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Asking someone to be friends

  • 27-09-2010 4:41pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Ok, i liked this guy for a while and we swopped numbers a few weeks ago after a night out.

    He told me he had a girlfriend and from what a picked up from him, he just wanted a bit of fun. This was ok with me, im not looking for anything serious.

    Anyway we had an agrument, think he was only looking for an ego boost and to keep my number if the opportunity arises. He said he wanted to visit me a couple of weeks ago but it never happened. He never gave me a reason. He probably changed his mind. But i quite like him and i felt let down and that was it.

    Genuinely, i just want to be friends with him now. I dont want to be fighting. Some people might think that since i like him that im trying to hang onto hope when there isn't any, but im not.

    I sent him a couple of messages asking to be friends but they were ignored. What do i do? There's no harm in being friends, is there?


Comments

  • #2
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Getting close to other peoples partners - whether you just want a bit of fun or no - is always going to be playing with fire. He may have wanted a distance between yourself and himself to stop temptation, the girlfriend could have caught wind of his impending visit - who knows?

    Stick to the single guys, much less complicated. :)


  • #3
    LighterGuy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭LighterGuy


    Ickle is right.

    But basically Op you werent forming a friendship with this man. You said yourself :) He was looking for a bit on the side. You seemed to be comfortable with that.

    You mentioned you had an argument with him. You think he was looking for an ego boost. Now I aint no detective but thats pretty obvious he was looking for some sex, you turned him down (even tho you said you would like some fun) and he is now giving you the cold shoulder.

    But what I find an issue to be is you were up for having fun with a man who had a girlfriend. Op dont be that type.

    But to answer your question? you cant be friends with this man. He isnt looking for that. He just wants a bit on the side. Nothing more.


  • #4
    IrishEyes19
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,861 ✭✭✭IrishEyes19


    LighterGuy wrote: »
    Ickle is right.

    But basically Op you werent forming a friendship with this man. You said yourself :) He was looking for a bit on the side. You seemed to be comfortable with that.

    You mentioned you had an argument with him. You think he was looking for an ego boost. Now I aint no detective but thats pretty obvious he was looking for some sex, you turned him down (even tho you said you would like some fun) and he is now giving you the cold shoulder.

    But what I find an issue to be is you were up for having fun with a man who had a girlfriend. Op dont be that type.

    But to answer your question? you cant be friends with this man. He isnt looking for that. He just wants a bit on the side. Nothing more.

    Just what I was thinking. OP, he has a girlfriend, please don't be that "girl," who wrecks other girls relationships or gives them cause to worry. You may not want anything serious, but Im sure his gf doesn't want her boyfriend cheating on her.

    Also, he probably doesnt want to be friends considering he's looking for fun and that argument you had probably indicated it was too much hassle. Just sounds normal to how a guy MIGHT perceive it.


  • #5
    Redpunto
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,024 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    delete his number and move on, he sounds like a bit of a d*ck to me. Not friend material and definately not boyfriend material. What was he doing swopping numbers when he has a girlfriend in the first place?


  • #6
    G-Money
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,199 ✭✭✭G-Money


    Go after someone who is single and forget about this guy. As bad as it would be for him to cheat on his gf, you knowing full well beforehand that he has a girlfriend isn't exactly the nicest thing in the world, to put it mildly.

    Forget about him and move on. You say you just want to be friends and you're not hanging on in hope of something happening. I'm not sure I totally believe that and I'd go as far to say that you still want something to happen but you're not really willing to admit it.

    Forget about him and go after someone who's actually available. The last thing you want to do is to just be friends and then post on here further down the line saying how you slept together but that "You didn't plan it, it just happened" etc. I'd say by agreeing to be friends in this case, you are sowing the first seed of something happening right there.

    Sorry to be blunt but I think sometimes people are not genuinely honest with themselves in these situations.


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  • #7
    La frog fairy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 167 ✭✭La frog fairy


    grandmaster wrote: »
    Go after someone who is single and forget about this guy. As bad as it would be for him to cheat on his gf, you knowing full well beforehand that he has a girlfriend isn't exactly the nicest thing in the world, to put it mildly.

    Forget about him and move on. You say you just want to be friends and you're not hanging on in hope of something happening. I'm not sure I totally believe that and I'd go as far to say that you still want something to happen but you're not really willing to admit it.

    Forget about him and go after someone who's actually available. The last thing you want to do is to just be friends and then post on here further down the line saying how you slept together but that "You didn't plan it, it just happened" etc. I'd say by agreeing to be friends in this case, you are sowing the first seed of something happening right there.

    Sorry to be blunt but I think sometimes people are not genuinely
    honest with themselves in these situations.



    +1,000! couldnt have said it better!


    my advice is, dont do to others what you wouldnt want to be done to you..he has a girlfriend, and im gonna guess the reason he has given you the cold shoulder and that you have not heard from him is either because he realised how stupid he was, or maybe that night he had an argument with his gf and wanted an ego boost or maybe the fact that you already had an argument with him before anything even happened (if anything were to happened) that screams drama already:eek:

    For all the reasons already said, you are better off finding someone who is simgle and who will be genuinely interested in you.

    best of luck to you


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    There are any amount of single guys out there if it's JUST a friend you are looking for, back off, leave this guy and his girlfriend alone.

    I know everyone always blames the guy in a situation like this, but it takes two to tango.

    I'm curious here as to what exactly the OP is playing at? The guy has hopefully realised he made a mistake by looking for a bit on the side, yet this girl continues to pursue him, texting him twice without him replying, and still looking for a way to "be his friend".

    You need to find someone else to be friends with and not give this guy's girlfriend a reason to worry.


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