Women?

LegacyUser

I am interested to see what people have to say to my little story.
Ill make it quick. I was out the weekend before last at a GAA social night with my family. Great night, plenty of good looking women around and I was happy out. One lady in particular was gorgeous. As the night went on I was left sitting with my mum chatting away, I noticed that the gorgeous looking girl started to give me some attention, anyways, she eventually smiled at me so I went over.
First impressions were very good. We seemed to hit it off completely. Spent the guts of an hour talking to her and at one stage went to the toilets and on my return she was sitting talking to my mum. I was shocked to say the least but it didnt faze me. End of the night we swapped numbers, didnt kiss her as she was getting abit drunk and it would of been strange with family around.
The next day or so, I text her and she wrote back the next morning and we texted for a few hours, all going grand, flirting, general chit chat getting to know one another and we seeming to hit it off again. She said she had to smile at me as I was really hot and id said she was gorgeous too. I asked her did she want to meet up but she said she had stuff to do that eveing but we should talk during the week. That was fine and I left her to it.
During the week i gave her a text and she replied a day later saying she had been busy, we had a few kind of intermitten texts until the friday evening when she asked what were my plans for the weekend, i said id stuff to do sunday day and she said she was out friday and had to do something sat nite. So id asked again if we get a chance did she want to meet up. But no reply!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, for me that's the end as I am not chasing her. I have to say it has been on my mind what went wrong? I will wait and see if I get a text but being honest I dont think I will.

Distorted

I think you've discouraged the poor girl. She gave you the perfect opening by asking you what your plans were for the weekend. You replied that you were busy Sunday, rather than suggesting a day to meet. ie a negative rather than a positive response. The only way she could have arranged something to do with you that weekend then was to be ultra keen and basically suggest everything and I think you disappointed her and she came at back with you with the same. Then you ask her if you get the chance did she want to meet up? When? Where? tbh I'd probably be a bit fed up of you by now and thinking you were messing me around. She's shown you she likes you, she's invited you to arrange a date and you haven't. You're a man, whats wrong with doing a _little_ bit of chasing for goodness sake?

MonkeyBone

Distorted wrote: »

I think you've discouraged the poor girl. She gave you the perfect opening by asking you what your plans were for the weekend. You replied that you were busy Sunday, rather than suggesting a day to meet. ie a negative rather than a positive response. The only way she could have arranged something to do with you that weekend then was to be ultra keen and basically suggest everything and I think you disappointed her and she came at back with you with the same. Then you ask her if you get the chance did she want to meet up? When? Where? tbh I'd probably be a bit fed up of you by now and thinking you were messing me around. She's shown you she likes you, she's invited you to arrange a date and you haven't. You're a man, whats wrong with doing a _little_ bit of chasing for goodness sake?

+1 I think Distorted is spot on with her advice.

Drop her a text as soon as you can because life is too short and you may regret letting this chance slip by.

LegacyUser

She's shown you she likes you, she's invited you to arrange a date and you haven't. You're a man, whats wrong with doing a _little_ bit of chasing for goodness sake?

+1

from a womans perspective, shes shown you shes keen:

I noticed that the gorgeous looking girl started to give me some attention, anyways, she eventually smiled at me

at one stage went to the toilets and on my return she was sitting talking to my mum

She said she had to smile at me as I was really hot

she asked what were my plans for the weekend

in fairness, fair play to the girl shes really put herself out there, short of a neon sign theres not much more she can/could've done to show you she likes you.

now here comes your problem:

I asked her did she want to meet up but she said she had stuff to do that eveing but we should talk during the week.

you asked her out, she was busy but showed you that she was genuinely interested in meeting up, by not brushing you off & giving you a positive sign 'that ye should talk during the week'

she asked what were my plans for the weekend, i said id stuff to do sunday day

she wants to meet you at the weekend, and you say 'i've stuff to do on sunday'...incredibly negative.

Now, for me that's the end as I am not chasing her

lol but don't you see??!! thats the problem!!! you haven't chased her! At. All. in fact you couldn't have come across more disinterested!

The poor girl has really put herself out there, and you've just been infuriatingly vague!!
Listen i've been where that girl is before, from her point of view you're just stringing her along, constantly making vague references towards meeting up but never actually setting a date. At this point i'd be thinking, ahh feck this guy, hes just looking for an ego boost if he actually wanted to meet me he'd suggest a specific time and day...

I will wait and see if I get a text but being honest I dont think I will.

I highly doubt you will..
Sorry dude but you blew it i'm afraid, if you were really serious about wanting to meet her you would've suggested a concrete date & time.....as much as i hate that fkn quote, but "you just weren't that into her" (or at least from her point of view you weren't)

Beruthiel

OP
Texting is for teenagers.
You're 26 years of age.
Call her up and ask her out on a date like a man!

Fittle

+1 at Beruthiel.

What happened to picking up the phone and ringing her? To be honest, all that texting would have put me right off too....

Ring the girl. Would you like to go for a drink? should be the opening question and take it from there...:D

fungun

i said id stuff to do sunday day and she said she was out friday and had to do something sat nite. So id asked again if we get a chance did she want to meet up. But no reply!!!!!!!!!!!!

er...so why wouldnt you just text/call her and ask her out sunday evening, since you both appear to be free at that time?

Its the 'if we get a chance' thing sounds to me a bit like you feel like you could take it or leave it

Wonkagirl

Beruthiel wrote: »

OP
Texting is for teenagers.
You're 26 years of age.
Call her up and ask her out on a date like a man!

Agreed.

Call her tonite, ask to meet up thurs/fri, whenever.

texting is very edgy! i LOVE it when a man has the balls to call instead of text

LegacyUser

26 year old male! wrote: »

I am interested to see what people have to say to my little story.
Ill make it quick. I was out the weekend before last at a GAA social night with my family. Great night, plenty of good looking women around and I was happy out. One lady in particular was gorgeous. As the night went on I was left sitting with my mum chatting away, I noticed that the gorgeous looking girl started to give me some attention, anyways, she eventually smiled at me so I went over.
First impressions were very good. We seemed to hit it off completely. Spent the guts of an hour talking to her and at one stage went to the toilets and on my return she was sitting talking to my mum. I was shocked to say the least but it didnt faze me. End of the night we swapped numbers, didnt kiss her as she was getting abit drunk and it would of been strange with family around.
The next day or so, I text her and she wrote back the next morning and we texted for a few hours, all going grand, flirting, general chit chat getting to know one another and we seeming to hit it off again. She said she had to smile at me as I was really hot and id said she was gorgeous too. I asked her did she want to meet up but she said she had stuff to do that eveing but we should talk during the week. That was fine and I left her to it.
During the week i gave her a text and she replied a day later saying she had been busy, we had a few kind of intermitten texts until the friday evening when she asked what were my plans for the weekend, i said id stuff to do sunday day and she said she was out friday and had to do something sat nite. So id asked again if we get a chance did she want to meet up. But no reply!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, for me that's the end as I am not chasing her. I have to say it has been on my mind what went wrong? I will wait and see if I get a text but being honest I dont think I will.

Hold on a second here. All the replies so far seem to be from women and theyre all saying that this girl did all the hard work and put herself out there and that you "should be a man" and ask her out. I think you did your part OP. You were the one who approached her and that takes a lot of courage. She wasnt the one who physically walked over to you and started a converstion. So you did a fair bit there. Then you texted her and asked her did she want to meet up. Again, you doing all the work. She said she was busy, fair enough so you left her to it. The you again texted her and she said she was busy friday and saturday night. Then you asked her if she wanted to meet up again, and this time she didnt even have the decency to reply????? Man you have done your part here, more than your part. Shes defintely not meting you half way here, shes expecting you to do all the chasing and that aint fair, it should be 50/50 and as far as I can make out from your post, she isnt doing her bit. The ball is in her court now, dont text her again. If she wants a date shes gotta do the asking as youve already done your fair share of the asking. I think youre bang on in what you did, you didnt put a foot wrong.

LegacyUser

Shes defintely not meting you half way here, shes expecting you to do all the chasing and that aint fair, it should be 50/50 and as far as I can make out from your post, she isnt doing her bit. The ball is in her court now, dont text her again.

ah come on now, texting someone hardly counts as chasing, its lazy and passive, hes 26 for gods sake, if he hasn't got the balls to pick up a phone and ring the girl, well then hes probably not really that interested in her anyway, one thing i've learned, if a guy really is interested in you he'll be direct. If you're going to ask someone out (even if it is by text) do it properly for gods sake, this "oh lets meet up if we get the chance" is a load of crap, i mean whats that supposed to even mean?! She had already given him the chance, she suggested meeting at the weekend he said he "had stuff to do sunday", surely the op sees how cold and rude that must have sounded? (another reason why texting is cowards way to communicate)

All the replies so far seem to be from women and theyre all saying that this girl did all the hard work and put herself out there and that you "should be a man" and ask her out. I think you did your part OP.

its not that he should be the man, its not about gender roles or what not, its the way he "did his part' it was so passive and non committal, and vague...

anyway bottom line, this says it all

Now, for me that's the end as I am not chasing her

If shes not worth putting yourself out there and not being afraid of "feeling foolish" well then shes obviously not the right girl for him, when you really like someone you'll take a risk, you won't care whos doing the chasing or looking foolish

anyway chin up OP, one day you'll find a girl you'll like enough to pick up the phone and call!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. I am kind of shocked, didnt see it like that at all ( me stuttering along in asking her out). I was going to ring her but kind of felt I was the one then who was pushing the whole lets go out idea, and her responses on friday were exactly positive.
Im more mixed up after reading 50/50's, I DID ask her out twice. I was trying to be decent about it and see if she had time instead of saying Saturday evening, lets go!

Distorted

26 year old male! wrote: »

Im more mixed up after reading 50/50's, I DID ask her out twice. I was trying to be decent about it and see if she had time instead of saying Saturday evening, lets go!

I would say you haven't asked her out - you haven't suggested a day or time, let alone what to do. You seem to want her to do the running. Most girls won't do that and I suspect she feels she has shown enough interest now and if you are at all keen, you will simply ask her out. She probably doesn't want to be seen as a kind of nutter, chasing and harrying you for a date. If I were you, I'd do it quickly because if you delay any longer she's going to have you pegged as a timewaster. Just phone her up and suggest a date, then at least you will know, otherwise you will always be wondering!

You asked her by text if she wanted to meet up a couple of days after meeting her. For one thing thats midweek and some people don't go for that, for another its a bit too quick. I think she was looking for you to suggest meeting up at the weekend with an actual location, maybe for a drink or to see a film or for a meal (although the latter sounds a bit advanced for you tbh). Then you pfaffed around with texts until she, probably out of exasperation, asked you what plans you had for the weekend. You reply by telling her you're busy on Sunday! Err, so what? Why not suggest an actual date! No wonder she responded by saying she was busy on Sat and Sun! And then you text her saying if we get a chance do you want to meet up? What chance? Make it real by suggesting something more than a chance! I wouldn't have replied again by that stage either! You just don't sound very keen on her and your'e too vague.

I was a bit shocked by 50/50's response. I can't see how its destined to work other than with quite desperate women.

Reesy

Hi,

IMHO it doesn't matter whether you did or didn't ask her out. You really like her, and you've probably one more chance to establish a relationship with her, so I suggest you try your luck and call her. If you don't, you will never know what might have been. If you do, and you crash & burn, well you tried your best.

And if she says yes...

LegacyUser

For Christsake OP, pick up the damn phone!

LegacyUser

Most women will not go chasing after men because they will be pegged as nutters if they do so. It seems to be more socially acceptable for men to chase women ie men will not be labelled bunny boiling nutters.
This girl has already done a good bit of chasing, only to be met with vague responses. If she contacts you again, she will run the risk of being labelled a psycho. If you contact her again, your social standing will remain intact.
As another poster said, if a man is interested he will get in contact (again because it seems to be more socially acceptable). You can be sure that her friends are telling her 'He hasn't contacted you/organised a date, he isn't interested'. If you don't contact her, you'll just be another in a long line of men who led her up the garden path. Sounds sensational and unbelievable, but a quick chat with your sister(s) and female friends will open your eyes to the amount of times women are fed bullsh*t lines.

LegacyUser

26 year old male! wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. I am kind of shocked, didnt see it like that at all ( me stuttering along in asking her out). I was going to ring her but kind of felt I was the one then who was pushing the whole lets go out idea, and her responses on friday were exactly positive.
Im more mixed up after reading 50/50's, I DID ask her out twice. I was trying to be decent about it and see if she had time instead of saying Saturday evening, lets go!

I was gonna leave at the one post but after reading some of the responses I had to say a little more. The ladies who have responded seem to be living in a parallel universe where they think you should be able to decipher some sort of bizarre code, where this girl said or did one thing but it really meant another, is ridiculous. Forget about that kind of childish nonsense, dont get involved in playing games. You sound like a straight forward guy, and you acted in a straight forward manner. The response you got was pretty indifferent to be honest. I mean you did all the leg work i.e. literally walking over to her and starting the initital converstaion. She didnt do that, you did. You opened the door, she had her chance and for whatever reason, didnt take it. Plus theres the fact that you sent her a message and she still hasnt responded(as far as I know). Thats just plain rude. Man thats pretty much a deal breaker. Do not call her, its up to her to contact you now.

LegacyUser

She asked him out and he said he was busy. How is that a deal breaker for him? If I asked someone I barely knew out and they said they were busy, I would assume they're not interested. Add to that he hasn't arranged an alternative time to meet up with her again, even bigger sign he's not interested. No girl in her right mind would go chasing after a guy who shows such little interest, women have been called psychos for much less.

Up to you what you want to do OP, you have been given female insight into the situation. If you wanted to date a man, I'd suggest you follow male insight. But you want to date a woman, so your best bet would be to follow female insight. If not, you and 50/50 can hook up and grow old together like The Odd Couple

Distorted

50/50 wrote: »

I was gonna leave at the one post but after reading some of the responses I had to say a little more. The ladies who have responded seem to be living in a parallel universe where they think you should be able to decipher some sort of bizarre code, where this girl said or did one thing but it really meant another, is ridiculous. Forget about that kind of childish nonsense, dont get involved in playing games. You sound like a straight forward guy, and you acted in a straight forward manner. The response you got was pretty indifferent to be honest. I mean you did all the leg work i.e. literally walking over to her and starting the initital converstaion. She didnt do that, you did. You opened the door, she had her chance and for whatever reason, didnt take it. Plus theres the fact that you sent her a message and she still hasnt responded(as far as I know). Thats just plain rude. Man thats pretty much a deal breaker. Do not call her, its up to her to contact you now.

I think its you who's living in the parallel universe. Think logically - he didn't succeed in dating the girl. Whatever he did, it didn't get him the desired result. Therefore it would make more sense to do things differently. But I guess if you both continue in the same fashion, you can always moan about Irish women being unresponsive, etc.. Meanwhile, the nice women will be dating the guys that can actually ask them out...

LegacyUser

unregistered wrote: »

She asked him out and he said he was busy. How is that a deal breaker for him?

Firstly she didnt ask me out, she mentioned what she intended to do over the weekend and then asked me what I was planning.

Right, I decided I had nothing to lose from all your responses and I rang her last night. She answered and we spoke briefly about how are weekends were and I then asked her did she want to go for drink or a meal ( I dislike the comment from whoever about not being mature enough to have a meal with a female). The answer I got confirmed my thoughts and 50/50's views that something wasnt right and she did understand I wanted to meet up with her, but hadn't replied on purpose.
Anyway, She basically said she really liked me and did want to go on a date with me but she couldn't at the moment, she wasn't ready. I said fine and commented that she must of had a bad break up or relationship, she said yea kind of, that it was complicated and that a date wouldn't work for her at the minute and she was very sorry. I told her not to worry that she had been honest and that is all I wanted. I mentioned that look it didn't have to be a date, I could meet her when she was out with friends if she wanted and take it from there. But she said she wouldn't be able to do it properly. And I left it at that, told her she had my number and said good night.

So, Ive taken it all in and thought about it. Its a shame for some reason she can't meet up but its out of my hands.
Before others start commenting, Id like to say I do believe her and don't think she was another really good looking girl looking to get off on annoying another guys head by leading him up the garden path. There is a very small reservation or doubt there for me but I think that's more to do with the fact I am not going to get the chance to take her out!!

HavingCrack

26 year old male! wrote: »

Firstly she didnt ask me out, she mentioned what she intended to do over the weekend and then asked me what I was planning.

Right, I decided I had nothing to lose from all your responses and I rang her last night. She answered and we spoke briefly about how are weekends were and I then asked her did she want to go for drink or a meal ( I dislike the comment from whoever about not being mature enough to have a meal with a female). The answer I got confirmed my thoughts and 50/50's views that something wasnt right and she did understand I wanted to meet up with her, but hadn't replied on purpose.
Anyway, She basically said she really liked me and did want to go on a date with me but she couldn't at the moment, she wasn't ready. I said fine and commented that she must of had a bad break up or relationship, she said yea kind of, that it was complicated and that a date wouldn't work for her at the minute and she was very sorry. I told her not to worry that she had been honest and that is all I wanted. I mentioned that look it didn't have to be a date, I could meet her when she was out with friends if she wanted and take it from there. But she said she wouldn't be able to do it properly. And I left it at that, told her she had my number and said good night.

So, Ive taken it all in and thought about it. Its a shame for some reason she can't meet up but its out of my hands.
Before others start commenting, Id like to say I do believe her and don't think she was another really good looking girl looking to get off on annoying another guys head by leading him up the garden path. There is a very small reservation or doubt there for me but I think that's more to do with the fact I am not going to get the chance to take her out!!

Well done on ringing her OP . Better to have tried and failed than never tried at all!

LegacyUser

HavingCrack wrote: »

Well done on ringing her OP . Better to have tried and failed than never tried at all!

+ 10000000
You let her know your position, and she let you know hers. You can put it behind you now and stop wondering what the story is

Distorted

At least you know now and won't always be wondering.

Wompa1

26 year old male! wrote: »

Firstly she didnt ask me out, she mentioned what she intended to do over the weekend and then asked me what I was planning.

Right, I decided I had nothing to lose from all your responses and I rang her last night. She answered and we spoke briefly about how are weekends were and I then asked her did she want to go for drink or a meal ( I dislike the comment from whoever about not being mature enough to have a meal with a female). The answer I got confirmed my thoughts and 50/50's views that something wasnt right and she did understand I wanted to meet up with her, but hadn't replied on purpose.
Anyway, She basically said she really liked me and did want to go on a date with me but she couldn't at the moment, she wasn't ready. I said fine and commented that she must of had a bad break up or relationship, she said yea kind of, that it was complicated and that a date wouldn't work for her at the minute and she was very sorry. I told her not to worry that she had been honest and that is all I wanted. I mentioned that look it didn't have to be a date, I could meet her when she was out with friends if she wanted and take it from there. But she said she wouldn't be able to do it properly. And I left it at that, told her she had my number and said good night.

So, Ive taken it all in and thought about it. Its a shame for some reason she can't meet up but its out of my hands.
Before others start commenting, Id like to say I do believe her and don't think she was another really good looking girl looking to get off on annoying another guys head by leading him up the garden path. There is a very small reservation or doubt there for me but I think that's more to do with the fact I am not going to get the chance to take her out!!

Reading your posts I agreed with your feeling that you had done enough and she obviously wasn't interested in meeting you half way. If she didn't reply to me when asking if she wanted to go out I wouldn't have called her. Oh well, sure maybe some night at 2 in the morning you'll get some freaku rebound sex off her...noice!

LegacyUser

Wompa1 wrote: »

Oh well, sure maybe some night at 2 in the morning you'll get some freaku rebound sex off her...noice!

I wouldn't do this because it would look like you want revenge because she didn't want to go out with you. It would be very childish and immature to think that turning you down was done to specifically hurt your feelings.

Wompa1

unregistered wrote: »

I wouldn't do this because it would look like you want revenge because she didn't want to go out with you. It would be very childish and immature to think that turning you down was done to specifically hurt your feelings.

He wouldn't be doing it out of revenge. It would be two adults consenting, why not go ahead with it?

And if your going to say it's taking advantage, I spent years being the nice guy and not going for it on the night with girls because I thought it was taking advantage...I regret it now that I'm older because now my feeling is wait..girls know what a one night stand is about so if they were after it, it's not taking advantage.

LegacyUser

Wompa1 wrote: »

He wouldn't be doing it out of revenge. It would be two adults consenting, why not go ahead with it?

Nothing wrong with two consenting adults. You didn't make that clear in your original post. You made it sound like he should use her for what he can get. Why else would anyone call a girl at two in the morning?