I think you need to apologise to him for threatening violence. Seriously - that was way out of order.

davyjose

Get a place with your gf. Problem solved. TBH house-sharing is a pain in the bollix. I did it for 6 months and never again. Had more freedom with the folks!!!

magneticimpulse

S23 wrote: »

You're absolutely way out of order OP. Grow up and move in with your girlfriend if you want to live that way.

As for threatening your housemate I hope you are suitably ashamed of yourself. If you're not, and you don't regret it, then you're probably a bit of a scumbag anyway.

You might just find yourself out on your arse if your housemate wants to pursue being verbally abused and threatened with physical violence in his own home for absolutely nothing

Im surprised he didnt call the Gardai. Getting abuse in your own home...what were you thinking OP?

LegacyUser

I totally agree with your flatmate, and the way you reacted to him was bang out of order. You and your girlfriend should respect the other rentpayers. If she is there as your guest you are responsible for her behaviour and the duration of her stay. You are of course entitled to have her over, but not to the extent that your flatmates feel like strangers in their own home or that they don't have the privacy they deserve. It has obviously reached that stage. Move in with your girlfriend if you need to spend that much time together. I don't think it would be wise to threaten your flatmate/s again. What you should do now is apologise to the people you share with and offer an extra contribution towards rent and bills on behalf of your girlfriend, who has very obviously overstayed her welcome.

Mods, I hope this does not appear unhelpful, but I genuinely believe this is the only proper course of action for the OP to take at this stage.

Moomoo1

Any man who is rude to a woman in this way deserves to be treated in the worst possible way imho. You just reacted like any self-respecting man would react in this situation really. She is your gf, ie part of you in some sense, and so has every right to be there.

In every shared house I lived in (I also must have had over 30 different housemates), it was understood that partners stayed overnight for as long as they wanted. In fact, some of us would even help hide people's partners in broom cupboards when an over-zealous program director came in at 7AM to check no one extra was staying in the house (this was a shared house at uni).

One person (vietnamese) even had her sister and father live there for a long time (a few months). So what, they are her family, they live in her room, they have every right to be there.

From a legal standpoint, there is very little your flatmate can do. If he doesn't like it he can always leave? I suggest you tell him that. The landlord can do very little about this: evicting a tenant is very hard in this country. Also, the landlord wouldn't want the hassle of finding an extra tenant. Chances are, he won't kick you out, so just hang in there!

Once again, you are 100% right in what you've done. I bet that this guy is just a trouble-maker, that this isn't about your gf anyway (if it had been he'd have chatted to you quietly at another occasion when she wasn't around). He's just going out of his way to make your life hell, that's all there is to it.

Neyite

you and your girlfriend are in the wrong. apologise and move out, into a share with your girlfriend so you can suit yourselves without imposing on others.

your attitude towards your flatmate before he said something to your girlfriend had to be horrible enough for him, but what you did after? if you get kicked out by the landlord, you will have deserved it for threatening this guy who only wanted to cook his dinner in peace.

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

Any man who is rude to a woman in this way deserves to be treated in the worst possible way imho. You just reacted like any self-respecting man would react in this situation really. She is your gf, ie part of you in some sense, and so has every right to be there.

If a woman is rude she does not deserve to be met with politeness. She hogs common areas of a house she does not pay rent in and does not speak to the flatmate. It's no wonder he's fed up looking at her.

LegacyUser

Neyite wrote: »

you and your girlfriend are in the wrong. apologise and move out, into a share with your girlfriend so you can suit yourselves without imposing on others.

This is the only solution.

Distorted

I'm with your flatmate on this one. The poor guy had probably gritted his teeth all weekend at you having your girlfriend basically living in his home and then hoped for a bit of peace after working all day on Monday - and there she was again, in the kitchen, the kitchen he is paying for.

I thought everyone knew that in a flatshare, you have to be considerate towards your flatmates? Why not say to them that you understand how they feel and you'll limit your girlfriend to staying (and cooking dinner) two nights a week in future? That way, you can still see your girlfriend most nights. You could go to hers two nights and go out one night, so thats 5 nights a week you could be seeing her. And tbh if you want to see her any more than that and can't do without, you should probably move in together on your own.

Theres nothing worse than having a non-tenant virtually living in a flat with other people who haven't signed up to that. They're also paying their share of bills, and your girlfriend is paying nothing...

Moomoo1

unregistered wrote: »

If a woman is rude she does not deserve to be met with politeness. She hogs common areas of a house she does not pay rent in and does not speak to the flatmate. It's no wonder he's fed up looking at her.

then why not chat to the flatmate quietly instead of having a go at her?

and I disagree, men should always be polite to women, they should be gentlemanly.

Moomoo1

Distorted wrote: »

I'm with your flatmate on this one. The poor guy had probably gritted his teeth all weekend at you having your girlfriend basically living in his home and then hoped for a bit of peace after working all day on Monday - and there she was again, in the kitchen, the kitchen he is paying for.

I thought everyone knew that in a flatshare, you have to be considerate towards your flatmates? Why not say to them that you understand how they feel and you'll limit your girlfriend to staying (and cooking dinner) two nights a week in future? That way, you can still see your girlfriend most nights. You could go to hers two nights and go out one night, so thats 5 nights a week you could be seeing her. And tbh if you want to see her any more than that and can't do without, you should probably move in together on your own.

Theres nothing worse than having a non-tenant virtually living in a flat with other people who haven't signed up to that. They're also paying their share of bills, and your girlfriend is paying nothing...

people are too money-orientated in this country.

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

people are too money-orientated in this country.

No... too many people in this country are willing to sponge off others.... i suspect living with 5 people is trying enough wihtout a 6th person being constantly there.

OP who do you think you are to swear at your flatmate??? rea;lity check needed - she is your guest and thats fine when you live alone but not when you live with 5 others and she is there 3 days in a row.

Moomoo1

no way KJose wrote: »

No... too many people in this country are willing to sponge off others.... i suspect living with 5 people is trying enough wihtout a 6th person being constantly there.

OP who do you think you are to swear at your flatmate??? rea;lity check needed - she is your guest and thats fine when you live alone but not when you live with 5 others and she is there 3 days in a row.

how is it sponging? She is there X times a week, he is at hers X times a week. So ok, she stays around a few times, but it's compensated by him being away from the house more, surely?

My grandmother always says: the worst quality in a man is stinginess. Someone who makes other people's life hell over a few pennies is really deserving of utmost contempt.

tinkerbell

OP, you are completely in the wrong here. In fact, I hope your housemate tells the landlord on how you got in his face and threatened him, so that you're kicked out of the house because of your scumbag behaviour.

You have no right to have your gf over all the time, she does not pay rent. So cop onto yourself and move out into a place with your girlfriend so you can be together as often as you want.

But you were completely out of line, your behaviour disgusts me, and you should be apologising to your housemate for acting like a complete selfish full of your own importance twat.

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

how is it sponging? She is there X times a week, he is at hers X times a week. So ok, she stays around a few times, but it's compensated by him being away from the house more, surely?

My grandmother always says: the worst quality in a man is stinginess. Someone who makes other people's life hell over a few pennies is really deserving of utmost contempt.

How do you know he compensates by staying at hers? Maybe he doesn't. He does seem selfish enough not to see why he should.

And 'the worst quality in a man', men should be gentlemanly by being polite to rude women, etc? I'm a woman and I wouldn't stand for that behaviour either.

Darlughda

slum dog wrote: »

My flatmate tonight asked my girlfriend to leave the house. My girlfriend came home with me this evening and we started cooking dinner. There are five guys living in the house altogether including me. My flatmate was there cooking dinner when we arrived. I dont normally talk to him neither does my girlfriend. While he was preparing his dinner my girlfriend went searching for a peeler and started preparing dinner. All of a sudden my flatmate turned around and said to her that he didnt feel comfortable with her been in the house and she should leave. I went ballistic and went head to head with the guy and started swearing in his face. He said that he was been made feel uncomfortable by the fact that my girlfriend didnt even live here and that she was staying here too often. I said to him it was none of his business and threatened him if he ever said anything to my girlfriend again I would hurt him. He said he was within his rights and that he would call the landlord after I threatened him. Where do I stand?

You stand in breach of the Residency Act 2004, for engaging in threatening and anti-social behaviour. Not to mention the breach of other tenants' goodwill and rights having your girlfriend stay over so much.

Your housemate, that you don't talk to?, would be in his rights to demand your eviction from the landlord.

darad

Oooh theres not really any going back from the threatening behaviour even if you do apologise.

Moomoo1

Darlughda wrote: »

You stand in breach of the Residency Act 2004, for engaging in threatening and anti-social behaviour. Not to mention the breach of other tenants' goodwill and rights having your girlfriend stay over so much.

Your housemate, that you don't talk to?, would be in his rights to demand your eviction from the landlord.

my parents are landlords, so I know what I'm talking about. No landlord would want to get involved into something like this: they'd just say 'sort it out among yourselves'. As long as the rent gets paid on time, and the house is in good shape nothing really matters.

Darlughda

Moomoo1 wrote: »

my parents are landlords, so I know what I'm talking about. No landlord would want to get involved into something like this: they'd just say 'sort it out among yourselves'. As long as the rent gets paid on time, and the house is in good shape nothing really matters.

Yeah. Says a lot about your parents. As landlords.
PRTB does not view tolerance towards violence amongst tenants by landlords lightly.

Zaph

Darlughda wrote: »

Yeah. Says a lot about your parents. As landlords.
PRTB does not view tolerance towards violence amongst tenants by landlords lightly.

OK folks, let's get back on-topic and not get personal here,ok?

Moomoo1

Darlughda wrote: »

Yeah. Says a lot about your parents. As landlords.
PRTB does not view tolerance towards violence amongst tenants by landlords lightly.

My parents rent out a studio flat. But let's just say we know what happens in the renting market. I also had a few landlords in my time: they would never get involved into disputes.

There was no violence here. Also, it's not clear who is (legally) in the wrong here: it's one guy's word against another. What's worse: swearing or insulting someone's guest? Not clear at all.

muboop1

Moo, Your posts are coming across rather sexist to me here.

The facts are simple, the gf was around a tad more then appropriate. whether it was a once off or not I do not know.

The house mate might of been less rude if he asked to talk to the bf aside and requested she spend less time there. Then again considering the reaction, he might not of felt he could... and probably rightly so!

As for the BF? Getting up in his face, cursing and threatening?? Thats just plain scumbag behavior and totally unwarranted.

He could of said **** off or something or whatever he wanted. But to get that aggressive... Mate, you crossed a line you should not of.

The fact is, its his house to! You are as entitled to your guests as he is his space to cook in peace in his kitchen. You had your guest all weekend, god forbid he gets a few hours peace to himself.

Grow up and apologize then move in with your gf somewhere else together. Lay a finger on him and you will be in jail, and stay there and you will be causing havoc for yourself and for him. Just leave.

Oh and get your temper in check.

CDfm

I am with the flatmate . Your girlfriend is your guest and made herself at home when really she should not have done and if there is a reception room in the house -thats where she should have been.

I am divorced with adult/near adult kids and we have muddled thru house rules and when friends stay over life goes on but they talk and ask permission.

Look at it from his point of view - couples in a house are the most annoying things ever -they take over. Think about it.

The threatening thing was way OTT and having a woman over in an all guy house changes the tone on how people live.

It has to be acceptable to everyone. The not talking is just bad manners like not even asking who wants a coffee etc is stuff you need to do in a houseshare.

I agree with what others are saying that you need a place for a couple and not just a bunch of lads.

barleybooley

Moomoo1 wrote: »

people are too money-orientated in this country.

I don't know if you've noticed, but we're in a recession, nobody can afford to be picking up the tab for others that they don't even know these days. And as for your parents being landlords, so are mine and I know for a fact they don't appreciate people living there when they've not signed a contract.

OP, you were bang out of order for what you did. Telling someone else you'd hurt them if they ever spoke to your gf like that again is not acceptable. I daren't think what you might do if they borrowed a drop of milk if you're this volatile. You said neither you nor your girlfriend have spoken to him before and then this is how you initiate conversation.

Your girlfriend did not sign a contract and she's over there using electricity, hot water, common areas and not paying rent. Do you think it's acceptable for strangers to go into another person's house that's not theirs and do this? This is what it must feel like to your housemates.

I'd say most of us has been there or knows someone in similar situations when someone who's dating a housemate outstays their welcome. My own sister was pretty much forced to move out of her place because of an unwelcome girlfriend.

Get your head in gear before you go mouthing off again OP or the next person you threaten might very well call the guards on you and so well they should.

You and your gf should find somewhere to live together where both of you are housemates and not stepping on anyone's toes.

Beruthiel

Thaedydal wrote: »

I think he is someone who is pissed off with seeing your gf in what is his home 3 days in a row. I'd be pissed if I was cooking and someone who doesn't even live there started trying to prep food when I wasnt' done in the kitchen.

This.
OP, you were bang out of order.
He was cooking in his kitchen and someone who doesn't even live there started to prep food. The same someone who has been in his house 3 days in a row and not even paying rent.

OP, find a place to live with your g/f.
Apologise to your housemate for going off on one.

Mighty_Mouse

You have a flatmate you don't talk to?
You have a girlfried that's there constantly.

Its obvious you're getting under your housemates skin.
You start preparing dinner at the same time as him without even speaking?
I'd say he just decided he had enough.

Your response is to get in his face screaming like a 12 year who's dropped his lolipop, a bully, threatening voilence............................
............
you sound like a horrible person to live with.
Personally, the next time you left the house I'd pack your gear & dump it in the garden

kylith

no-one minds a gf or bf being there once a week or so, but problems occur when flatmates feel that they're there too often. It's because of things like them using milk or other shared goods, hot water and electricity; there are 6 people using it but only 5 people paying so your flatmates will feel like their subsidising your girlfriend and this can cause bad feelings and resentment. You'll need to sit down with flatmates and either work out how often they feel is acceptable to have guests round, or how to divide bills in a fairer way. Or it could be that she was there all weekend and they wanted to relax and not watch ye smooching on the sofa or listen to ye shagging all night.

Either way apologise to your flatmate.

Wagon

I see what has happened here. You're housemate has found your thread and obviously created numerous profiles on boards.ie to try and get you to come around to his way of thinking.

My advice is to stop using boards.

seamus

It is intensely irritating to be cooking and have someone else come in and start using the kitchen around you. Making a cup of tea, I can just about tolerate.

To have two people come in, not a say word to you and start using the kitchen while you're preparing dinner would make anyone want to pipe up and say something. I applaud your housemate for his restraint in the circumstances and for not going off on one like you did.

ceadaoin.

slum dog wrote: »

It depends. We cooked dinner saturday night and she stayed over. She stayed during sunday but went home at night. Then this evening when we walked in my flatmate made a smart remark and said is your girlfriend living here now? Who soes he think he is?

He thinks he is a paying tenant who has every right to use the facilities in his own home. Your girlfriend is not a paying tenant and therefore has no right to use those facilities whenever she likes. Could she not even have waited until he was finished cooking his dinner before she barged in and started intruding on his space?

I'm sure the fact that neither of you talk to him for some strange reason doesn't help matters either.

You are 100% in the wrong here, and sound like a nightmare housemate. I mean, threatening the guy? I think the question is who do you think you are, acting like that?

aidan24326

Moomoo1 wrote: »

Any man who is rude to a woman in this way deserves to be treated in the worst possible way imho. You just reacted like any self-respecting man would react in this situation really. She is your gf, ie part of you in some sense, and so has every right to be there.

No she doesn't have any right to be there. In house sharing situations it's usually unerstood/agreed that bringing over a bf/gf from time to time is not a problem. How much give and take there is will depend on the people involved, and it's a matter of finding a balance really. Compromise and all that. The problem is you'll often have one guy/girl who oversteps the mark and pisses everyone off.

In every shared house I lived in (I also must have had over 30 different housemates), it was understood that partners stayed overnight for as long as they wanted. In fact, some of us would even help hide people's partners in broom cupboards when an over-zealous program director came in at 7AM to check no one extra was staying in the house (this was a shared house at uni).

That's great and I'm sure hiding in broom cupboards after another student night on the lash was great fun but you can't compare college/uni. It's not the same thing. When people are working and living a different kind of lifestyle there isn't (usually) the same sort of 'anything goes' vibe that you have in your student days, and understandably so. Plus you would often be sharing with friends in college and everyone knows each other whereas house share as a working person could be with people you didn't previously know, so it's a different situation.

Moomoo1 wrote: »

...and I disagree, men should always be polite to women, they should be gentlemanly.

Really now? Always? :rolleyes:


EDIT: anyway it sounds like the OP is having the gf over too often, simple as, and the flatmate was right to be a bit pissed off even if he maybe didn't handle it very subtly either.

LegacyUser

Are you just thick? Or do you have the arrogance to presume you can have your girlfriend stay over whenever you both like without any recourse to your other flatmates?
I would have called a meeting of the flatmates and sorted you out by now.
And it would be simple. A majority says 'get out'.
I have shared houses in Rathmines all through the 90s and had a few probs with flatmates bringing their gfs around on friday nights and staying until Monday morning.

I remember one girl who came up to Dublin from Tullamore every other weekend and stayed in our shared home. There were three guys and the bf of this offally girl. We all had gfs. None of us ever brought our gf's home for the weekend. But this girl used stay with the bf for the entire weekend.
The first time we just let it go; the second we thought leave it. But the third weekend out of six and we all ganged up on him when she went to Mass. In no uncertain terms he was told to get her out.

He argued and actually assaulted one of the guys.
He thought because he was the biggest that he could bully us all.
They would 'borrow a sip of milk and sugar', never washed up; cooked and left the dirty pots in the sink. She used the bathroom for an hour on a Saturday morning and again on Sunday and Monday mornings.
She never showed any respect for us.

Eventually, after we all ganged up he went into a six month huff. She was never around in the house and he wouldn't talk to any of us. When the lease expired he left. Never to be seen again.

I also know of a girl who stayed in another house I was sharing. She would stay with her bf from Thurs to Sun. A Kerry lass, she borrowed guys outdoor fleeces and rainmacks and often kept them in her bf's room.
I do remember vividly one of the guys looking for his green pvc oilskin mack. He asked had any of his seen it and none of us had. Except that your wan had it, worn it without his permission and tried to keep it. The poor guy needed it to wear going to work walking or on his bike.
She never said a word. Eventually, one of the guys was walking by the other guy's room and saw the coat hanging on the door knob. He mentioned that was the coat of the other guy. Yer man tried to ignore it.

But all hell broke loose. Yer wan admirtted 'borrowing' it. She never apologised. She was told never to come back to the house.
Ugly scene. Landlord was involved. Matter resolved when yer man left the house.

Linoge

The only thing your housemate did wrong is saying it directly to your gf instead of you. Other than that, i completely agree with housemate. He even explained to you why he didnt want her there.

Wibbs

I'd be on the flatmates side too TBH. Often its not the amount of time at issue, but how the guest acts. Way back an ex of mine was sharing a house and I'd stay over twice a week and drop in every other day. First thing I did was clear this with the flatmates and make sure they knew if this was an issue or ever became one that they should let me know and I would have no issue accepting that at all.

Secondly I made a concerted effort to get on with her housemates. Which was easy as they were nice people, but equally that was down to me being nice too.

Thirdly I regularly bought groceries and little things for their gaff without prompting, not just of consumables I had dipped into either. I also helped the odd time with general DIY about the place.

Never had any issue at all. Indeed after we split up I remained mates with said housemates(even though they were originally her mates). I still drop in the odd time to this day, long after she left. To contrast that, this exes next boyfriend did little or none of these things. It was nearly all one way(Eating their grub, dipping into beer supplies of one of the guys and never replacing it, just a bottle of cheap wine once every 3 months as a sop) and they naturally took issue with him.

There are very few folks out there that would take umbrage with someone having a guest, even one a few times a week. Not unless they're a tad neurotic, but guess what? They're allowed to be. It's their home. But anyway, few would have an issue, if and it's a big if, if they act like one and put back what they take out. Emotionally and financially. Indeed good manners would suggest to me to put more back as a guest. Too often people assume the role of guest means you always take.

TL;DR? It comes down to basic good manners, like most of life and IMHO the OP and his GF stumbled at that first hurdle.

Big Bag of Chips

No need to post my opinion as it's identical to the majority! But just wondering if there's any sign of the OP, and what HE thinks of the responses?

aidan24326

Wibbs wrote: »

I'd be on the flatmates side too TBH. Often its not the amount of time at issue, but how the guest acts.

That's a fair point. A guest staying over for a reasonable amount of time won't usually be an issue if said guest is respecting of where they are and of the other rent paying housemates. A respectful and tactful guest will get away with staying over a bit more often I expect.

I guess the problems begin when you get the diva girlfriend who just about takes over the place and hogs the bathroom for 2 hour baths whilst emptying the hot water tank. And strangely enough it's often self-absorbed diva herself who's the only one to not see a problem with this. (though I'm not suggesting for one second that this is a problem that's exclusive to female guests).

reprazant

Well, I am going to be different from everyone else and say that, while you shouldn't have got aggressive with him, he should have spoken to you first instead of demanding that she leave the house.

The amount of presumptions people are making with regards to your g/f are hilarious - she is always there: OP said 1 weekend, you have no idea if she is there any more.

How dare she start preping for their dinner while he is making his, she does not live there, the cheek of her - what the hell? If the OP had started making the dinner would people call him rude? She seems to be rude to start it while the the housemate is still making his dinner. There are 5 people in the house. Is each house member meant to wait in turn to make their dinner? The last person could be only able to make their dinner at 10 a night if that was the case.

I find it hilarious that people mention her using electricity, hot water, common areas and not paying rent. In that case, nobody can have any friends over, or anyone at all, unless they pay at the door for anything they may use. How much electricity can one person use in a weekend?

Tbf though, after your reaction you probably will have to move out. Still, he should have spoken to you first instead of demanding that she leave the house. I would have been angry if a housemate spoke to my g/f like that also. I would imagine that most people on this thread would have been also although they would not admit it.

magneticimpulse

aidan24326 wrote: »

That's a fair point. A guest staying over for a reasonable amount of time won't usually be an issue if said guest is respecting of where they are and of the other rent paying housemates. A respectful and tactful guest will get away with staying over a bit more often I expect.

I guess the problems begin when you get the diva girlfriend who just about takes over the place and hogs the bathroom for 2 hour baths whilst emptying the hot water tank. And strangely enough it's often self-absorbed diva herself who's the only one to not see a problem with this. (though I'm not suggesting for one second that this is a problem that's exclusive to female guests).

I do agree women can hog the bathroom...especially in a male dominated house. The Chinese couple I lived with (they did both have contract to be there) used to go into the bathroom at all hours of the night together which was next to my bedroom. 1 in morning til 2am on worknights. Cut each others hair and leave it all over the bathroom floor (they even had their own toilet in their room...so dont know why they insisted on using the bathroom next to my room). They also used to go in at 7am til 8am together so, i couldnt even have a shower before work as had to leave at 8am.

They then had the cheek to come into me on Friday night at 10pm and turn the TV off and said it was making too much noise!! On a Friday night after listening to them cooking and using bathroom til 2am Sun - Thurs. They would leave a pot shimmering 24 hours a day boiling up bones and scrap meat which would set the fire alarms off at 3 in the morning!!! And who had to switch it off? me!!

After that they started bringing a gang of mates (about 10) around to our sitting room every Friday night after that so I could never sit in and watch TV again.

I suggested we have a common pot of money to buy washing up liquid, cleaning stuff and toilet paper and got the buy 1 get 1 free offers. All hell broke out because they said they never use toilet paper and that they took a sh*t in work and they were not paying any money towards any cleaning goods....because the house was clean (only cos the other 4 of us were cleaning it)

Then they constantly used the washing machine to wash 1 t-shirt at a time!!! On a 1 and half hour wash.

My blood boils when "couples" take over houses. Even worse when one of them isnt even on contract and is using everything for free. Yeah OP is not so quick now to respond, maybe he has discovered he was wrong to have his girlfriend stay over and hog the bathroom and kitchen.

I agree there will be times when you might want a friend or parents to stay. But you always make a compromise. If you just treat your housemates like sh*te they wont have any respect for you what so ever.

magneticimpulse

reprazant wrote: »

Well, I am going to be different from everyone else and say that, while you shouldn't have got aggressive with him, he should have spoken to you first instead of demanding that she leave the house.

The amount of presumptions people are making with regards to your g/f are hilarious - she is always there: OP said 1 weekend, you have no idea if she is there any more.

How dare she start preping for their dinner while he is making his, she does not live there, the cheek of her - what the hell? If the OP had started making the dinner would people call him rude? She seems to be rude to start it while the the housemate is still making his dinner. There are 5 people in the house. Is each house member meant to wait in turn to make their dinner? The last person could be only able to make their dinner at 10 a night if that was the case.

I find it hilarious that people mention her using electricity, hot water, common areas and not paying rent. In that case, nobody can have any friends over, or anyone at all, unless they pay at the door for anything they may use. How much electricity can one person use in a weekend?

Tbf though, after your reaction you probably will have to move out. Still, he should have spoken to you first instead of demanding that she leave the house. I would have been angry if a housemate spoke to my g/f like that also. I would imagine that most people on this thread would have been also although they would not admit it.

Well if you read my replies, you would see that i had 3 other housemates and never had any problems with them. Only the couple who took over. Did you ever hear of the saying too many cooks???

You've already got 5 lads at 6 - 8 pm trying to cook after work at the "same" time. And then yer wan comes in uninvited.

She stayed all weekend, and was back Monday night again...is that not enough to suggest to you, that the OP doesnt just have her around on occassion. Nobody disputes that you can have friends around...or even gf or bf, but like in my case...one weekend having the gf around lead to her "living" in the house for 6 months.

Its amazing how stingy some guys are, and if nothing is said to them, they will move in their girlfriend for free. In their eyes, they dont have to "officially" move in with her, because she can come round and if he gets pissed off with her he can **** her out. She prob gives him money towards rent etc (or prob not), but either way they benefit and the other housemates dont benefit by the situation what so ever.

By all means we accept guests can stay...but thats it...they are just guests, not live in housemates

reprazant

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Yeah OP is not so quick now to respond, maybe he has discovered he was wrong to have his girlfriend stay over and hog the bathroom and kitchen.

This is a prime example of the presumptions I was talking about above. Nowhere in the OP was this mentioned but now she is a diva girlfriend who hogs the kitchen and bathroom.