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should I contact my daughters dad

  • 27-09-2010 10:09pm
    #1
    greengirl31
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 416 ✭✭


    Hi there ...
    I'm looking for a bit of advice ...
    My Daughter is almost 3 and while her dad pays maintenance regurlarly, he's never had regular contact. He's saw her a couple of times in the first 2 years but it he was always saying he'd come to see her then at the last minute something would come up and he'd cancel. So around her 2nd Bday I said it'd have to be regularly or not at all cause I didn't want to confuse her. So that's all been going fine and I'm delighted TBH that I don't have to see him but i did say that if he ever changed his mind that the door was always open and it was never too late ...
    Now though my she has started asking questions like who's my daddy and where is he which i answer his name is X and he lives down the country but she's also asking to see him - I've shown her photos but she's asking more frequently so I know that's not going to be enough after a while ... So my question is should i contact him and ask him to come to see her or should i leave well enough alone till she's a bit older ...
    Like all parents I want to do what's best for her but protect her also ... any advise welcome
    thanks
    A


Comments

  • #2
    Deliverance
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,674 ✭✭✭Deliverance


    greengirl31 wrote: »
    Hi there ...
    I'm looking for a bit of advice ...
    My Daughter is almost 3 and while her dad pays maintenance regurlarly, he's never had regular contact. He's saw her a couple of times in the first 2 years but it he was always saying he'd come to see her then at the last minute something would come up and he'd cancel. So around her 2nd Bday I said it'd have to be regularly or not at all cause I didn't want to confuse her. So that's all been going fine and I'm delighted TBH that I don't have to see him but i did say that if he ever changed his mind that the door was always open and it was never too late ...
    Now though my she has started asking questions like who's my daddy and where is he which i answer his name is X and he lives down the country but she's also asking to see him - I've shown her photos but she's asking more frequently so I know that's not going to be enough after a while ... So my question is should i contact him and ask him to come to see her or should i leave well enough alone till she's a bit older ...
    Like all parents I want to do what's best for her but protect her also ... any advise welcome
    thanks
    A
    There was a thread on this awhile back about meeting an absent dad it contained lots of advice which was beneficial to what you are considering.

    First off, I think that you should meet the dad with photos of the child and express your concerns to him from the childs point of view as well as your own.

    I think that you should meet as adults / parents to discuss the possibility of meeting the little one together if he is up for doing that? Maybe it is to emotionally tough for him to do so in the immediate sense? If that is the case then you could discuss that in the first meeting to see if he is up for it?

    It is my personal opinion that they could and should bond with each other when and if they do meet. I imagine that your child will be delighted and the dad will be v.nervous initially.

    But when dad meets child then they will most likely get on well with you being the safety net between the two. I think that they should meet, I imagine it will go well.

    I strongly believe that absent dads should be given the oppurtunity to meet their kids as much as the kids should meet their dads. It is a special bond that should be promoted in my opinion.

    It is a relationship that should be promoted and built up outside of the relationship of the parents that have split up.

    Kudos to you OP to have the maturity to be considering this meet. I'm sure that you guys will do well as such.


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