Girlfriend raped, I'm too far away to help her

LegacyUser

I'm posting anonymously - I hope others can understand.

From my understanding - her boss (a CEO of a company) had non-consensual intercourse with her in the car after taking her out to a restaurant and asking her to drink alcohol. As she was a virgin (we were waiting together) prior to this I believe in what she says.

As a lawyer-to-be - I know I can prosecute the bastard (who is married with kids) if he was here (if not commit a few crimes of my own against him)...unfortunately they are 10,000km away. In a country where the rich and powerful can influence justice.

As a result of this - she is understandably afraid, blaming herself (exhibiting many of the classic rape victims' mentality). She has only told me (and not her parents or other friends).

The kicker is - she thought (and fully expected) that I might have decided to leave her because she's a "bad person" and no longer a virgin. If I was beside her I know I'd be able to support her properly at this time...

And... I guess I just had to write this out (in some ways, just to seek support and sympathy - keeping it bottled inside - my feelings of impotence, anger, sadness (as well as love for her) is eating me up).

I thank you for any kind words you can offer us.

easynote

Find out if there is any Rape Crisis Centre close to where she is!

Sauve

Is there any way at all that you can take a holiday and go see her?
If there's any time that's right to make a huge romantic gesture, it's now.
It'd help you both a lot.

PirateShampoo

Gotta ask this.

Have u ever meet this women in person?

ordinary_girl

PirateShampoo wrote: »

Gotta ask this.

Have u ever meet this women in person?

Hmm, I'm wondering about this too. As for your mention of her being "in a country where the rich and powerful can influence justice", it's like that in most places.

Anyway, I don't know that there's much that you can do for her except be there for her. Is Skype not even an option if you really can't make it to the country she's in?

Andy-Pandy

Go get her and bring her home. Thats the first thing you need to do.

Fittle

PirateShampoo wrote: »

Gotta ask this.

Have u ever meet this women in person?

I'd add...'Have you met this woman in person MUCH?'

Nevyn

If you think a post or thread is a possible troll post then report it do not comment in the thread as it is off topic and not helpful..

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

easynote wrote: »

Find out if there is any Rape Crisis Centre close to where she is!

Thank you - I've done some research but it's hard convincing her that she should talk about it.

As for flying out to see her - there are problems with that in terms of there being some professional exams taking place right now and a funding issue. I'll be going over as soon as I can though.

As for some of the other comments, I can't believe that people would be so callous as to question our relationship. I had assumed that in personal issues, a forum for people who may be going through a lot, snide remarks will not be made. You don't know me, or my girlfriend, or our histories. That is why I explicitly said that I trust her on this matter (read into that what you will as to what our relationship history may be).

Ordinary girl: Having lived in that country for 5 years myself before coming over here to be a lawyer I can tell you that things are a lot more different over there (buying off police, judges if necessary). At least we haven't gotten to that stage in Ireland yet thank goodness.

And of course, I've been keeping in daily contact with her - via videophone. Doesn't help that she's still alone over there with no one to talk to about it.

Chuchoter

I don't think anyone was saying you were a troll, for a second there it sounded like she was a Nigerian scammer, kind of person (they exist!). Is there a reason she can't come where ever you are? Maybe this is a bit silly, but why not send her something nice, like a scrap book of pictures of the two of you? Since you can't see her maybe thats the best you can do, and then try and convince her to go talk to someone when you got to see her. Just be aware that bringing him to trial maybe more trouble than its worth. Even in Ireland only something like 2 per cent of rapes are prosecuted.

LegacyUser

your gf was raped - who cares about professional exams. Im sure you can take them another time. As for funding - borrow some money....she needs you right now, probably more than she will ever have to need you again.

Mandalore87

If this was the woman I loved, I'd be on the first plane out of the country as soon as she had told me, not asking for advice on an internet forum. **** my exams.

Funding? Get a loan or something, I'm sure you really could get money together somehow considering the situation.

thefeatheredcat

firstly, tell her it's not her fault and keep reinforcing that.

secondly, speak to someone in the rape crisis centre who can give you advice on supporting her

if you can't be with her right now, you need to give her all the strength she needs to get past it psychologically and emotionally.

Wherever she is, has she got access to a medical facility that she can get checked out? Has she got access to counselling services? If she doesn't, then it is best that you seek advice from rape crisis on the kind of support and counselling that she will need.

Overheal

If this is the same location I am thinking of, you should know that the christian populace typically frowns upon and even vilfies rapists. You really should have no problems prosecuting this case.

seenitall

Overheal wrote: »

If this is the same location I am thinking of, you should know that the christian populace typically frowns upon and even vilfies rapists. You really should have no problems prosecuting this case.

Why all the coyness with the name of the country, when we all have a fair idea what country it is? Can countries sue for libel these days?

OP, I'm with Mandalore on your issue. For a person I loved, I once got up at 4 am to fly to another country just to give him something important he forgot at home. By 2 am the next day I was again in my own bed, and didn't think twice about it - and incidentally, the money for flights was borrowed as well! So if it was about such an issue as you speak of, there is nothing that could stop me from being with the loved one.

Just my 2 cents.

LegacyUser

I have a funny feeling about this story.
Just stash up.
Your gf was raped by her boss.
Shis is alone in that country 10km away from Ireland.
You are sitting here and won't go to her because you have upcoming examinations and you don't have the cash.
Well shame on you pal.
You should be with her now.Not asking people here for advice.
You are very selfish and self centred putting your own needs first before hers.
What sort of a man are you.
If you really love your girlfriend you will drop everything you are doing or planning to do and fly to here and bring her home.
By the way, what sort of company is she working for?
Is the CEO a foreign national or local person?
Has she gone to the Irish Consulate in that country?
They would help her.
I think you are justifying to yourself why you can't go to her by stating all these excuses.
If she was raped then she should report the crime to the local police. And you should get your butt on the next flight there.

Overheal

Has she gone to the Irish Consulate in that country?

+1

analbeads

exams and money should mean feck all after hearing your girlfriend was raped!!

sur you sit back playing on your laptop when you should be there with her! theres no way this relationship will last because you werent there for her when she needed you the most and i doubt she'll ever forget that esp because it was down to money and exams

weak excuse of a man

LionelNashe

"Quote:
Has she gone to the Irish Consulate in that country?
+1"

You're both assuming she's Irish

tommy21

I do think this is a troll ... look at the name of the poster "impotent bf" ??!

Nevyn

tommy21 banned for a week for off topic and unhelpful posting.