caught between two lovers

747

Ive been seeing my boyfriend for over a year. I went straight from a 3 year relationship into this one. I was never really sure about him but as the year has gone on its gotten more and more serious. He's even asked me to marry him. The thing is not one person I know thinks he's good enough for me. He'd probably be classed as a bit of a bad/rough guy and and has no job or any future prospects of getting one. He does work when it comes in but its never much. (Im currently unemployed also)
Im kind of embarrased and at my younger sisters engagement party recently I was very nervous introducing him. He loves me alot. but really he has not much going for him never brings me out. We've been out to dinner twice the whole year we been together and he ends up with his bag of chips even on sepcial occaisions. on saturday afternoon he's happy to go for a few afternoon pints and few smokes to round off the evening. I ve told him this is not me. I like to go walking, cinema, art, anything. Ive told him so many times and its like he's jus not able but keeps promising next time. He's just out of a 10 year relationship and was married even before that, I cant understand how he does not know who to treat a woman properly.
He's into bikes, sex (which is amazing btw)and whatever else but it doesnt seem to include doing things with me. We both live on opposite sides of the country so in fairness when he comes to see me he's usually broke after spending so much on petrol and tired. but everyweekend? Ive stopped going to his county as Im jus so bored when I get there.
One of my close friends refused to see me anymore while I was dating him as she said I was way to good for him.
I ve tried a few times to finish it, but he gets very clingy and starts crying and says he tries his best. and sometimes I know he does.
There is another guy I have been friends with for a while and he says he's in love with me, will treat me well and can give me the life that I want. I have been meeting up with him few times and feel so so guilty. (nothing has happened). Im caught between the two of them.
I really dont know wot to do, Im jus out of hospital for fertility tests and am in pain,my boyfriend left the day after I got out, to see his previous child, and left me with no phone or medication (phone was robbed, and cant drive to chemist!) he also did alot of moaning in hospital about parking, tax man being after him, traffic and texted most of the time I was lying in bed.

Sorry for long post, I just need some advice here, and needed to vent a little

Thanks for your time

SheRa

Until I read the bit about the hospital, I felt sorry for the guy, but still thought that you should break up with him once and for all. After I read that, I was left wondering why it is so hard to break up with a person who seems pretty unpleasant.

Re the second guy, maybe you should actually not be in a relationship for a while, considering that you are just out of a 3 year realtionship and you seem far far to eager to be in one, even sacraficing your own happiness.

dudara

I don't think you're ready for any relationship, to be honest. You'd do well to spend some time by yourself and get grounded.

You do sound as if you have feelings for the first man, but not for the second (other than as a friend). That is not enough of a basis for a relationship with No. 2

muboop1

You post is a bit all over the shop tbh...

You state that your mates don't think hes good enough for you... why?#

Cos he's unemployed? Em love... so are you...

If you want to do big things, maybe you should organise them?

He doesnt have much cash, probably spend 30-50 quid on petrol just to see you... and you wouldn't take the initiative and maybe treat him to dinner in a restaurant or something? once in a while especially since YOU want it?

You wont drive to him because you get bored over there...

You sound like a pain in the ass.

That said, he doesnt sound much better. Moaning and being inconsiderate when you are in pain...

Then we get to YOU emotionally cheating on him with another lad... and you think your better then him?? really??

Your both perfectly suited to eachother I think. him maybe slightly better then you.

But if you want to save your relationship, heres my advice...

You start arranging things. Why leave it all to him? If you want to do something take the initiative and organise it.

You get off your high horse... those or end it now...

How Strange

Op it seems to me that you just want to be in a relationship so you're willing to take whatevers on offer. Your post jumps all over the place from saying your bf was a slow burner to your mates think he's not good enough to he treats you badly to you're bored with him. So which is it?

Then you mention the friend who has feelings for you so you consider him an option. At the end you mention you went for fertility tests.

Are the tests because you've Bern trying to get pregnant? There's alot being said between the lines in your post but it seems to me that you'd be better off single and concentrating on yourself than just settling for whichever man will have you.

Chicago Chick

Seems to me like you could use some time by yourself to sort your head out and decide what you are looking for in a relationship. Anyone in a relationship will have to compromise at some stage, but there are also "deal breakers" for a relationship (they differ for everyone). Try to work out what you are prepared to compromise on and what is a deal breaker. Take some time to do this with no outside influence if possible.

747

Thanks for your posts. My mail does seem a little all over the place, Im on medication for pain relief so thats why email is jumping. I sound like a right demanding cow in that email but Im not in truth. Chicago chick, you were right saying there are deal breakers for everyone and if im not prepared to work at it I should walk away. and take time out. Its so hard not to listen to other ppl advice eps when ppl say your boyfriend is not good enough, its not because he's not working, its because we have very different ways of living and have different lifestyles.and no matter where you come from I think everyone is the same. I think I expect too much from him. and wd fid it too hard to make a life with him when my family and friends all think I could do better for myself.
Thanks for posts
Cheers

Taltos

OP

I am with the rest on this.

I too think you need to spend some time on your own.
Not a week or two - but a number of months at least.

Sometimes the timing is just off - and maybe being on your own for a while will help your outlook and will reinforce with you what you are looking for instead of listening to your friends - not that they are wrong - but at the end of the day a relationship is between you and 1 other guy - not you - 1 guy - your mates.

I think I might remember your original post asking if it was too soon to see this guy and I commented that sometimes you just have to go with your heart as timing is rarely right. If I am right about this then sorry - clearly my advice back then stank.