I hate my life

LegacyUser

I am a 32 year old man and I really hate my life, I really hate that I have let my weight get so out of control, I am 21.5 stone, I am ugly and have very low self esteem. I have tried losing weight for years but I don't have the will power, I just love my beer and takeaways too much, I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl, I no confidence i'm myself, I have never been traveling , from when I was born its always been routine, school, college and now work, the only thing I have going for me is that i'm in full time permanent employment earning 40k a year.I sense that if I don't change my health is going to fail soon, it seems logical to change doesn't it, but when bad habbit's are son ingrained in a persons life its really is a difficult thing to do, im at a loss at how I can help myself because im sick of failing

LegacyUser

I don't have the will power, I just love my beer and takeaways too much

nonsense thats just an excuse and you know it, you can lose weight and still have the odd beer and takeaway, it all about moderation.

People can go on and on and on about the reasons why you should lose weight, but at the end of the day you know all that already.

when bad habbit's are son ingrained in a persons life its really is a difficult thing to do, im at a loss at how I can help myself because im sick of failing

again an excuse. yes its hard, but tough luck you either want to lose weight or you don't. theres no easy way to lose weight. Sorry for being so blunt but its the truth. I'm sorry that you hate your life, and that your weight has effected the way you live your life, but we all have our crosses to bear. We all have our obstacles to overcome. Nobody can lose the weight for you. Theres no magic formula. Its very hard work and requires a lot of willpower.

LegacyUser

Ok, first of all, thats harsh coming from the above poster. Starting to try to to lose weight is easy, its hard to maintain not giving in thats hard and changing your lifestyle.

But thats what you need. And also a quick change in lifestyle will have you lose the weight very fast when your considerably overweight. I also doubt your ugly, but of course you feel like that if your heavier than you should be. People always look much better when they get down to their proper weight and you will too.

First thing you have to do, is bin those takeaways. I know its hard, but healthly food can taste so much greater if the effort is put into it.

Start eating boiled, grilled and poached meats, flavoured by real tomato sauces, very easy to make and taste great. If you feel hungry again, drink water. Water is a great way to fill you up and after a meal, also wait for the 20 minute rule after you eat. The slower you eat, the faster you will fill up.

Third. Dont buy unhealthly food, that way when you go to the press for it, its simply not there.

Excercise wise. Start with a walk everyday, 3o mins of brisk walking is a great way to start and I sincerely recomend the gym maybe 3 times a week. I know it can be intimidating however, at the end of the day, you are one bit closer to your wanted weight and the great thing is, you'll be looking better everytime you go in there.

Stress is a key factor to weight gain and I found the gym a great way to alleiviate that stress. Lunch at work could be a salad with chicken or turkey.

Dinner - grilled meats with loads of vegatables and spices to flavour.

Tea - youghurt and cup of tea or whatever.

Point being - 3 square meals a day. Breakfast being the most important and biggest. And excercise, the weight will drop off very fast.

Zen65

sick of my life wrote: »

..... the only thing I have going for me is that i'm in full time permanent employment earning 40k a year.I sense that if I don't change my health is going to fail soon, ...

Let's leave aside the issue of judging your worth by your earnings, as let's face it that's a very common mistake.

If your health fails soon then so will your earning power, right?

Can you envisage a situation where years from now you might look back at yourself @ 32 and ask "why did I not act before my health failed and I lost my job?".

Stop blaming your circumstances for your actions. Instead look forward to a time when your actions will provide a solid basis for improved self-esteem. Look forward to a time when you might not feel bad about your weight, and might feel proud of having overcome your addictions.

I don't mean to be harsh at all, but you don't need sympathy from me or anyone else here. You have sympathised with yourself enough by now, so make a plan to get yourself out of this rut and stick to it.

Join Weight Watchers or some similar group if you need support, because you cannot leave this to chance, and you cannot afford to fail in your attempts.

You might benefit from watching some episodes of "You Are What You Eat", or "How Long Will You Live", or a similar show. The advice is largely always the same on all of them:

• Stop eating take-away food (completely for 3 months)
• Eat fresh food & plenty of fruit & vegetables
• Stop smoking (if you do)
• Cut down on the beer.
• Get exercise, regularly. Understand that without exercise you will fail.

I'm not a dietician so my advice above is not based on any training, it's just common sense plus the typical advice that appears on all those TV programs, and I would suggest professional weight management training as a good way to start you off.


You can achieve a substantial improvement in a fairly short time-frame (say 6-8 months). Don't try to go at it too quickly; slow and steady progress gives best results.


Good luck, and be at peace,

Z

Glowing

Take a trip over to the fitness forum - they have some great eating advice there and ideas for excersise and weight loss ...

angelxx

As Zen said don't focus on your earnings. Focus on yourself and improving your social life. If you feel your weight is holding you back then definitely do something about it. Have you ever tried weight watchers? There are so many healthy alternatives to beer and takeaways. It's a lifestyle change that will take a while to adapt too, I assure you it will be well worth it. You will feel much healthier. You mentioned you have never had a girlfriend, Join some clubs even take up a sport which will also aid your weight loss. Try to concentrate on making new friends and enjoying yourself, I'm sure you will meet someone then. It sounds like you need to work on your self confidence, concentrate on the things you like about yourself. Best of luck OP.

Hrududu

I think its very easy to think about all the things wrong with your life. You should instead try to think of what you would prefer. So instead of thinking all the time about how unhappy you are with your weight think about what you would like to look like. If you have that in your head then you can sit down and set some goals to acchieving that. There is loads of help in the fitness forum for getting you started. Set small goals that way you start acchieving them soon. If you set one big goal that takes ages to get to it might be hard to stay motivated.

But the thing to remember is everything you have mentioned can be changed.

CiaranMT

Glowing wrote: »

Take a trip over to the fitness forum - they have some great eating advice there and ideas for excersise and weight loss ...

Can't offer any other advice other than pay heed to this post, they know their stuff in this forum.

mrpink6789

sick of my life wrote: »

I am a 32 year old man and I really hate my life, I really hate that I have let my weight get so out of control, I am 21.5 stone, I am ugly and have very low self esteem. I have tried losing weight for years but I don't have the will power, I just love my beer and takeaways too much, I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl, I no confidence i'm myself, I have never been traveling , from when I was born its always been routine, school, college and now work, the only thing I have going for me is that i'm in full time permanent employment earning 40k a year.I sense that if I don't change my health is going to fail soon, it seems logical to change doesn't it, but when bad habbit's are son ingrained in a persons life its really is a difficult thing to do, im at a loss at how I can help myself because im sick of failing

Buddy I know exactly where you are coming from. August 09 I was 21 stone 3lbs, today I'm 14 stone 7lbs and it's all thanks to weight watchers. I signed up to their online program, 10 euro a month and just followed a plan, watched what I ate etc. Like you I am mad for the beer and takeaways. I had to curb the takeaways straight away but I was still able to drink beer on the weekends with the lads, just in moderation. Exercise wise I was too scared to go to the gym so I walked 2 miles a day in 30 minutes around the block. You'd be amazed how much weight you can lose doing that and eating better. Obviously you might be thinking you have so much to lose which is what I thought but once you take it a week at a time it all add's up at the end.

You need to get it in your head that you want to do it though. It's not a diet as such, it's a lifestyle change.

Best of luck and hope it works out for you.

Austerity

sick of my life wrote: »

I am a 32 year old man and I really hate my life, I really hate that I have let my weight get so out of control, I am 21.5 stone, I am ugly and have very low self esteem. I have tried losing weight for years but I don't have the will power, I just love my beer and takeaways too much, I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl, I no confidence i'm myself, I have never been traveling , from when I was born its always been routine, school, college and now work, the only thing I have going for me is that i'm in full time permanent employment earning 40k a year.I sense that if I don't change my health is going to fail soon, it seems logical to change doesn't it, but when bad habbit's are son ingrained in a persons life its really is a difficult thing to do, im at a loss at how I can help myself because im sick of failing

I know how you can lose weight. Go on a strict low carb diet and let 60-75% of your daily calorie intake consist of saturated fat, eat natural full fat butter and cheese, eat fatty cuts of pork. Drink only water, tea and coffee. Stop drinking alcohol. This way you should lose weight quickly.

seamus

Austerity wrote: »

I know how you can lose weight. Go on a strict low carb diet and let 60-75% of your daily calorie intake consist of saturated fat, eat natural full fat butter and cheese, eat fatty cuts of pork. Drink only water, tea and coffee. Stop drinking alcohol. This way you should lose weight quickly.

The problem with the above post is that it's full of words and very little content.

It doesn't explain to the OP how this weight loss will work, it doesn't tell him what to expect in terms of weight loss and it doesn't give him any stable base on which to define a healthy diet. "Stop eating X, eat more Y", may indeed lead to weight loss, but only if the person heeding the advice actually knows why they're not to eat X and why they should eat more Y.

In reality, any diet which tells you to completely cut out anything and/or to only eat one type of food is not a healthy diet for the average person and will likely only serve to confuse and demoralise anyone who's not used to strictly controlling their dietary intake.

OP, you're 32, not 92. You have a *lot* of time on which to work on your weight. This time next year, you could weigh 14 stone without starving yourself and without having to completely give up your beer and takeaways. Dieting isn't about changing your eating habits for a few months, losing weight and going back to where you were. It's about changing your eating habits for life so that you lose weight and never gain it again. It's not about giving up all the things you love, or eating celery sticks for your breakfast - that nonsense is domain of trashy women's magazines.

As said already, there are a number of stickies in the Fitness forum about losing weight - it's not just for champion weightlifters. You need to gain an understanding of calories - what they are, how your body uses them and the part that they play in losing or gaining weight. Once you understand that, then you will understand how to control your calorie intake in order to lose weight.

The minutiae of eating x% carbs, y% fats, etc are irrelevant at this stage. At the start, simply restoring the balance in terms of how much you're eating will cause you to lose weight. You can worry about the fine details when you have it all straight in your head.

It's also very difficult to lose weight without the support of those around you. Don't be afraid to admit to your friends and family that you are overweight. It sounds bizarre - they can see you, they know you're overweight, right? But it's a little like AA. Being able to say to someone else that, "I am overweight and I plan to lose weight" is remarkably freeing and admitting it to someone else will give you the extra drive to fix the problem. Telling them a month later that "I've lost half a stone" is equally great and provides even more motivation to keep going.
I've never heard of anyone ever being ridiculed for saying, "I am fat and I am working on losing it".

Many people find support groups very useful - Weight watchers and the like. There are men-only groups everywhere, which are typically male - talk about football, men's jokes and so forth - and where you'll find men who are and who have been in your position and will give you the encouragement to change your lifestyle.
On the other hand, mixed groups have women - plenty of attractive and single women.

The reason I only address weight here is because you will find that as the weight begins to shift, your self-confidence will improve along with it. It's really next to impossible to describe the feeling of personal satisfaction that you get when every second person that you meet is making comments - either shocked or as part of a joke about how much weight you've lost.

mikemac

You'll get loads of advice in Fitness forum and you've gotten advice here already.

All I can add is add to this is add an element of accountability.
You could

• start a fitness log over in the fitness section
• join a weight watchers group
• When you get fitter maybe play 5 a side soccer with the lads
• Hire a personal trainer with a personality like Stalin to kick your ass! :pac:

Any of these will keep you on track when you might just procrastinate on your own.

LegacyUser

sorrytosay wrote: »

nonsense thats just an excuse and you know it, you can lose weight and still have the odd beer and takeaway, it all about moderation.

People can go on and on and on about the reasons why you should lose weight, but at the end of the day you know all that already.



again an excuse. yes its hard, but tough luck you either want to lose weight or you don't. theres no easy way to lose weight. Sorry for being so blunt but its the truth. I'm sorry that you hate your life, and that your weight has effected the way you live your life, but we all have our crosses to bear. We all have our obstacles to overcome. Nobody can lose the weight for you. Theres no magic formula. Its very hard work and requires a lot of willpower.

Thats very harsh and unnecessary this will not help the OP who has clearly come to a personal issues thread for an emotional release of him feeling so crap, compassion would be the way to go not attack him and kick him when he is down.

OP first off, you have identified the problem, your not in denial, you cannot change what you dont acknowledge so as bad as you feel it is a start.

We all have certain voids in our lives, maybe you eat to fill the void of loneliness when you go home, you have a good job and are successful in this area thats a positive thing, its something i do not have as i am not working at the moment and i feel crap about that. But i just wanted to make the point that you have many things going for you and many achievements behind you and there is one area of your life that you would really like to be different... your weight and health.

I know what you mean when you say well how do you change a life time of bad habits? Im at this place as well and at 32 and female i am annoyed that i cannot stop the negative cycle i keep perpetuating but i am getting there! I eventually got sick of the void and i am starting to fill it, at this moment you dont have to know how to fix it all, all you have to do right now is affirm that you are willing, that you are willing to change. The change does not have to be a slog or nightmare which is what is in you head, the change can look totally different, it can be attainable and easy!

Maybe you could start seeing a therapist to get to the bottom of your emotional issues this can have dramatic effects on your weight because if you stop carrying around the emotional baggage maybe you will stop carrying the eating baggage?? Also you could try hypnotherapy, this is great for helping with negative patterns of behaviour to change them, also there is reiki and acupuncture, reiki is brilliant for cleansing your energies and makign you feel revived, i felt brilliant after a session of reiki because i felt so light!

I am basically saying to forget about loosing the weight at the moment, and accept where you are at. Open yourself up to other things that are possible to do and it might help you fell better as stepping stones to where you want to be. Feeling more positive about yourself is also a great start, a great technique is to keep an appreciation journal to acknowledge all the things you appreciate in life this builds up inside you and make you give thanks and then you get it back in life, write out as much positive things about yourself as you can, you are so much more than your weight, try and bring in another perception of yourself, try and talk to yourself nicer.

I know how overwhelming it can be but just try and feel better each day and keep affirming I am willing to change..... the rest will come.

Chin up, you are a wonderful soul, feel your goodness and kindness, you need to see how amazing you truly are! Ever heard the saying we are afraid of failure but we are terrified of success, maybe you need to see into yourself and what make you great!

mikemac

Snookii wrote: »

Thats very harsh and unnecessary this will not help the OP who has clearly come to a personal issues thread for an emotional release of him feeling so crap, compassion would be the way to go not attack him and kick him when he is down.

The post was from sorrytosay wasn't harsh at all.
I mean if the OP hires a personal trainer they will get encouragement but they'll also get criticized if they go off-track.
Compassion is great but I believe the OP needs to get a weight loss goal and sometimes getting tough love from someone is the best way to get motivated.

And maybe not even from us but somebody in their life

Snookii wrote: »

I am basically saying to forget about loosing the weight at the moment, and accept where you are at.

The OP's confidence will explode if they manage to get the weight off, it's the first thing in his post in a list
They can work at the other things in your post at the same time also.

Arthurdaly

I know how you can lose weight??? Its a secret though!

Get off the couch man and move. You are 32 and responsible for yourself!
You are obviously eating rubbish whilst sitting down. Stop eating cra*p and move your fat ass. Were you expecting something scientific? You know the answer, stop shoving ****e down your throat and move!

easynote

Why are westerners so overweight?

Start thinking about maybe adopting some other cultures diet, for example asian- almost no dairy, lots of rice, vegetables and chicken...

That way you will grow out of your crappy habits straight away- you said you like take aways, you might be able to continue eating them and cut out the dairy-icecreams and fry-ups toast etc. instead.
You can continue the beer too.

LegacyUser

feelingstressed wrote: »

The post was from sorrytosay wasn't harsh at all.
I mean if the OP hires a personal trainer they will get encouragement but they'll also get criticized if they go off-track.
Compassion is great but I believe the OP needs to get a weight loss goal and sometimes getting tough love from someone is the best way to get motivated.

And maybe not even from us but somebody in their life



The OP's confidence will explode if they manage to get the weight off, it's the first thing in his post in a list
They can work at the other things in your post at the same time also.

I think if you listened a bit closer you would see that the tough love/ snap out of it bud approach will never work with the OP. When someone is this far into the negative pattern and living alone in it day by day stating the obvious like get a trainer is just not going to work, even if he does loose the weight the reasons why he is over weight will still be there, im saying address them first, go straight to the root cause, therapy is probably a better step to take to start feeling more positive about himself, to understanding the void in his life that he is filling with food, to me his problem is psychological. Any form of criticism is going to make him feel worse IMO.