How to ask a date to the debs

PurvesGrundy

Basically, I have my debs at the end of the month (about 20 days time) and am looking for advice on the best way to ask a girl to be my date. I'm quite a nervous type and not exactly confident around women, which explains why I have left it so late. I have a girl in mind and she is someone that I probably won't be seeing in person for the forseeable future. That means my only option is to go down the Facebook route and ask her on chat.

This girl in particular I know has had feelings for me in past and I have also felt mutual, it's just I was never sure on the next step to take with her and messed up once when I had the opportunity, much to my own regret.

I know ideally I should be asking this girl in person, but it really isn't an option. Could someone give me advice or any tips on the best way to maybe approach her via Facebook chat?

Thanks.

My advice would be to only use face book to ask her to meet somewhere for a chat. Not to ask her to the debs.

If she agrees to meet then at least you know she has some interest in hearing what you have to say, and if she doesnt then you have your answer already. However asking her to the debs over facebook randomly is too weird and she may even end up saying no when she might say yes under other circumstances.

But whatever you do remember one thing.... if you never ask her at all she will certainly not go with you. So whatever way you do end up asking, you have nothing to lose more than not asking.

tenchi-fan

ask her on chat.
just beware.. if she doesn't reply it might be fb chat messing up or it might be that she's not interested. so if u dont get a reply straight away just log off and message her "sorry my chat got disconnected.. do u want to go to the debs"
The thing is, most girls DO want to get invited so she'll most likely reply Yes straight away.

magneticimpulse

if you want someone to go to the Debs with you...you'd want to do it NOW!!! Seriously, do you know long it takes for girls to get a dress for the debs. Its not so easy...then to book hair and make up. Get matching shoes and handbag to go with the dress, get necklace, earrings etc. You really dont have much time to give her to get ready for it...what 1 weekend? and what if she wanted to get the dress made.

Id forget about how to ask her and just do it...otherwise if you leave it any longer you'll be going by yourself. not that theres any problem with that as in college i discovered just going with your mates to these black tie balls was a hell of alot more fun

karaokeman

Has anyone else in your year invited her to the Debs?

Try to find out because if not, I'd say she would be more than happy to go with you.

I would be delighted at this point to know a girl I cared so much for was free.

ziedth

In a nut shell,

If this girl has friends going, hasn't been asked yet and is on a "hello, how are you?" basis with you then she will say yes.

Your not asking her to marry you unless she is a complete **** (and I'm assuming she is not given that you like her) she'll be delighted.

Go for it TODAY!!!

Best of luck.

PurvesGrundy

karaokeman wrote: »

Has anyone else in your year invited her to the Debs?

Try to find out because if not, I'd say she would be more than happy to go with you.

Nope, thankfully I don't think this is a problem.

ziedth wrote: »

If this girl has friends going, hasn't been asked yet and is on a "hello, how are you?" basis with you then she will say yes.

That's pretty much my relationship with her summed up. As mentioned previously, I never had the knowledge or confidence to take it any further in the past.

magneticimpulse wrote: »

if you want someone to go to the Debs with you...you'd want to do it NOW!!! Seriously, do you know long it takes for girls to get a dress for the debs. Its not so easy...then to book hair and make up. Get matching shoes and handbag to go with the dress, get necklace, earrings etc. You really dont have much time to give her to get ready for it...what 1 weekend? and what if she wanted to get the dress made.

I know, I know. I've been told this several times by friends. The next time she's on chat I'll give it my best shot.

Thanks everybody for all the advice by the way, it's a great help.

Fittle

MESSAGE her tonight. Don't wait until she's next on chat.

Message her. Or if you know anyone who might know her phone number, ask them for it.

Seriously OP, it's 19 days away...the girl needs time to get sorted.

Best of luck, and let's know what she says please:D

PurvesGrundy

Fittle wrote: »

MESSAGE her tonight. Don't wait until she's next on chat.

Message her. Or if you know anyone who might know her phone number, ask them for it.

Seriously OP, it's 19 days away...the girl needs time to get sorted.

Best of luck, and let's know what she says please:D

I haven't got her number, but I'll keep you all updated.

Thanks.

karaokeman

PurvesGrundy wrote: »

I haven't got her number, but I'll keep you all updated.

Thanks.

Why don't you ask for her number on facebook (in a private message). Then you can call her up and ask would she like to meet somewhere for a chat.

PurvesGrundy

karaokeman wrote: »

Why don't you ask for her number on facebook (in a private message). Then you can call her up and ask would she like to meet somewhere for a chat.

I already sent her a private message last night and have been waiting all day for a reply which I have yet to receive. Needless to say, this is very disheartening and I'm starting to get worried as the days edge closer to the debs.

Dr. Zeus

OP,

Has she been on FB today? Are you logged in so you can see? It's quite possible she will get to your message tonight - hopefully! Did you ask her to the debs in the message or just ask for phone number?

Fingers crossed for you man!

Do you know any of her friends that you could get the low down or even get her phone number?

Anyone else you could ask if this one doesn't work out but really hope it will.

Keep us posted?

tenchi-fan

PurvesGrundy wrote: »

I already sent her a private message last night and have been waiting all day for a reply which I have yet to receive. Needless to say, this is very disheartening and I'm starting to get worried as the days edge closer to the debs.

tut tut.. your own fault for not asking in chat, phone or face-to-face.
Hope she says yes!

PurvesGrundy

Dr. Zeus wrote: »

OP,

Has she been on FB today? Are you logged in so you can see? It's quite possible she will get to your message tonight - hopefully! Did you ask her to the debs in the message or just ask for phone number?

Fingers crossed for you man!

Do you know any of her friends that you could get the low down or even get her phone number?

Anyone else you could ask if this one doesn't work out but really hope it will.

Keep us posted?

It turns out she's not on facebook much these days.

tenchi-fan wrote: »

tut tut.. your own fault for not asking in chat, phone or face-to-face.
Hope she says yes!

Well, I got her number and picked up the phone and called her. She said she has a busy schedule and that she'll inform me tomorrow by text whether she can go or not.

Fingers crossed for me, everyone.

Dr. Zeus

PurvesGrundy wrote: »

Well, I got her number and picked up the phone and called her. She said she has a busy schedule and that she'll inform me tomorrow by text whether she can go or not..

What? That's a bit of a strange answer if you don't mind me saying. Was she playing it cool? Did she sound enthusiastic on the phone at least?

Finger crossed for you mate and well done for making the call.

calex71

I say forget this one pal, surely you have to know some girls as friends that would love an excuse to get dolled up and wear a nice dress and go out for a dinner and a nights craic???

You will have a much better time if you are not worrying about your feelings for this one etc and just enjoy the night for what it is.

kjl

well she didnt say no, you might still have a chance.

karaokeman

PurvesGrundy wrote: »

It turns out she's not on facebook much these days.



Well, I got her number and picked up the phone and called her. She said she has a busy schedule and that she'll inform me tomorrow by text whether she can go or not.

Fingers crossed for me, everyone.

Fair dues to you for calling her. By the way do you know if this is her first Debs or not? Has she been to her own yet?
With regard to the "busy schedule", I'm sure that if she is free on the day, this girl will go with you. Try to remember that most girls would want to go to a Debs if it was the last thing they ever did. Its a very important milestone in anyone's life, how could she refuse something like that?

PurvesGrundy

kjl wrote: »

well she didnt say no, you might still have a chance.

Well, she sent me a text this morning saying that she couldn't go due to exams, a lack of money and her own debs coming up. She also said she's working till 5 that day.

Oh well. I guess I better dust myself off, get back up there and try asking another girl.

Dr. Zeus

That sucks that she said no sorry to hear. So what's the plan B? Do you have someone in mind that you could ask?

Could you ask this girl if any of her friends would be interested in going with you? It's only a date after all not like you are asking them to be your girlfriend or marry them!

Good luck OP. Don't let this one rejection hold you back keep asking.

Fittle

Aw OP, I'm sorry to hear that as I was rooting for you.

To be honest, if she hadn't even got the courage to ring you back, you're better off not bringing her.

We live and learn OP - I'd do as the other poster said and ask a female friend? Or failing that, are there a group of lads going??

I'd love to know how your debs pans out...and what you do in the end....keep us posted;)

PurvesGrundy

Dr. Zeus wrote: »

That sucks that she said no sorry to hear. So what's the plan B? Do you have someone in mind that you could ask?

I don't know at the moment, to be honest. All this stuff is really taking its toll on me.

Fittle wrote: »

Aw OP, I'm sorry to hear that as I was rooting for you.

To be honest, if she hadn't even got the courage to ring you back, you're better off not bringing her.

We live and learn OP - I'd do as the other poster said and ask a female friend? Or failing that, are there a group of lads going??

I'd love to know how your debs pans out...and what you do in the end....keep us posted;)

Thanks for the words of sympathy, it means a lot.

I felt a little desperate today and asked a friend of hers via facebook chat and she didn't reply. I think I messed up properly in doing that.

I'm really starting to lose hope now.:(

tenchi-fan

PurvesGrundy wrote: »

I'm really starting to lose hope now.:(

Argh!

nightmare.

You left it too late. There's a good chance anyone who *wanted* to go already found someone to ask them.

Find a group of lads who are going on their own and meet them for drinks before you head to the debs. Head to the debs like a pack of wolves looking for a lamb to slaughter

kjl

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Argh!

nightmare.

You left it too late. There's a good chance anyone who *wanted* to go already found someone to ask them.

Find a group of lads who are going on their own and meet them for drinks before you head to the debs. Head to the debs like a pack of wolves looking for a lamb to slaughter

Make sure you exhaust all resources before doing this, its pretty sad turning up to the debs on your own.

Surely there must be someone you know you could take, a sister friend, or a neighbourhood girl.

PurvesGrundy

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Argh!

nightmare.

You left it too late. There's a good chance anyone who *wanted* to go already found someone to ask them.

Find a group of lads who are going on their own and meet them for drinks before you head to the debs. Head to the debs like a pack of wolves looking for a lamb to slaughter

I'd rather not go at all to be honest than go on my own.

I wouldn't put it down to leaving it too late to be honest. It was more a lack of confidence.

magneticimpulse

seriously its end of school you should go with some school friends and party at the debs.

i remember my debs as being rubbish...all the girls brought cousins or sons of their mothers friends. by after dinner, people had swapped. so the cousins were snogging the face of other girls and then people who brought their cousins were left sitting by themselves anyway. then there were other girls balling their eyes out because their boyfriend was getting off with another girl.

besides, i know loads of girls who just date a guy to have someone to go to debs with and then dump him after.

basically you'll have more of a laugh with your mates!!!

anyone who has gone to college balls, knows its so much better and more fun to go with your friends then ask some random person you dont even know very well

ziedth

May sound extreme but do ya have like a cousin that nobody would know? At the end of the day it'd be no different then bringing a friend you don't fancy.

I'll give you 10/10 for ringing her and TBH anyone that can't have enough I dunno good manners to ring you back to give ya their answer isn't worth your time.

Other options is ask one of your mates do they know anyone and to avoid you thinking you might look bad say you know a girl from Waterford/Cork/Dublin that you were chancing to bring cause you thought you might be in but she has (insert excuse) and now your stuck.

Best of luck there OP.

Dr. Zeus

OP,

Am sorry to hear that this has taken it's toll on you. I know rejection sucks but the more people you ask the more chance someone will say yes.

Am sure there are some girls out there waiting for somone to ask them. Is there anyone you could ask, leaving aside your fears of rejection and all that?

If there is no-one do go with a bunch of lads. Some other poster said its sad to go alone - don't agree at all. After all you are going to be with you mates.

I know it seems like a really big deal now, not having a date but when you look back in a few years this will mean nothing. Its one night and while at at this stage of your life seems like life or death its just one night that will be old news as soon as its over.

I went to the debs equivalent in the states (prom) and loads of the guys didn't have dates for fear of asking, no one to go with etc. Luckily I was in a relationship at the time so didnt have to do the asking thing. These guys were shy and lacking in confidence and slightly afraid of women. School in the states was way worse than here all this bs social ranking. Asshole quarter back went with the head cheerleader kind of thing.

Fast forward a few years and these guys are cool, confident guys with girlfriends. I think the quarter back is single:DSo I guess what I am trying to say is keep this in perspective.

I really hope you find someone to go or at least go by yourself. Lots of people will be bringing friends, cousins or whatever. There will be loads of hot girls who's to say you don't hook up with one of them! This could be an opportunity. Don't have a date but might find a gf.

Dr. Zeus

Another thing OP,

I know this girl texted you which was a bit crap but I think her reasons for not going could be genuine in fairness. Going to a debs is expensive, more so for girls in terms of getting dress, hair done and whatever else.

Times are tough and if her own debs is coming up she may be saving for that. Maybe she was checking to see if she could afford to go and that's why she said she would get back to you.

Also, she has to work and if she asked for time off last minute her employer could be pissed off. She prob wants to hold on to her job seeing they are hard to come by.

I not sure if that makes you feel better but just my two cents on why she may have said no.

gav86

I wouldn't give up hope yet, I know its different for fella's but i was asked the day before a debs (sisters friend) and another time four days before. Have another think about it and think outside the box. Friends sisters and any friends/acquaintances who are girls, even family friends!

Don't miss your debs for this! I have faith in you!!

magneticimpulse

I think the whole Debs idea sucks anyway, that people "have" or "expected" to bring a date. Your prob expected to buy 2 tickets a year in advance and you dont even know who else to bring. And the tickets are not that cheap either, so it be a shame to not go...a waste of 2 tickets would be alot. Maybe you can sell them onto someone else?

I brought my aunties nephew along to mine and met him 10 mins before we had to get the car to the event. Looking back I can say about 90% of the girls in my year were the same, bringing any random guy they could find. Mothers setting their daughters up with whoever was willing to go.

So I wouldnt feel too upset about the whole thing. It will work out either way

LittleBook

My date changed his mind a week before the Debs.

I was upset at first until my friends older brother (who I barely knew) said he'd step up. He was an absolute charmer and looked after me so well all evening, I had a great time and so did he.

It's only noticeably couples when you arrive, then everyone just mixes it up and you invariably just end up hanging out with your mates.

karaokeman

Is the girl you wanted to ask not going to your debs but just with another guy?

If so, you could maybe ask the girl would one of her friends like to go with you? This would make it easier for the girl because she would have another one of her own friends at the debs. If the girl is there you might even get to dance with her when everyone mingles.

Otherwise, what about your friends in your year who have dates. You should go ask do any of your mate's dates have friends that are free.

There is probably someone out there for you, you've still got time. Don't give up yet.

tenchi-fan

ziedth wrote: »

May sound extreme but do ya have like a cousin that nobody would know?

Noooo! Don't be that guy!

magneticimpulse

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Noooo! Don't be that guy!

I think the Debs is a great example in life, when you have to decide not to care what other people think and go for what feels right for you.

Who cares who you bring, the important thing is that your happy with whatever you decide to do...whether that means not going or it means going with a group of mates or finding another girl to go.

Its a good exercise in life, to start to not get bogged down about things and just have fun. You should never feel pressure by what you might think other people may think of you. Im sure they are more worried about getting ready for the Debs and what they will wear by the fact of who you do or do not bring. For guys they are prob thinking its a great opportunity to drink loads and for girls they are worried if their dress is falling apart, shoes hurting or make up falling off.

So basically whatever you do, just be happy and have fun

PurvesGrundy

Just to let everyone know, I have now thankfully got a date.

karaokeman wrote: »

If so, you could maybe ask the girl would one of her friends like to go with you? This would make it easier for the girl because she would have another one of her own friends at the debs. If the girl is there you might even get to dance with her when everyone mingles.

That's exactly what I'm doing; I'm bringing one of her friends. The girl I originally asked isn't going full stop though.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and words of support during this time.

Dr. Zeus

PurvesGrundy wrote: »

Just to let everyone know, I have now thankfully got a date.



Yeah PurvesGrundy is going to the debs, with a date! Happy Days.
Have a great time:D

ziedth

Well done OP,

Delighted to hear it.

Wolfe Tone

Thats terrific.

A load of my mates didn't bother bringing a date, and just went as a group of "the lads" No one thought anything of it.

karaokeman

Hey man, hope the debs went well.
Hope that we all helped you out.
Wish I was going, I still have less than a year before mine.
Must have been a kick-as night though.

starlit

Congrats OP! Hope you have a great time! Don't take the Debs too seriously, enjoy it and have fun!

I brought a date to mine, hardly knew him though. I was set up with him by a friend of mine. Lovely lad but turned out to be very platonic. Didn't stay in touch much after so. I often wished that I just gone out with my friends from my class on my own without a date, I might have enjoyed it a lot more with the awkwardness with him hanging over my head that night! I didn't spend much time with him except at the meal, he ended up with his mates more than with me. I ended up spending most of the night hanging out and dancing with my friends and my classmates! It was a girly gang and not all of them had dates so felt I'd been better of had I done what they did! Feel the debs is often more for groups of friends or couples to be honest.

That is going back a few years, think the debs is the same experience for most people. Just enjoy it and let loose! Dance the night away, chat, have fun and spend time with your date and your friends/classmates in equal measures. Depends if you want to just stay friends with your date or if you meet another girl that night! There is always the girl that you asked originally! Just don't take it to heart ok. Just enjoy it and have fun! Treat it as a special night out!:cool: