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What to do about the girl i love

  • 30-09-2010 4:21am
    #1
    quiz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 114 ✭✭


    To make a long story short i met a girl 8 years ago when i was 19. we had an incredible year together then she finished college and moved home to america. ever since we have met up whenever we could and talk at least five times a week for the last few years. we are eachothers best friends and we both believe we would be happy together however... i come from a broken home and do not personally know of a happy long term relationship so i have some very serious committment issues. one of us would have to move to be together and this would make the relationship quite serious and also a lot of her friends have married and this has put the idea into her head. how do i get over my issues and be happy to commit?


Comments

  • #2
    Uriel.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,062 ✭✭✭Uriel.


    quiz wrote: »
    To make a long story short i met a girl 8 years ago when i was 19. we had an incredible year together then she finished college and moved home to america. ever since we have met up whenever we could and talk at least five times a week for the last few years. we are eachothers best friends and we both believe we would be happy together however... i come from a broken home and do not personally know of a happy long term relationship so i have some very serious committment issues. one of us would have to move to be together and this would make the relationship quite serious and also a lot of her friends have married and this has put the idea into her head. how do i get over my issues and be happy to commit?

    The thing you may not realise OP, is that you already have put a major amount of committment into this frienship/relationship. You met 8 years ago and to this day (from other sides of the World) talk to each other 5 times a week? (and see each other as often as possible)? That is an amazing achievement for any friendship/relationship under those circumstances and a very substantial committment in its own right.

    What makes or breaks any relationship is the two individuals in the relationship and how they come together as one and live a life both as one and as invdividuals. It's very difficult to look at "good" relationships or "broken"/"bad" relationships and map them on to yours. Every relationship is different, as no two people are a like and no two people with a great closeness will act alike.

    You guys have endured quite a large amount already in your "quest" to be together - do you(both of you) see other people or are you exclusive?

    It does sounds like your friendship/relationship has reached a crossroads though, and you(both) need to make a decision on what direction to go with this.

    It might be very difficult for you to get into the US long-term due to VISA restrictions - I am not sure how it is for US citizens coming to Ireland. Much the same I would imagine.

    Is it possible to get a J1 and go over there for a year as a trial period?

    I think that it would be a shame to let such a great investment in a relationship fall by the way side. You both clearly love each other to have stayed in contact for so long and to such an extent.

    Finally, I really wouldn't recommend going down the road of getting married and using this to get around visa issues. I think you need to spend time living together(or being together in close proximity) before you (both) fully commit.

    Best of luck with it OP (if it was me and it was possible I would do what it takes to make it work given the circumstances/history).


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