Girlfriend kissed another guy

LegacyUser

Myself and my GF are in our 20s and have been going out for over 2 years. She told me that last week while she was out she kissed another guy. She said she didn't know why she did it and was very sorry for doing it.

I was pretty upset at this and told her I would need to take a break from her for a few days at least.

As far as I can tell there isn't anything that has changed recently in our relationship-we always got along great, same sense of humour, loved spending time together etc. and had never even gotten in a fight in our last 2 years. She said she still loves me and even though I didn't say it back I still love her.

I just wonder what people here think:

Am I blowing this out of proportion if it was just a kiss or am I right to be thinking this way?

I'm pretty traditional and would never ever even kiss another person while in a relationship let alone anything else hence why I'm pretty upset and considering breaking up over it.

I am a friend

Well you are not wrong... She was wrong and I dont blame you for being gutted - I would be too.. If you decide to make a go of the relationship then only do so once you know you wont keep dragging it up and thorowing it in her face. In other words either forgive her or else dont but dont try to have a relationship where you dont trust her.

LegacyUser

Hey there OP,

I was in the same position as you not so long ago. The one thing I will say is that your definitely not blowing it out of proportion. It is a big deal. Some people will say that it is only a kiss and so on but in my view its still cheating. Its the intent and the thoughts behind the action that count.

If I were you, the first thing I would do is cut all contact with her for at least a week if not longer. You need time to think things over and make the right decision for yourself. Most importantly, you need to see how she really feels about it and whether she is truly sorry. Here is a few questions you need to find answers to, they aren't nice but you cant make a decision without them.
Who was the guy? Someone she knows or a randomer?
Was she drunk at the time?
How long were they together for? (In my view this is a biggie, its easy to mess up with a quick drunken snog, but if your with someone all night, you know damn well what your doing.)
What made her tell you?
Why did she do it? ( You say she said she doesn't know. Thats not good)
If you cut contact for a time now, how will she react to that? ( that will tell you a lot.)

In the end OP, only you can know whether your willing to forgive her for this. My advice would be that if you love her and you think that she really just messed up and completely regrets it and ISN'T GOING TO DO IT AGAIN, then you forgive and forget and move on. But be careful, Trust is difficult to get back when lost.

Best of Luck

tinkerbell

You're not blowing it out of proportion at all. She cheated on you, so you have every right to be upset. Some people could forgive it. Me personally - I could not forgive any form of cheating.

Do what your heart tells you to, don't let your actions be what others say. If you don't think it is forgiveable, then that is your decision. Good luck, and I'm so sorry that this happened to you

jimmycrackcorm

We're all human and make mistakes especially when drink is involved. Everyone deserves a second chance but not a third. Let it go and leave it at that. If she hadn't told you then you might never have known so value that more than the kiss.

LegacyUser

Hey Op,

The exact same thing happened to me a few months ago so your post struck a chord!

I'm quite a sensitive person so I took it very badly, was absolutely heart broken and we broke up. Although a drunken kiss may be irrelevant for some couples it hurt me so much.

Whilst I have fully forgiven him and would perhaps even consider getting back together in the future I don't feel I could have let it go if we hadn't broken up back then. If we had stayed together I would have been distant and bitter and this wouldn't have been fair on either of us. After a good bit of time and space I now understand that it was just an drunken immature mistake and not a reflection on me( as I first felt) and I can look back and remember all the amazing qualities in my ex and all the happy memories we had.

That said every relationship is different so do what you feel is best in your case. If you think you can truly forgive them and let this go then go for it, maybe talk to your other half about how hurt you are and how this behavior is not acceptable in the future. If you don't think you can forgive them then maybe some time apart or even breaking up might be an idea.

Don't mind what other people think,it's really none of their business! There is no right or wrong decision, just do what YOU feel is right, in the end it will be you who will have to live with the consequences! Best of luck!

Pdfile

Gold C wrote: »

Myself and my GF are in our 20s and have been going out for over 2 years. She told me that last week while she was out she kissed another guy. She said she didn't know why she did it and was very sorry for doing it.

I was pretty upset at this and told her I would need to take a break from her for a few days at least.

As far as I can tell there isn't anything that has changed recently in our relationship-we always got along great, same sense of humour, loved spending time together etc. and had never even gotten in a fight in our last 2 years. She said she still loves me and even though I didn't say it back I still love her.

I just wonder what people here think:

Am I blowing this out of proportion if it was just a kiss or am I right to be thinking this way?

I'm pretty traditional and would never ever even kiss another person while in a relationship let alone anything else hence why I'm pretty upset and considering breaking up over it.

tell her what you just said op...

also to dry her tears of symthpathy for herself.

Honestly, ive found that people who do such silly things are only sad for a short amount of time then end up doing it on someone else again ( oh yes - you will hear it through the grape vine )


though i know everyone makes mistakes - your going to have to make a hard dicission with her; wait a while and get yourself has happy as larry, sit down and straight up - no bull confront her and tell her how you feel and such but dont drown/alienate her then put up the yes or no question.


i drink, Alot actually, not enough to be a full blown alcoholic but enough to make a nice bottle/glass collection and i can honestly tell ye now ive never cheated, never will.

Its a ****e feeling, namely cause im a Very passionate person and when someone does something like that... yeah im not happy at all.

to tidy up: break up... or work yer arses off and be happy together.

the balls in your court i think.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone, I have never ever cheated on anyone in any shape or form-I drink myself and I feel even though it alters your mind it's still not a viable excuse, I have always turned anyone who comes on to me down while I'm in a relationship no matter who they are/what they look like yadda yadda when I'm with someone because it just isn't right.

A kiss to me means an awful lot and she always knew my feelings on such matters and now I just feel betrayed.

The only good thing out of this is that she told me straight away without and hesitation but even so I'm still in two minds about whether to continue it or not.

Thanks for your input guys I'm glad I'm not crazy in thinking a kiss means a lot!

LighterGuy

Some good advice above OP.

..."In other words either forgive her or else dont but dont try to have a relationship where you dont trust her..." as I am a friend said.
&
..."Honestly, ive found that people who do such silly things are only sad for a short amount of time then end up doing it on someone else again..." as Pdfile said.


You have every right to be mad.
Only thing I will add to the already good advice is:

- Never entertain alcohol as an excuse.
- Sadly, when a person forgives a cheater. They will rarely find out if a person cheats again. Rarely will a person be honest twice.
- Even with-in "honesty" there can still be half-truths. Was it just one kiss at one moment? was she dirty dancing with the guy? did anything else happen? Sometimes owning up isnt exactly owning up.

But here is something you HAVE to find out. You say she was out last week. I would assume with her female friends and I would assume her mates saw this. Girls cling to each other when out. So here is the real question, did she tell you because she genuinely felt guilty? or because the mates saw it? Which made her tell out of fear you finding out though the grapevine. That is what you have to find out.


Which there lies the problem. You wouldnt know if the answer is genuine. She could say the mates didnt see it. Thus making herself seem genuinely guilty over it. While in reality hinding the fact the mates could of seen her kiss him all night etc.
She could even turn around saying they did see it. While praying one of the mates never fill you in.

Just weigh up what she says, if she is turning around and acting like "it just happened" - think about walking. Thats a half-truth. Cheating just doesnt "happen" instantly.

LegacyUser

LighterGuy wrote: »

Some good advice above OP.

..."In other words either forgive her or else dont but dont try to have a relationship where you dont trust her..." as I am a friend said.
&
..."Honestly, ive found that people who do such silly things are only sad for a short amount of time then end up doing it on someone else again..." as Pdfile said.


You have every right to be mad.
Only thing I will add to the already good advice is:

- Never entertain alcohol as an excuse.
- Sadly, when a person forgives a cheater. They will rarely find out if a person cheats again. Rarely will a person be honest twice.
- Even with-in "honesty" there can still be half-truths. Was it just one kiss at one moment? was she dirty dancing with the guy? did anything else happen? Sometimes owning up isnt exactly owning up.

But here is something you HAVE to find out. You say she was out last week. I would assume with her female friends and I would assume her mates saw this. Girls cling to each other when out. So here is the real question, did she tell you because she genuinely felt guilty? or because the mates saw it? Which made her tell out of fear you finding out though the grapevine. That is what you have to find out.


Which there lies the problem. You wouldnt know if the answer is genuine. She could say the mates didnt see it. Thus making herself seem genuinely guilty over it. While in reality hinding the fact the mates could of seen her kiss him all night etc.
She could even turn around saying they did see it. While praying one of the mates never fill you in.

Just weigh up what she says, if she is turning around and acting like "it just happened" - think about walking. Thats a half-truth. Cheating just doesnt "happen" instantly.

Hey,

Yeah that was great advise and you're addition is very true too. She did tell me her friends saw it, I asked her what they thought and she said that 2 of them wouldn't talk to her about it and the one who did (who coincidentally got caught doing the same thing by her ex a yr ago) told her not to say anything to me-I have never had a high view of that friend anyway so that response didn't surprise me.

Knowing the friends the 2 girls who wouldn't talk to her about the incident would be too shy to say anything to me and the other girl who told her not to tell me is a bit of a b**ch in truth and would lie to my face if I ever confronted her about it let alone tell me what happened.

The only thing is my GF can be v hard with hiding emotions. The night she told me I had bought her flowers just because I felt like getting her something nice and when she saw them she started crying-I instantly knew something was up and she even told me "I could have never hidden what happened from you, I can be read like a book" after I asked her why she decided to tell me.

While I think she regrets what happened and is cut up about it herself I just feel that she has really betrayed our trust and I think it might be time to move on.

Thanks once again for everyone's advise-it was all top notch and I really appreciate it.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I am in almost the exact position as you are in at the moment and after almost a week of finding out, am still finding it hard to get my head around it. I love my boyfriend but I feel so betrayed, especially as I was not told until 2 years after it happened. I post up on boards with the title "Trust Issues" as that's what it ultimatley comes down to. You, like me, need time to think.

IrishEyes19

goodluck34 wrote: »

Hey there OP,

I was in the same position as you not so long ago. The one thing I will say is that your definitely not blowing it out of proportion. It is a big deal. Some people will say that it is only a kiss and so on but in my view its still cheating. Its the intent and the thoughts behind the action that count.

If I were you, the first thing I would do is cut all contact with her for at least a week if not longer. You need time to think things over and make the right decision for yourself. Most importantly, you need to see how she really feels about it and whether she is truly sorry. Here is a few questions you need to find answers to, they aren't nice but you cant make a decision without them.
Who was the guy? Someone she knows or a randomer?
Was she drunk at the time?
How long were they together for? (In my view this is a biggie, its easy to mess up with a quick drunken snog, but if your with someone all night, you know damn well what your doing.)
What made her tell you?
Why did she do it? ( You say she said she doesn't know. Thats not good)
If you cut contact for a time now, how will she react to that? ( that will tell you a lot.)

In the end OP, only you can know whether your willing to forgive her for this. My advice would be that if you love her and you think that she really just messed up and completely regrets it and ISN'T GOING TO DO IT AGAIN, then you forgive and forget and move on. But be careful, Trust is difficult to get back when lost.

Best of Luck

This is by far exactly what you should do, OP, find out as much as you can how it happened and who it was. If it was really a drunken error, perhaps you can forgive and forget...however you dont want to be stringed along either, so Id be very wary if it was someone she knew.

tinkerbell

LighterGuy wrote: »

Only thing I will add to the already good advice is:

- Never entertain alcohol as an excuse.
- Sadly, when a person forgives a cheater. They will rarely find out if a person cheats again. Rarely will a person be honest twice.
- Even with-in "honesty" there can still be half-truths. Was it just one kiss at one moment? was she dirty dancing with the guy? did anything else happen? Sometimes owning up isnt exactly owning up.

All great advice here.

Alcohol is not an excuse for cheating. The only difference between a drunk and sober person is that a drunk person may not fully remember the cheating incident the next day. Alcohol does not turn your brain to mush and you don't know the difference between right and wrong. You still know what you are doing when drunk.

I also agree on the half-truths thing. If you want to actually forgive her, then you need to find out exactly how and why it happened.

token56

It's a difficult situation and a relationship of 2 years that you thought was going perfect until you find out this is hard to just leave especially when you love the person.

There is alot of good advice already here. I suppose just talk to her. She obvously feels guilty, has shown remosre etc. But even still, no matter her remosre, how sorry she is, how much she might want you to stay etc, alot of this is going to come down to you at the end of the day.

What do you want?
Can you forgive, forget and go on like nothing happened?
Can you trust her again?

You are doing the rational thing in just taking a break from her for a few days. I suppose maybe just talk to her again, get her feelings on the situation, why does she think it happened, was something to do with the relationship or just her own mistake. After you talk to her again sit back for another day or two and just think about, ask yourself all the questions and just go with whatever your gut is telling you to do. There will be no easy decision unfortunately.

magneticimpulse

Ive seen this happen to my brother and his ex dumped him a few months after. Ive seen my female friends snog other guys on nights out while their bf's were at home and needless to say the relationship ended shortly after.

Its a clear sign that the relationship has run its course. She is curious about other men and is engaging with other men. She said it was just a snog...but how many men was she chatting up before she found this one to snog?

Id jump ship if I was you. I wouldnt let her manupulate you and do whatever the hell she wants. Shes walking all over you. Where next? Will she jump into bed with another guy and say, oh im sorry i dont know how i ended up in bed?

Id leave with my dignity held high and leave. You dont deserve to be treated with little respect and also trust is key in a relationship. Can you trust her when she goes out again?

Plenty more decent women out there who wouldnt do this to you...id go and start looking for them. Good luck

magneticimpulse

LighterGuy wrote: »

Some good advice above OP.

..."In other words either forgive her or else dont but dont try to have a relationship where you dont trust her..." as I am a friend said.
&
..."Honestly, ive found that people who do such silly things are only sad for a short amount of time then end up doing it on someone else again..." as Pdfile said.


You have every right to be mad.
Only thing I will add to the already good advice is:

- Never entertain alcohol as an excuse.
- Sadly, when a person forgives a cheater. They will rarely find out if a person cheats again. Rarely will a person be honest twice.
- Even with-in "honesty" there can still be half-truths. Was it just one kiss at one moment? was she dirty dancing with the guy? did anything else happen? Sometimes owning up isnt exactly owning up.

But here is something you HAVE to find out. You say she was out last week. I would assume with her female friends and I would assume her mates saw this. Girls cling to each other when out. So here is the real question, did she tell you because she genuinely felt guilty? or because the mates saw it? Which made her tell out of fear you finding out though the grapevine. That is what you have to find out.


Which there lies the problem. You wouldnt know if the answer is genuine. She could say the mates didnt see it. Thus making herself seem genuinely guilty over it. While in reality hinding the fact the mates could of seen her kiss him all night etc.
She could even turn around saying they did see it. While praying one of the mates never fill you in.

Just weigh up what she says, if she is turning around and acting like "it just happened" - think about walking. Thats a half-truth. Cheating just doesnt "happen" instantly.

When I saw my mates snogging other blokes and then we got a lift from her boyfriend home later that night. There was no way I was going to tell the boyfriend. It was none of my business....so I dont think it matters whether the friends saw it...because usually people never interfere with other peoples dirty laundry.

I think she just felt guilty over it and admitted it (the op's gf). But obviously she didnt feel guilty at the time snogging the face of your man...So id dump her. Nobody in love would go off snogging other people...you expect that from 16 years olds, not someone in their 20s.

LighterGuy

You are better off dumping her op.
The simple fact is you cant trust her again.
What are you meant to do? .... say all is forgiven? then in two weeks time shes going out with the mates again?

I am a firm believer of reading between the lines. If she kissed another bloke. She'd do the same again.

See all this "ah forgive someone once" is total crap.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys.

I made it clear to her in the past that I would and have never done anything with someone else while in a relationship. She knew exactly how I felt about it and how important trust is to me. 2 of her friends kissed other guys while seeing someone else/in a relationship and I made it absolutely clear that I would break up if she ever did that to me and be gutted.

She told me she was chatting to the guy outside a nightclub (she is the chatty type anyway) and kissed him for 2 minutes. Then she claims he wanted to go somewhere else and she said no and ran off to her friends. Apparently she cried all the way home in the taxi but she'd cry about anything in the best of times.

I have never seen her in such a bad state and she says she feels the most guilty that she ever has and feels the worst about herself than she ever has in her life.

The only thing that is holding me back is that she told me off her own bat but still she knew before she kissed him how I would feel and how much hurt and pain it would cause me, that I cannot forgive, for the near future at least.

LighterGuy

Gold C wrote: »

....The only thing that is holding me back is that she told me off her own bat but still she knew before she kissed him how I would feel and how much hurt and pain it would cause me, that I cannot forgive, for the near future at least.

I know what you mean. And this is where you mind is melted.
She told you from what seems her own free will. Which gives you a true sense of her feeling guilty and bad.

I dont mean to be bad op. But i've heard all this before.
A person does something then admits to it. But it still doesnt change the fact what they did. Its like doing an act not caring while your doing it then only afterwards to feel bad. Its nonsense.

Many a person has cheated on their partners and felt guilty afterwards. Its not always a true sense of guilt. Its lying to your own conscience.

But either way, you just have to ask yourself can you trust her again?
she obviously will go out with the mates again if you look past it. You are naturally going to be thinking is she doing the same while shes out. Can you handle that?

fungun

My opinion is that if she was being honest and all sorry about it, she should have told you the very next day. To leave it means she was thinking about not telling you even when she had sobered up....at a minimum (and esp if her friends knew) she owed you the respect to tell you straight away.
This means I would break it off with her.

La frog fairy

really sorry to hear how hurt you are

One thing that strikes me is you said she knew oh too well how you felt about cheating, and already had a similar discussion about kissing people and that she clearly knew it was a deal breaker for you...

So the fact then that she came clean to you about it, could it be that deep down she wants to break up with you but doesnt have the guts to do it herself??

Im just saying it could also be an option, sometimes people simply dont have the courage to break up so they go on and do something they know they OP wouldnt tolerate.

In any case good luck,

all the best

kjl

Gold C wrote: »

Thanks everyone, I have never ever cheated on anyone in any shape or form-I drink myself and I feel even though it alters your mind it's still not a viable excuse, I have always turned anyone who comes on to me down while I'm in a relationship no matter who they are/what they look like yadda yadda when I'm with someone because it just isn't right.

A kiss to me means an awful lot and she always knew my feelings on such matters and now I just feel betrayed.

The only good thing out of this is that she told me straight away without and hesitation but even so I'm still in two minds about whether to continue it or not.

Thanks for your input guys I'm glad I'm not crazy in thinking a kiss means a lot!

Look, remember as well that guys can be very forward and persuasive, and when a bit of alcohol is on board people make mistakes.

Look on the positive side, she is trying to communicate to you about it, she has told you the truth on two occasions now. She told you about the kiss, and she told you she didn't know why she did it.

I know its hard, but in the end of the day you have to work out if the relationship is worth saving, you are only in your 20's you have lot more life lessons to learn.

I understand that you have never cheated, but you are not a girl. She probably gets more attention from guys than you do from girls, so its unfair to asset it like that.

You say you love her, then give her a chance, but make sure she knows that you wont stand for it again. By you forgiving her does not give her cart blanch to do it again.

kjl

tinkerbell wrote: »

All great advice here.

Alcohol is not an excuse for cheating. The only difference between a drunk and sober person is that a drunk person may not fully remember the cheating incident the next day. Alcohol does not turn your brain to mush and you don't know the difference between right and wrong. You still know what you are doing when drunk.

I also agree on the half-truths thing. If you want to actually forgive her, then you need to find out exactly how and why it happened.

This is rubbish, I don't drink and I know that drunk people make poor choices. Im sure if you asked a drunk driver did he knew that drunk driving was wrong he would say yes, but you still do stupid things.

It may not be an excuse, but it is a reason. If the OP feels she would have done this sober than that's a different story

kjl

Sorry for the third reply, but as a guy who would kiss other guys girlfriends I can tell you that I can manipulate the best of them.

I've kissed the hen at a hen party, girls who have been in relationships for 10 years, girls with fiancées.

I'm not particularly proud of myself, but I know how I do it. I eat at any small issues they may have in their relationships, I charm, and I manipulate the hell out of them. I managed one time to convince a girl her boyfriend was gay.

Drunk girls are easy to pull. Cut the girl a bit of slack.

IrishEyes19

kjl wrote: »

Sorry for the third reply, but as a guy who would kiss other guys girlfriends I can tell you that I can manipulate the best of them.

I've kissed the hen at a hen party, girls who have been in relationships for 10 years, girls with fiancées.

I'm not particularly proud of myself, but I know how I do it. I eat at any small issues they may have in their relationships, I charm, and I manipulate the hell out of them. I managed one time to convince a girl her boyfriend was gay.

Drunk girls are easy to pull. Cut the girl a bit of slack.

I agree, cut her slack, we dont know why or how it happened.

@ kjI, why do you do that by the way? Can you not find a single girl to keep you interested? Its pretty nasty what you just wrote there and if you're serious and telling the truth that you do that, you dont sound like a very nice guy tbh!

kjl

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

@ kjI, why do you do that by the way? Can you not find a single girl to keep you interested? Its pretty nasty what you just wrote there and if you're serious and telling the truth that you do that, you dont sound like a very nice guy tbh!

Well truth be told, I kinda get a buzz off it. Its like a feeling of self entitlement. I have actually posted on PI about this before. I am a nice guy, but I've been messed up by a lot of bad relationships.

omahaid

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

I agree, cut her slack, we dont know why or how it happened.

LOL, cut her slack? I assume you are sympathetic to women who cheat?

OP, getting off with another guy is unforgivable, made worse by the fact she doesn't know why she did it which means she WILL do it again. If you want to stay with her that's fine just remember you will be cheated on again.

Taltos

kjl wrote: »

Well truth be told, I kinda get a buzz off it. Its like a feeling of self entitlement. I have actually posted on PI about this before. I am a nice guy, but I've been messed up by a lot of bad relationships.

Yar I remember that.
Let me decode though.
"I am a nice guy" - I was a nice guy
"I've been messed up by a lot of bad relationships" - so now it's my time to be the pr2ck and cause the same pain I have felt, it's only fair after all.

OP
Here's the thing.
1) You set the boundary. - Kissing is unacceptable.
2) You set the result - That would be it
3) She KNEW this and still kissed another bloke.

Time for you to follow through I am afraid - as per the rest - can you really ever trust her again. Waiting a week - just smacks of trying to find a way out or being told - tell him or I will....
Hopefully she will learn from this and not repeat it with the next boyfriend but I somehow doubt it.

Best of luck and try not to shed too many tears over her. She clearly felt for you what you feel - - - oh wait - scratch that - she clearly does not respect you or your word or she would never ever have crossed that line on you both....

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

Yar I remember that.
Let me decode though.
"I am a nice guy" - I was a nice guy
"I've been messed up by a lot of bad relationships" - so now it's my time to be the pr2ck and cause the same pain I have felt, it's only fair after all.

OP
Here's the thing.
1) You set the boundary. - Kissing is unacceptable.
2) You set the result - That would be it
3) She KNEW this and still kissed another bloke.

Time for you to follow through I am afraid - as per the rest - can you really ever trust her again. Waiting a week - just smacks of trying to find a way out or being told - tell him or I will....
Hopefully she will learn from this and not repeat it with the next boyfriend but I somehow doubt it.

Best of luck and try not to shed too many tears over her. She clearly felt for you what you feel - - - oh wait - scratch that - she clearly does not respect you or your word or she would never ever have crossed that line on you both....

I must clarify she waited a week because I was actually in another city and only back at the weekend. She said she didn't want to tell me over the phone but I did get a few "you're so great don't deserve you" texts which I find odd. Anyway I'm going to have a talk with her soon.

Thanks for everyone's input once again.

LighterGuy

kjl wrote: »

Sorry for the third reply, but as a guy who would kiss other guys girlfriends I can tell you that I can manipulate the best of them.

I've kissed the hen at a hen party, girls who have been in relationships for 10 years, girls with fiancées.

I'm not particularly proud of myself, but I know how I do it. I eat at any small issues they may have in their relationships, I charm, and I manipulate the hell out of them. I managed one time to convince a girl her boyfriend was gay.

Drunk girls are easy to pull. Cut the girl a bit of slack.

You know dude, that makes you sound like a pr*ck. Not judging you tho.
But of course if you were with a girl, and she kissed a guy who did your tricks. Would you be so quick to forgive her?

or... would you punch the guy? lets be honest

only thing i will say. least your honest about it. Many a jerk who would do the same as you would just lie about what they have done. Using the old cliche "well she wanted it" - which its true. but it takes two to tango. Both the gf and jerk would be to blame.

G-Money

I haven't read all the replies OP, but I'd find it very hard to forgive a girl who'd cheated on me. Whether that's her snogging someone else, or sex or something in between.

For me, being faithful is one of the most important parts of a relationship. For me, there's no room for negotiation on that. It's like being pregnant, you either are or you're not. There's no half way point.

I can be paranoid at the best of times so if a girl cheated on me, all I'd be thinking is will she just go out and do the same again. Or worse. Anytime she's off out I'd be wondering is she off with some other guy. The last thing you want is her infidelity to turn you into some sort of jealous, possessive and insecure guy.

Your emotions are all wrapped up in this so they most likely will not let you see or think straight. But here are your choices imho.

Do you really trust her that she cheat again? If you do believe her and do trust her and she seems genuinely sorry, then perhaps give it another chance.

But if for whatever reason you don't trust her or can't trust her, you have to end it.

I personally have the opinion that if a girl cheated on me, I wouldn't even give her time to say sorry or to try and explain. She'd be dropped like a hot brick, never to be spoken to again.

Good luck anyway.

IrishEyes19

kjl wrote: »

Well truth be told, I kinda get a buzz off it. Its like a feeling of self entitlement. I have actually posted on PI about this before. I am a nice guy, but I've been messed up by a lot of bad relationships.

I know what you mean, however, you know the saying two wrongs dont make a right, lol and breaking hearts shouldnt be a buzz tbh...but sure everyone to their own I guess.

@ OP, everyones advice here is pretty sound in my opinion, get the bones of this issue in order and find out as much as you can. The fact that she told you what happened is a good sign I guess, but you need to discipher whether her cheating and the fact that she broke your trust, can be resolved and move on with her. You dont want to be bitter and distrustful of her for the duration of the relationship, nor do you want to be a doormat if she does this again and thinks she can get away with it.

Taltos

Gold C wrote: »

I must clarify she waited a week because I was actually in another city and only back at the weekend. She said she didn't want to tell me over the phone but I did get a few "you're so great don't deserve you" texts which I find odd. Anyway I'm going to have a talk with her soon.

Thanks for everyone's input once again.

Well best of luck no matter what you decide - only you can know what is best for you both.
If you do decide to stay with her though - she needs to really understand and believe how close she just came to getting the heave-ho.
Hopefully this will be her wake up call - that is if you do decide to give her one last chance.

So - whatever you do decide - best of luck - and hope things get better soon for you.