I'd be lost without your money...

LegacyUser

This is kind of parenting - but also a personal issue for me.

Im a single parent with no support from my childs dad. I work full time, having lived on social welfare for the first year of his life, but I struggled to get back to work and off benefits.

I am not earning a huge amount of money - but am just over the threshold to be eligible for any state support (fis or medical card etc). Life is a struggle, as it is for us all at the moment.

My childminder is a lady who lives on social welfare and has her boyfriend living with her (he works full time, they've 2 cars, you get the gist). Before I say anything about her, she does a wonderful job minding my son and I have no complaints in that department.

So I hand her the money for minding my son on a monthly basis and every month she talks about how lost she'd be 'without my money'. How they could only afford the holiday this year because of my money. How they can only afford the decking they got out the back garden this summer, because of my money. How they could only afford the kids trip to lapland this xmas because of my money.

Needless to say, I have had no holiday this year, have no decking out my back garden and will most certainly not be going to lapland this year!!!

I don't know if she is trying to rub my face in it every month or what. Like I said, I've no problem with the care she gives my son, but it just KILLS me that she gets all these things out of my money, and that she makes a point of pointing it out to me at the end of each month. I'm due to pay her on thursday and as I hand over the 800euro to her, I just KNOW she'll say something like 'I just wouldn't be able to buy little johnny his Wii and his DSi this christmas without your money....' - while I will have to get a credit union loan out for santa presents this year...any advice? Is she just being indiscreet or rubbing my nose in it?

LegacyUser

Kinda sounds like it's her way of saying 'Thank You'? not like she's trying to rub your nose in it at all, afterall you're paying her for a service so what would she have to rub your nose in

LegacyUser

But could her way of saying 'thank you' to me, not just be to say thank you!!!

She knows how much I struggle financially - she knows the things I've had to sell in the recent past to keep my head about water, and the cuts I've had to make.

And still she goes on about what (my) money is buying for her....

There are days when I'm tempted to pack in work altogether and get the job she has...sorry if I sound resentful, but it makes me so upset.

jimmycrackcorm

Looks to me like you resent the fact that you are not getting any financial support from your childs dad while you feel you are financially supporting your childminder. Would it make any difference if she wasn't on social welfare?

Your €800 per month probably does pay for all those extras such as holidays and so on so what is the issue?

astra2000

Hi op, no I dont think she is rubbing your nose in it she is probably trying to let you know she is grateful for the fact that you are employing her. Next time she makes a comment about "your money" just laugh and reply actually its not my money you earned it. The fact is this is true she has earned it and it is her money. What she can afford to buy really is none of your concern and been jealous will not get you anywhere, your child is well looked after and remember that is your priority.
You are setting your child a really good example by working and I hope your hard work will begin to pay off in a few years when your child is in school and childcare costs will be less. Of course I understand how annoying it can be to see people on social welfare who appear to be milking the system but there are plenty of people whowould love to workbut have no choice but to claim welfare do you really know which bracket your childminder falls in to? Btw I am not on any welfare just trying to give a balanced view!:)

Stheno

Why is your childminder on social welfare and making €800 a month childminding, and living full time with a partner?

LegacyUser

My childminder falls into the bracket of 'milking the system'. She's never worked legitimately, nor does she intend to work legitimately.
And of course I resent the fact that I don't get support from my child's dad, (who wouldn't?) but that's not my issue here.

I did apologise for sounding resentful and I guess I am and I'm wondering how to deal with this resentment? It doesn't feel like a 'thank you' to me at all - it feels like 'I'll take as much money as you'll give me, I'll live in the lap of luxury, get all the state benefits that a (genuine) single parent is entitled to, while my boyfriend lives with me earning another salary.... while you work your ar@e off and haven't a penny'.

I wish she'd just say 'thanks' and leave it at that.

LegacyUser

Stheno wrote: »

Why is your childminder on social welfare and making €800 a month childminding, and living full time with a partner?

Op here.

Because she can, I guess. She was minding two other children until about 3 months ago also....

dan_d

Stheno wrote: »

Why is your childminder on social welfare and making €800 a month childminding, and living full time with a partner?

You got there before me!

Are people missing this point? This woman has a "job". Why is she getting social welfare?I know 800eur for a month is not a massive amount of money, but that's not the point - she essentially has an income and so should not be claiming social welfare.

OP, she may just genuinely be saying thanks to you, but,em.....the social welfare thing would annoy the hell out of me. She's getting - (assuming 196eur a month) - about 1584eur a month and you're worried about how she says thanks???Again, I know that's not a massive amount, but the point is she's screwing the system.

Whole other problem going on there....

astra2000

dan_d wrote: »

You got there before me!

Are people missing this point? This woman has a "job". Why is she getting social welfare?I know 800eur for a month is not a massive amount of money, but that's not the point - she essentially has an income and so should not be claiming social welfare.

OP, she may just genuinely be saying thanks to you, but,em.....the social welfare thing would annoy the hell out of me. She's getting - (assuming 196eur a month) - about 1584eur a month and you're worried about how she says thanks???Again, I know that's not a massive amount, but the point is she's screwing the system.

Whole other problem going on there....

Oh yes dan-d I completely see your point ,we all know people like the childminder it is so wrong, however If I were the op and I was happy with the way my child was been cared for I would not be doing anything (like reporting her) to rock the boat. My child would be top priority.
When you pay someone to carry out a service it is their money and even if they say how it will be spent it is none of your concern.
I have to admit though I would be reluctant to further line her pocket if she is already claiming money she shouldnt be, but as I have already said child comes first imho.

LegacyUser

Op here.

She's actually been reported this year already. But her partner has his address at his mothers, and anyway, is 'entitled' to stay for one or two nights in the same accomodation where his children are (which is how they excused the fact that his clothes were there).

Whoever reported her (and it wasn't me) also said she was minding some children, but didn't give the name of the children,or their parents. On the day Sw arrived, she said they were her friends/sisters kids and she had them for an hour.....so nothing was done.

Anyway look, like I said, i cant complain about the service I get form her because my child is very happy there...but I think I'm entitled to the odd moan when I can see her home improvements being carried out on a daily basis, while my home is falling down around me and she tells me that 400euro from last months money paid for her hall/stairs carpet.....

How do i stop resenting her....? I think I need a mantra....

metrovelvet

I think its time you renegotiated your terms and conditions. At least you wont feel so resentful.

On the plus side of doing it under the table, you are not having to fork out prsi, but then she isn't getting taxed prsi or paye either and she is getting help from the state and has a boyfriend to split bills with.

I would certainly start negotiatiations again.

LegacyUser

She has my child 8hrs a day, (8am to 4pm) and includes hot meals in every day....that's 40hrs a week, which is 5euro an hour...in fairness, I don't think that's open to negotiation.
I made the decision not to put my child in a creche because I thought a home environment was better....
I guess it's just taking responsibility for my choices and getting on with it?

Still not looking forward to thursdays payday...

dudara

Report her. Seriously - if there is more than one complaint about this woman, then they will start to investigate a little more seriously.

Provide dates of when the partner is present. Provide details of the kids present.

I wouldn't actually begrudge someone making a few bob on the side, but when she also has a partner living with her etc, that crosses the line in my head.

As you pointed out, you rightly earn your money.

pollypocket10

Childminders are actually exempt from paying tax when minding up to 4 children in their own home so she isn't doing anything wrong with regards taxes.

I do think she is quiet expensive though. €800 a month would cover the cost of a creche and childminders are usually much cheaper. I don't know maybe rates are higher where you live. If you are really struggling maybe you could speak to her about the rates.

LegacyUser

I'm honestly surprised at your reaction durada - surely you know that there are many, many women like my childminder out there???? I thought this was the norm - in Dublin anyway.

In the area she lives, there are at least 3 other women in the same position as her, all minding children - most minding after school children mind you, so perhaps not earning as much as my minder.

But it's very, very common.

boarduser1980

she is getting more than 800 quid a month from you, she is claiming sw too - this is some of your tax you are paying.
i think she is charging you alot for one child, especially that its into her hand. i know you say your child is happy. but if this resentment is getting you down this much, i think id rather put my child in a creche. At least in a creche, they are insured, if anything happens to any of the children.
what happens if your child ha an accident in her care? medical bills will come out of your pocket.
i'd report her too, cos that pisses me off, these ppl who have the best of everything flashes cars etc and no job, were there's the genuine hard working people getting up at all hours to get out to work to earn a living.

LegacyUser

Actually, that's the mood I'm in myself today, which is why I posted this today. Like i said, I'm happy with the service, but it just galls me sometimes.

Having said that, I suppose I'm enabling her to live like this??? So am I as bad as her??? Never thought of it like that really!

I don't want to put my child in creche just yet - she has insurance herself and I also have medical insurance - so all of that is taken care of.

Do you honestly think 5euro an hour is too much to be paying her?

boarduser1980

unregistered wrote: »

Actually, that's the mood I'm in myself today, which is why I posted this today. Like i said, I'm happy with the service, but it just galls me sometimes.

Having said that, I suppose I'm enabling her to live like this??? So am I as bad as her??? Never thought of it like that really!

I don't want to put my child in creche just yet - she has insurance herself and I also have medical insurance - so all of that is taken care of.

Do you honestly think 5euro an hour is too much to be paying her?

your not as bad as her, of course not, your just very vunerable and thinking of what makes your child happy.

She has insurance herself - does this cover your child though?? cos if she is claiming sw and not declaring the 800 quid a month then she is hardly covered with insurance if anything happens to a child she is minding.
if i was been handed €5 an hour tax free to mind a child, id be over the moon. 800 quid a month + my SW + my boyfriends wages - happy days:P but i wouldnt have it in me to do it, i'd be constantly watching over my back

metrovelvet

unregistered wrote: »

She has my child 8hrs a day, (8am to 4pm) and includes hot meals in every day....that's 40hrs a week, which is 5euro an hour...in fairness, I don't think that's open to negotiation.
I made the decision not to put my child in a creche because I thought a home environment was better....
I guess it's just taking responsibility for my choices and getting on with it?

Still not looking forward to thursdays payday...

Is this in your house? Are you also covering the electricity and heating while people are in the house? If so a creche would be cheaper. How old is the child?

LegacyUser

It's all very complicated - she took out public liability insurance on the house because she used to mind more children (she did this in her sisters name so that SW wouldn't find out etc, but the property is insured - I don't know the ins and outs of it, but the kids are insured should there be an accident there and then my own health insurance covers my child for accidents etc.

No, she minds my child (2) in her home. I've enquired about local creches, and they are more expensive for the hours I need. The two local ones in my area don't open till 8am, so I'd have to travel a bit to another one, which would also work out as more expensive than 5e per hour.

Either way, I'm happier with my child in a home environment for now, so don't really want to change the childminding set up - I'm just having a moan about all the stuff she has, and all the stuff I haven't got, today sorry...

mikemac

Are you paying cash?

Maybe ask her for her bank account so you can transfer money with online banking , more convenient for you as you don't have to get the bank at lunchtime.
If she no (and probably will) , maybe it's time to renegotiate downwards.
I did this with a landlord

Ask for more information on this insurance, if you have doubts then ask to see the policy letter

Lemming

pollypocket10 wrote: »

Childminders are actually exempt from paying tax when minding up to 4 children in their own home so she isn't doing anything wrong with regards taxes.

Errrrrr, she may be exempt from taxes accrued from child-minding three kids at a time, but I'll wager that claiming SW benefits on top of that is most definitely fiddling the system and would land her in serious amounts of p00.


edit: Can someone clarify the tax exemption thing? Is it as straight forward as no tax for 1-3 children? Or is it kids under a certain age? etc. She may also be exempt, but she'd still need to declare her earnings to revenue, no?

edit 2: Linky

Do I need to pay or charge VAT?
Childminding is exempt from VAT for PRESCHOOL children, i.e. if you are minding a child who “has not attained the age of six years and who is not attending a national school or a school providing an educational programme similar to a national school”
•After school care is not exempt, but only if your
turnover from this segment of your business exceeds
€25,500 should you register for VAT.

unregistered wrote: »

It's all very complicated - she took out public liability insurance on the house because she used to mind more children (she did this in her sisters name so that SW wouldn't find out etc,

Public liability insurance only means that if anybody has an accident in her home, any costs claimed against her will not come out of her pocket, but her insurance company. If she only has that, then your child is not covered by any sort of insurance whatsoever.

Given that she also lied on the insurance form, she is clearly also no stranger to lying her arse off to fiddle the system again with regards to SW, and if the insurer ever gets finds out, that insurance is null and void.

I'd be having the question of insurance out with her post-haste and I wouldn't settle for anything other than a definitive answer with proof, given that this is your child that you are entrusting into her care for the cost of a monthly mortgate repayment - tax free.

The impression I get is of a complete chancer who is gambling with your child's well-being to make herself wealthy whilst f*cking over every honest person in this country.

LegacyUser

Here's the link about the childming and tax free stuff - http://www.childminding.ie/childminding.htm

This of course, only refers to tax emption if your childminding is your only income. it's nothing to do with social welfare, particularly if you are on lone parents allowance.

If she's fiddling the system, my guess is she's also getting rent allowance - am I right?
Although with so many home improvements, my guess is she is in social housing, which means she has means-tested rent costs from the local council. This means tested rent is based soley on her income (her lone parents allow) and doesn't take into account her partner living there, nor her additional income from you. My guess is she's paying about 25euro per week rent...for what sounds like quite a nice house!

She's cleaning up and we're in the wrong jobs!!!

thefeatheredcat

OP,

putting aside the SW issue with your childminder are you happy that she is doing a great job of looking after your child? Is it a safe environment with all these renovations being carried out? Has your child any contact with the builders etc or people who carry out any work? Is your child genuinely happy?

Don't worry about what your hard earned money that she has earned pays for - the main issue is how you feel about what she says...whether it's meant as a thank you or to rub your nose in it isn't as important as how it's made you feel. It's effected you to the point you need to ask what way to take it or if you're right/wrong in how you personally feel. It's impossible for anyone here to judge as text on a forum post don't convey the tone, gestures, etc.

However, if you do feel that what she says puts you down a bit, just think that

a)you're living honestly
b)you're doing the best for your child to provide care while you earn yourself an honest crust
c)you will have those things at some point in the future for yourself and your child and you have earned it honestly through hard work without deception and without a bad reputation
d)you have a choice if you wish to find alternative suitable childcare for your child

These are what to bear in mind and just keep thinking of the future and hope for the best for yourself and your child. Pay no heed to this woman whether her words are intent to harm or thank or whether she uses them to feel a little more powerful in herself. Just think you are providing a good future for your child and are making do with the situation you are in but are doing so honestly.

Whether your childminder is or isn't, who knows? But don't forget it's YOU that has power in the fact that YOU pay HER and that you're doing her a favour by giving her the €800 a month. It's one thing that that money per month goes towards the maintenance of the children/xmas presents, clothes and food but another if it's for unnecessary maintenance work on the house/luxuries and holidays away. Keep your pride in tact, you're showing your child a better example of how to make ends meet and paying your way through life.

thefeatheredcat

unregistered wrote: »

It's all very complicated - she took out public liability insurance on the house because she used to mind more children (she did this in her sisters name so that SW wouldn't find out etc, but the property is insured - I don't know the ins and outs of it, but the kids are insured should there be an accident there and then my own health insurance covers my child for accidents etc.

Are you SURE about this? If you have a chance, read up on public liability insurance because that doesn't sound right to me at all.

The insurance policy is in her sister's name? that has fraud written all over it. What were to happen if your child did have an accident in her house? The policy isn't in her name and she's the one in charge of the house and children...so what, her sister is going to magically appear out of thin air and say it's her house and she's in charge of the children??? Even when that is clearly not the case?? What if your child had a serious accident and needed emergency medical treatment that cost thousands/rendered your child physically impaired for life - who will cover the cost of that in this situation or indeed any within the scope of public liability insurance when the insurance policy is invalid??

LegacyUser

I have my own medical insurance that covers my child in case of accident etc.

thanks for that post thefeatheredcat. It makes so much sense. I agree that I'm teaching my child about honesty and integrity etc, by working for what I have etc - although at 2, my child is hardly learning those lessons just yet, but in time, will.

I do think it's a 'put-down' when she tells me what she's buying - she genuinely knows how I'm struggling etc, and yet all she talks about is what she's buying.
Bottom line is I guess I'm jealous that she has that life, and I don't.
Human nature I suppose...I'll feel better tomorrow!

Neyite

to add onto the above post - if your child is hurt on her premises, and you are in a situation where you have to claim off her public liability insurance, the insurance claim handlers check it all out - and if they find out that she lied on her form, they will pay out nothing - in fact, you might even be implicated if they ever found out that you had knowledge of this.

the objective of an insurer is to pay legitimate claims, so its in their interests to avoid paying out if they can at all. for instance, it doesnt matter if you pay heaps of insurance on your car, if you lied and said you didnt have penalty points (or got them after you renewed and didnt inform them) then they can use this as a way of avoiding a payout in the event of an accident - even if it is a material fact unrelated to the accident.

mikemac

You cannot insure what isn't yours. I've explained that badly but another way to say it is I can't take out insurance on your house and then collect when it burns down, I'd be a millionaire if I could do this with my neighbours :pac:

Public liability in her sisters name is fraud and if your child gets hurt and the assessors find out, they reject the claim.
Is her sister going to come forward and handle a claim on a house she doesn't even live in and the council probably knows this?

This story is getting worse and worse.

LegacyUser

you're all going on about insurance. What's the differnce in this woman minding the child in her own home, and me letting my friend mind my child the odd time in her own home?

I have all sorts of insurance out on myself and my child - medical/accidents etc. Does my insurance not cover her, if she's being minded by a relative or friend? Does she have to be in my home, and in my care, for any of this insurance to cover her?

thefeatheredcat

unregistered wrote: »

you're all going on about insurance. What's the differnce in this woman minding the child in her own home, and me letting my friend mind my child the odd time in her own home?

I have all sorts of insurance out on myself and my child - medical/accidents etc. Does my insurance not cover her, if she's being minded by a relative or friend? Does she have to be in my home, and in my care, for any of this insurance to cover her?

That is up to you to inform yourself by reading the terms and conditions of the type of insurance cover that you have.

The point re the liability insurance is that the insurance policy is invalid! So if any claim were to be made, they're not going to pay out because of the insurance being invalid due to fraud.

It's up to yourself to check if you have adequate insurance that covers your child from accidents.... and an actual creche would have correct valid insurance assuming they're of any credibility.

Having a child as a visitor to your home for a few hours or whatever as a favour to a friend or is a friend of the child is far different than someone who is being paid money and thus employed and is entrusted to look after the child for the sake of a fee

LegacyUser

OP here.

I'm not concerned about the insurance side of things - I have my own insurance that has my child covered against accidents/ill health etc. I know the implications of my child having an accident in the minders home, and our insurance policy covers it.

Leitrim lass

I don't think she is trying to rub your nose in it, more like she is putting the guilt trip on you. You say up until 3 months ago she was taking care of two more children. Now she only has your child to keep her in the life style she is accustomed to. If you take yours away she loses 800 euro a month.
Not that it matters but was she also taking in 800 euro a month for each of those kids?

Neyite

unregistered wrote: »

you're all going on about insurance. What's the differnce in this woman minding the child in her own home, and me letting my friend mind my child the odd time in her own home?

fair enough question. the difference is that she is insuring her home as a working premises. public liablilty insurance is what businesses get, homeowners get home insurance. they cover very different things. home insurance covers the building and its contents, but not the inhabitants or guests of that house. Public Liability covers the public in the event of an injury on a premises.

wrote:

I have all sorts of insurance out on myself and my child - medical/accidents etc. Does my insurance not cover her, if she's being minded by a relative or friend? Does she have to be in my home, and in my care, for any of this insurance to cover her?

yes, medical insurance covers her regardless, for medical problems whether she is in your home, or out and about. but if she is injured as a result of negligence in a public place, eg if she slipped and broke her leg in a supermarket (our in your childminders garden) then your insurer could advise you to claim on the Public liability insurance, and some may even refuse to cover some/all of the costs if the costs can be recovered from a more liable party. so your medical insurer can perfectly legally tell you to go through the public liability first for the costs, and when you contact the public liability guys, they can very legally tell you that its a null and void policy as it was obtained under false pretenses. in addition, if they knew that you knew it was under false pretences, your claim might be seen as fraudulent. its all a pass the buck exercise really.

i worked in claims handling for a while -not public liability though, just personal insurance, and if a customer called in to say for instance their new washing machine broke, even though its also covered on the home insurance, we would have advised her to contact the manufacturer, because their insurance in the warranty should cover it before home insurance would, thus saving a pay out. its just the job. luckily the company i worked for were fair, and covered things they really shouldnt have in the interests of customer service, but there are ones out there that are happy to argue till kingdom come over a few cents.

insurance policies have lots of small print, and exclude lots of things you would assume they might cover, and what is covered requires proof of loss or hurt, and finally once all other avenues are exhausted with regard to payment.

this is why creches are dearer, they have the overheads they need to pay to operate under health and safety legislation- Public liability insurance might be a few thousand quid depending on the quote sometimes - do you really think that your childminder spent that? why would she when she would not be covered due to lying on her application anyway?

i hope im not scare mongering here - i dont want you to worry, but you pay this woman an awful lot of money to look after your child, but you should take a closer look at her insurance, and your current policies.

Kidchameleon

OP Sorry you feel like this, it must be hard what life has dealt for you. But I does no good to anyone by being resentful. There's always someone better off than the next person. Also she is not improving her home or going on holidays with your money, she's earned it, its hers, regardless of how she's getting her other income. If you still feel the same way Id recommend you find another childminder...

Lemming

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Also she is not improving her home or going on holidays with your money, she's earned it, its hers, regardless of how she's getting her other income. If you still feel the same way Id recommend you find another childminder...

Sorry, but the woman is clearly committing insurance fraud and highly likely; tax evasion as well as having a very large question mark over her SW income status. She's "earning" her money for all the wrong reasons.

I'd be inclined to find another child-minder personally on the foot of the insurance alone. The woman has no problems lying, so whose to say she wont tell lies to the OP when it's expedient to do so.

dellas1979

There is only one thing I could or would say to the woman if she said stuff like that while handing over hard earned money...
genuinely Smile, look her in the eye and say "good for you".

Its an ambiguous statement.

Stheno

unregistered wrote: »

Having said that, I suppose I'm enabling her to live like this??? So am I as bad as her??? Never thought of it like that really!

Yes to both your questions, you resent her enjoying that money, and you are enabling social welfare fraud by paying this woman knowing her circumstances.

Sorry to sound harsh, but there are far too many genuine people out there, including childminders and creche owners who are legit, go through the system, have the correct insurance in their names etc, and will cost you the same or less for you to enable this woman to rip you, me and every other honest tax payer out there off.

And as others have said, if the day comes that your child ends up scalded/suffering broken bones etc from an accident in that woman's home, then her fraudulent insurance will not cover the cost. Your insurance will go up as a result if you have to claim on it.

LegacyUser

this kinda stuff makes me so angry it makes my blood boil!!!

op, first of all, i've learned that there are people out there who have the sensitivity of a baseball bat. example - a girl i know who has a kid and a b/f. he's working full time, has an address somewhere else, but lives wth her. she's claiming dole, single parents, fis, had a medical card for her and the kid, drives around in a new car, he works in a very high paid job, he has the income of 4 rented houses coming in, etc etc etc. she used to call up to me sometimes - i live with my partner and because he earns less than €20 over the threshold i'm entitled to nothing. we have a mortgage while they're living rent free in a relative's house - when she'd call up she'd say things like ''god ye should get a new car, that's falling to bits'' or ''we just HAVE to get away again before christmas, sure it's been 2 months now since lanzarote'', ''god how do you survive without the dole, yer fella must be loaded''... you get the idea.

this woman may be saying things like this to you because she's afraid you'll withdraw your son from her care and she'll be 800 quid down, but maybe she just genuinely doesn't realise that what she's saying is in any way insensitive. if i was in your position i'd say something like ''god, yeah, your new carpet, jaays it'll be a few years before i could afford a new carpet with what i'm living on''... you get the idea. if she has any cop on then she should get the hint. if not then maybe just say it outright - ''i'm really happy you're able to afford new things but i'm just finding it hard at the moment''

the other issue is that what she's doing is illegal. disregarding the insurance for the moment - she's milking the system and it's against the law and just downright immoral. i would have noooooo problem reporting her, and i understand that if your son is happy there and it's affordable for you versus a creche - but my god - when you see the legitimate businesses in this country going to the wall and then some howaya like yer wan stealing money - cause that's what it is - stealing!!!

thefeatheredcat

unregistered wrote: »

I do think it's a 'put-down' when she tells me what she's buying - she genuinely knows how I'm struggling etc, and yet all she talks about is what she's buying.
Bottom line is I guess I'm jealous that she has that life, and I don't.
Human nature I suppose...I'll feel better tomorrow!

turn that jealousy into a positive for yourself.

She only has that lifestyle because she's allegedly cheating the system by defrauding the state... we on boards have no proof but if it's really the case, chances are she's going to get caught and I mean very, very caught. It's just a matter of time before she's found out. According to an article in Tuesday's Irish Times, more than 7,000 tip offs of suspect SW fraud were reported in the first 8 months of this year, and from last year's 1 in 6 tip offs resulted in actual welfare fraud.

she's probably jealous of you because you have the money to hand over to her because you are working and she guilt trips you on this.

the holidays, trip to lapland, expensive toys for the child - do the best you can for the moment, use these things to drive you and motivate in looking for something better for yourself and work hard. You're lucky in comparison to her - you have a chance at some stage to get a promotion, earn a better salary, work your way up in your job that will give you many psychological and emotional benefits too. In addition, you're a single mother, you have the courage and confidence to go out there and work, support yourself and support your child all by yourself. You should be proud of yourself for getting where you are.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I get your post! i totally get where you are coming from, Jeeze everyone has missed the point completely, like as if we all havent all had a bad day and felt sick and tired and the OP has very good reason!!, if i was having a bad day i would feel resentful too, you never said you feel resentful 24 hrs a day, but i can completely understand feeling like that especially in these times, if you came on here looking for somewhere to air your feelings and get some support then i think you should get it, maybe you dont have a partner who you can turn to and share your feelings with maybe coming here was just for a release of a bad day, anyone would feel resentful, blow it out and be angry for a day or two! then it processes and you move forward thats the way it usually works and its not as if your saying it to her face, most of us would gripe about it to a pal or partner and then its over with you are just looking for somewhere to process it IMO.

Sounds like this woman is doing a good job if you trust her with your child everyday, this is a pro in the situation. The con is the woman does not have very good morals if she is cheating the system and playing victim to it, i would feel a bit iffy about that too if i was someone who had morals about paying my own way in life. So all you do now is weigh up staying with this woman, is she worth staying for? I personally would look around for another option and see if there was anything else i could do. You sound like you would like a better situation, and i dont blame you.

Really, dont blame yourself for feeling resentful i feckin would too, its not directed at the childminder personally but i think you just want a better situation for you and your child, nothing wrong with that and asking for more out of life, put it 'out there' for the ideal situation you would like to attract and see what happens.....

All the best OP, lovely to meet someone who has so much integrity, you are a great mother, love and light xoxo

carolmon

I love the way everybody is hammering the childminder without knowing the full circumstances.
Maybe the boyfriend does stay some nights at his mothers? does the OP know his movements 24/7?

Also lone parent claminants can LEGALLY work and earn a certain amount without it effecting their claim, if they are above that earning threshold their weekly payment is reduced accordingly, so the €800 pm may not have a huge impact on her payment and may already be declared to social welfare.

We don't know the finer details of everybody's financial circumstances and just because somebody is on a social welfare payment doesn't mean they can't also legitimately work, there are lots of different schemes and casual payments etc.


To the OP I think the best advice was already given, just tell your childminder that the money is hers, she earned it doing a job and leave it at that.

Good luck with bringing up your child, sounds like you're doing a good job and the child's happy and content, that's the main thing.

BettePorter

Op when you buy a dodgy laptop off a guy in a carpark you have no right to give out when you get home and find it doesn't work !

what i mean is, you re basically aiding and abetting in her crime ( if she in fact commiting it ) and in fairness, if she where caught tomorrow you would be up **** creek in terms of a childminder who is convienient to you time wise/ distant wise/ price wise (as you have said )

She's providing you with a service which you are happy with. you don't seem to have a huge moral issue with her indiscretions even though your child spends 8 hours a day with this person........your issue is basically being pissed off that she has more than you materially ! But regardless of whether she's committing fraud or not, she's providing YOU with a service YOU'RE happy with and YOU need. What she does with the profit she makes is her business. But you're the one who is enabling to continue as so, you can't bitch about it after the fact !

Personally i know of a woman who makes a bomb hairdressing from home 6 days a week whilst claiming every benefit going, whilst bleating on about how everything is so expensive and she can't afford this that and the other yet goes on several holidays a year and lives the life of royalty............but it would be a cold day in hell before i would use her services.........for the few euro i would save, i couldn't justify how it would make me feel listening to her crying the poor mouth.

OP if you have no prob leaving your child with such a person, you have no real right to complain. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.....Such is life ! !

LegacyUser

Op here.

Point taken.

For the record, the partner lives there 24/7 and has done from the time she got the house from the council. So yes, I do know their movements and their financial status because she tells me bl!ody everything!!

So I've taken all your points on board and will be having a good think about this over the weekend. My original issue - that she throws it in my face when I pay her - still stands, and it looms heavily over me, and is always on my mind. But as I said myself, I have to take responsibility for some of it, because I pay her.

Those on lone parents allow are allowed to earn a certain income alright, but they have to declare it - their rent is means tested on the new increased income (if in social housing), or their rent allowance is reduced (if in private accomodation). ANd the partner lives there, so if that income were declared as coming into that house also, well, she wouldn't even be eligible for lone parents allowance, because she wouldn't be a lone parent! All the other bits&bobs that she's eligible for - medical card/back to school allowance/fuel allowance - would also be reduced OR taken away completely. And like I said, I know all of this because I lived on lone parents allowance for almost one year....

thanks for the advice and I'll have a good think about my current situation and look around for an alternative.

astra2000

Hi op I presume if you are paying her tomorrow it is payday for you. Try and put a couple of quid aside to treatyourself if you can even just something small a bottle of wine and a dvd or a takeout for you and a friend just something to help you unwind.
It cant be easy working fulltime and having no support from babys dad go easy on yourself it will get easier in a couple of years when your little lad is older. Best of luck with this issue and the future

LegacyUser

Thanks astra - appreciate your kind words. Yes, tomorrow is payday...and I might just get myself a new handbag!! It'll be from penneys...but it'll be a new handbag..and what more could a girl ask for!

Thanks again guys, and you're right femfatal - this only gets to me every so often.

eirmail

Surely , you are breaking the law by paying less than mininum wage for child minding.

True Blood Rocks

Christ things like this really annoy me. I have worked since i was 15 full time and lost my job last year so i decided to enroll in college. i get BTEA €196 a week pay €120 rent have mobile phone bill and esb bill i applied for Rent allowance at the start of summer and have got turned down while my neighbour who is polish got his no bother although he has a job. so annoyed im 24 and trying to get a degree so i dont have to claim welfare payments for the rest of my life. it seems to me that there is no incentive out there for anyone to get a job. by the time i pay bills, rent etc i have €35 left to buy food i haven't bought clothes in ages i now need internet also for college and still no word on fuel allowance. so i can understand what its like to do all by the books and suffer while others milk the system for all its worth.

True Blood Rocks

do u have a child??? are you a single parent?? would you rather she gave up her job and claimed benefits??? she is making the best of a bad situation. leave her alone

astra2000

eirmail wrote: »

Surely , you are breaking the law by paying less than mininum wage for child minding.

Her child is been minded in the minders home where the minder cares for her own children and had been caring for others. I think this is a more than fair payment. Are you trying to stir up a row with such an off topic question?

Lemming

astra2000 wrote: »

Her child is been minded in the minders home where the minder cares for her own children and had been caring for others. I think this is a more than fair payment.

"Fair payment" would be a child minder who is on the level. By the OP's knowledge of the woman, this is very much not the case and she [the minder] is very much fiddling the books and effectively screwing the OP over.

OP, you know your childs needs better than anybody here and it's down to you at the end of the day. But you're making yourself miserable supporting someone else who is taking advantage of you and your child (and everyone else) and then rubbing it in your face. Whatever about moral implications and what sort of example you wish to provide for your child, the question over insurance alone would spur me to move elsewhere. Why? The difference is that you might be paying the same amount but safe in the knowledge that your child is fully covered should anything happen.