Too soon to be in love?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I'm just looking for some fresh opinions on my situation so bear with me please

I'm 29 years old and I've been in relationships before and I've been in love, they didn't work out for various reasons and I moved on. I was getting increasingly disheartened with meeting the wrong type of man for me so I made a conscious decision to stay away from them and concentrate on myself and my career. I moved to a new town where I didn't know anyone, to a new job which I love so it really was a fresh start. I became friends with a girl through work and to cut a long story short I met a guy through her and we started dating. He's 35, has been in realtionships, has a child too and has a great deal of life experience as have I.

From the start it was comfortable, it was fun, it was safe everything that previous realtionships weren't. After 2 weeks of dating he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. That was 3 weeks ago and now we've found ourselves at the point of saying 'I love you' and meaning it. We're not teenagers, it's not lust or infatuation, we're both well educated and haven't lost the run of ourselves. He has been through enough to know what he wants as have I, we're financially secure in our own right so anyone who thinks money is a reason is wrong. Anyway certain people are being quite nasty about the whole thing, quite negative etc and I find this upsetting, as does he for the reasons mentioned above and many others.

I know it may seem fast but when it's right it's right and this kind of thing does not haapen to me everyday. It happened to me when I wasn't looking for anything.

I suppose what I'm asking it what do you all think of saying 'I love you' after a short time. Has it happened to any of you? I'm not questioning my feelings for him or his for mine, I'm just curious as to what ye think

Thanks for keeping with me

Zaph

If it feels right for you, then it's right, it doesn't matter how soon it is or what other people think. I know a couple who told each other that they loved the other person after three weeks. They've been together a couple of years now and it's only a matter of time before they're engaged.

Ickle Magoo

I think it's possible to know you have something special almost immediately. I took a guy home one night, we spent every night for a fortnight together, moved in together a couple of months later and 4yrs after that tied the knot.

If it feels right then just keep it real but...enjoy, life's too short not to. :cool:

Miss Fluff

There's no yardstick for love to be honest. If you both feel you love each other then why not say it. Doesn't matter if you've been together three days or three years. I think time is irrelevant actually, if you're both really into one another and think it is something special then enjoy every moment and forget about "norms" or whatever anyone else thinks, its only the two of you in the relationship after all. Ooooooh I love hearing romantic stories like this

ams

my boyf and I told each other after a few weeks - we're together over 7 years now so go with your feelings!

seenitall

Yelloweyes wrote: »

anyone who thinks money is a reason is wrong. Anyway certain people are being quite nasty about the whole thing, quite negative etc and I find this upsetting, as does he for the reasons mentioned above and many others

OP, there is no time-frames for "I love you"s, it' about when people feel the time is right.

Your whole post reads like something written by someone who is more insecure about what is going on in her relationship, than worried about the timing of those three words. Several lines quoted above jumped out at me.

Are you considerably more wealthy than your boyfriend?

Who are these people who are being nasty and negative about the whole thing, I hope they are not friends or family? If they are not, then you have no reason to care about their opinions and you can tell them to mind their own business.

Sorry if I am being in any way presumptuous, OP. I just found your post a very interesting read on several levels, so I hope you won't mind.

bubbaloo

There is no timeline - you'll know when you know!
My hubby and I exchanged the three little words for the first time after 6 weeks and 14 years later we have a lovely little boy and we're blissfully happy!
My mum used to alway say "F*** the begrudgers!" (They're just jealous!)
Enjoy it!

LegacyUser

seenitall wrote: »

OP, there is no time-frames for "I love you"s, it' about when people feel the time is right.

Your whole post reads like something written by someone who is more insecure about what is going on in her relationship, than worried about the timing of those three words. Several lines quoted above jumped out at me.

Are you considerably more wealthy than your boyfriend?

Who are these people who are being nasty and negative about the whole thing, I hope they are not friends or family? If they are not, then you have no reason to care about their opinions and you can tell them to mind their own business.

Sorry if I am being in any way presumptuous, OP. I just found your post a very interesting read on several levels, so I hope you won't mind.

Hi seenitall,

No I don't mind at all No I'm not considerably more wealthy than him at all, we both have good careers, he just has more ties than I do...his own house and an 11 year old

You're right actually, I am insecure, not about how he feels or how about I feel but...how can I explain this....what's happening to me now is all I've ever wanted and was always out of reach because I picked the wrong men, wrong time etc etc so now that I've finally found it I am terrified it's going to be pulled out from under me. It's no way to go on thinking I know and I should just enjoy our time together but I do worry about it. He has been through a lot relationship wise, as have I and I think this is something we both deserve at this point in time

My friends and his friends are supportive as they can see how happy we both are, I've moved to this town and he has always lived here. The people who are being negative are two in particular, a guy he works with and a girl I've become friends with who happens to be the girlfriend of this other guy. The guy is the worst, at the start he went out of his way to try and turn me off my boyfriend, wouldn't give him my number and said horrible things etc Even now he will say stuff like 'Ah I'll give it a week' and he has tried to get my boyfriend in trouble at work. He has a major chip on his shoulder but everyday he has something negative to say, something nasty, he's really sneaky the way he does it too...

seenitall

Hey OP,

it's good to read that you have a nice and good relationship developing. Some "unsaid" things in your post struck a chord with me because I did recognise an insecurity that I would also be liable to in a new relationship that is going well. It is almost like I would feel I don't deserve what I have, and it's like "waiting for the other shoe to drop" all the time.

The best advice here is to just give it time. It will all work out as you settle in and and the two of you become more comfortable in your relationship.

Really sorry to hear about those two twerps who are trying to derail you. Do you know what their problem with your relationhip really is? Not that it matters. I'd be inclined to give as good as I get when it comes to nasty or offensive remarks from them, better yet shame them in public with a well-placed: "What exactly is YOUR problem? What's with all the nastiness?" or similar.

Best wishes!

niamhocxox

I couldn't hold back telling my boyfriend I loved him. I told him after 1 month and he said he loved me too
A year and a half later, still going strong! I know it may seem early but I think you have to grab love when it comes

StarryMoon0

My husband proposed to me 3 weeks after we met! Will be married 10 yrs in Nov.
Not saying we haven't had out share of ups and downs, but that happens no matter how long you wait to say I love you.

If it feels right for you both, then what the heck. Be happy and enjoy it for what it is

Zen65

Yelloweyes wrote: »

We're not teenagers, it's not lust or infatuation, we're both well educated and haven't lost the run of ourselves. He has been through enough to know what he wants as have I

There's no logic to love, and if you're experienced enough to know that this isn't just the first flushes of a new relationship then call it what it is.

Saying "I love you" is not a commitment, but be mindful that he may be less certain (and less ready to say these words) simply because for him there's more at stake. He has a child, and that may make him cautious because he needs to be mindful of the child's feelings too.

It seems that you've both been lucky enough to find a great new relationship. Enjoy it, and don't put pressure on each other to openly declare your love for each other. When it feels like the right time to say it, say it!!


Be at peace,

Z

Wonkagirl

When you know, you know! it can take weeks or months or sometimes yrs to realise you truly love someone... the quicker the better i say. also, when there's no game playing and messing as is the case in your situation, it'll always happen quicker.

lucky you. enjoy it. dont over analyze, just go with it!!:)