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Cannot Orgasm

  • 28-09-2010 7:46pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I have just started going out with my first proper boyfriend and we have been having sex for the past few weeks. i really like him, i know he likes me and i feel very comfortable with him.(we were 'dating' for a while before anything happended) The problem is that i cannot orgasm. i never have. i have tried masturbation but at best it feels nice. i cannot enjoy it properly as my favourite thing about sex is the kissing and intimacy etc. i have had a few sexual partners before but these were short flings/ONS and i figured that was the problem. now i am with someone i really like and its getting frustrating as he is getting much more out of sex than i am! Like every girl i have parts of me that i dislike but i dont think lack of confidence is the problem. i havent talked to him about it because he thinks everything is fine (i have become good at faking it at this stage) anyone have any advice/been in same situation?? Im in my mid-twenties


Comments

  • #2
    28064212
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,906 ✭✭✭✭28064212


    I posted some information on a similar thread here.

    Faking it is a very bad habit to fall into, and a good way to live a very frustrated life

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  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi there, I wouldn't be too worried if it's just been a few weeks. When I met my now husband I had never had an orgasm. ( I was a virgin) I tried the whole masturbating thing, but was obviously clueless at that too, as like you - at best it was nice.
    When I first had sex with my boyfriend due to him also being inexperienced - it was all over the place (metaphorically!) We barely knew what went were, and it was more like some science project rather than fun and intimate. As weeks went on we got much better at it, and one day out of the blue I had an orgasm. I actually freaked my husband out as I started laughing like crazy, but when I told him afterward, the whole truth, I could tell he was extremely proud - although he did admit he didn't know what he did differently. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you both keep practicing and experimenting with different positions etc. you will very likely get there, I know now pretty much what makes me tick now at this stage - although I have thrown trying to achieve it DIY out the window in the meantime.
    Best of luck, enjoy it when you get there!
    PS. I was 24 at the time - so around your age...


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    It's been said before but it's difficult to orgasm with a partner unless you can orgasm by yourself. And I know it's not always that simple! Find out what turns you on, go with it, even you think about someone else other than your boyfriend, even if what turns you on is rude or makes you feel guilty or whatever don't worry...it's only a fantasy and everyone has them. Girls feel guilty when they think in a sexual way about people other than their partner but it's totally natural and in fact can help you achieve a good sex life with the person you love. A vibrator is nice, and can make orgasms easy to achieve solo. Once you can do this you'll find you're more aware of what you like, and can later follow the same type of thing when youre with your partner. But again, it's not a chore and it will come to you eventually once youre confident, relaxed and aware of your body.
    I have been with my partner 6 years, and we have a great sex life, but as well as the physical act of sex with him, I am also using my mind to think about other things that turn me on. I assume he does the same.
    Hope this helps.


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