Advice Needed

LegacyUser

Ok, I have bee seeing this guy for about a month and we are getting on really well and could really see us having a good relationship together, however, he has just revealed that he is a compulsive gambler and is getting help for it and attends meetings and hasn't gambled in a few years and says he has no desire to gamble either, now this has totally knocked me for six and I don't know what to do as I really like him but am wary as to whether compulsive gamblers are capable of reform, any advice is greatly appreciated!!

StarryMoon0

Well, he told you about it didn't he..so at least he's "working the program". If he wasn't, he would have kept it secret.

Of course someone can overcome an addiction, any addiction. Look at the many AA members who have been sober for years. Gambling is no different. I presume by treatment, he is going to GA, and fair play to him!

Means you can't have nights out at the dogs and such, but so what..
There are risks with any person you meet, at least he's being upfront and honest with you about it.

If it was me I wouldn't worry a lot, as long as he's open with you and you be supportive by not all of a sudden locking away your piggy bank for fear he might use the 4 euros to gamble

LighterGuy

As Starry said above. He did tell you.
In fairness, if he just dropped that in 6 months into the relationship it would be a bit "why didnt you tell me at the start?" - that would make him dishonest.

But he is seeking help for it and he admitted it.

I know what you are probably thinking - he still goes to meetings. So the urge might be there. And you're obviously worried that after a year, in which you might have serious feelings for him, the trouble might start.

But he is going down the right road. He was upfront and seems to be on the right path. Especially if its true that he hasnt gambled in years.
My view is op is that there are worse things to have an addiction to... stealing, lying, sex, drugs...

diverdad

StarryMoon0 wrote: »

Well, he told you about it didn't he..so at least he's "working the program". If he wasn't, he would have kept it secret.

Of course someone can overcome an addiction, any addiction. Look at the many AA members who have been sober for years. Gambling is no different. I presume by treatment, he is going to GA, and fair play to him!

Means you can't have nights out at the dogs and such, but so what..
There are risks with any person you meet, at least he's being upfront and honest with you about it.

If it was me I wouldn't worry a lot, as long as he's open with you and you be supportive by not all of a sudden locking away your piggy bank for fear he might use the 4 euros to gamble

Gambling is an addiction. You have to remember not to get excited about having a flutter on the Grand National or talking about your Lotto syndicate. You can't go to the horse racing or the dogs or any event which features heavy betting. Aside from that you should be doing okay.

I know a woman who recently lost her home through her husbands gambling. They had been together for decades. An extreme case to be sure. Once the addiction is there it never goes away. Just as one drink is one too many for an alcoholic one bet is too much for the gambler. Unless you ever get serious and there is any sort of monies involved it may never feature in your lives but bear it in mind and discuss things with him if you move forward.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, and you have all kinda confirmed what I was thinking myself, he has to be commended for being upfront and not leaving it til we are together years and then confessing!! I am still a bit nervous about it all but I do really like him and don't want break up with him over something that may never re occur, a family member of mine has a gambling addiction that they never dealt with and I suppose I can't help comparing the two but at least my new guy has faced the fact that he has a problem and is making the effort to correct it.....hopefully I wont live to regret giving him a chance

StarryMoon0

Advice Needed wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, and you have all kinda confirmed what I was thinking myself, he has to be commended for being upfront and not leaving it til we are together years and then confessing!! I am still a bit nervous about it all but I do really like him and don't want break up with him over something that may never re occur, a family member of mine has a gambling addiction that they never dealt with and I suppose I can't help comparing the two but at least my new guy has faced the fact that he has a problem and is making the effort to correct it.....hopefully I wont live to regret giving him a chance

I'd be the type to regret not giving him a chance

Just be aware that he will go to meetings for a good while, maybe forever, so don't judge his going to meetings as still being an active gambler.

pauld

Only you can know your true feelings to determine whether or nor he is worth taking the gamble on that he does not succumb to his addiction in the future.

Chicago Chick

Really only you can decide if it is worth taking the relationship further but it is a good sign that he volunteered this information to you for no reason. Good luck with you decision and I hope it works out for you both.