Am i just being scabby?

u_c_thesecond

Hi

This is pretty long so please bear with me. My friends getting married in november and i am getting married next year. She asked me and my fiance to be in the wedding party when her bridesmaid emigrated and the best man decided he didnt want to do it.

So thats that, except im getting very pissed off over how much we have to shell out just to be in the wedding.Let me explain...

My partner and i feel that if you ask someone to be involved in your wedding that you should pay for their outfits and other bits, so we have budgeted(and saving nearly 70e a week) for the best man, groomsmen,pageboys, bridesmaids and flowergirl outfits and shoes. We also paying for the hair make up,shoes jewellery tan etc for bridesmaids. This includes the hen and stag nights(all we are asking people to pay for is their seat on the bus and thats all- which is 20e each) We cant afford a honeymoon and have to borrow 1000 to finish paying everything but we happy and dont need a honeymoon.

My friend however wants us to pay 120e to rent my fiances best man suit for the day, ive to pay for my own dress, my shoes,jewellery,hair,make up,tan, transport to the hotel(10 miles away from church, and church is another 15 miles from where we live),and stay overnight in hotel(have to because of distance) meanwhile they are going on a 2 grand honeymoon and told me Tuesday they will have 1500 left over after d wedding(not including gifts)

Shes having a "Tarot reading night " in her house for her hen, its 35euro a reading and if you come you have to get a reading(her words) I figured ok 35e i can live with that...

But now it turns out as a bridesmaid ive to shell out more.

I have to pay for HALF OF THE FOOD she is getting from a caterer and pay for half of the decorations because im a bridesmaid, meanwhile her "Maid of honour" who is her sister refuses to pay anything towards it because she is "only coming for an hour"

I am going nuts here, Its costing us Over 600e to attend this wedding with the 120e for the suit and the 180e i had to pay for my dress(yes i can sell it after but i prob wouldnt make half it back) all the hair make up etc iv to pay for and hotel and now this extra money.

Im not working ATM and getting 110euro from jsa. and my fiance making bearly 300 a week,Whats annoying me is she was boasting about the extra money she would have and we are scraping to be involved and now this extra money id thrown on me for the hen

Is it scabby of me to be annoyed about this?

Ickle Magoo

No you're not being scabby, the bride is & I've a fair idea why both the bridesmaid and best man bailed.

I think you have two options, you can swallow it and hate every minute of it or you can sit her down and remind her whose wedding it is & that you can throw a bridal shower of your own design or she can fork out for her own. Please don't bankrupt yourself for a bridezilla that you are stepping in to help out.

It sounds suspiciously like she wants more than she can afford and is chancing her arm that you'll pick up the slack, I think you need to set her right that you won't be. I've never heard of a bridesmaid having to pay for caterers or decorations, never mind dresses so I think you have to sit her down and explain how you feel.

All the best

u_c_thesecond

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

No you're not being scabby, the bride is & I've a fair idea why both the bridesmaid and best man bailed.

I think you have two options, you can swallow it and hate every minute of it or you can sit her down and remind her whose wedding it is & that you can throw a bridal shower of your own design or she can fork out for her own. Please don't bankrupt yourself for a bridezilla that you are stepping in to help out.

It sounds suspiciously like she wants more than she can afford and is chancing her arm that you'll pick up the slack, I think you need to set her right that you won't be. I've never heard of a bridesmaid having to pay for caterers or decorations, never mind dresses so I think you have to sit her down and explain how you feel.

All the best

Thanks for the advice, the problem is i dont wanna ruin her day.

iv asked a few peoples opinion and they all said i wasnt being scabby, but that if i brought it up id ruin her wedding, and everytime she looked at me she would remember that.

Shes not a major friend, iv known her about 4 years but have only started getting close the last 6 months

the gob

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

No you're not being scabby, the bride is & I've a fair idea why both the bridesmaid and best man bailed.

I think you have two options, you can swallow it and hate every minute of it or you can sit her down and remind her whose wedding it is & that you can throw a bridal shower of your own design or she can fork out for her own. Please don't bankrupt yourself for a bridezilla that you are stepping in to help out.

It sounds suspiciously like she wants more than she can afford and is chancing her arm that you'll pick up the slack, I think you need to set her right that you won't be. I've never heard of a bridesmaid having to pay for caterers or decorations, never mind dresses so I think you have to sit her down and explain how you feel.
spot on ickle magoo.

sweet jesus the things you read on boards!!

op please take this advice
your two ahem friends, are parasites who want to bleed you dry

tell them nicely you will do all those things for their wedding if they return the favour when your getting married and make a list

something tells me they will not agree to this

there are people in life who would live off you forever IF YOU LET THEM

Ickle Magoo

It's entirely up to you, OP, but I certainly wouldn't be puting myself into debt forking out left right and centre for a bride I was second choice bridesmaid to & that you aren't actually that close to. I don't think being held to ransom that you will ruin her day is on at all, the reason you are even having to have a chat with her is entirely her own unreasonable expectations which I'm guessing her current financial situation play a large part in.

What she is doing isn't fair and frankly if she can't afford to get married and have the bridal party of her dreams at the moment then she should be delaying her wedding, not expecting people she's only gotten close to in the past six months to bank roll her.

seenitall

C'mon OP, time to step up to the mark and show you actually have a spine.

I love the comment of how you will "ruin her day".

How about her ruining your finances?

Honestly, I would be putting the Bridezilla in her place so fast she wouldn't know what hit her - the cheeky sponger! :mad:

Be your own person, or be a resentful mug she obviously takes you for - it's entirely up to you.

Best wishes for your engagement!

Chuchoter

Thats ridiculous, she can't expect you to pay the best part of a grand for HER wedding. I have no idea what the food and decoration has to do with you. Just tell her I can't afford to be paying for your wedding, I already paid for my own. if she doesn't like it then she can get someone else. And the tarot reading sounds like a waste of money anyway. As you said, you saved. If she doesn't want to save and wants to scab off you then thats no-ones fault but her own.

mikemac

I'm pretty amazed reading this thread

It's her wedding, she pays the bill.
Now fair enough if you want to organize and pay a contribution to the hen night.
But not for anything else

Tarot reading seems like a pretty boring idea and not a good idea for a hen night. And it's very expensive

You are her second choice and you can see what happened first time around.
Some people are just users and will treat you like a doormat if they can. And this girl is a parasite

Sit down and have a conversation with her

dellas1979

I would simply tell her you cannot afford all of this and ask her where ye can go from here. Explain with your own wedding coming up, that you know she will understand where you are coming from.

The ball is in her court then.

Please OP, do not put your own finances or happiness before this person.
Now that would be ridiculous.

Truley

Tell her the truth, say you can't afford what she is asking you to pay and maybe she would be better off finding a bridesmaid who is willing/able to, she's in for a massive shock if she tries that though.

Frankly I don't know where she got the idea that this is how a wedding works, I mean, did she just ... tell you were paying for all of this

ziedth

I'm getting married in 3 weeks OP and the only thing my OH and O didn't pay for was my stag and her hen which was very good of our friends/family to do.

I'm amazed your being so cool with this but your obviously a very good person so as to not avoid a scene (although by the sound of it she deserves a talking too) just say that with your wedding and being out of work that it is impossible for you to do any of this and you'd love to still be involved but you would understand if she asked someone else. It's her decision then but stick to your guns here you are 100% in the right IMHO.

Good luck.

jimmycrackcorm

Simply tell her that you will be unable to be a bridesmaid as you cannot afford it. Leave it up to her.

thefeatheredcat

Ickle Magoo definatey hit it on the head... you are NOT being scabby whatsoever.

If you have to shell out all this cash for her wedding, how on earth are you going to pay for yours?

Yes you need to have a long talk to her about the situation. But I also think that you need to be careful - this is someone you have known for 4 years but have only gotten close to in the last 6 months - that would arise a lot of suspicion in me so be careful that you're not being used.

I don't think it's right that you're being taken advantage of to pay for so much, it's damn outrageous what she's asking for.

Personally, I would wish her well on the wedding and her future, but I would bow out now if the only reason I'm being asked to be in this role is to pay for all these costs. Get her to find some other fool to foot her snotty nosed bill.

tinkerbell

OP, this girl is a complete and utter scabby bridezilla. If I was asked to be in the wedding party of a friend, I would not be putting my hand in my pocket for anything, because it was their decision to want me to be in the party. And as for paying for the food for the hen etc, that's completely ridiculous, there is no way you should have to pay for it.

You need to tell her that you cannot afford to be funding for her wedding, and that you have to step down from being a bridesmaid. I wouldn't even bother saying to her that you can't pay for it yet still be in the wedding party, because why would you want to be in the wedding party for a girl who is completely trying to fleece you from all your hard earned cash? Seriously?

And I would not feel bad about it at all, to hell with her, she's a greedy selfish cow and she's probably delighted that she's making a fool of you now for paying for all this stuff. So stand up for yourself.

Miss Fluff

I always say that what people have in life is what they are prepared to put up with. You have a choice here OP. And it should be as obvious to you as the nose on your face.

Why you would want to pay for someone else's wedding is beyond me. Especially when you are struggling so much as it is.

And isn't it funny how her groomsman and bridesmaid already bailed? She's a parasite, plain and simple.

You're most probably going to sacrifice your "friendship" by bailing on her but I think you know yourself that she's not a real friend. Friendship is based on mutual respect and she evidently has zero respect for you.

aviendha

Miss Fluff wrote: »

And isn't it funny how her groomsman and bridesmaid already bailed? She's a parasite, plain and simple.

hit the nail on the head, an abomination of a parasite.
I am absolutely gobsmacked at what I am reading :eek:
we got married earlier this year and we paid for pretty much everything from accomodation, dresses, makeup & jewellery for BM to suits, shoes, cufflinks and gifts for GM. The only thing we didn't pay for was the hen and stag, but due to the size of the group, I went "free" on our activity/accomodation, and the group only had to pay for my food and wine at dinner on the night. There was also a little funny box of hen-stuff for me, the usual silly bits n' pieces from a 2euro shop that wouldn't cost a fortune.

You are NOT being scabby, and this bridezilla needs a land of reality. Seriously, you need to either explain to her that this is not normally expected of a BM, that you simply can't afford it with your own wedding coming up or just bail out as the previous bridal party who saw the light.

Even her sister who is MOH sees her for what she is, and is refusing to get stung for the bill :cool:

Diddler1977

I'd explain to your friend that you are happy to be her bridesmaid but that you can't afford to pay for the pleasure - it is her wedding she should pay for everything.

Maybe you should post on the wedding forum and see what advice you get
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=670

Lollipops23

I've never heard of bridemaids having to pay for their own dresses!!we were let pick our own dresses for my best mates wedding,we were given a budget of 200quid and if we wanted to go over that we could pay the difference(very fair i think)I sorted my own hair and make up,but that was my own choice.
The hen was the typical "everyone stick money in the kitty" affair and we just paid for her dinner too.

I'd be telling her where to go OP.

MrDarcy

aviendha wrote: »

hit the nail on the head, an abomination of a parasite.

+100. The problem with these kind of people is that it is absolutey impossible to shame them. You should just tell her that you can't be involved in her wedding party because you simply cannot afford the cost involved, make the decision, STICK TO IT and communicate it to her. Then it becomes her problem OP.

She sounds like an absolute parasite, she has some neck in all seriousness, if someone tried that kind of crap with me I wouldn't even go to the wedding, no friend should ever try to use you like that, and then more or snearing at you with, "oh we'll be making money with our wedding", why would you keep a friend with such an obviously abusive opinion of you???

Chinafoot

I'd pull out tbh.

I know its soon and that you'll be seen as the baddie but you are being used and abused here by someone who isn't a close friend. It says a lot about her and her fiance that there was literally nobody else that could fill those spots. Is your fiance even friends with her fiance?!

As previous posters have said, it is practically unheard of for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to pay for their own clothes. The only time I've ever heard of that being done is when the bridesmaids are doing it as a wedding gift for the couple. The tarot reading is also bullshít. Yes, the bridesmaids do organise the hen night, but this should have been done by her sister who is her maid of honour. Even then, the bridesmaids certainly don't foot the entire bill.

Expecting you to pay so much money to be involved in her wedding is ridiculous and you need to speak to her about it. If it was me I would simply say "We can't afford it and we have our wedding to save for. You'll have to ask someone else, sorry." If she gives you crap you can tell her that it is unreasonable and unheard of to expect the wedding party to pay so much money. Yes, the friendship will probably be over and she'll paint you as a bitch, but given the fact that their original choices have bailed on them I doubt too many people will take any notice of her.

Best of luck OP.

u_c_thesecond

Truley wrote: »

Frankly I don't know where she got the idea that this is how a wedding works, I mean, did she just ... tell you were paying for all of this

No one of the other bridesmaids told me(theres 2 bridesmaids inc me and a maid of honour who refuses to pay anything at all and she is the brides sister). It was a simple text "Hi we have to meet up in town i need your half of the money for food and decorations for the hen, let me know what day"

astra2000

Hi op I agree with everyone else here your are been taking complete advantage of. I have never heard of anyone paying for their own dress/suit or anything else when they are bridesmaid/bestman. As for the hennight usually all the guests chip in so the bride doesnt have to pay again I have never heard of bridesmaids paying for everything. This girl is not your friend do you think it is just a concidence you have got closer in the last 6months? Personally it sounds like it is convenient for her to have a friend like you who out of politeness/sense of duty/intimidation will put up and shut up.
I believe there will be more unseen expenses revealed before the wedding which you are expected to pay for. You just need to be straight with this couple sit them down and tell them youve been through your finances and you cannot afford to cover all the costs been a bridesmaid and bestman will entail. Let them know you are covering these costs for your own wedding. It sounds like you have already paid for some things tell them that that will be your wedding gift to them. I understand this would be difficult but you are an adult you need to be less of a push over. To be honest I get the feeling from your post that you will not do anything about this as you are too concerned with ruining your friends day, its a shame she is not as bothered about you. Best of luck with your wedding and whatever you decide to do:)

Adam

if you pay for any of that i'll slap you.

u_c_thesecond

I am just back from her house,i went over and explained the situation. She got very upset , started crying saying "why did you bring this up so close to the wedding, you know i cant afford to pay for all this" and i was asked by her fiance to get out.

On my way home i got an abusive voicemail from the Mother of the bride screaming that i have ruined her daughters wedding, and now ive just gotten a text from another bridesmaid. Time to turn off my phone i think.

mikemac

Well done OP

As you can see now, she was using you as an ATM

you know i cant afford to pay for all this

What a user!

Nevyn

No you have not ruined the wedding, you just are refusing to foot half the bill for the events she wants on the run up to the wedding. Let her and her family pay for it, it is not for you to do so.

kylith

Good on you. It's not your fault if she can't afford it. If she can't pay for it she should either wait until she can afford it, or do something less expensive.

lazygal

OP Had to add to this as I'm in the middle of wedding planning (on a tight budget too). My sister is BM and I'll be paying for her dress, shoes and other outfit bits and bobs. As a treat and thank you I'll be paying for a manicure and pedicure the day before. If she wants her makeup done on the morning, no problem as I've a woman coming to the house. Mr Lazygal will be paying for the GM suit, tie, shirt and new shoes, will be taking him for a hot shave on the morning for some "guy time" together.

NO WAY would I expect someone I've asked to help with the wedding to pay their own way. Its pure meanness to expect others to subsidise ANY part of the wedding. You're well rid of these "friends" (freeloaders).



ETA: There is also no way either BM or GM will be paying for the hen/stag. If we want a hen or stag we'll chip in like anyone else would. Its our choice to get married, why should anyone be out of pocket because of something we want.

Diddler1977

I think this bride sounds like a real bridezilla.

I know it is very common in the States for the bridesmaid to pay for their dress BUT it is not the done thing in Ireland. In Ireland, the b&g should pay for the bridesmaids and groomsmens outfits.

I see it becoming more common for the hen party to be paid for by the attendees. This is tacky imo.

It has also become the norm to expect wedding guests to "cover the cost" of the meal. Again this is so cheap and tacky. If a B&G choose to hold a wedding they should be willing to cover the cost of it. In other words it doesn't matter what gifts are given by guests, the B&G should be just glad to have them as part of the celebrations - they are not cash cows, there to provide the money to cover the wedding.

OP - I reread your first post. I can't believe this bridezilla knew you were on a limited income and still expected you to foot the bill for all the costs you were incurring as part of her wedding.

You did the right thing in telling her that you can't afford it.

Did you tell her you can't be bridesmaid?

astra2000

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I am just back from her house,i went over and explained the situation. She got very upset , started crying saying "why did you bring this up so close to the wedding, you know i cant afford to pay for all this" and i was asked by her fiance to get out.

On my way home i got an abusive voicemail from the Mother of the bride screaming that i have ruined her daughters wedding, and now ive just gotten a text from another bridesmaid. Time to turn off my phone i think.

You did the right thing op. How are you feeling? I am sure this was not easy for you but please dont start to feel bad or regretful. You are willing to do without certain things for your marriage as you are able to see that getting married is the important thing not honeymoons and a load of other nonessentials. It would not have made sense for you to pay towards things for her wedding and if she or her family cant see that then it is their problem not yours.
Try not to get upset and if the abusive voicemails continue turn off your voicemail. Best of luck

Diddler1977

astra2000 wrote: »

Try not to get upset and if the abusive voicemails continue turn off your voicemail. Best of luck

Good advice to turn off the voicemail.

Don't even listen to the voicemails that have been left now, just delete them.

Edgedinblue

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I am just back from her house,i went over and explained the situation. She got very upset , started crying saying "why did you bring this up so close to the wedding, you know i cant afford to pay for all this" and i was asked by her fiance to get out.

On my way home i got an abusive voicemail from the Mother of the bride screaming that i have ruined her daughters wedding, and now ive just gotten a text from another bridesmaid. Time to turn off my phone i think.

Well fair play to ya! Couldnt get over the cheek of this woman when i read the op. If she couldnt afford it in the first place she should have put the wedding date a year later and saved!

Nevermind her family saying you ruined her day, pffft it could/would have ruined your wedding day if you gave your money away to her and not saving for your own wedding, which is more important to you. Some people are just nuts these days!

tinkerbell

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I am just back from her house,i went over and explained the situation. She got very upset , started crying saying "why did you bring this up so close to the wedding, you know i cant afford to pay for all this" and i was asked by her fiance to get out.

On my way home i got an abusive voicemail from the Mother of the bride screaming that i have ruined her daughters wedding, and now ive just gotten a text from another bridesmaid. Time to turn off my phone i think.

OP YAY!!!!! Good for you, I was so happy to read this that you stood up for yourself and told her that you would not be footing her wedding bill.

I would ignore all calls now from them, and you know something - this girl will probably go now and tell everyone that you have ruined her day blah blah, spreading lies. All you have to do is say that you stepped down from the duties because she expected you to pay for loads of her wedding as was using you as an ATM. That's it. Simple as. Everybody will completely understand why you backed down.

As for her saying "You know I can't afford all this"!!!!! Ha!!!!!!!!!! There it is right there - she was completely using you!!! I'm sorry but that girl is a thick selfish cow. It is not your responsibility to fund her wedding!! It is her feckin problem if she can't afford to pay for it :mad: :mad: NOT YOURS!!! If she can't afford it, then she should be scaling the day back. Not relying on other people to fund it for her. I am so annoyed at this kind of behaviour. I hope now that you don't go to her wedding, she is a horrible miserable cow who doesn't deserve to have you as a friend.

And as for the mother and the other bridesmaid - the next time they ring, tell them to go F**k themselves. Let them pay for it if they are feeling so god damn generous and pissed off that you don't want to foot the bill, screw that crap. They are just as bad as her, that bride is one million percent in the wrong here.

LegacyUser

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

Thanks for the advice, the problem is i dont wanna ruin her day.

iv asked a few peoples opinion and they all said i wasnt being scabby, but that if i brought it up id ruin her wedding, and everytime she looked at me she would remember that.

Shes not a major friend, iv known her about 4 years but have only started getting close the last 6 months

I wouldnt pay for it no way! You are not being scabby at all! IMO its up to the couple getting married to pay for the bridesmaid, groomsman clothing for the day. I would pay for my share of the hen i think thats reasonable, I wouldn't expect the bride to pay for her own hen but everything else is her choice and its completely unreasonable for her to expect you to foot the bill for her big day. shes a friend and a friend wouldnt ecpect you to pay for her wedding. I am actually so mad reading this even. I just cannot believe this couples cheek!!!

thefeatheredcat

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I am just back from her house,i went over and explained the situation. She got very upset , started crying saying "why did you bring this up so close to the wedding, you know i cant afford to pay for all this" and i was asked by her fiance to get out.

On my way home i got an abusive voicemail from the Mother of the bride screaming that i have ruined her daughters wedding, and now ive just gotten a text from another bridesmaid. Time to turn off my phone i think.

OP I am so, so glad you went ahead with this! Clearly you were being used - you have NOT ruined this person's wedding at all I guarantee on the day itself she'll ruin it for herself and everyone else!

She knew she can't afford the wedding and asked waaay too much out of you financially and was bang out of order.

As for the mother of bride... shocking behaviour from her - I would save that voicemail if you get any more hassle or verbal abuse from her. Save the texts you get. If the bride and groom can't pay for the wedding themselves then they must scale it back otherwise then it's up to the family to chip in... but not for everyone else to stump up the cash. Sounds like she would go to the point of charging every 'guest' to the wedding a certain amount of money or be refused, but still take the wedding presents! :mad: what a leech, you're well rid!

Cunning Stunt

OP don't back down, no matter how bad it gets. Fair play to you

artyeva

i'm so glad op that you were able to take a step back, and explain to her that you couldn't afford all those things - seriously - well done.

weddings, i have found to my detriment, turn some people absolutley loo-laa. some normal people, friends who you've loved for years, seem to turn into some sort of 4 headed monster the minute there's the first whiff of a date being set i do think that kind of selfish diva attitude is either in a person or not, it just seems like weddings bring it to the fore.

consider yourself very lucky to be out of it, and well done again for stepping up to her demands.

MissHoneyBun

Pardon my french but what a f**king weapon! My jaw was literally on the floor reading that! She's nothing but a self-absorbed parasite, as is her dickhead fiancé and hysterical mother. Good riddance to the lot of them, shower of jackasses.

MrDarcy

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

I am just back from her house,i went over and explained the situation. She got very upset , started crying saying "why did you bring this up so close to the wedding, you know i cant afford to pay for all this" and i was asked by her fiance to get out.

On my way home i got an abusive voicemail from the Mother of the bride screaming that i have ruined her daughters wedding, and now ive just gotten a text from another bridesmaid. Time to turn off my phone i think.

Fair play to you OP, that's absolutely disgusting behaviour. They all sound like they are members of the fur coat and no knickers brigade. I never in my life heard of the grooms or bridesmaids being asked to fork out for ANY costs, that's insane!

I wouldn't say that the marriage will last p*ssing time with that kind of codding going on...

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Jeeze, its so weird that she expected an almost stranger to pay for so much for her wedding the way she slipped in the cost in a text was mind blowing?? like she wouldnt have accepted that imagine you did that to her?? she sounds so stressed out and the wedding fell apart when the first bridesmaid and groomsman pulled out, beware that you get scapegoated here, they will once again want to use your kindness for weakness and dump on you, what are you going to do now OP, walk away??

tbh

fair play op. Good call.

u_c_thesecond

Its been a pretty miserable 24 hours. had to turn off my phone over messages.

And my partner and i decided to go for a quite drink so i could relax(on a monday bit of an alco i know but i wanted to get outta the house) we went to our local and the brides mother was OF COURSE there because thats just my luck. Got a barrage of looks and "oh she can afford to drink on a monday night though..."

I just left. Then my fiance got a voicemail from the bride saying"I suppose ur not gonna be best man now cos of her- thanks a ****ing lot" My fiance was actually still going to do it because hes nice and doesnt want to upset anyone but after that hes not. Then house phone rang at 11 last night and it was the bride saying"You both HAVE to still be best man and bridesmaid because ive already registered the marriage and your names are down on it"

I just hung up

CathyMoran

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

Its been a pretty miserable 24 hours. had to turn off my phone over messages.

And my partner and i decided to go for a quite drink so i could relax(on a monday bit of an alco i know but i wanted to get outta the house) we went to our local and the brides mother was OF COURSE there because thats just my luck. Got a barrage of looks and "oh she can afford to drink on a monday night though..."

I just left. Then my fiance got a voicemail from the bride saying"I suppose ur not gonna be best man now cos of her- thanks a ****ing lot" My fiance was actually still going to do it because hes nice and doesnt want to upset anyone but after that hes not. Then house phone rang at 11 last night and it was the bride saying"You both HAVE to still be best man and bridesmaid because ive already registered the marriage and your names are down on it"

I just hung up

Argh, she playing you for a fool - I may stand corrected but anyone can be a witness to the wedding. Change your number and ignore her and her family. She still thinks that she can guilt you into being an ATM.

coolcat63

From the sound of her I don't know why she's spending a fortune on the wedding - with that attitude the marriage isn't going to last very long....

tinkerbell

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

Then house phone rang at 11 last night and it was the bride saying"You both HAVE to still be best man and bridesmaid because ive already registered the marriage and your names are down on it"

I just hung up

OP, stay strong, hang in there. This girl is nutso. You and your fiancé should NOT be in her wedding, neither of you - not after the way she has treated you.

That woman cannot force you to be best man and bridesmaid. Anybody can be witnesses. And regardless of if your names are on the register, well to hell with that. If she has to go changing it, well let her. Not your problem, at all. Seriously, it is time to put yourself first. If she has to go changing the register of the marriage, then that's her issue. This is all HER fault. Not yours. If she hadn't acted like such a spoiled brat then she would still have a bridesmaid and bestman.

If I were in your shoes, the next time she calls, I would tell her that I do not wish to be friends anymore and to stop contacting me. A friend does not treat a friend like that, that is how you treat an enemy.

All she wants is your wallet. So next time she rings, tell her you no longer want anything to do with her and hang up. That's it - all over. And don't go sending them a card or present for their wedding, she's a spoiled b1tch and doesn't deserve ANYTHING from you.

Her wedding is no longer your problem, let her deal with it.

LegacyUser

Slightly OT, but imagine the poor man who will end up married to that yoke ?

OP, cut all contact. You will have enough trouble paying for your own wedding without being expected to subsidise some other bint's day out.

Life is tough enough these days without having to accommodate the likes of her.

MrDarcy

As far as I'm aware OP, this latest twist "I've registered the marriage and you are down as witness so you HAVE to be bridesmaid now!"...

That's just a pathethic and rediculous bluff as far as I'm aware, you CANNOT just waltz into a civil office and register a wedding and stick down the first two names that come into your head, your witnesses have to be present and have to freely and consenually sign the register as witnesses in the presence of the registrar. So if that's true and I imagine that it is, your "friend" is seriously trying to manipulate you, using a set of lies to try to force you along with this wedding of hers.

It sounds to me like the relationship with this wagon has depreciated beyond the point where there is any possibility of a friendship and it's probably a blessing for you more than anything else. Consider yourself lucky, it sounds like an unholy disaster the way the whole thing was approached.

paperclip2

Well done OP.This girl really does not seem to have ever been a friend in any real sense. She is just trying to use you or more precisely your bank account. My God has she no shame. Brass neck doesn't cover it.
Oh, and so what if you go for a drink on a Monday. Its you and your fiance's money. If you wanted to spend it on a lifetime supply of chicken dippers thats no business of anyone else.

You've done the right thing. Now just keep cool and carry on.

tbh

u_c_thesecond wrote: »

Then house phone rang at 11 last night and it was the bride saying"You both HAVE to still be best man and bridesmaid because ive already registered the marriage and your names are down on it"

I just hung up

"I'm more than happy to be your bridesmaid, but I haven't the money or the inclination to pay you for the privilege. It's your choice".

OP do NOT feel embarrassed about this. The girl has a brass neck if you ask me, and she's trying to bully you into paying for her wedding. If she can't afford to do it on her own, she shouldn't be doing it. What's next, is she going to ask the godparents of her future children to buy their school uniforms?

astra2000

Hi op just keep remembering that you did the right thing. If you bump into the brides mother and she continues to make snide comments ask her why it is ok for her daughter the other bridesmaid not to contribute and it is demanded off you. Been honest I suppose this will continue to be an issue for you until the wedding is over luckily that is not too far away. Hold your head high you have done nothing wrong.

MrDarcy

astra2000 wrote: »

Hi op just keep remembering that you did the right thing. If you bump into the brides mother and she continues to make snide comments ask her why it is ok for her daughter the other bridesmaid not to contribute and it is demanded off you. Been honest I suppose this will continue to be an issue for you until the wedding is over luckily that is not too far away. Hold your head high you have done nothing wrong.

This is where the greatest injustice is being done, the sister who is a bridesmaid not being expected to pay for these costs but the OP was being strongarmed into it?!?!? I understand that money is very tight at the current time but you have to cut your cloth to meet your measure and if money is a constraint then just go down to your local or whatever and have a few pints for your hen night, the truth is other folks would probably thank you for not putting them to hotel costs, etc.

Was there any sign OP that this family were of this attitude before this wedding was being planned???