help?

coffeenut

I've been seeing my OH for about 9 months, at first we saw each other about twice a week but he had a lot on (still studying so had exams, papers, etc) so about half way through month 3 we took a break for about 3 weeks then went back to twice a week. study got busy again about 2 months ago and we saw each other once a week, sometimes every 10 days. he's had a lot on his plate recently and I'm starting to feel like I'm playing second fiddle to everything and feeling very confused as to how he feels about me.

I should probably say now that I've got some confidence issues and have a tendency to get upset over things that most people wouldn't and i think he's been pretty patient with me about this for the most part. anyway, things got pretty heated last week, i got upset because we'd made plans to do something and he was really late because he'd been doing something earlier in the evening. by the time he arrived, we were both pretty drunk and things were a little strained. we ended up having a huge argument (can't even remember what was said!) and haven't talked about it since. we've spoken twice on the phone and been texting and emailing.

he's going away for a week and has a week of pretty hard work when he gets back and he's said we'll talk things out when he gets back. So now i'm wondering what's going to happen, don't really want to talk to friends or family about it as I'm not the most comfortable at talking about stuff like this. not sure whether I'm really venting or looking for an answer but feel free to air your views...

Ickle Magoo

In my experience the only way to avoid issues building up and sparking arguments, insecurities and resentments is to keep talking. Both be honest and transparent about what you want, how you feel and why will tend to head most problems off at the pass.

It's hard work juggling a busy life and perhaps you both need to work on quality rather than quantity of time together to ensure you don't feel neglected and he doesn't feel overwhelmed?

All the best.

Pebbles!

I agree with Ickle Magoo, you need to work on Quality rather than quantity. I only see my boyfriend at weekends, he works as a lorry driver but yet we spend hours on the phone talking during the wk and spend the weekends together.

you need to tell him exactly how you feel because it will eat away at you otherwise. You should never have to play second fiddle but you also have to understand that he has a lot on and he needs to understand to take some time for ye!

TitoPuente

I think one of the healthiest things for a relationship where one or both of you are busy or don't get to see each other much is being transparent about how you feel about each other. Knowing where you stand basically. If you're both "stand-offish" and "playing it cool" then that might not survive a relationship where you really have to trust each other seeing as you're not together a lot.

coffeenut

Thanks for the words of encouragement guys - will see how it goes over the next couple weeks

coffeenut

so he got back this week and has been making more of an effort (in small ways) than he did before and i'm getting the distinct impression that he's feeling bad over what happened although we haven't really spoken about it. beginning to think that i was worrying over nothing. or at least that i had the wrong idea about how he felt about things. either way, things seem to be good